| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:36:44 PM | Brandiii : I'm not a spoiled girl but I know what I want... and I want a beautiful, amazing, gorgeous ring on my left ring finger that I am proud to show to everyone...
I'm thinking you should be less concerned with what your friends think and more with how you feel about it. Is the metal and gemstone itself merely a physical reminder of the love and devotion your man feels for you, or is it mostly just a trophy to impress your friends and keep your relatives from thinking the guy is cheap?
Personally, as a guy, if I was engaged and the traditional onus of ring-buying was on the woman instead of myself (aka Bizarro World), I would be much more impressed with a cheap ring that had been personalized somehow and delivered in a memorable fashion. Because twenty years from now nobody is gonna give a shit how much somebody paid for a ring. As the years go by, the weight of monetary value drains away and it becomes all about the sentimentality of an object. I'd want a ring that brought to mind great memories, not a price tag and a few jealous looks. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:54:58 PM | Brandii
Now as for someone saying that because I'm 25 $800 is a lot of money well obviously your not from where I am... I am from Calgary Alberta and we happen to be a very rich city... most guys my age are working in the oil and gas industry and making more money than you could imagine... and like spending it! Now I DO NOT seek out these guys but normally there the kind of guys that I end up dating...
It sure sounds like you're assuming your more-than-$800 dollar ring is coming from one of these guys.
it's bad because there always out of town..
however, it doesn't sound like these oil guys who are always out of town are really in ring buying mode. They seem to be in travel, adventure, have fun at the clubs mode.
but either way I think generalizing that because I'm only 25 that I should be happy with an $800 ring is ridiculous. Maybe that's why I think it is such a low ball number because I see guys spend that in one night at the club.
Even if you marry a guy who is making a big salary in the oil biz, those highly demanding jobs don't have a lot of security and have a high burn out rate (precisely because they hire people from other parts of the country). Even if you're making huge money, it's not the age to waste it on rings and 9,000 52" plasma TVs and 800 dollars a night at the clubs.
Maybe that's the whole I reason I think that it is such a low number is because of how rich m y city is all together... I mean it's cost $400 a month to park downtown ( it's more expensive to park in Calgary then it is to park in Paris)
My point exactly, your "rich city" is expensive, as is mine. I grew up in Vegas, I live in Boston now. I've seen plenty of people make huge money...and spend it all. When the job dries up, they've got nothing to show for it. If that's the kind of guy you want for you and your daughter, the kind that spends money like its water to make a good impression on you and your friends, keep looking for that expensive ring instead of a guy who'll invest in your relationship.
So, just because you (and by you, I mean your future husband) have a good salary at 25 doesn't mean you're rich. An $800 ring is a loving gesture as far as I'm concerned, and a 5,000 dollar ring might follow on your 20th aniversary, after you've really built something together, your daughter is in college and your mortgage is covered. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:26:22 PM |
My point is who cares what someone else thinks?
sadly, most women do.. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:29:45 PM |
Because twenty years from now nobody is gonna give a shit how much somebody paid for a ring. As the years go by, the weight of monetary value drains away and it becomes all about the sentimentality of an object
Exactly..but not only that..after the engagement and wedding is over..no one is really gonna care too much about the ring..no one will "want to see it" so bad anymore..after a while..its "whatever" to most people..they dont really about it too much anymore.. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:01:28 PM | ^^^ My sentiments exactly. The relationship is the most important thing. Like I said in an earlier post, my ex hocked the engagement ring not long before we split up. That hurt. Not because of the value of the ring, but because of what it had once represented. If I ever get remarried, I'll get the next Ms. Right a nice ring, and if (when) we celebrate our tenth anniversary, She'll be getting an awesome anniversary ring. But to put a huge sum of money into an engagement ring is just plain overkill to me. You can get a very nice ring for under 5K, and that ain't exactly chicken feed!  | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:47:59 PM | Well, how can you put ANY amount of money on the notion of valuing someone you love? You either love each other or you don't and if you do...the ring don't matter. could be a year's salary or 10 cents and it will not matter at all. You will both just be excited at the prospect of spending the rest of your lives together (knock on wood). How can you put a price tag on that? Anyone who is worried so much about the price of a ring is in fact mostly worried about what her friends will think. There is no question in my mind about that. But then again, maybe there is something to that. If a guy really loves a woman, then wouldn't he want to make sure that she can stand tall in front of the other women friends and display her ring? Sure, makes sense.....I'd do that and more for someone I love. But likewise, if a woman really loves a man, wouldn't she want to help him be financially responsible?
it does seem mighty silly that the diamond industry has effected our sense of reason in these things to the point that it has really come to this. I mean two months salary is a significant amount of money for a lot of people. I can tell you my 2 month salary is a good deal more than $800 and I can think of a lot smarter ways to spend the money.
It takes a lot of time to save up that much money. For a lot of people it would pay off a credit card debt that has been plaguing them for years, etc.. Personally, I think the girls need to get over this who-has-the-biggest-rock mentality and think a bit more practically about the long term future. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:50:50 AM | | I agree whole heartedly! I am sooo happy to see that some of the girls on here stated that it doesnt matter what it costs, I was beginning to believe what I had been told back in Australia that all American women were only interested in the size of your wallet...IMO it is whatever you can reasonably afford, if 3 months wages is pocket change for you then go for it, if it will mean you cant pay your bills and lose everything... | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:19:06 AM | 3 months wages? LOL...What happened to two months wages? You know what, **** all that shit. Get the **** outta here!
I'm not buying an over priced polished rock pulled from the earth by little enslaved African children. A rock whose supply is manipulated by a cartel to drive up price. A cartel which uses clever marketing to convince women to think diamonds mean anything.
WTF is a diamond anyways. "Oh, it sparkles!" Are people that stupid?
And I don't want to be with a woman who thinks a sparkly thing she wears on her finger is worth $5000 or whatever ridiculously marked up price that they go for.
If she wants that she can buy it herself. If she expects me to buy it for her, then she has another thing coming. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:02:59 AM |
WTF is a diamond anyways. "Oh, it sparkles!" Are people that stupid?
Nop. It represents the begining to a long series of non value added cash outlays culminating in a one time cash payment of 50% or you assets plus a retainer or two! If you think a car is a bad investment, try this one out for size lol! | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:17:50 AM | I wonder if women with Brandii's attitude would be so concerned about the dollar value of engagement rings if both parties had to buy rings. If women also had to buy engagement rings for men, would they spend the same mount as they demand their men spend (out of HER money)?
I'm disgusted that the value of the ring would even be questioned. Like on any other occasion, it's a gift and you either appreciate it or you don't. And if you don't, don't accept the proposal. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:23:13 AM | | Anything over $1000 would be fine so it wont embarrass me. My boyfriend is familiar with my tastes and I'm sure he'll pick a ring thats suitable. I don't need a diamond, but I want a nice ring since I have to wear it forever. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:35:25 AM |
Anything over $1000 would be fine so it wont embarrass me. My boyfriend is familiar with my tastes and I'm sure he'll pick a ring thats suitable. I don't need a diamond, but I want a nice ring since I have to wear it forever.
And what does he get in return that is worth $1000 or more? Honestly, what does he get?
I'm afraid I don't understand why something he gives you would embarrass you if it costs less than you think it should. Is that the measure of his worth to you? Hmmm...you have me thinking, though. The next time one of my children brings me a drawing from art class, I can tell them they should have bought me a Picasso. I want a nice piece of art since I have to hang it on my refrigerator forever. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:47:26 AM |
I wonder if women with Brandii's attitude would be so concerned about the dollar value of engagement rings if both parties had to buy rings. If women also had to buy engagement rings for men, would they spend the same mount as they demand their men spend (out of HER money)? You know... that's actually a great idea. Just think of how Gillette got women buying razors when before that only men were customers. It can be done. Sooooo....now, to get myself a jewelry store and figure out how to convince everyone that BOTH should buy rings. And then, just so that women as a whole can still feel special, I'll convince everyone that women pay 3 months salary for a ring for their guy, and then the guy has to spend 6 months salary on his girl.  I smell money to be made. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:12:06 AM |
And what does he get in return that is worth $1000 or more? Honestly, what does he get?
Only he can answer that. I'm putting a price tag on a piece of jewelry not what he offers in a relationship. Who he is has no price. The ring wont be worn if it looks like it came from a pawnshop or is ugly which is why I think $1000 is a good minimum. He knows my tastes, so he wouldnt purchase it if he thought he couldnt afford it or didnt want to ask me to marry him. I dont have a gun to his head demanding that he propose or else. I dont care either way. If I get a ring, I want it to be pretty. I dont wear anything that I think is ugly. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:15:03 AM | ...but if the man loves her enough he will put his finances aside and save to get her a fabulous ring.... after all, an engagement or wedding ring symbolyzes your love for each other..... so i guess what it comes to is....How much is your love worth?
Hahhaha....priceless! How much are YOU going to spend on him to show the 'worth' of your love?
Lemme guess, your love doesn't have a monetary price tag, right?
How convenient.
If you are not into the equality thing & insist on antiquated notions of love/marriage, then the man should spend exactly 1/4 of whatever dowry the woman will be bringing to the marriage. A dowry shows a guy that you really love him. Like a diamond, a dowry is forever. At least that's what the commercials say.
BTW...3 months salary is almost enough for a downpayment on a house, somebody would have to be an idiot to spend that on a single ring. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:46:11 AM |
...but if the man loves her enough he will put his finances aside and save to get her a fabulous ring....
People don't "save up" in the modern world. If they want to get married, it has to happen NOW in a frenzy of passionate consumption. In most cases, he's not saving up, he's going in to debt, you're marrying that debt, and the big screen TV debt, and all the credit card debt from his 800 dollars a night out in the clubs to impress you, which made you think he was so wealthy in the first place. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:21:21 PM |
(niick) It do not see the fairness in that (above). If she "puts out" a minimum amount of times a week, that means that I put out the same amount of times per week and since we both enjoy that ...
We're coming at this from different philisophical Points of View.
Ya know those condoms that advertise, "Ribbed for her pleasure"? I wear 'em inside-out...
Arlo  | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:21:45 PM | Think of this, with todays world and the high rate of failed marraiges, why chance it! LOL
but seriously, I hear it was around 2 or 3 months salary also. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:18:34 PM |
he's not saving up, he's going in to debt, you're marrying that debt, and the big screen TV debt, and all the credit card debt from his 800 dollars a night out in the clubs to impress you, which made you think he was so wealthy in the first place.
Meanwhile, the guy who saves and lives within his means is considered undesirable and cheap. actually, it's worse than that... the guy who merely makes half an effort not to be wasteful is considered undesirable and cheap.
I won't forget a woman who considered me cheap because I didn't want to take a cab to go a handful of blocks downtown.... It's just bogglesome to me not to walk anything that's under a mile. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:31:53 PM | Nightwing....3 months salary is almost a downpayment??? Maybe on a rundown 1 story. 20% down on 150K is 30k to escape 20% PMI and get lowest rate. If you prefer to waste your money on PMI and get a 1 point higher fixed or variable APR then go with 10% down for 15K but nobody in their right mind that makes 60K is gonna do that.
Oh well, I'm sorry as I am wrong because that's exactly the reason why the idiots are now in foreclosure as those who take the cheap routes usually find they break down and end up in divorce as no pretty and classy woman is going to put up with that awful treatment. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:42:23 AM | | With todays divorce rate and the ease of getting a divorce..............she's gonna have to be happy with one of those Zerconium rings or whatever they are or she can walk. No way in hell am I gonna spend that much money on something that isn't gonna matter after the wedding anyway. A ring is just like anything else. You buy something nice and expensive such as a car, high def tv, house, etc. The excitement is there when you first buy it but after a while it wears off. So.................................what's the f*ckin point???? | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:11:42 AM | Y'know, I'm of two minds here:
On the one hand, the OP makes a VERY GOOD point: love is important in a marriage, but love doesn't pay the mortgage. You can't stuff a love note from your SO into the electricity bill envelope and expect them to accept it in lieu of cash. You have to at least be capable of handling FORESEEABLE expenses.
On the other hand, I think starting off a marriage in hock is a really, really Bad idea. I like the idea of exchanging really cheap rings right off the bat, then splurging at some significant anniversary, long after all the start-up costs are a bad memory.
Arlo | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:54:29 AM | | Here's what I'd like to know: let's say the OP's bf someh0w manages to come up with the $800 ring; does that mean if I show up with a $1200 ring, I get the OP instead? I mean, seeing as how women do want to go to the highest bidder... | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:15:26 AM |
On the one hand, the OP makes a VERY GOOD point: love is important in a marriage, but love doesn't pay the mortgage. You can't stuff a love note from your SO into the electricity bill envelope and expect them to accept it in lieu of cash. You have to at least be capable of handling FORESEEABLE expenses.
On the other hand, I think starting off a marriage in hock is a really, really Bad idea. I like the idea of exchanging really cheap rings right off the bat, then splurging at some significant anniversary, long after all the start-up costs are a bad memory.
You would be surprised how many women would agree with you. Of course the ones who don't would complain or call you cheap, and that leaves a much stronger impression than women who silently assent to saving money. It's the squeaky wheel getting the attention, and all guys are left thinking their women want them bankrupt, when it's only a few who do.
I think this misunderstanding or wrong assumptions that some men have about women leads to most of the hostility and bad feelings that usually get posted on this board. There are many discussions about how to pick up girls, what's the right thing to say, are girls more attractive with blonde hair, brown, fatter, thinner, whatever. But the main factor for long term compatibility, in my opinion, is attitudes towards money.
It's very hard to scan a room full of girls and pick out the one who believes in saving and not wasting money, but guys should know there is a HUGE variety of attitudes in women about these issues, not just, "get a guy, spend his money," so why not pick up a Suzy Orman book and carry it around the bar with you. See what the ladies think about that, and you're likely to find the girl of your dreams. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:57:03 AM |
Here's what I'd like to know: let's say the OP's bf someh0w manages to come up with the $800 ring; does that mean if I show up with a $1200 ring, I get the OP instead? I mean, seeing as how women do want to go to the highest bidder...
Life of Leasure. That is exactly what it means and how it works!! One can make a simple argument that the worlds oldest profession has come full circle lol! At least, women like OP makes it very easy to draw that conclusion lol! Same job, different shape lol! | |
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