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Posted: 6/24/2008 7:08:56 AM | Well you know I’ve always been a fan of yours but I’ll grant you the honesty and respect I would a complete stranger here. Let’s start with the negatives…
I’ve never been a fan of your username; it’s too unoriginal. In fact, I bet that name is the most searched username of all the women of the GTA. Why? Because most people are unoriginal by nature. You lucked out and got to it first! You’ve got some great interests but you could do away with a few of them, mainly any movie/show titles as well as the Raptors. Basketball sucks by the way! ;-) That was directed more as a low blow to T. You feelin’ that, big boy?
You’ve got a lot of punctuation and syntax issues in your text that can easily be rectified. Run it through a grammar check program and it should point out most of them. Also the inclusion of a person’s music interests or favourite movies, shows, and teams is generally bad for business; it just adds white noise. And last but not least the Ascii art needs to go before someone takes offense to it. Some of those cancer ribbons are cool, at the end of the first date box, but the blow job and snakes ones are cheesy and make fun of the other ones. I saw a guy get RIGHT pissed off in a review a while back because another guy had one right after a cancer ribbon.
I’m kind of on the fence with your first date because while you list some good stuff there and the pool attack was good, you do just list the things. I can go through the summer events guide and ramble off 20 things to do this summer and stick them in my first date box but that isn’t really constructing an image. Try and incorporate those things into a date for your reader to imagine.
Wait, I almost forgot. You’ve not told us hardly anything about your personality, and next to nothing about the man you are seeking. How come? You’ve got a lot of fluff in your profile but if the fluff is laid right I think it can be effective to show a person’s personality through it. You’ve done this but I still think you should be a little more direct with the reader.
So what’s the problem with any of these negatives? Considering you have breasts…. NOTHING. You could leave it the way it is and get rave reviews. You are attractive, successful, and loving life. But holy testimonials, Batman! I think they’re going to give your favourites a run for their money pretty soon! I’m not much of a fan of testimonials on other peoples’ pages. When a friend gives me one I like it but if I’m reading someone else’s page I’m a little dismissive of them because they are all jaded. Most of the testimonials I’ve ever received were from people I’d never ever hardly had a conversation with and yet they want to promote me and tell others about my qualities?! I’m not saying you need to do anything here; I’m just giving you my opinion. The quotes are a bit of a annoyance to me in anyone’s profile as I feel they take away from you as a person. I feel a person should be able to convey something striking and moving all by themselves without having to rip someone else’s comments. But as T. said, you are hot so what the hell do I know?! You could say you are into CBT and men would still line up smiling.
What’s good about your profile? LOTS! Your text is interesting and slightly humourous, you’ve got a great headline, great pictures, and you captured my attention through most of it. I say most because when I hit the tv paragraph my interest waned quickly.
To answer your question I don’t think it comes across as unapproachable because of what you’ve written. You may intimidate a lot of men because you appear to be a strong, successful, independent woman with a stiff intellect and sharp wit. But you don’t want some man that can’t handle you anyway, right? The problem with a lot of women’s profiles here is that they seem to just be an advertisement for who they are and not to attract other men. The less is more may work in some areas but in dating it can be a turn-off at times. If you don’t appear to WANT to be here or be happy about it we generally aren’t too happy about contacting you. You don’t need someone to complete you… neither do I. But I WANT someone to complement me. I WANT to spend my time with someone on frequent occasions. If I lived alone for the rest of my life but had a fantastic girlfriend whom I saw a couple times a week I’d be the happiest man alive, and just as happy as if I found a woman I ended up moving in with. I think you could make the reader believe in you a bit more, and that he wouldn’t just be a burden to your journey as you are so set in your independence without him.
So in closing great attempt but if you want it to work for dating you need to hone it somewhat. And fix the punctuation mi lady! | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 9:42:48 AM | Hmmm. It appears I am not coming across as I intended.
Oh, and basketball doesn't suck. So I guess that means... yup, you suck!! 
And last but not least the Ascii art needs to go before someone takes offense to it.
Um... that was the point. We may have to agree to disagree on this point. Let's just say - it's a good indicator of my humour. Which ain't for everybody, I'm the first to admit.
I can go through the summer events guide and ramble off 20 things to do this summer and stick them in my first date box but that isn’t really constructing an image. Try and incorporate those things into a date for your reader to imagine.
Fair point - I'll have to give it some thought. I was trying to show that I'm always full of ideas and enthusiasm - life in my world may be many things, but boring isn't one of them! But I'll think on it.
So what’s the problem with any of these negatives? Considering you have breasts…. NOTHING.
Awesome. As I always suspected... 
Thanks for the feedback. | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 9:45:40 AM | hmm, I was kind of expecting u to be a guy with that username, and if I was looking at your profile and, I hadnt noticed Seeking a man I might have been thinking something else as well.... Although now I realise TO is short for Toronto. People do tend to jump to conclusions without reading things properly. I should think you'd want to avoid that happening. You might find blink by malcom gladwell an interesting read, Thats kind of related to what Ive just said.
I havent really got anything to say about your profile as it reads good to me apart from your perhaps dubious taste in music you sound like a real interesting person.
oh but I dont like that snakes thing, that kind of thing is usually the province of people who cant think of anything better to write. And now I'm thinking Ive missed out on something interesting in favour of a...ascii snake hmm :-) | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 9:47:35 AM |
Oh, and basketball doesn't suck. So I guess that means... yup, you suck! Nice fourth-grade comeback! "No, you suck".
So you intended to offend people with the ascii art then? Correct me if I'm wrong here. There are a lot of people here with cancer ribbons and when they see those sperm and snake ribbons they get a little upset sometimes. In your 40s you are bound to encounter many people who've lost a friend, family member, or worse a spouse to cancer or some other disease. It tends to touch a nerve when people mock their tributes by putting up goofy ones of their own. But you can keep whatever you like. Again, you are a pretty lady... you'll be forgiven easily! | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 9:56:48 AM | Honestly... I find the cancer ribbon cheesy and distasteful. It accomplishes nothing, and is an emotional band-aid.
I donate money to cancer research, and support any and every person who's doing a walk/ride/whatever. To me that's REAL support - not just slapping a few pixels on a profile.
"And that's why there's chocolate and vanilla..."
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Posted: 6/24/2008 9:58:58 AM | Thanks for your reply browolf. I've seen "blink" in the stores and it looks interesting. I'll give it a try.
You've all made a good point about my username... I'll have to think of something that suits me better. I'm open to the idea of changing it, but need to think of something that is "me". | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 10:34:05 AM | About the username... While I am not a fan of it either, doing a search on "to_" shows several people who live in Toronto who use same approach. I can't tell if someone local to OP will get it right away or not - but they might. It it hard to say without living in the area.
I am in a Washington, DC suburb, and if I saw "DC_Woman", I would know right away what that was all about. Yeah, I know, "TO" is a word whereas "DC" isn't - but still...
I actually dislike "woman" part of the name more, as being too generic. If it didn't undermine the headline, "Bag_Of_Quips" would be a very memorable alternative, IMO.
Not that I am in any position to give advise - none of my usernames have been any good. The only one I liked was short-lived AbbyNormal. | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 10:49:43 AM | Oh Shadow, I LOVE "Bag of Quips" as a username!! What a wonderful suggestion. Do you really think it undermines the headline too much?
Great idea though... maybe I can some up with something in the same theme.
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Posted: 6/24/2008 11:05:16 AM | Hey, I never said I was against the funny ribbons! I mean I don't like them but they don't offend me! I think the cancer ribbons are stupid as well because what good do they do? I'm right beside you with the philanthropic lifestyle.
Yev,
We in Canada refer to Toronto as T.O., just like people in Boston call it B-town, or Seattle Sea-town. So if someone local saw the profile, or even anyone in Canada, they'd likely put it together immediately. It'd be akin to me calling myself Peg Man, but that would raise a LOT of eyebrows, wouldn't it?!
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Posted: 6/24/2008 5:20:58 PM | As I said earlier, "Quiptych"
Then underneath: "Let the quips fall where they may"....
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Posted: 6/24/2008 7:50:32 PM | Thank you Writer for your suggestions. Although I personally do love "Quiptych", I suspect it might be a bit too... inside joke-ish, if you know what I mean.
But I do very much like your next line - I'll see where/if I can incorporate that! As I've mentioned earlier, I'm a bit leery of having to many "quips" references. I think one can be amusing... but if there are too many, it seems forced. | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 8:12:32 PM | I love the name "Quipster" even if I didnt think of it, I should have!!
Actually I think "Let the quips fall where they may..." isnt too much but you know best with what you want for your profile. That I am sure of! | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 7:13:45 AM | I have to weigh in here on a couple of things. It seems us women have a very delicate balance to strike. We can't come across as too independent lest we scare off men and seem unapproachable. Let too much vulnerability show, and now we are "needy" (I hate that term btw, aren't we all needy in some ways?)
The problem is, it is near impossible to predict and counter all the projections that are going to run interference with what a person is trying to convey in a profile. So I guess my question is, (and I am sorry TO because it goes back to my own review but I think it is also relevant here)...What suggestions are there for a woman to expose her vulnerability and openness to connect without coming across as wanting to lasso a man, hog-tie him, and brand him as her own?
I don't want a lot of airy ideals, give us something concrete. You guys are creative, so lets have specifics. What could our Quipster include here to "soften" her up a bit?
On the username, I originally posted my thoughts. You deserve something more unique and perhaps a little provocative? Well.e.Quipped or HipQuipChick
I guess I should stick to struggling with my own name!
Oh, and one more thing on the ascii art. I do have someone close to me, my husband, that has died of cancer. I really don't care about the art one way or the other (although sometimes I feel a little guilty that I don't display it, but I don't and I don't want to). However, yours does come across as a bit of mockery that may get misinterpretted.
Just a thought. | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 9:06:57 AM |
However, yours does come across as a bit of mockery that may get misinterpretted.
If it comes across as mockery, then it's not getting misinterpretted!
For better or worse - I am a mocker.
(Hmm... user name idea) | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 9:57:06 AM | ...What suggestions are there for a woman to expose her vulnerability and openness to connect without coming across as wanting to lasso a man, hog-tie him, and brand him as her own?
I don't want a lot of airy ideals, give us something concrete. You guys are creative, so lets have specifics. What could our Quipster include here to "soften" her up a bit?...
I don't think any softening is needed.
Some guys like shrinking violets who giggle and include in their interests "lip gloss." The Q is clearly an intelligent, self-assured sort who wants to attract the same. Given the population in her metro area, there might be a couple dozen fellers who'd qualify...and she's only seeking one.
If Q is getting messages that read, "I am scared of you!" or "reading your profile made mine fall off!", I could see the need for some kittens, pastel pink, and lace. Admittedly, my view is biased.
HTH | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 2:29:58 PM | Q,
Perhaps my meaning was misinterpreted. The mockery to which I referred is better defined as a callousness to the loss of some, which by your own admission, you do not have.
Okay, so I will say it differently. I had someone close to me die of cancer, and like you, I do not choose to "draw" my support in a profile, but what you have done comes across as b*tchy and callous to me.
But hey, it takes a b*tch to get ahead, right? Sans the kittens, pastel pink and lace. Got it.
Veloise,
I will take my b*tchiness, intelligence and self-confidence with a feminine twist. Just because it is feminine, doesn't mean it is a shrinking violet. But viva la difference! Just means we won't be looking for the same kinda guy.
The problem with a lot of women’s profiles here is that they seem to just be an advertisement for who they are and not to attract other men. The less is more may work in some areas but in dating it can be a turn-off at times. If you don’t appear to WANT to be here or be happy about it we generally aren’t too happy about contacting you. You don’t need someone to complete you… neither do I. But I WANT someone to complement me. I WANT to spend my time with someone on frequent occasions.
My original question was to address Deuce's point above.
Oh yeah, I love lip gloss. | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 2:58:38 PM |
what you have done comes across as b*tchy and callous to me.
That's fair - I can see how it might be read that way. Thanks for your honesty. Is there anything else in my profile that has a similar effect? | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 3:17:29 PM | I've lost someone to cancer; had the ASCII ribbon on my profile for about 2 minutes (months ago) and the whole thing was deleted.
Didn't go see Snakes on a Plane; the concept and taglines were enough. "I've had it with those M-F snakes!"
Nice thing about geography: no competition.
I take my (favorite adjectives) with a dose of wind instruments, so I'm a fan of SPF 15 blistex.
HTH | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 3:22:06 PM | OP,
I think you have some good generic things to do in the first date section, but I think it could be improved by naming some specific venues for said activities, just my thoughts.
And that photo of breakfast is making me hungry! | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 8:42:07 PM |
Didn't go see Snakes on a Plane; the concept and taglines were enough. "I've had it with those M-F snakes!"
To be honest, I haven't seen the movie Snakes on a Plane either (love the SOAP acronym, I must admit).
I find the ASCII thing amusing on many levels (none of which relate to the actual movie!), but it's good to understand that not everybody sees it the way I do. Truth is - I've received MANY messages in response to the "Snakes" image (so far all positive), so I'm reluctant to remove it.
As I've said earlier - for better or worse, it shows a bit of my personality/humour. Those who don't care for it... probably won't find my sense of humour to their taste. So I guess it's a bit of a filter. | |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 8:48:34 PM |
I think you have some good generic things to do in the first date section, but I think it could be improved by naming some specific venues for said activities, just my thoughts.
Thanks for your feedback D4GL - your advice echoes some of the hints I've received from other reviewers. I will give that some thought.
PS - the breakfast photo was taken on an amazing trip to Lake Superior with a friend. If you want the whole story, send me a message and I'll give you the blog link. | |
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