shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 26 | |
| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:28:14 AM | wow how ugly can one person get?
I suggest the large pet for you
I'm thinking either a goat or a Great Dane.
Ugly?
Don't make me post a photo, baby.
Is the truth ugly?
If there's no sex, what do I get out of the deal?
Nothing.
But I get a bunch of responsibility and accountability.
I played this game already, twice.
It's a net negative for me if there's no sex.
I didn't get much sex for thirty years but I paid for it.
I'm not doing it again.
The well is empty.
Okay, maybe a sheepdog? | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:50:26 AM | In the context of a loving and ongoing relationship sex is a very important aspect of how you express yourself and the feelings you share.
I think the OP's premise is a little flawed in how she presents her point. Just for arguments sake lets substitute Salsa for Sex using the OP's premise. I don't have salsa every day and it has been quite a while since I had salsa. But when I get a nice hot basket of chips at my favorite Mexican restaurant I sure want salsa. Salsa and chips just go together. Using the OP's premise, since I have been without Salsa for so long I don't need Salsa when I have my chips. I like Salsa, but I don't just randomly eat Salsa. However, when I have chips I want Salsa. Makes sense doesn't it? Salsa equals sex and Chips being the relationship.
Sexual intimacy is a very important aspect of any ongoing, loving, adult relationship. I am sure there are situations and physical limitations that change how we express ourselves physically. But sexual intimacy, in some form, is a key part of any relationship. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:13:09 PM |
If there's no sex, what do I get out of the deal?
Nothing
It's sad that your selfishness has overun your ability to appreciate how wonderful a woman can be when she is fully dressed and in a happy relationship. I, for one, have witnessed it and expeienced it. It's a reward that selfish men as yourself will never come to understand.
Besides, if you had any common sense, you'd learn there is a difference between women who have sex (a transaction) with their mate as opposed to women who makes love (a passion) to their mate. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:23:11 PM | | The thing is, women who separate sex out and set it apart from love are no good for either. Or you could say separate love out from sex. I don't want a woman who is shut down to me sexually or romantically. Not for anything lasting more than half an hour anyway. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:25:41 PM | but honestly, I'm tired of dealing with the attitude and expectations. It's rarely fun and I already did enough hard & unpleasant things.
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Do you mean theirs or years, I get a mixed message reading your post? | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:35:15 PM | | I think it has to do with the invention of Viagra. Older men who could not do it, now have the ability to so it has again been placed at the top of the list. To me, sex is a bonus after finding someone you have a lot in common with and can enjoy the same things with. Someone who causes a little sparkle in your eye when they walk in a room. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:32:33 PM | | I was sitting here laughing at the chips and salsa example. I thought that was quite good. I agree, I want it all in a relationship. I may not have sex in a long time but it means I haven't had a relationship in a long time. Being selective doesn't mean we want sex any less. If I'm in lust with a man and have this burning desire for him, not so sure how long that desire would last if he wasn't able to have intercourse. I've never experienced someone who couldn't so I guess I can't comment on what would happen. With Viagra on the market, I would hope not many of us would experience that. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:46:54 PM | Yikes, this is getting scarey in this thread.
Lord sex is not a duty or a chore it's something special that two people in love share.
Barring medical reasons it is part of a true loving relationship.
What is all this garbage about duty, what's in it for me, and I've paid for it long enough about? Lord if it's nothing but sex go to the city and find a hooker then you don't have to worry about committing to a relationship it's your loss.
Nothing is more special then honest sex during a truly loving relationship. It's not all about sex but it does include it | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:32:51 PM | ((( ... appreciate how wonderful a woman can be when she is fully dressed and in a happy relationship. I, for one, have witnessed it and expeienced)))
That's the way I view the opposite sex. So I keep trying, taking care of my side of the street, flirting a little here and there. Wondering is "she" appropriate to flirt with, or send a few emails, make a come-on or to meet. The hard part is putting aside innate male instincts, and practicing socially desirable behavior towards the opposite sex.
However I can't imagine "falling in love" with a woman if it wasn't romantic. Otherwise, I'd get a male roommate. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:50:38 PM | "However I can't imagine "falling in love" with a woman if it wasn't romantic. Otherwise, I'd get a male roommate. " Olyman, AMEN! My life is full with my family, good friends, and my job. The only thing missing is a sexual relationship. I get everything I need from others in my life without the complications a relationship can bring. If I'm not reaping rewards, why bother  | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:00:32 PM | I used to be okay with casual sex....a long time ago. So it came as a bit of a shock when I found out that although I still think it's okay for others, it's no longer okay for me.
I think I just lost all desires to have sex for the sake of having sex. I've been there and done that anyway...in fact I'm sure I could be the poster child of the free love 70s era...so it's not like I don't know what I'm NOT missing out on.
And really...once you have gone without sex for a while, your body just sort of goes into a dormant mode and you don't miss it anymore. And if someone wants to label me frigid for saying that out loud... oh well.
But for the first time in my life, I've decided that I shall (try to) remain celibate until I meet someone I connect with on all levels...not just sexually.
It's not sex I want anyway...I want to make love...body mind and spirit...so I guess you can put me down as yet another woman who wants it all or nothing. And to each their own.
JMO | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:02:44 PM | Since you asked, I will try to answer the original question from my point of view.
I am here looking to establish a long-term intimate relationship with a woman. I don't have any requirements for that intimate relationship besides a desire on both sides to be intimate and a willingness to work together to find our own unique answer to what that means. For me it has something to do with physical closeness and emotional openness. It has something to do with caring about each other's needs and making reasonable attempts to fulfill them. It has something to do with healing the wounds of the past rather than adding new ones. It has something to do with feeling comfortable with each other, with laughing together about the bumps in the road, with being able to work together to get the relationship back on track when it strays. I believe the brains of men and women are hard wired to relate in a sexual way to the opposite sex; the mechanics and details of how that plays itself out between two people is best worked out by them with as few preconcieved notions as possible.
After trying the alternative I have come to the conclusion that the "friends first" idea has a lot of merit, and the older we are, the more merit it has. I am not interested in dropping my drawers with a lady I barely know just to audition for some part I may not want. I am not a shoe to be tried on and I may not fit right the first time or two anyway. I don't believe I can develop intimacy with more than one lady at a time, so am not interested in exploring sexual aspects of a relationship with more than one lady at a time, and I ask that lady do the same.
So would I meet a lady who had let me know that any form of sexual contact between us was never going to happen under any circumstances? I haven't faced this situation and my reaction would depend on the details of what she meant and why she was saying this. At the first appropriate moment I tell every lady I meet that spontaneous in-the-mood means I have to take a little blue pill and we have to find something to do for two hours while the pill takes effect. If that is a big issue for her, she better throw me back in the pond. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:24:46 PM | | Well, since in my life I have had the problem men seem to scream about ….“being in a relationship with someone with a lower sex drive” it wouldn’t be that big of a sacrifice since I have never been in a relationship where the man wanted it as much or as often. I was with him for him not just the sex. If I had my choice of a lot of sex with a jerk or none with a good guy that treated me great? I am with many of the other ladies I’d live without the sex, they can never seem to keep up anyway. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:30:01 PM | It isn't so much a requirement but more a very important ingredient in a good/great relationship. Sure at our ages it may not happen as much as when we were in our twenties but the thrill of it, the tingle at that special ones touch/kiss is still there(I hope). For me, the person has to be special and there has to be some sort of relationship, sounds weird but I don't/have never done or do one nighters. I have found though from talking to women that there are men here who seem to be nothing but insensitive pigs. Meeting someone one or two times then listing sexual requirements isn't only stupid and selfish, but awfully damed rude and disrespectful to boot. All of us here have had our hearts bruised in some way or another, so why perpetuate it on and on? Respect and sensitivity fo a long way toward healing hurt feelings and that is gender neutral, it works for men as well as women and is so very easy to practice. So, for me sex is a bonus, ingredient, and important component of a healthy relationship. Hey guys...................maybe the women in our lives wouldn't have so many headaches if we treated 'em better, listened a little, maybe t-t-t-t-talked to them a little more? Just some thoughts from an very ordinary guy. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:39:13 PM | | At this point in my life I can still have sex and enjoy it. I hope to meet a man who still does and can also... I think if the relationship is established and something happens to change things then yes, through thick and thin.... because there is none of us guaranteed a active sex life up until the end of life... I will say it's been easier the past few years to go periods of abstinence without going crazy... maybe we can thank our changing hormones for that little blessing... but it doesn't mean that when I meet a man and find him attractive that I'm not going to want to get naked with him because I will... so depends on where you're at in life... if you are looking for a companion I would think there are those out there on the same page. Who knows what will be... but for now it's at least on my list of wants... | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:41:35 PM | I think physical attraction and sexual desire is important in a relationship at any age. As I step back into the dating pool after going cold turkey for 3 years, I feel the right person can help me get my groove back. If a guy expresses no interest in sex after he has gotten to know me, I have to assume he's just not that into me and he should be dating someone else. I already have really great (straight) platonic guy friends, my goal in dating is to find a lot more than that. If a guy wants to know even before the first date how a woman feels about sex and physical intimacy, and approaches the subject maturely, I hope that I can tell him "Be careful what you wish for" without judgement. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 45 | |
| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:17:10 PM |
It's sad that your selfishness has overun your ability to appreciate how wonderful a woman can be when she is fully dressed and in a happy relationship
You're the one that's being selfish by believing that I should be overjoyed simply by the presence of your sparkling personality. Women have learned to exploit men through the promise of sex and quite often they can not or will not follow through.
The more I read of PoF, the more convinced I am that it's a fairly widespread behavior.
Many women here who admit to no sex for years, sometimes decades at a time.
if you had any common sense
If I had any common sense I'd insist on sex on the first date.
This would eliminate all the posers.  | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 47 | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:00:17 PM | Shimbo, you are in such a hurry to get to the center of the tootsie pop, that you have no idea how to enjoy the outside too and make it a longer lasting experience. You might just as well swallow the sucker whole. With your attitude, after a while aren't womens bodies pretty much interchangeable for you? I would say you can definitely save yourself a lot of time, and your victims a lot of trouble if you just purchase a life-like sex doll. You don't have to buy her dinner, listen to her talk, she'll never say no, and she won't have a sparkling personality for you to be overjoyed with. I have never used sex to get what I want from a man, and you are assuming that all women are manipulative, because they own the honey pot and are not letting you have a dip in it. You postings are drenched in angry bitterness and I'm surprised you are in the over 45 forum when you are as impatient as a pre-pubescent boy. Insisting on sex on the first date - no problem - date a hooker.
Shimbo said "You're the one that's being selfish by believing that I should be overjoyed simply by the presence of your sparkling personality. Women have learned to exploit men through the promise of sex and quite often they can not or will not follow through.
The more I read of PoF, the more convinced I am that it's a fairly widespread behavior.
Many women here who admit to no sex for years, sometimes decades at a time. If I had any common sense I'd insist on sex on the first date.
This would eliminate all the posers." | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:31:43 PM |
I think the OP's premise is a little flawed in how she presents her point. Just for arguments sake lets substitute Salsa for Sex using the OP's premise. I don't have salsa every day and it has been quite a while since I had salsa. But when I get a nice hot basket of chips at my favorite Mexican restaurant I sure want salsa. Salsa and chips just go together. Using the OP's premise, since I have been without Salsa for so long I don't need Salsa when I have my chips. I like Salsa, but I don't just randomly eat Salsa. However, when I have chips I want Salsa. Makes sense doesn't it? Salsa equals sex and Chips being the relationship.
...This makes perfect sense to me. I too enjoy having salsa every now and again myself, and your right, you can't have chips without the salsa... geez, but I should caution you about something, be careful about the type of salsa you choose, some can be pretty hot & spicy....unless of course you like hot & spicy.
So yes, I would say if I was in a loving relationship I would definitely want the salsa... I mean the sex.
...maeflowers | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:48:18 PM | Ok, so what if you wanted the chips (relationship) and the hot & spicy salsa (sex), but all they served, “offered” or had available was the real mild salsa (sex) would you forgo or say forget the chips (relationship) because they didn’t have the hot salsa (sex)?
I mean you can have the best hot and spicy salsa (sex) in town but hot or mild, don’t most people need or want chips (relationship) to go with it? Without the chips (relationship) the salsa (sex) even the best kind just slides down your hand doesn’t it?? You could always add something to spice up the mild salsa (sex) if it really needed it but I think for many people if there were no chips (relationship) there wouldn't be much point in ordering any salsa (sex) anyway. | |
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