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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:35:36 AM | Sex has no age barrier, infact some couples have sext into their 80's,
When a loving couple has sex it's a medical fact that their bodies. produce a chemical that brings them closer together, some people crave sex like some crave fags, chocolate, drugs, food,.......some people crave to be loved with or without the sex....so i think i would say....what ever floats your boat....if you are happy without sex then fine, if you are not.....then find someone that thinks the same way as you about sex.....but never use sex as a weapon to get what you want.....that is just cruel.... | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:50:43 AM |
(Msg 116) Sex is not , like some of the tards here like to insist, the be all and end all darlin. If there is nothing else, the relationship will in fact disolve.
It’s not that sex is the “be all and end all” in the sense there is only sex and nothing else. Sex is a form of communication and usually leads to other things.
Most people have some sort of conversation before and after sex. I think most people are more agreeable when sex has taken place. They feel more relaxed. They feel closer to each other.
Let’s look at an analogy. Families are advised to have dinner together. On the surface what difference does it make if a family sits down together for dinner or plates are made up, placed in the fridge and everyone eats when they want? They all get their nourishment.
However, dinner time is the time for families to talk and relate to each other. The actual act of consuming food is only a part of what dinner time is all about. It’s learning about each others day. It’s parting knowledge to ones children. It’s about bonding.
That is the importance of sex. It’s not just the actual sex act. It’s the time spent together without any interruptions.
If one thinks back to their younger days and their “first” love didn’t we all just want to be with the person regardless of what was happening? Did we bicker about which movie to watch or were we so happy just to be with the person watching any movie? The same applies to other things in life. If the chemistry is there then a lot of disagreements never arise because the important thing is being together.
That’s why relationships based on mutual activities or interests seldom last long term. People are interested in the activity and not the person. There is no true connection. Take away sex and it’s no different than two friends.
(Msg 119) Sex is a huge part of a relationship, and enhances the quality of the relationship, even if it isn't always mind-blowing.
Exactly! I think people have this idea that sex is supposed to be mind-blowing all the time. I’ve seen people write they want to wait until the tension builds. For them, it has to be some super special event. I don’t believe that’s necessary. In fact I feel it’s destructive.
We talk with our partner and it’s not always about some earth shattering event. We may discuss many things and some of it is nothing more than small talk but it does bring people closer together.
I think when it comes to sex people are unusually selfish. “Not in the mood.” “Don’t feel like it.” “Not turned on.” Imagine saying that to ones partner concerning something else one does for their partner. “I’m not in the mood to do that for you” without giving any reason. How long would someone stay in such a relationship? It’s absurd, really.
(MSG 123) . But one day, either he or I may become sick or incapacitated, what would happen if we had built our entire relationship on sex?
Again, it’s not so much the sex as why wouldn’t one want to have sex. If illness or disease prevents it then it’s understood one isn’t having sex because they can not. That is far different than not having sex because they just don’t want to. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/26/2008 10:58:31 AM | I haven't had cheesecake either in a long while. That doesn't mean that I want to go live in a cheesecake factory and not every get to have a bite of it.
I think that if you have someone you care for, you WANT to be physically close. It's part of a relationship. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:43:50 PM | Dave, I think you made some good points but sex is just ONE way that two people show their love for one another. And I don't remember having any really deep conversations during sex that helped me to get to know the person on a deeper level.  For me, getting to know the person HAS to come first. Because that's where my affection and my desire to express love by making love to a man comes from.
If I watch a guy I'm dating playing with his granddaughters or grandsons in the afternoon, that's a turn on for me in the bedroom that night! I think that's something men don't understand about women. Love is what turns us on....... I can remember Wayne being so nervous on one of our first dates that he dropped a can of cocoa all over himself and the kitchen floor and just knowing that he cared enough about me to BE nervous aroused my affections for him.........
Ladies, can you identify with things like that or is it just me? It's all the other moments that happen between me and my guy that arouse my desire to express my affection and love for him in the bedroom hours later........... | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:54:01 PM |
I can remember Wayne being so nervous on one of our first dates that he dropped a can of cocoa all over himself and the kitchen floor and just knowing that he cared enough about me to BE nervous aroused my affections for him.........
Ladies, can you identify with things like that or is it just me? It's all the other moments that happen between me and my guy that arouse my desire to express my affection and love for him in the bedroom hours later...........
...My daughter has an expression that I have come to use often...."It makes my heart feel warm"...so no, its not just you, I find that sort of stuff endearing.
...maeflowers | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:50:04 AM | "Sex is more important than communication.
I can have sex with a gagged woman, but can a talking woman give me head?
I think not."
"How does the gagged woman give you head. Oh, you meant...never mind. This discussion has turned disgustingly sexual and no longer feels intimate to me. Feh."
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I hope nobody minds but.. I'm just gonna consider this as crass.. with.. a follower.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"When two people first "connect" the focal point is sex. That's why there are so many references to the "honeymoon period". "
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When two people first connect.. it should be with their minds.. followed up by their hearts.. then.. move to the bedroom. Only then.. can you claim to be in the "honeymoon period". Once the mental.. emotional.. and the physical connections have been reached.. including positioning.. as that's just more a matter of dexterity and .. well.. taste (no pun intended?).. you've established then a full and well-rounded relationship. Starting in the bedroom can be very tenuous.. as you're judged solely by performance and not at all by what you have to offer in the way of life-long partnering. Besides.. some positioning may very well have to be laid-by-the-wayside.. as some of us are weightier than others.. and old age sneaks up and finally bites us all. Dexterity? We'll be lucky if we aren't all wondering if that's not some long.. forgotten nephew. 
I think.. all of this worrying.. focusing on sex.. is getting way into "possible" future events.. and it may very well be the problem between the men and women here on POF. Slow down guys.. you'll get into the bedroom.. eventually. What's the rush to talk about sex.. and it's multipe positions right now?
First..
.. you have to want to meet us!
Next..
.. you shouldn't be squabbling over who pays for the lousy cup-o-coffee!
Then..
.. you have to be willing to date us for more than just a few times.. or for a few months.. or.. until the next woman comes along!
Sheesh! JMO | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:51:54 AM | The men who cruise online for sex are the reciprocal of the women who stand off sex and lecture men about how they ought to approach women. Meanwhile it is not an issue for everyone else.
If a woman is 21 she should already know how to handle unwanted advances, and also realize that the world does not operate according to her personal views. Likewise, a man who is cruising for sex should know he will be rejected or accepted, which means rejection is no big deal just keep looking and don't get frustrated and lash out.
I have never met in real life any women who were as uptight and ignorant about human sexuality as I find in these forums. I also don't know any men in real life whose view of men and women is that of predator and prey. I think it is easy to focus on one thing and find it, ignoring the many more examples running contrary, and that is what fixation is. Men obsessing about sex and women obsessing about propriety. It must be a mischief maker behind this ungainly match up. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 138 | |
| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:52:19 AM | What's the rush to talk about sex..
What's the reason to avoid it?
Answer - I'm going to spend months of time on a woman who eventually is unsatisfying just to fulfill her ego needs? I'd rather not, thanks, I could be doing my laundry during that wasted time.
I have never met in real life any women who were as uptight and ignorant about human sexuality as I find in these forums
Perhaps they've just never admitted it in person to you? | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:20:05 AM | Shimbo.. is that the washer I hear calling you?
You may call us uptight.. but most of us women call it relationship fulfillment that we're looking for.. paumanok.
Most of us women here in the POF forum.. would much rather have sex with men that know and respect her.. and her feelings.. that isn't fixating on propriety.. but.. knowing what it is we seek.. the whole relationship.. as opposed to the sex for sex sake. Of course men don't see the predator and prey when it's the men being the predators. It's only when the women are the predators that you'll hear the men complain.. and all we women in the forum have heard about it all before.
You think we're stuck in some time warp of being proper ladies.. when in fact.. it's hearing men speak so ill of women as "used meat" when they have more sexual partners under their belt then a man would like a woman to have.. or admit to in any case. Women have long been harrassed by men that prefer to have a woman with less sexual partners and therefore less likely to carry diseases. Long have virgins been sought after.. and considered worth dying for.. or killing while they're still sexually innocent and pure. That was mans doing.. not womens. That unfortunately hasn't changed.. either.
So.. now everytime we try to change the path that men have driven down our throats.. so-to-speak.. we get called out again.. for wanting equality. We can't win.. we know that.. but we'd at least like to try to make everything more equal.
Just because I know I'd rather discuss sex with someone I care about.. doesn't make me frigid.. cold.. or proper.. it just means I know what I want. JMO | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:22:07 AM | ok
i presume that u are younger than 45
i divorced 10 years ago ,took me this long to trust again a man,definetly i am ready for a relationship,friends first.
i cant say that i want to have 'sex' even after so long without but def. i dont want to end up in a platonic relation.
my wish is to meet a man and if we will decide to have a long(forever)relation then i do want to MAKE LOVE not to have sex.to me is a BIG diference betwen the above
sorry but this is my point of view and and i hope that more other people(both sex) think the same.i am not old fashion old woman just if a intimate relation have love too
probably we will have less broken hearts.
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 141 | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:05:24 AM | | most of us consider sex to be a part of a relationship. unfortunately most of us also have had some hot button problems with this area. cheating, unfullfillment, feeling put upon or all the above. therefore its a touchy topic. i am sure there are people who just could care less about sex and move on with their lives alone quite nicely. however i just could not see willingly living with or being married to a person who chooses abstinence for a lifetime. i respect the choice and if it makes you happy so be it. but lets be honest. in a committed relationship if you choose abstinence without your partners consent you are also leaving them with two choices. one live in abstinence dispite not wanting to or two cheating on you. the only other option is end the relationship. talking about sexual feelings and what you want out of that part of a relationship is important before the emotions become to involved. i personally am willing and able to remain abstinent and faithful to a person i love until marriage. however i am also going to have a long talk on that subject if we choose to remain abstinent and make sure we are on the same page when it comes to sex. it makes no sense at all to enter a serious relationship with that sort of misunderstanding. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:17:08 PM | ^^^ you go girl! LOL
Most people have some sort of conversation before and after sex. I think most people are more agreeable when sex has taken place. They feel more relaxed. They feel closer to each other.
WHAT???????? conversation before and after sex? Who ever dreamed this up, especially after, I thought that was when they rolled over and went to sleep.
So confused!
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:05:37 AM | Shimbo.. I'm so glad you don't work for me.. I believe I hear that washer calling your name.. again.
So.. we've shown that now we're d*mned if we do.. or d*mned if we don't! That's exactly why most of us hold out for a man that's a gentlemen.. and knows how to treat a lady.. "respectfully". Without the name-calling. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:16:22 AM |
So why not put it down the list… as a bonus, not a requirement? Ummmm, because some of us DON'T LIE.
Because some of us want a COMPLETE relationship.
Because some of us don't DELUDE ourselves.
Because some of us ENJOY GIVING.
Because some of us don't like being INSULTED.
The telling lies should speak for itself. The "Complete" relationship....I know...I know....a LOT of you are going to disagree....and for those who DO disagree....that's fine.....if YOU can have a "complete" relationship WITHOUT sex....then.....more power to ya. I, and many others however.....CANNOT. To me....sex is what differentiates the difference between "friendship"....and "relationship".
To those who believe that sex should not be a "requirement", no doubt you also ASSUME that those of us who consider it a requirement are pigs who would screw anything that moves for the sake of "sex". I'm sure there is no changing your minds; HOWEVER, to those of us who consider sex in a relationship as a "requirement"....we can tell you that the reason we can go for long periods of time without sex BECAUSE "no sex" is better than sex with someone you can't stand, don't care about, don't respect, and don't want to share with.
Your mind may delude you into believing that you truly love someone, but your body will SCREAM out the truth. Your mind may say....hey, this is a decent person, we get along ok, they're considerate, blah, blah, blah....but your body (sexual desire) will repeatedly and consistently debunk all those logical arguments about why you SHOULD "love" someone.....by informing you through your lack of desire to "complete the relationship" with the ultimate gift of total intimacy. (sex)
"Sex" for the sake of "sex" is taking something you need....hopefully you had permission LOL! The other person is also taking something they needed.....no harm, no foul.....you both got what you needed....you go your separate ways.
The kind of sex had by people in a solid relationship is about GIVING (each to the other), not taking. It's also about accepting the GIFT of pleasure and intimacy....and not trying to dictate how it's wrapped and what's inside; but rather the joy of seeing what the other person WANTS to give you of themselves.
Lastly, some of us don't like being insulted by essentially being told that we're not worthy or deserving of a WHOLE relationship. I can't imagine any insult bigger than being "told" (even if not verbally, but by implication) that we're good enough to pay the bills, do the laundry, cooking, mow the grass, fix the car....but we're not good enough or worth the effort of knowing us in a very intimate way.
Many will agrue that "Friends" are very intimate. I suggest to you.....are those friends people that you want to study every line in their face, or that you want to smell their odors still clinging to you for 2 hrs after they've left for work? Does thinking about those things "excite" you to the point that you don't know if you can wait until they come back home....and you wonder why the hell you traded the van in on a car....LOL! because you could have gone to pick they up at work in the parking lot!
These are SOME of the reasons why those who list sex as a "requirement" in a relationship ALSO say
They would rather abstain than get involved with ‘flings’. "Flings" are for people who truly DON'T enjoy sex...it's just something that they physically need to do occassionally. To people who do enjoy sex.....the fling seekers are like.......playing Scrabble with a 5 yr old. They just don't get it.....but you feel so sorry for them that you want to make them thing they were actually in the game. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:11:35 AM | didn't want to cloud my response, so I didn't read all the other replies yet, but for me sex is a natural side-effect of chemistry. if I feel that "urge" to want to totally abuse that man, then I know I really like him--on all levels. my 'flesh' can fall prey to weakness, but I only allow the follow-thru with someone who I genuinely like.
...and as can happen with geriatric folks as us, that initial physical rush can wane, even with the pill, but a true and accepting companionship is worth it's weight in gold.
believe me. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:08:48 AM |
Gosh GrandmaBooBoo, that was quite a biting post.
If it was any way directed at the original poster (me) or original post, I don't see how the overall total tone of my posts should have brought out such a ... response. LOL! NO, not at all directed at you OP; just at the silly men who think that 55 yr old women are looking for NOTHING but a bingo partner and someone to bake cookies for the grandkids! LOL! If any of the "bites" got anyone personally, so sorry....but I was addressing the aspects of the "platonic", "roommate"....surely "old people" must want a TV watching partner more than they do an intimate relationship theories.
These theories do seem to be a recurring pattern of thought in the forums of late. I see one suggesting that in view of the bad economy we should settle for "pretending to have an intimate relationship" because doing so would at least help with the rent. Naturally there are always those who predict doom and gloom in the future of anyone who doesn't "lower their standards" enough to let the one doing the predicting slip under the bar! LOL!
I do absolutely agree with you however that having gone "THIS long without sex"....I'm certainly not going to settle with NO sex....or LOUSY sex.....just for the sake of an incomplete relationship. LOL! that would just be a total insult to the great sex that I have had.  The idea being that as we get older our relationships should get BETTER....not worse. | |
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