| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:07:45 AM |
I do absolutely agree with you however that having gone "THIS long without sex"....I'm certainly not going to settle with NO sex....or LOUSY sex.....just for the sake of an incomplete relationship. LOL! that would just be a total insult to the great sex that I have had.
....You have no idea just "how long" SOME of us have gone without  With that being said, I agree with the above. To me, sex plays an important part in maintaining a healthy, happy relationship. I need, crave and want that sort of intimacy with my partner.....so yes, sex is important, great sex is even better.
...maeflowers | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:06:25 PM | Hmmm interesting. I am a male, aged 71 and I won't lie about it. I am widowed so I miss sex. My body still craves it, but it also craves love and devotion more. The closer I get to death via old age, the more I think about going to heaven. The Holy Bible says neither a drunkard nor a fornicator can enter therein. Therefore I have found it easier to limit my alcohol consumption but quite frankly when I look at the photos in here, I ask my self "would you want to wake up with this one in your bed?"
Oh I have had sex since becoming widowed, but I never called her back because it was more physical than emotional for me. I have finally reached the point where sex has to mean something to me. Does this make any sense at all?
Rawhide | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:10:48 PM |
(Msg 150) NO, not at all directed at you OP; just at the silly men who think that 55 yr old women are looking for NOTHING but a bingo partner and someone to bake cookies for the grandkids!
BINGO! ....Oops, that was a poor choice of words.  Maybe "right on" sounds better.
I'm a 55 year old male and sex is very important to me and to my partner.
(Msg 151) I need, crave and want that sort of intimacy with my partner.....so yes, sex is important, great sex is even better.
BINGO! ....Oops, there I go again. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 154 | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:54:21 AM |
I don't believe the "sex is important" claim.
I think what's important is the ego attached with not having sex.
That's clearly more important than sex.
THE ID (“It”): functions in the irrational and emotional part of the mind. At birth a baby’s mind is all Id - want want want. The Id is the primitive mind. It contains all the basic needs and feelings. It is the source for libido (psychic energy). And it has only one rule --> the “pleasure principle”: “I want it and I want it all now”. In transactional analysis, Id equates to "Child".
THE EGO: (“I”): functions with the rational part of the mind. The Ego develops out of growing awareness that you can’t always get what you want. The Ego relates to the real world and operates via the “reality principle”. The Ego realises the need for compromise and negotiates between the Id and the Superego. The Ego's job is to get the Id's pleasures but to be reasonable and bear the long-term consequences in mind. The Ego denies both instant gratification and pious delaying of gratification. The term ego-strength is the term used to refer to how well the ego copes with these conflicting forces. To undertake its work of planning, thinking and controlling the Id, the Ego uses some of the Id's libidinal energy. In transactional analysis, Ego equates to "Adult". Ego too strong = extremely rational and efficient, but cold, boring and distant
THE SUPEREGO (“Over-I”): The Superego is the last part of the mind to develop. It might be called the moral part of the mind. The Superego becomes an embodiment of parental and societal values. It stores and enforces rules. It constantly strives for perfection, even though this perfection ideal may be quite far from reality or possibility. Its power to enforce rules comes from its ability to create anxiety. Superego too strong = feels guilty all the time, may even have an insufferably saintly personality.
I fail to see how the denial of ones basic human "need" or "desire" can be attributed to a healthy "ego" either by logic or maturity. Perhaps you are referring to the over-inflated (unhealthy ego). It is the "mature" healthy ego that allows us to accept that we have needs, but don't expect them to be instantly met without consequences.
It is the UNHEALTHY ego that goes to the extremes of DENYING those needs or ELEVATING those needs above all consequence.
I have not seen anyone here post that "sex" was MORE important than any other aspect of a healthy relationship....but of equal importance. I have however seen many state that sex is of 0 (zero) importance....which in my mind kinda screams of a defeatist attitude; ie....I can't have what I want, so I'll just tell myself it's not important anyhow. Not being a psychologist I could well be wrong...but that attitude seems to be more in line with the
Superego too strong = feels guilty all the time, may even have an insufferably saintly personality. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:16:36 PM | I did volunteer work at a old age home when I was young (12). The home was split down the middle with women on one side and men on the other and in the midde from all floors was the chapel... how symbolic as I write this down... heehee.... anyway there was this one old gal who would try and creep over to the mens side... of course at the time I had no idea what it was about, just that she was wandering around and could get hurt... then one of the older girls let me in on the secret... she was found in the bed of this old guy...  now the nuns weren't too very happy with this... and they tried tying her to her chair... that didn't work cause she was seen walking towards the other side with a chair on her back... eventually they tied the chair to the radiator... she sat in her room just howling... so not so sure about these frigid women... and lord don't put me in a old age home.... | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:47:13 PM | {quote}quite frankly when I look at the photos in here, I ask my self "would you want to wake up with this one in your bed?"
Oh I have had sex since becoming widowed, but I never called her back because it was more physical than emotional for me. I have finally reached the point where sex has to mean something to me. Does this make any sense at all?
Can you stand in front of a mirror and take a good look at yourself and be honest about you probably aren't the attractive stud you used to be? And I don't say that to insult you. It's to get you to see that you are critical of women but don't seem to realize that you aren't a spring chicken anymore either......
I found it refreshing that you realized that you missed the companionship as much as the sex and that you have "finally" reached a point where sex has to mean something but one of those women that you put down for not being attractive enough may be a wonderful person who you could have love and good sex with again if you could get beyond your unrealistic expectations of what you want to wake up to each morning. And again, I mean no offense.
I caught my 79 year old neighbor kissing his 80 year old wife passionately in their hallway. To him, SHE WAS beautiful. He was a man who had made that transition and adjusted his expectatations to realize they BOTH weren't too good looking in the morning but as you love someone, they become more attractive and beautiful to you!
I hope you keep growing and realize that.............best of luck! | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:11:47 PM | Look at the young men/women on the site, they are beautiful/handsome hormones running at top speed, nature at work making sure life Carry's on.
Now us older people have been there and done that, now our hormones have been reduced dramatically, but we still enjoy intimacy as the young do, our lives now are filled with many more things than spending 99% of the day thinking of sex as some of the young do. So to sum it up, yes we still enjoy intimacy but our lives are also fulfilled with many many other things. Oh by the way I am not knocking youth here, I was young once and had a great time  | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:32:06 AM |
There is something to be said for a howling woman tied to a chair. YES.....it's says that you forgot the gag! LOL!
Now us older people have been there and done that, now our hormones have been reduced dramatically, but we still enjoy intimacy as the young do, our lives now are filled with many more things than spending 99% of the day thinking of sex as some of the young do. NO....you're describing older MEN......NOT older women! LOL! Nature's cruel trick.....we're now in our prime....and the men's left them about 20 years ago! | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:16:58 AM | | Your sex drive may be in its prime. Mine isn't. Back when it was, so was my body. I was most able and most attractive when I was least wanted and least appreciated. Now if I do have any interest it must be general and directed younger, because there is nothing inviting about old women who sneer at you for being less virile while cackling with glee about how they finally got horny. The only solution is for the old women to be with the young men that the young women have no use for. And old men can play cards, go fishing, and spoil their grandchildren. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:22:25 PM | | I agree with 162 and 164. Intimacy can still be wanted and enjoyed in a relationship without it being as primary as it was in a person's 20's and 30's and 40's. I think that as we get older, our lives are more balanced with other things. Wayne became impotent in our relationship and I would never have thought about making fun of him over that or frustrating him more about that. To me, sex is great but if it's not possible, the love is FAR MORE important......... | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:36:21 PM | First, I agree that love is essential to a successful relationship. As to whether, when, how much and what kind of sex is necessary there are as many answers as there are people. And a person's answer may change over time and more than once in a lifetime. I know that I've taken space without sex or an intimate relationship at times in order to focus on my own needs and growth. During those times I can take care of my own physical needs and there are moments when I miss sexual intimacy with another person and moments when I don't. However, for me, I can't imagine entering an ongoing emotionally intimate relationship where it is understood that there isn't going to be sexual touching and expression. That may change depending on who I meet and how we negotiate meeting one another's changing needs.
On the other hand I have a friend who is 63 and single who says she is quite happy with her life and can't imagine wanting an intimate relationship. She is focused on her spiritual growth (Buddhist), her volunteer projects (environmental) and her intellectual pursuits (psychology and more). She not only can't imagine wanting sex, but feels turned off thinking about it.
I don't think there is one right answer. I think that what we say is a snapshot of what is important to us and where we are at the moment. I'd like to think, if I fall in love with a man we will both be desirous of sexual touching of some form throughout the duration of our relationship. That is, however, only one of the things that is important to me in a relationship and while it is quite important it is not the only important aspect of relating to my beloved. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:45:23 PM | As the OP, I'm going to take the liberty of copy/pasting something I said back on page 3 for those who haven't read the entire thread.. and for those who didn't quite get what I meant.
It refered to a post that was written about really liking chips with salsa and why have chips (relationship) without the salsa (sexual intercourse).
Copy/paste:
When the chips and salsa was first brought up here ... one important aspect was missing.
The chips (relationship) is something you really wish you could have again.
You might be happy enough without chips, enjoying life just fine...
but there is a wish to have chips.. they just taste so good!
And you wish you could have chips sitting next to you as you live out the rest of your life.
So you go on a chip hunting expedition.
You know that chips taste really good with salsa, (sexual intercourse).
So you limit the search for "chips with salsa" because you know you like salsa, (sexual intercourse) a lot with those chips!
You find, on this expedition, that there's a lot of salsa around with no chips.
But nah, you don't like eating salsa that way.
You like salsa, though. Just not without a chip to dip.
So you declare you MUST have "chips with salsa"... you refuse to go into a store to buy chips unless there is salsa. No way, no way, no way.
You continue on for quite a long time and you are without chips(relationship) and you are without salsa(sexual intercourse).
You sure do want a chip, though.
Then one day it hits you. There are other things you could dip a chip into!
You've been limiting yourself to "chips and salsa" and hence, doing without both.
Here you've been thinking there must be salsa or you won't even try a chip..
a chip surely must taste crappy unless there is salsa, right?
How about bean dip? ('petting'... kisses, hugs, touches)
How about melted cheese? (sharing, loving, caring, appreciating)
How about cream, onion and cheese dip? (keeping life interesting.. *cough*cough*)
And here you were... getting ready to live your "old age" without those chips you really wished you could have...
because you absolutely required there must be salsa.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
See, we're getting older each year and getting close to 'the end'.. us over-50 folk.
And being in the over-50 range.. many have some problems with sexual intercourse.
Come on, without the 'blue pill' lots of men just can't do it. That's a natural progression in life/aging. And I'm not too sure how safe living on blue pills is for the health.
Some women have dryness, or other life/aging happenings.
Some male/females have other health reasons for why heavy salsa (lol) is not advisable.
But oh so many profiles and/or forum posts (in our age range) insist on salsa.
They themselves may not even be able to 'give' the salsa in a few years.
But they insist it must be a requirement now anyway.
And quite possibly that will mean they never get those chips they really wish they could have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
No, I did not start this thread because I personally can't enjoy salsa, (as some have hinted).
Okay, why did I bore everyone (probably) with pasting that?
It's because I keep seeing people on this thread saying something in this vein:
I can't imagine entering an ongoing emotionally intimate relationship where it is understood that there isn't going to be sexual touching and expression. This thread wasn't about going into a relationship with no sexual touching and expression!It was about wishing for a relationship, (and many on PoF ARE wishing for one), but putting dreams of having sexual intercourse again... as a TOP priority on the "list" of "must have" when seeking a mate to "grow older with".
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:27:07 PM | I read the thread question again - seems very normal to me. From what I remember, I enjoyed the intimacy, physicality and passion of sex. Why take that off the table from the beginning?
Actually, if they don't want sex (male or female) they should think about putting that in their profile and it would be easier for those people to find each other. I'm sure there are matches. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:51:31 PM | | We're not asking about taking it OFF the table. It's still right there where you can reach it if you want to. What I understood OP to mean is why in so many profiles is it presented as a number one requirement or you can't even sit down at the table? Is having a red hot full time sexual relationship the only reason that we are here? If so, fine - say so. If other aspects of a relationship are just as or more important we can say that too. I choose not to say anything about my hopes for a relationship. Leaving the door all the way open for any sort of inquiries has led me to some astoundingly embarrassing email moments and some truly wonderful friends. If the first thing a man wants to know about me is how much how often I want to get physical with him, chances are he doesn't have a chance instant intimacy is an oxymoron. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:47:49 PM | | Life without sex, or should I say lovemaking would be quite boring. There are different degrees of love making. Sometimes it's so damn intense that it simply leaves you breathless, you don't know if you can have another go-around so soon. There are other times, it's like a meal that you've enjoyed but you don't quite have your belly full, so you crave more. Between 2 people, it's the joy of being connected, even if it is for a brief second. It's incredible to hear the happy heartbeat of your partner. Too, if cuddling is on the menu for the evening, it's being in the arms of someone that you find special, and holds you in the same regard. | |
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| You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:15:09 AM | You know sex is VERY important but putting it as a 'bonus' would be a foolish gesture, I would think. I believe that finding that one person first; getting to know that person; then getting married is much more important than just having sex for the sake of having sex. As my mom used to say, anything worth anything is worth waiting for. Sex is a very personal and a very intimate thing in a person's life and it has to be at the top of the list as it goes along with all of the rest of what a person would seek in another person.  | |
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