shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 26 | |
| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:25:06 PM | all the 20-30 somethings hitting on us? Don't you think that men our age get discouraged by that?
Wow.
I never gave it a thought until just now.
*Am* I discouraged?
I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure the answer is no.
I'm not sure why I would be discouarged.
It's possible that I'd date a woman who is dating other men.
Perhaps I already am.
Perhaps I wouldn't care?
Yes, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't care.
It would only matter if I were seeking an exclusive relationship.
And I'm not.
Just sex and fun is fine for me.
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:32:37 PM | I think it has become a balanced outcome of 40/50 something people (both genders) seeking to deny themself the truh that we are aging. The reasons these people give for dating younger people are usually based on sex and an ego boost. I've turned down many offers by women much younger than me because I fail to appreciate the (short term) benefits.... which are few.
On the other hand, I find many women in their 40/50's to be mentally and physically irresponsible for their well being. They act no better than men who have mid-life issues. I don't think women have a more difficult time with dating. Nor, do I think they must put more work into themselves because of their age...... those who have a low opinion of themself think differently.
40 something women have a natural sensuality and appeal... if only they would see it in themselves rather than being told about it. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:29:25 PM | Yes, there is a double standard. We cannot change the fact that older men are often described as "mature" or "sophisticated" and older women are usually not. This is not a battle we can win, so there is no point in arguing that men should not be so superficial... blah , blah, blah. Simply be positive and do the best you can with what you've got. Single or attached, why would anyone let herself or himself go? Excercise is necessary for health as we age, and of course it makes us look better, too. I don't like the time and money I have to spend to get rid of gray hair, but I will probably do it forever as it makes me look better and feel better. It takes me about ten minutes a day to do my makeup, no big deal. I am often complimented on my smile, which is surprizing to me as I have somewhat crooked teeth and always wished I had had braces. I am, however, absolutely fastidious about brushing and flossing. Always floss! Bad teeth age a person, and contribute to bad breath.
There are many double standards among the sexes that have nothing to do with appearances. Some of those double standards should, can, and will be changed. I would spend my time and energy on those problems. This issue--I'd save my breath. It is not going to change. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:04:50 AM | I don't work harder and I'm way over 45. I probably don't put as much effort. As far as letting yourself go, I don't do that, but it is for me, not for who I can attract.
We can't change our ages.
I'm not getting older, just better!
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:11:09 AM | Work at it? Work at what? lol
You know? We "are" getting older and no matter what you work at, some things just don't disappear! Just have to do our best to put our best foot forward and work with Mother Nature. Damn that woman anyway!!! | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:02:27 PM | I feel the pressure when it comes to looks. You bet - what woman wouldn't and that goes to say we feel it from the time we are born. I'm to the point I worry about other people's perceptions about how I look or how I behave. It's unfortunate that women and even girls are driven to feel the need to fulfill expectations, that most of those are so unrealistic.
As far as what I think about men after 45? They should take care of themselves. I'll be honest, I wouldn't date a guy that is 5'8" and weighs 300 pounds. I'd want him to be able to do things with me (bike riding; hiking; snorkeling; fishing; climbing those stairs; walking; etc). If he takes zero pride in his appearance, I don't care what age a man is, I wouldn't be interested. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:46:13 PM |
I`m not seeing that same attitude when it comes to older men. Alot of them are out there dating , quite readily, thin and youthful women, and not being bothered by their
big ponch, their aged physique. They seem to be fine with themselves just the way they are , as are alot of the women who are more than honored to date them.
Mostly the paunchy wrinkled older men dating attractive(?) ladies have money, or they've led the lady to think they do.
Men who have wrinkles, paunches, etc and are not significantly moneyed are just as "toast" as women whose appaearance has aged.
The other factor that comes into play is so many women still buy into the idea that they have to be half of a couple to be a valid human being. In the 21 to 45 age bracket, there are TONS of slim, attractive women. The "thin and youthful women" you see with older paunchy,wrinkled men couldn't compete with the uber attractive women for the goodlooking younger men. So they make a choice to go for the older guy with some material resources,because they see that as preferable to dating a younger guy who ain't got much of anything going for him.
Yes, I know that sucks, big time. But that's how that works.
Cindy O | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:57:22 PM | | Any more, I see just as many women looking for a younger man as I do men looking for a younger woman........does that constitute "working at it harder"..?? | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:09:13 PM | I'm sure there will be a lot of different opinions from this question, but from what I see, yes, I DO believe women are being judged more as they get older.
In our society, it's almost a CRIME for women to AGE! But, when it comes to men, well, they just become more "distinguished" with age. Hell, even their gray hair is more accepted. But, for women, we just look OLD with our gray hair - why do you think there are more hair dyes geared toward women then men?!
And, the next time you check out a McDonald's commercial on TV, pay attention to the ones geared towards guys vs. the women. The women take their children to the park and munch on rabbit food (the salads), while the guys can just CHOW DOWN on the biggest, baddest burgers that are made with no qualms whatsoever!
There's a MAJOR double-standard but I don't see where this will ever change. It's just the way we're taught and Holly-weird CERTAINLY doesn't help matters, either! | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:46:41 PM | "The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly."
-- Some movie
Vanity and jealousy is uglier than anything.
Are women more accepting and forgiving when it comes to those types of things? No. But you haven't noticed. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:54:47 PM | Do women need to work at it harder?
Around the late forties and early fifties women really come into their own! Children are raised and flourishing, career has taken off, she knows what she likes and she knows what she wants and she is usually mature and confident enough to say it! The really hard work is OVER! Now is the time to relax and ENJOY it! She's free and ready to pick up at a moment's notice...travel...make love...read a good book in a hammock...cook good grown-up food that kids hate....it's time for the fun stuff!
A smart and wise man will see a woman in her late 20's to early 40 something years for where she's really at....looking for financial security....looking for a home for her kids etc. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:08:55 PM |
I have tried to take care of myself. I get plenty of exercise and eat well. I was blessed by not having a sweet tooth. It seems that men my age want younger women. We old gals cant win.
I disagree; to an extent. Yes, I've never met a guy whom would turn down the affections/attention of a younger woman, but most are fully aware that it won't last. On the other hand, a more mature woman often treats a first encounter with a comparably aged man as a job interview with NO input of what she may bring to the table. Why is it so important to know what I do/how much I make, but only talk about your failed relationships or outstanding bills?
And without looking at your profile first I would venture that you, Abby, come off as an attractive woman who would bring as much to a relationship as you do for yourself. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:45:23 PM | I love the skin I'm in.....I am having a wonderful life, enjoying meeting people (including men) and looking at each day as a new adventure. I am very active - does taebo and the nordik track everyday; I ride my bike about 20 miles a week. When I was in my 30s, I began to work out every day....I look in the mirror and love every laugh line that shows. To me, they demonstrate the happiness I feelin my life.
I don't consider any of this as "work"! It's a lifestyle and I feel if men are not attracted to me, c'est la vie !!! | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:47:18 PM | Mesg 39
You do understand that comment was specific to the question of older men who seem to have no trouble getting attractive ladies to date them while older women get ignored unless they are extremely young looking.( or willing to f*ck like a mink at the drop of a hat.) It was not meant to be a blanket statement about all older men who show their age. But for the most part, a man who looks old, yet has a young and/ or extremely attractive woman on his arm, offers material perks/financial security.
Keep in mind, gals, if you bust your ass to look 15 yrs younger than you are, you will have to continue busting ass even after you catch Mr Right.
For me, I intend to ENJOY my life, putting forth the degree of effort and expenditure necessary to look healthy and happy, but no extreme measures, no agonizing over every calorie, no needles, no knives. If I wear myslf out exercising, then how am I going to enjoy the dates I get with men who are fixated on size 4 women? ( I WAS a size 4, once...the day I was born )
Cindy O | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:15:51 PM | Actually I think women are harder on other women than men will be. I been a people person for years, when a woman has inner beauty it comes across as appealing to men. How many men's profiles say they are looking for someone nice? They really are.
If a woman is presentable, fashionable and has taken advantage of minor things, ie...whiting your teeth so your smile still gleams...not that expensive..chest whitestrips work for me. Color your hair or if you prefer use the rinses that changes the grey to a white hue vs the yellow which looks dull. Smells good, uses lotions so her skin isnt leathery if she has a tan etc. Then if she goes out with the right attitude and has a positive and fun seeking energy I guarantee she would be considered irresistible by men of all ages.
I think one of the difference is women let social standards hold them back, while a man will walk proudly with a younger girl...most women would be worried about what other people will say to enjoy the company of a person much younger. I remember a few years ago I had met a special person who was more than 20 years younger than me. We had gone out to eat and my kids (in their early teens) went with us. I had a ton of frosted looks from women, men didnt seem to care. Maybe women are victims of their own limitations. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:25:50 PM | Maybe I need to work harder now but I don't. I never did consider staying in shape and maintaining my weight as work though. I've always enjoyed walking, riding bikes, and exercise classes. I've done it my entire life off and on. Sometimes I've gotten lazy for a while but I always start back up because I feel so much better when I know I'm in good shape. It is harder to keep the weight off now and I'm extremely aware of and distressed by the larger waistline and fat in other places I don't like. My metabolism has always been slow and it's even worse now so it's much more difficult to get rid of the excess fat than it was before. I actually cared more about how I looked when I was younger when I could get the results I wanted more easily. Now I can't seem to get motivated because even if the muscles are perfectly toned, the skin isn't as firm and I hate it so I almost feel like it's pointless. I wish I could feel like some of the women on here who say they're happy with the way they look as they age, but I'm not. On the other hand, I wasn't particularly happy with the way I looked when I was young either. I envied the girls who tanned and I despised my fair skin and freckles. I did like my pale blonde hair as a little girl because I felt like a mermaid when I was in the tub lying down with my hair floating all around. I still like my hair even if the blonde has turned mainly platinum and I don't plan on coloring it to try to look younger.
There's definitely a double standard when it comes to men's appearances. Most men seem to be oblivious to the signs of aging and weight gain in themselves and are able to look in the mirror and see a handsome guy looking back at them regardless of how they really look. Older women also overlook the signs of aging in men since most of us don't have magic mirrors ourselves and we're happy to see a few flaws in a guy thinking that since they're not perfect, they might overlook the fact that we're not either. Guys on the forums have shattered that illusion. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:52:25 PM | sapphireeyes..
I doubt many women could state (honestly).. that we are generally "tough/er" on other women.. as compared to men. That I believe is called.. catty. For myself.. I'm toughest on me.. as I know allllll my physical flaws.. and have learned to hide them all quite well.. !
I had to laugh though.. about the teeth-whitening strips.. as most of the men I've met from here.. are lucky to have teeth or know what a toothbrush is.. let alone.. know how to use it or do use one.. ! I have yet to meet up with the man.. at least from POF.. that goes to the opposite extreme of laser (un-natural looking) whitened teeth. The.. glow in the dark.. scare the begeezes out of me type. (My nephew got them done.. and went to a family birthday party late.. while the lights were out and the candle-lit cake was brought in.. he smiled.. and I jumped as nothing but teeth were visible from him. They looked as though they were floating through the air.. ) I do keep up with my teeth.. as my kids feel I "over" do it.. but.. my dentist still thinks there's always room for improvement.. !
I like your post.. and.. I think you must be a great lady. Good luck..  ! | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:38:18 AM |
So my question is, is there double standards for maintenence of looks and youthful appearance with older daters? Are women more accepting and forgiving when it comes to those types of things?
As we get into our 50s and older the ratio of single women to single men increases dramatically. It's not so much a "double standard", but rather a result of the number of people available for dating at different ages.
It does seem to me that a fair number of single women over 50 have decided that it's just not worth the time and effort to take care of their appearance. I've met quite a few women in this age group that say they are perfectly happy without a man and they have given up looking or even trying. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:08:14 AM | The Low Libido Ladies (LLL) are smart.
Unlike most other groups, their pool of likely male candidates grows over time.
If they bide their time, there will be more more men with Alzheimer's.
They won't remember that they didn't get any sex yesterday.
And there will be more men with ED, so they can be blamed for lack of sex
Smart strategy! | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:11:26 AM | Gender stereotypes have been around for a long, long time: Man, working the fields, hot, sweaty, upper body muscles bulging through torn shirt sleeves ... Woman, dancing prettily across the meadow with lunch-time sandwiches and cold drink. Fortunately, this silliness is slowly starting to fade into the past. I did say 'slowly' because it takes a long time for all of humankind to change its opinion of itself.
With no offense intended, no matter how many times I reread your opening post, Ms. D. Wildflower, I can’t help thinking that what you describe is just what still remains of this out-dated thinking. Give it time. These things too shall pass (lol).
cdn guy | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 48 | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:41:43 AM | Yep......& it's not so much a double standard as it is a delayed one.
So they (younger women) make a choice to go for the older guy with some material resources,because they see that as preferable to dating a younger guy who ain't got much of anything going for him.
Yes, I know that sucks, big time. But that's how that works.
It also sucked to be that younger guy when many of the 'together' women our age were choosing to date older guys & we had slim pickings. By age 45 the balance of power (given the same age bracket) has shifted to the male side of the spectrum. For average looking folks, women get to call the dating shots for the first 40 years & us guys get that priviledge for the next 40. Seems pretty equitable to me, tho I do understand the transition can be rough.
Many women seem to respond w/ the 'I'd rather be alone than settle for less than I want'.......which is precisely what many of my male friends did thru their late teens/20s. Those men concentrated on their education/career & are now in the position to get exactly what they want.
Just as there are some younger men who prefer mature women for their positive qualities (that aren't realated to easy sex or SugarMomma status), there are quite a few younger ladies that have that outlook as well. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:00:55 PM |
Many women seem to respond w/ the 'I'd rather be alone than settle for less than I want'.......which is precisely what many of my male friends did thru their late teens/20s. Those men concentrated on their education/career & are now in the position to get exactly what they want.
This is the natural result of the fact that there are far more single men than single women in the younger age groups. When I talk with single women in their 20s through early 40s, they tell me that they get lots of attention from men and have lots of offers for dates. Many of them say they get "hit on" by men all the time. Single guys in this age group often find it very difficult to get dates.
When women get into their late 50s and above, the pool of single men dries up. Women in this age group often tell me there are no men their age interested in them. The response of many women is to say "I'm perfectly happy being single and I'm not interested in having a man in my life" | |
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