| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:58:08 PM | LOL Im approaching 45 and can tell ya, its allllll about the bucks. Those big paunched grey haired men with the fading egos and zero personality are all about the look at me eye candy on their arm and hey come on, be honest, when we were 20-25 and not sagging a little here or there, we thought older guys with fancy cars and fat checkbooks were neat did we not-The older fellas want to still feel worthy of being able to attract a young thang, they are rebounding from a divorce or having a mid life crisis of some sort. And if the brainless imature gals want a jellyfish with the only thing going for him is a decent paycheck, then sit back and enjoy the show. He's not someone we'd want in the first place if we value what our years have taught us! So not a loss for us. And as for being hot hot hot, Im sorry, Ive earned a few grey hairs, a few wrinkles and fighting the law of gravity is kinda pointless...that doesnt mean stay healthy, that just means accept and love yourself at any age and THE WAY YOU ARE even if there are on going improvements those improvements should be to MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, not to get a man to look at you, and if you find that you have o go overboard with boxtox nips tucks or cant have a saggy day in sweats in the recliner with a boc o chocolates and a potential mate cant accept that, then he is not someone I would want in MY LIFE-let him get his wallet sucked dry by THE HOT, Im at the age that I dont NEED his damn wallet, he better bring more to the table than that!!!
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/10/2008 12:07:04 PM | When I was a kid I never understood the Fred Astaire musicals...where the old guys had beautifull young ladies and the young cute guys were just looked at as "friends". But I understood later that at young ages a women is not really interested to build up together (although there are exceptions too but does not seem to be the rule).
Bring more to the table ? For what? The human brain is set for "reward" and seems man and women look at the reward part from different perspectives so far.
What is the reward bringing more to the table if you did not build up a healthy relationship when the time allowed it. Should I date 45 yo. women so I am told what her rules are ? Does a guy need to be financially wealthy at 20 or 25 to show off? Well how many 25 years old guys are rich to be the "right ones"? | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:03:34 PM | There are so many men my age and older who want the "arm candy". I think that they want to "feel young again" and want to let others know that they "still have it" ....whatever IT is. I dated younger guys for awhile for that reason. I got it out of my system.
I don't feel that I need to try harder. I look for men that appreciate that I have lived my life, made lots of mistakes, and now know what I want. As far as looks, I don't care that I look my age and I think I'm damned sexy!
As a rule, I think women try too hard. They try hard to look younger, act younger, and appear to be younger. Some even lie about their ages. Who the hell cares? Look change, fade, whatever.
I also think that men have a more realistic and positive view of their looks. Where a woman will think of themselves as "plain" or "average" when they are attractive, a man typically describes themself as "attractive" when they are average at best. Why? Probably because women are made to feel by the media and stereotypes as less than sexy if they are not the airbrushed model type. It's all distortion of body image. EVERYONE looks good when the fix theselves up...I don't care if you have two heads....LOL. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:47:57 PM | | By this time in life you work at anything you do , for yourself. Doing it for someone else, just really doesn't last. Leaves a false impression, and in the end you probably resent it. So if you working to attract a mate, work on the things that are of interest to you. If that is fitness cool, art cool, cooking cool. People tend to like people like themselves, or that complement their weaknesess. Hey I'm not a great speller.. and I don't do spell check in a forum post. So if your a great speller, message me, I could use a complement, oh btw, I'm far sighted, if your near sighted you can read the menu to me. :) But I'll drive , thank you. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:17:21 PM | It was interesting to date after 45. In my early 20's, before I got married, single guys were of course, everywhere, and it was more a choice of 'who' than trying to find a date. Now, I found I had to put forth an effort, because I couldn't tell who was single, and usually, single men were far and inbetween! Online helped find out who was available, and then I had to weed out those who I thought were incompatible, either by lifestyle, or interests...didn't have to do any of that when I was younger, either! No 'first meets', it was hanging out and hooking up in the 'good ole days' 
It was almost like having a part-time job, or new hobby! 
As far as being a woman and working harder, I already did. For myself and for the health benefits, so that wasn't an issue, although because I'm very active, that also narrowed my field. And, I found I had to broaden who I looked at as well, as far as age range and distance...But I found him!!!  Definitely worth the effort...  | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/24/2008 6:44:21 PM | ------------So my question is, is there double standards for maintenence of looks and youthful appearance with older daters? Are women more accepting and forgiving when it comes to those types of things?--------------
My opinion is that women are judged more on their looks, but men are judged more on their financial status. I've heard many times from different women "At his age he can't afford . or , etc'. I think that older poor men don't have much luck with young women. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/27/2008 8:37:39 PM | What ever age one is blessed to be, I think it should not determine who one dates,
I am 67 if a man is interested in me....he is, if not, then he is not the one for me.
How we look as older women is stupid to use that as a reason to judge who you may date.....I see men all over with someone who is not attractive...and they still are with her.
If a potential mate is that shallow, move on. There are many people in this world. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:01:06 PM | | I use to worry about aging. I don't anymore. I have learned to be content as I am. If a man wants to be part of my life I am open to it. I do not try harder and in the same note, I do try to take care of myself. It is healthy to do things to feel and look good. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:03:20 PM | There has always been the double standard at every age, the difference is now that I have discovered quite some time ago that I don't need to impress anyone.
If someone likes me and wants to go out, great! If they don't, I go on and don't give it a second thought. I am happy with my life and don't feel the need to run after anyone or change for anyone else.
I am 45, and I don't look 20 anymore ..... but I am happy, and I am ENOUGH!  | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:00:47 AM | forty and fabulous.....50 ...even more so.....im over 45...and have dated younger men,,,, i prefer them to men my own age.
the young ones love the experience of and ''older'' woman.......over 45...rocks!!!!! go ladies......... | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 7:16:21 AM | | Of course women need to work at it harder as do men! As for the "double standard" as women call it, men look for different qualities in women than women look for in men. One such quality is the appearance of fertility which naturally implies youthfulness. On the other hand women usually look for physical and financial security as well as the occassional rock star, successful polititian or athlete. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 212 | |
| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 7:21:17 AM | "Working at it harder" applies to both genders! Sorry, guys, but you don't get off the hook THAT easily.  We all start to show our ages sooner or later. And when it happens, we need to have enough pride in ourselves to keep in shape, watch what we eat, maybe do some exercises we never had to do before, etc. We need to do these things for ourselves, though. We can do them to attract others and it may work...but the bottom line is again that pride in ourselves. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 1:10:46 PM |
Of course women need to work at it harder as do men! As for the "double standard" as women call it, men look for different qualities in women than women look for in men. One such quality is the appearance of fertility which naturally implies youthfulness. On the other hand women usually look for physical and financial security as well as the occassional rock star, successful polititian or athlete.
Agree 100% | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 7:54:22 PM | I work at it less. Why work so hard to find a man when so many are all over?
I work 40 hours a week on my job. Do you really think I want to work at finding a man?
I like being single. If I happen to meet Mr. Wonderful, great. Until then, it's me and whatever I want to do. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:21:05 PM | Hell, I'm about to the point I just don't care anymore. Not about my appearance and health, I mean. I'm talking about I don't care about the fact I don't look 20 anymore. Or even 30. I think I'm doing pretty damn good for 50 and the only person I need to please, when it comes right down to it, is me. I don't feel like younger women are any competition for me because men my age who prefer younger women, I've found, do so because they find they are on the same maturity level with them. Plus, they think, for some odd reason, having a younger woman on their arm somehow makes THEM look good. In any case, it's not something I spend an inordinate time worrying about; I've got far too much to do than to waste anymore of my precious time wondering why a man prefers someone else over me. Have at it, Bucko. You're not the only pebble on the beach; there's a little rock in Arkansas.
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:24:39 PM | I do work at it harder but not for this reason . I still don't see myself as 20 anymore nor will I again so if that is your motivation you are going to be dissapointed. If we as women over 45 are required to look 20 again so that men are motivated to date us well we might as well call it a day. I do not believe that a man who has his head on straight and is not desparately seeking to get his own youth back has 20 in mind.
The reason I work at it harder is #1 I stopped ignoring what was not making me feel good and started taking charge of my health rather than my health taking charge of me. #2 I realized that feeling strong gave me a sense of empowerment. #3 That if I want to dance, bike, swim or (whatever your heart desires) for as long as I can I was going to have to maintain my body. It was not going to happen by osmosis. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/9/2008 9:32:15 PM | I don't see it as hard work to take care of yourself, if you're doing it FOR yourself. If you're doing it for someone else, it's always hard. I could never date a man who dictated when and how I take care of myself. You can tell pretty fast after meeting someone, if you are compatible with the way they take care of themselves.
I would say this discussion could include mental and intellectual health, which is just as important to me.
The way a person looks at you can be much more stimulating than the way a person looks...if ya know what I mean. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:58:17 AM | | No, that is absolute rubbish, there are many lovely beautiful ladies out there who would give you a run for your money (excuse the pun) and no doubt if they gave you the chance you would enjoy it. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:29:45 PM | | Everyone need to work harder. But the big problem is too many people define based on old bad relationship habbits. I know I have to write to about 100 women before one says hi back. And, I have notice the better they look the more they are into getting the young studs. Women I think are far more visual then men (that should start a discussion). In the end, does it really matter? Finding a great relationship is worth the efforts. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:58:24 PM | | I feel a bit unsure as I write this as most of the responses here seem to be from ladies. I think we all have to work harder,as age doesn't appear to be in our favor. I wasn't anticipating being single and dating at this stage of my life. It is far more difficult for me now then it ever was 30 years ago. I've never looked for "arm candy" before,and I won't start now. What I do believe is that meeting someone from one of these dating sites,sight unseen,is scary. Many moons ago,in a club or disco,you simply walked up to someone,and asked them to dance. You conversed while dancing,and if you didn't like what you were hearing,and the end of the dance,you thanked them,and moved on. When you finally met someone that you enjoyed talking to,you stayed with them,and took a phone number before leaving. Now,it's tougher. You don't get to dance,and TALK for an hour. Before I meet someone,I speak to them numerous times on the phone. I don't want surprises. I also realize that this may have been the wrong spot for this posting...sorry for my rambling. | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 8/11/2008 9:15:13 PM | I work harder at becoming a better person every day, far more so on an inside level than an exterior one.
I may not have the quantity of attention I had when I was younger, but I get my share of looks IRL and via messages here on occasion.
I figure if a fellow is giving me a second look, it's because he sees something he likes, so why fret about it or analyze it that it isn't enough or as often as it used to be?
Besides, if it ever completely stops, I'll just go hang out at the Legion, where they'll think I'm the young hottie.... I'll wager there won't be too many twenty/thirty year old types hanging out there and competing with me for a wink and a smile (lol).
It's all in ratio/proportion anyway - admit it, it's the next generation's turn for the bulk of the attention now, just as we had our day. Nature made life that way for the sake of procreation.
And no, I'm not advocating or proclaiming complacency on looking after our physical selves, I'm just letting myself age gracefully without the self-imposed stress that I'm getting older.
HnH 
btw, thanks Mom, for the genes that allow me to still look alright in jeans! | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:01:13 AM | | I believe a woman can be beautiful no matter what age she is...what I dislike is this false look that many women seem to go for nowadays, false boobs, false nails, bad hair extensions, perma tans, tattooed within an inch of their lives and everything hanging out!...in other words, the "jordan look"...if that's the way women are going with beauty then god help us all...bring back the 1950's-60's classy looking women who seemed to look effortlessly beautiful instead of these chavvy, trailer trash women we see today! | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:40:26 PM | Darlin' you're 41 for godsakes! I'd just given birth....again at that age! We may think we look fine at any age, but the willies don't.
So trust me, you start chuggin' up the road to 60 and a win on the lotto sounds pretty good for doing a flip on this biaich.  | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:56:23 PM | | Ya know what I think sucks? That more men seem to be blessed with genes for aging well than us women. Or at least that is how it seems to me. :sigh: I guess I should change my attitude to "At least I'll have something purdy to look at while gazing out the nursing home window from my wheelchair." | |
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| Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:57:25 PM | | I dont have this problem, mine is finding a man who is my age who doesnt look like he is old enough to be my father. The majority of men over 40 are worse looking then any woman over 40 that I have seen. I dont think this is such a surprise anyway, hasnt it always been this way? the guy looks like a toad but the woman has to remain the 18 yr old barbie doll forever? I think we women really need to have the same amount of self esteem that men have, however misplaced. I wish women could have those magic mirrors that men have too, no matter how bad you look, you still see a perfect person! lol! | |
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