| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:03:30 AM | I suppose that, in some ways, I'm in a similar situation as the OP. (Although I'm slightly younger than he is).
I'm in my late 30s and I still try to hang on to the idea that it's not too late to marry and have children. Although I realise that as I get older it may be less likely to happen. Mainly due to the fact that as I get older there's less women close to my own age who are still wanting to have children. As I get a couple years older there may be fewer women my age who will be able to have children.
While I'm still slightly hopeful that the potentential fatherhood may happen, I'm not going to go out desperately looking for it. If a person is searching for a partner out of desperation to re-produce, all that they'll likely find is someone equally as desperate.
I don't believe that desperation is any reason to start a relationship, and it's certainly not a reason to bring a child into the world.
I read through aspiringangel's posts,her main complaint seems to be with the fact that she believes there is too high ofa risk of the parent dying while the child is young??
I am sorry to learn that your own father passed away while you were young aspiring angel.
However, I'm pretty certain that most healthy people in their late 30s and early 40s today in western societycan realistically expect to live for another 20+ years. I'm aware that there is a risk of sudden illness, or accidental death. But these risks also exist for a 20 year old.
I also see examples of young people who live very high risk lifestyles (such as heavy drug-users) concieving children. In my opinion, those people are less likely to be around and still active in their child's life in 10 years, than the 40 year old is.
When I look around this site and see the 36 year old grand-parents, or women in their mid-30s who claim that all their kids are over 18, I have to wonder: who is the less responsible person? Someone who's my age, who never had children while I was young and not yet in a stable relationship? Or the person who had numerous children before the age of 20 when he/she likely didn't have the financial means to raise them in a stable environment?
I would love to give my SO the daughter he would so love to have. I wont do it, for all the reasons I've just given you. It would be, imho, selfish for me to do so. Could it not be also considered "selfish" for you to refuse to concieve children with your significant other, while at the same time expecting him to play step-parent to the children you concieved with someone else?
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:41:58 PM |
Could it not be also considered "selfish" for you to refuse to concieve children with your significant other, while at the same time expecting him to play step-parent to the children you concieved with someone else?
My S/O isn't raising anyone else's children and he isn't their step father (we aren't married yet). I have no idea where you would get such an idea. I have, however, helped raise his son for the past two years. So, to answer your question, it isn't selfish, because the situation isn't what you think it is.
All these weird assumptions about me in this thread, make me wonder if I've slipped into the Twilight Zone. (you would be the third person to assume some random thing about me in this thread.)
BTW *We* discussed it before making *our* mind up not to have another baby. I'm not holding my eggs hostage ;)
I'm done answering questions in this thread. It isn't about me, or what I think. It's the OP's topic, and posts should be directed at him, not me. If someone has some random thing they'd like to say to me (like how I supposedly think handicapped people shouldn't have children or how old people have no energy) *extreme sarcasm* email me and leave the OP's thread alone.
*walks away shaking her head at all the weird things people just make up in their heads. | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:27:16 PM |
My S/O isn't raising anyone else's children and he isn't their step father (we aren't married yet). I have no idea where you would get such an idea I'm sorry for my mistake.
Your profile indicated that you have children???
I assumed this meant that you have children. I guess that part of your profile is incorrect? | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:10:36 PM | | So far your life has been very self-centered. You have your freedom, and can do what you want. With a child, that changes. Hope, if you make this decision, you can really stand the discipline it takes to have a child. Especially at an older age.... you think you are young, but children can really wear you down. You can afford a nanny and other luxuries. So, go ahead. It will be the most difficult thing you will ever attempt in your life, with challenges you never dreamed possible. You will stay focused, and not have time for a pity-party or a sleep-in late in the morning day. You will be revived with a new type of motivation.... they kind that holds you in a prison where you don't have a choice but to extend duty and honor to another human life. This is like nothing you have ever experienced before. | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:44:37 PM | Actually my best friend has an uncle that became a father at 64... some how some way! Its now 10 years later, he's still young... he looks old as dirt, but he's a great guy that has a crazy wife 20 years younger than him. He's the good one with kids who stays active without exercising, she's the lazy one.
Come to think of it my cousin is about to become a father at 44... | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:44:26 AM | if you want to have children .... why would u care what others think about it.
I wouldnt bother yourself with a single worry over what people think.... if you dont have a child at 40 they talk.... so let them talk either way ;) | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:50:54 PM | You said
1. You're healthy
2. You can provide materially for a family
3. You WANT a family including children
You will encounter naysayers for ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT in life you want to do. Assuming you're ready for your life suddenly being all about the child's needs, as at least one poster pointed out, there is no reasonable reason not to go for it. Just remember in caring for the kids, just like in having them in the first place, to search out the facts for yourself. Everybody and his or her dog will have an opinion; most of them will be crap. Most of them will serve someone else's interests. Only what's best for YOUR CHILD matters. And 99% of it will be loving them and letting them know it.
J | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:16:12 PM | Did someone actually compare having kids to being in prison??
The thing with being an older parent- you've seen a lot of other people going through it; and you've heard a lot too. Plus, you have the discipline a lot of younger people don't have. If you're the type to learn from others mistakes- you are ahead of things | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:23:14 PM | | Age has nothing to do with it - and common sense does. As long as you believe that your toddlers shouldn't experiment with explosives or have a desire to play real-life Frogger with your family, you should be fine. | |
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| Is 44 too old to become a father?
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:14:16 PM | The average age of women giving birth in Marin County, California (per Marin General Hospital) is 41. Assuming the men squiring these children are slightly older than the mom, then...it's pretty normal. Hope this helps.
-BGW | |
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