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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:51:12 PM | Yes, people do tend to be way too picky, (settle for a tad bit different then that ) "Perfect Partner". And it is of my opinion that that those peeps that will be single the longest. And if that is fine by them, thats ok too, BUT then why are you swimming in this pond then.
I myself am always open to new ideas/people/experiences, thus not at all ridged on my idea of the perfect mate, rather the perfect mate for me in my eyes. That is my altimate goal while swimming in this pond. And until this happens, I fully intend on enjoying the journey.
Spud | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:39:53 AM | I feel that there are certain issues that I will not compromise on in seeking a potential mate.
If you have a drinking or drug problem,
If you are constantly ANGRY about / with people and life,
Whine about how people have done you wrong,
Can't see the positive side of life,
Are unwilling to accept that the other person in your life has separate interests than yours and refuses to even try to share or participate in them,
Constantly lays blame on the other person if things go wrong,
Physical or psychological threats,
Is controlling and manipulative in the relationship,
If I see any of the above, then this is a person that I do not want to be with, so I guess you can call me Picky.
If I am with you, it is because I WANT to be with you, not because I NEED to.... | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:57:32 PM | | Yeah people on here can be waaay to picky. I've seen some profiles where they have stuff like "if you dont own a car and dont make so and so amount of money then dont message me" ect or "im into buff guys with six packs if you arent buff dont bother". Some people have totally rediculous expectations, i mean seriously some of it is just stupid. When i see this kind of stuff it always just screams "shallow" to me. I have a car and a stable job ect but im far from rich, but im happy with my life for the most part. I just dont get some people. | |
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Xavery
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Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 31 | |
| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:46:45 PM | | Fire - you should just thank all those 6 packers must have an expensive car types for helping you rule them out. They have clearly stated what they are looking for and you aren't going to waste any time going after them. It's win win. And that's rare here in the tank. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:35:41 PM | OMG people,,, re read what some of you have written!!!! With the words typed previously here,,,,the answer to OP's original question is so far a resounding YES!!!! People,,,well, from this posting anyways,,,,women are being too picky.
I won't get into the nick picking,,,but so far the age ranges from over middle aged who states the opposite gender's body has to be squeaky clean before she looks at someone,,,, to a young one,,,who already "knows" what she wants with "expectations" of another!!!?????
I don't know about you,,,but at my age,my body does not look like it did when I was 20 ( I don't know why ),,,,and I certainly will not be telling someone I know EXACTLEY what I want in a partner,,,,,,at MY age. Then again,who the hell am I tell people what to THINK,,,or for that matter to actually THINK. I'll just keep the yap shut and let things roll for you people that KNOW. Maybe,,,you people that KNOW can give us that don't, some helpfull "hints" on how your search is going?????
"Unrealistic" seems to be the correct term for the majority here,,,,and yes, that is my final answer. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:46:32 PM | Hey Walts....maybe we should compare notes....bet mine is more banged up than yours....but at least I know why.....  ...
CC
I don't know about you,,,but at my age,my body does not look like it did when I was 20 ( I don't know why ),,,, | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:26:55 PM | Men think the ladys are picky, I can tell you from personal experiance the men CAN BE pretty damn picky as well, ((NOT ALL)) but alot of the men on here seem to think that we ladys should have a particular build (huge boobs ) yes ...I have read it on a few profiles,tiny waists generally as close to a barby doll as possible. I would expect people of a certain age to be more mature ( I mean, gosh.... not any of them were anywhere near perfect) Oh ....I geuss I expected to much. I do enjoy these forums but am not really bothering anymore(with search for nice guy thing) I have emailed alot of men to say hi and most did not even acknowledge having recieved a message.( think I would rather be single, nearly froze my damn toe off last time I risked sticking it in the pond. However, I'm still glad that this site is here as their are several success storys and I do wish everyone health, wealth,happiness and of coarse....... lots and lots of love. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:36:15 AM | | Pretty easy to be picky when you don't have to look into another's baby blues and see how big or small their heart really is. Bodies are like houses, our hearts and souls are only using them. Didn't someone say once "Beauty is in the heart of the beholder"? Seen it lots. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:49:53 PM |
Didn't someone say once "Beauty is in the heart of the beholder"?
Uuummm, correct me if I am wrong, but I think the phrase is "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
The heart thang comes later.... | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:16:32 AM | Don't forget this is a internet site so that means alot of fake accounts and bs as well.
Having been a veteran of a few sites both pay and free I can tell you that some people
will post fake pics and info just to play with you,hence why I state anyone contacting
me must be willing to chat on web cam....not surprisingly I haven't had too many "bites". | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:46:39 PM | Yes I am picky.
I am picky about finding a person that I can have a deep intimate relationship with.
But he does not have to be handsome or rich. In my world he would need to be kind, happy with himself and his life, intelligent and fun to be with. Also at my time of life he would need to have his financial act together as well as some assets.
It would not hurt if he was reasonably fit, slim and had a few degrees either. I am looking for a mate in all areas a man who matches what I offer.
Living alone has its compensations so unless or until my mythical mate cones along I am happy being picky and an unmated swan.
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:26:20 PM | I've been told that I give 150% to my partner in a committed relationship and I think what I have to offer is of great value, so why should I settle for someone who is quite content giving as little to the relationship that he thinks he can get away with? So yeah, I'm picky because I feel I deserve as much as I give or something fairly close to it ... enough to keep me happy anyway. I don't expect perfection because I am not perfect myself, but I do expect mutual attraction, trust, honesty, smooth & open communication, sexual & general compatibility, loyalty & monogamy & that both partners be like-minded about their expectations in the relationship or reach a workable compromise.
Do I want to settle for a relationship where there is going to be constant arguing, conflict, violence, cheating, addictions, neglect & suffer psychological trauma or emotional pain on a regular basis? Nyet! Been there, done that. I'd rather surround myself with peace, tranquility, humour, respect & love.  | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:49:05 PM | Keeping in mind that its always good to learn/take/ somthing out of your last/all other previous relationships. Life and the people that we come across whether its friends, or otherwise, keep in your life, or not.................... are in the end learning experiences and a benifit to/in your life.
One has a right to, but shouldn't be TOO picky in future relationships/partners, as specaily if you are just going by what a pic looks like or what someone says in a little paragraph. The above should be taken into consideration, but those people that you are reading about/looking at should also have the benafit of a meet and great, (coffee date) in order for you to make a much more acurate decision.
One thing that many peeps say sometimes is " I don't think we are/would be a good match." Its hard to come up with the right answer when you don't have/don'e want all of the info.
But, if you want to/are in the habit of judgeing a book by its cover then chances are you will pass up on someone that could have been a great match for ya. And in the end, that ends up being a loss for you and them. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:04:21 PM | I like to hope if I ever find "the right" guy for me on pof I hope that he is very picky - because he will have chosen me. Me? yeah you bet I'm picky - but to define picky is different for everyone. We have choices to make about who we are to some extent and who we would like to spend time with. I think there are a lot of people on here as a result of not being picky enough in the past. I do not need to settle for less that what I think will work for me and hope he would be the same. Investment in a relationship takes some ground work first. I hope my next choice .. and his .. will be our last..
meanwhile - friends is always good- people... , gotta luv 'em.. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:43:20 PM | Just two statements and I'll throw my comments out,,,and then leave this one right alone.
1)
I'm picky because I feel I deserve as much as I give or something fairly close to it
^^^^^ Notice the words "I feel I deserve"??????? "We" or " I" may feel "we" or "I" deserve a lot of things, but in todays world there are many out there that don't have a clue what they really "deserve". One of the problems of today's world. The majority out there "think" they deserve an awful lot, when in reality,,,they deserve exactley what they are getting,,,,(me included).
2)
I do not need to settle for less that what I think will work for me
^^^^^ And here,notice the words "what I think will work for me". I believe being on this site for any period of time (me included) searching, looking or whatever and not having any success points out the fact that maybe what "we" or "I" THINK is good for us,,,in reality is the complete opposite. I submit we are NOT thinking too clearly if we are here for any period of time searching and coming up with a big fat ZERO. (ooops,,,,,me included)
We close doors here and in the real world concerning relationships before they even get a chance to be unlocked let alone be opened all because of what "we" believe is going to be or could be,,,GOOD for us. All I ask is,,,,what happens if "we" or "you" are wrong again,,,time after time????? Because that is true for a lot of people here. Making mistake, after mistake, after mistake. Yet, a lot here believe they should be picky, because of course, they are correct in their thinking,,,,,,,this time.
I suggest we all open our minds a bit,cause what we have been trying in the past obviously isn't working or we wouldn't be here,,,,would we??????
Think about it,,,,,,,real slow like. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:09:09 PM | | Even though I may not have come across this way in my last post on this topic, I completley agree with Walts. I believe that in a nutshel thatl is what I was trying to say. | |
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| the exact opposite ~ for me anyway
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:13:34 PM | | I actually can't beleive how perfect some of the people on this site appear to be. If I'm picky it's because there is too much to pick from. I never thought in a million years that there would be so many hot people on a dating site. Sometimes 21 flavours is to much, or am I insane??? | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:32:59 PM | Hey I'm not picky !! More like choosey and I would choose a bloke that looks good in jeans, boots and a damn big smile... Or maybe just a smile !! ROFL | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:50:10 AM |
^^^^^ And here,notice the words "what I think will work for me". I believe being on this site for any period of time (me included) searching, looking or whatever and not having any success points out the fact that maybe what "we" or "I" THINK is good for us,,,in reality is the complete opposite. I submit we are NOT thinking too clearly if we are here for any period of time searching and coming up with a big fat ZERO. (ooops,,,,,me included)
We close doors here and in the real world concerning relationships before they even get a chance to be unlocked let alone be opened all because of what "we" believe is going to be or could be,,,GOOD for us. All I ask is,,,,what happens if "we" or "you" are wrong again,,,time after time????? Because that is true for a lot of people here. Making mistake, after mistake, after mistake. Yet, a lot here believe they should be picky, because of course, they are correct in their thinking,,,,,,,this time.
I suggest we all open our minds a bit,cause what we have been trying in the past obviously isn't working or we wouldn't be here,,,,would we??????
I think what you are saying is totally valid- that we should nudge our comfort levels a little bit to allow space for someone else into our world (if I haven't misinterpreted) . The devil's advocate in me also has to point out that there's a strong urge to have a lot in common with a mate. We want people to like the things we do and share the things we believe in, but yes that is being overly picky, and people with such criteria will probably be alone a long time. I used to want to meet someone who shared every interest I have, but over time I've realized that I am such a nerd (not into mainstream music for example) that I would probably never find someone like that. Basically my views have changed to where I want to meet someone who really digs me for the right reasons, with who we share compatible ways of thinking, especially with lifestyle issues, because I am old fashioned that way (not being a commitment-phobe).
Compromise comes into play for those things where there's room to budge, for instance, if I was dating anybody right now, we could find music we both enjoy for when we are together, and listen to our own stuff when we are alone. I have realized that it doesn't kill a relationship for people to have separate interests or hobbies. Sports for example- I think I am the only person in Canada who doesn't like hockey, but that doesn't mean I don't support someone I care for's interest in it, hell I'll even make a sammich and beer for a guy before I go into the other room to play a videogame till the hockey games over. If he wanted to go fishing? He's got buddies for that (one presumes).
As far as physical pickiness, I'd prefer someone only pursue a relationship with me if they WERE attracted to me (even remotely), it's too insulting otherwise. Likewise, as well. It isn't fair to be with someone when you have to struggle with having no physical attraction to them, and I wouldn't do that to someone. That is more like a friendship. I met this fellow a few years ago, and he was attracted to my mind, shared some of my interests, and was the same socio-economically and with religious beliefs. But he wasn't attracted to my body type, no matter how much he 'tried'. Had I known this, I would have ended things immediately but I didn't find it out until later on (at which point there was no chance that I could have gotten over the insult that it was, that he hid that little tidbit from me, it's kind of an important factor) so it was over. I wish he had of been more 'picky'. It would have saved me falling for someone who would always have an internal chip on his shoulder against me for not being his ideal and HIS insecurities that he made me suffer through by proxy. That wouldn't have happened in a friendship, which we could have maintained had he been honest from the get go.
I heard this comment jokingly and cynically, 'the point of relationships is to project yourself onto others to smother your insecurities.' It made me chuckle, but that's sure not what I want out of a relationship.
I hope my anecdotes have contributed because this is an interesting discussion, and it's good to always question our own beliefs about things like this. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:43:53 AM | I think that th word selective is more lke it, of who we want to allow into our life, rather then being picky.
With that said, we have to be selective, however to what point are we selective, is it being selective that we are unrealistic of what we are looking for, is that person that we select are they ones that we fantisize about, that don't even exist, or are they people that do exist, but cannot see their good qualities.
Ya, we all have to be selective in who, and what we want in our life, however, we also have to destermine if out selection is just a fantasiy, (unrealistic) or is our selection for real and it does exist(realistic).
Once we have identified if our selection is (realistic or unrealistic) then we can make our selection.
If our selection is realistic, then ya can choose from who is readily available and if our selection is unrealistic then we are going to be searching for a loooooooooooooooog time, and never find who we are looking for.
So, the question is, is your selection realistic, of who is readily avaialble, or is your selection unrealistic of living in a fantasy dream world of selecting people who are not realistically, readily available. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:54:18 AM | We bashed this topic around a bit at the Wings-nite event this Tuesday. One of our recent POF success stories, made the point that her new Love is someone who had two of the characteristics that she felt were deal-breakers ... They wouldn't have gotten together if she was internet-shopping only. He is an occasional smoker, and she's a former female soccer-star, very health conscious, and a non-smoker. Nonetheless, VERY happy people and totally enjoying their relationship.
LESSONS I LEARNED FROM THIS??
(1) EVENTS RULE (you meet lots of people at once).
(2) Meeting people in person is key (though many you meet will be no-hopers).
(3) Go for the Chemistry and the personality compatibility and be open-minded on the other stuff.
(4) Make friends and enjoy being single, its going to take a while. | |
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