| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 9/15/2008 5:33:06 PM | I think it's important to make a distinction between 'being picky' and simply having a set of standards. To me, pickiness means discounting or disqualifying people for very trivial or insignificant reasons. Of course this varies from person to person and what may be nit-picky to one person, could be perfectly reasonable to another. So where does having a set of standards end and pickiness begin? In the dating scene, I would say it begins when you're looking at a person who meets all your basic requirements in a mate - ie; age, education, interests etc but you still find yourself looking for reasons to reject him or her in spite of this - "his profile had a few typos and grammatical errors" or "her teeth look a bit crooked in that picture" OK so these examples may be a bit exaggerated, but I think you get the idea.
I know personally that I've contemplated this myself on more than one occasion. When my response rate was low, I've often wondered if I was being unrealistic in my expectations. I asked a good friend of mine who I trust and whose opinion I value and she said I wasn't being unrealistic at all. I was very tempted to 'lower the bar' so to speak, but I'm glad I didn't. And I'm still prepared to hold out for what I'm looking for.
Having a good friend, who is honest, objective and who'll tell you the truth even though they know it's something you don't necessarily want to hear is invaluable. Sometimes other people can see what we can't always see ourselves. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 9/16/2008 12:23:51 AM | | I give everyone a chance - the first meeting is only a cup of coffee - better than sitting at home by yourself anyday....And it's good practise for your "dating skills"...Do enough coffee dates and you're not so nervous...If nothing else it makes for interesting stories to share with friends...And you learn things about yourself - your likes and dislikes...We'll never find 100% on the list of "must have's"....Try me - you just might like me!!! | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/9/2009 9:49:34 PM | | Some people are probably too picky, but then there is always the possibility people are not picky enough. These are our hearts that we are putting on the line, so we probably should be picky, but if you are just in this to make friends, who cares? | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/10/2009 7:53:03 AM | msg7
We spend too much time trying to find the perfect lover
instead of making the perfect love.......
It's not what you show on the outside that makes you beautiful
it is what shines from within that makes you appealing....
Though there is always having pride in what you present inside and out....
Yes we are picky online and offline. I prefer to call it "criteria". Not everyone is compatible. We are shaped by our past experiences in relationships (platonic and romantic) and our childhood. We develop over time what we think we can live with and what we don't want in our lives. This defines our critieria. Yeah, we're picky. We pick and choose who we want in our lives. Is that a bad thing?
I quote the above because that is part of my criteria. To look for what's on the inside and then see the outside. It's all part in parcel, if a person doesn't take care of themselves physically then you might wonder why (ie the inside of them).
It's all too complex for 7:50 am in the morning!
Happy fishing. THIS LIFE is a journey.  | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/10/2009 12:10:55 PM | Yes definately. I agree that woman here are too picky. Really if you made a list of your dream guy and put all those attributes on a piece of paper then you would NEVER find a man with all of those traits. You might get 80 percent of those traits. When you get a bit older you come to the realization that your not going to find all those attributes and boom your alone and look back on the guy who had 70-80 per cent of those and think I wish I was still with him. Many times I have heard the same stories over and over. People aren't perfect you don't just walk to the vending machine and pic one out. POF is not the vending machine where you sit and go OK I want him, or her. Truly I think people only fool themselves. I gotta go and listen to some more john cale. Later | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/10/2009 1:19:47 PM | I dont' care who you are, but everyone is picky, whether it be here on POF or out in the real world.
Unfortunately, in this medium, it's too easy to judge people by either looking at a lousy blurry picture, or no picture. There is very little to go on by reading someone's profile. Some of us don't really know what to say to try and spark some interest.
How can you actually expect to figure out if he/she is the one for you, if you, the browser of the profile, doesn't in fact initiate contact. Or, when contact has been initiated, the receiver ignores it.
The only way 2 people will ever know they are "right" for each other, and if there really is any chemistry is by seeing each other in person and talking to one another. To do that, you have to meet somewhere, and here is as good a place as any, but don't leave this place as the only option. Even if you haven't found that "spark", you never know, you just might have found yourself a really great friend in the end. Meeting people and even just having a coffee, or going to a movie, beats sitting around on Saturday night. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/10/2009 1:56:43 PM | Yep. WE are PICKY!
I said no to a 300 lb guy and was accused of being picky. I'm barely 140 lbs. Give me a break. I don't want to be physically crushed. It's one thing to be not "pretty" on the outside but if you treat your body like crap, how do you expect someone to love you if you can't love yourself enough to keep it in a healthy shape. I'm not asking for a buff athletic body builder. Just someone that doesn't overeat their way to heart disease.
I said no to a married guy. I have self esteem. I don't want to be a mistress.
I have said no to guys under 30. I do not want to be their mommy.
I have said no to plenty. For many reasons.
I have said no to a smoker. I don't smoke and don't desire to live with the smoke.
Too picky? I don't think so.
I would rather be alone then to live with a man who is 300 lbs, smokes and wait by the phone for a "quickie" if he's married.
Yeah damn straight I'm picky. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/10/2009 2:29:13 PM | The positive
there is a beauty in that all people can get along with another
and there is proof that it works either voluntary or forced
regardless, when we find ourselves in a specific condition we can
all that needs doing is setting the mind to the right objectives
The reality
the objectives on POF or other such sites is right
the mindset of many is wrong
every one is perfect, no one else is good enough
too many options to make a decision
and just too much effort to make it work,
next, next, next,...
The truth
you know it
you're still here | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/10/2009 6:30:38 PM | | You shouldn't sassy, I never said anyone should settle for less than what they want. It may take a seriously long time to find it though. Being alone and self righteous and true to your list of wants is a lonely place though. One thing you may never find it, since even if you do perhaps your not the right one for him? That is something important to remember, even if you do find him maybe he isn't on the same page??? Food for thought. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 5/10/2009 7:05:33 PM | Well hell I think lots of people are way too picky here.
It's just a dating site people.....get out there and give some poor sod a chance!
There is a lack of intonation here in the words. How can you get a sense of someone if you are just looking at their mug here in a little square or reading a few paragraphs about them?
I mean now... not everyone is a wordsmith...not everyone can charm you in 100 words or less on a profile.
so...get out there... meet a few fishes...so you toss them back if it doesn't work out..but hey get a true sense of what is out there....and get meeting others.
Life is too damn short...go Fish! | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:30:44 AM | Hell yeah
The older they get the pickier they get.
Face it you might just be here on POF because you are too damn picky!
Most really happy couples don't have everything they want........but they do have most of what they need.
So burn your "laundry list" of unreasonable expectations and narrow it down to what really makes you happy. The simpler you make life, the easier it will be to maintain it.
What will you do with all that extra time? Maybe find love or let it find you? | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:31:55 PM | "Do you think people are too picky on pof"
Not to sure about too picky, BUT, a lot, LOT MORE DREAMIER yesssssssssssssssssss.
So dream away, and dreaming is supposed to be healthy for you, justy as long as ya don't turn that beautiful dream into an unrealistic fantasy.
Into real life ok, but definately not into an unrealistic fantasy. NO WAY. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:10:59 PM | I think there are some who are not picky enough! I'm talking about those who fall very quickly for anyone who shows them a little bit of attention, and those who would rather settle than be alone.
Many can be perceived as being picky simply because they know what they want and won't compromise, or have no idea what they want and are afraid to venture away from their comfort zone to find out. These people are not to be confused with those who are just forever holding out for the elusive something better. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:26:09 PM | ^^^ Good post Bella
I know that I am picky, because I know the kind of man I want to be with. So far, I have not been lucky enough to find him or him finding me. I would rather be alone and happy then just settle with unhappiness for the sake of not being alone.
One day, I know that the "magic" will happen...We will both know it...  | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:36:56 PM | And then there is the one in the middle, that juuuuuuust fits nicely, without having to compromise, nor having to take centuries of looking for that ONE CERTAIN ONE.
 
So being selective is fine, but being overly picky, ya going to be waiting eons,by then, THE ONE that you really want, probably has just past ya bye bye. | |
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| Do you think people are too picky on pof
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:43:41 PM | Whether you are on POF or just out there looking..its important to find the "one" for you. I don't consider that being picky..I consider that a wise choice and someone who actually wants to be in love for a lifetime. I am not ready to settle...Just like every one else, I am attracted to a certain type of person and why settle for less if you know it will not last?? So is it really picky or is it just a wise choice to wait for the one that is right for you? There are alot of terrific people on here but not all of our personalities mesh with each other. If you plan on spending a lifetime with someone, why not make it the right one...Here is hoping you all find the one..hugs MsBehavin  | |
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