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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:55:57 PM |
Don't listen to the 'omgyou'rebeingclingy' crowd. Clingy's just another word for 'you like me more than I like you', which is entirely subjective and apt to change.
I don't think many people have an issue with the OP contacting a man a few hours after the first date / meet. But I think it's not necessary to contact a person a second time only a few hours after the first contact and a third time the following day. Give the man at least 2-3 days to get back to her. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:18:26 PM | | how about the opposite. the guy calls you all the time, talks to you for hours at a time, sends pics to your phone and texts you. you have unlimited contact after one date. would you take that as the guy is very interested in pursuing things? we go on a second date, things are great, it's a month of non stop contact via phone etc. do you think that means he is interested in dating you exclusively? this happened to me and then when i made the fatal mistake in saying i didn't want to be in the whole dating rotation of his, i got told he wasn't interested in me physically. talk about mixed messages. any ideas how to know if you're on the same course? i didn't meet him on this site by the way. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:43:19 PM |
any ideas how to know if you're on the same course?
Yes, they will want to spend time with you, even if you are doing nothing together. The way I see it, a couple needs to spend time doing nothing together. Ha haha, That way, if you find that you want to tear each others heads off, or just plain want to get out of dodge, you know that you are not right for each other.
Can you handle being bored with your s/o? | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:03:16 PM | There is not a set time limit...if you meet with someone ... usually you can tell within a
first meeting wheather or not there is a connection and attraction. You over did yourself a little ... but you clearly showed your interest. And he should of at least gave you a considerate call or text to confirm his thoughts. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:03:28 PM | I think the OP comes off as clingy. Contacting someone after a date and saying you had a nice time is cool. But to keep sending messages when you get no reply is just clingy. And then you decide to give up because you haven't heard from him and have to contact him to let him know? WTH is that about?
The guy may have been interested, just busy, and then all the post-date messages probably ran him off. He should have responded atleast once, but if some person is sweating me the next day about pursuing it further and burning up my phone with text messages, I would go the other way. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:04:44 PM |
how about the opposite. the guy calls you all the time, talks to you for hours at a time, sends pics to your phone and texts you. you have unlimited contact after one date. would you take that as the guy is very interested in pursuing things? we go on a second date, things are great, it's a month of non stop contact via phone etc. do you think that means he is interested in dating you exclusively?
HATE men like this. Clingy, smothering men can never win my heart. I like my space, I like my free time, and I LOVE a man who has his own life going on. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:40:30 PM | I will let a man know after the first date what im feeling. If im interested in seing him again or not, sometimes im not sure and give it a second date.
BUT... girl i totally understand what your saying, its soooooo hard to meet anyone on here that you actually "click" with, and have any "chemistry" with on this site, once you finally are 'feeling it' you get so excited its hard to be patient .  | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:59:12 AM | [its soooooo hard to meet anyone on here that you actually "click" with]
I know what your saying and I'm sure guys have the same problems, I know I do, but surely that means you need to take your time and not rush into anything?
Or are there times when we are so desperate that we create something that isn't there because we need it so badly?
(no offence meant to anyone :) ) | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:28:21 PM | | One thank you to a guy then you wait some guys need two days to think before they make up their mind and rushing him does not go well. You need to take that time to think out what you liked and if you want another date. A lot of guys are turned off by a girl who kisses on the first date some do not like it if the first date does not end in bed. men are strange people. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 7/30/2008 1:55:30 AM | | i went on a blind date after a week talking with this guy...he sent me pictures of himself and we talked over the phone for a week until we decided to meet up...the meeting went great, we had dinner, we talk a lot of things, after 3 hrs we were on separate ways...then when i got home, he texted me.."did u enjoy tonight? do u think it will happen again?"....i replied, "yes, i enjoyed and thanks a lot, its upto u if u still want to see me."..then he replied..." i still want to see you, i hope its soon.."...the next day i didn't hear from him...i didn't text or call him, coz i was a bit shy to do so, ...after 4 days, he called and asked if we could meet up again, and so we did...and until now we're still dating...lol!....sometimes, u just hv to give them time to think... | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:46:11 AM | In our society, it's usually up to the man to risk rejection by asking a woman out. We've learned to stomach it, although it's never welcome.
Why is it that women have 1/10th the stomach for rejection? Look at how soon they need validation that some guy liked them, and look how easily they give up to avoid that feeling of rejection. Have some self-respect and confidence, fer chrissakes.
A woman I once wrote to online kept writing me back for a period of about two months, telling me that she enjoyed my writing. She kept wondering when we could get together. I frankly kept forgetting about her, because I was busy dating other women. I finally called her during a lull, went out on a date, and ended up in a relationship with her for many years. Persistence, guts, determination - these are winning traits that many women lack in courting, and would do well by if they employed them more often. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:36:45 AM | OP, texting him the first time was ok, but you should have left it at that and waited for him to make the next move. Instead you kept bombarding him with messages so you came across as needy and desperate and you scared him off. You didn't give him a chance to decide in his own time if he wanted to see you again. You say you don't chase men - well, if what you did isn't chasing then I don't know what is!
When you back someone into a corner like that they will just want to run away, regardless of how good they initially felt about the date. Next time, don't try to force things forward - just back off and let him decide when he wants to call and arrange another date. Then if you didn't hear from him by the end of the week, you could ask him if he was still interested in meeting again, although some guys are cowards and will just keep giving you bs and never tell you straight that they are no longer interested. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:14:39 AM | | I had the same problem, thought there was something wrong with me, lol. I asked a few friends of mine who are male, and they both told me that there is like a "guy thing" called the "three day rule". They don't contact a girl right away, with some it's a day or two, others it's 3 or more. I thought it was a silly rule. But I waited and low and behold he did contact me!! I found that patience really is a virtue!! | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:27:22 AM |
I asked a few friends of mine who are male, and they both told me that there is like a "guy thing" called the "three day rule". They don't contact a girl right away, with some it's a day or two, others it's 3 or more. I thought it was a silly rule.
This is an example of a male behaviour pattern that is reinforced by women.
It has been my natural desire to want to quickly contact someone I've had a good date. I've learnt, through repeated experiences, that this is not at all a good idea.
Guys simply HAVE to wait at least till the next day to express interest or else the gal WILL blow them off and you won't even get a chance to see her again.
If it's a silly rule, it's up to the group that enforces it to change things.
Someone else said she hates the guy who calls every day, etc. That has been universally true in my experience as well. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:27:23 AM | I think it's fine to let a first-meet guy know that you enjoyed the date... maybe even suggest a specific future time and place.
But don't ask what they think of you, how did he think the date went or voice any assumptions of his feelings. This part comes off desperate and needing his approval of you immediately.
I wouldn't like that approach either. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:30:22 AM |
There was no response from this man after the fact to even let me know he wanted to persue this. How long are we suppose to wait for a man to show some interest?
As a guy, I tell her how I feel at the end of the first date. If not, I would at least tell her the following day.
I think it's ok to send one e-mail and/or one text, and leave it at that. If they don't get back to you in a couple of days, then write it off and move on.
people work, have real-life friends, have children, school ..a whole endless slew of OTHER things to think about --Other than how a coffee went with someone.
Both people DO need to be focusing and thinking about how they feel about the meeting. This isn't like choosing a pair of shoes. You are making a decision about someone you could potentially be spending the rest of your life with. And if you don't have enough time in your schedule to sit down and think about how a meeting went (especially when you have time that night lying in bed to think about it), then you are just too d@mned busy to even consider having a relationship.
Dating today is rediculous.
That's true. You have all these rules, all the guessing with no communication... Some people will be turned off if you wait three days to call, others will think you are needy if you DON'T wait three days to call.
I think the best thing is to go with your instinct. Half of what you read and hear is just bullsh!t advice that's going to make things worse, and you have to use your instinct anyway to know the good advice from the bad. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:31:01 AM | In the world of Internet dating, there are no written rules, but I've come to find that rules are there, whether they are written or not.
The newbies always struggle with this.
On a first meeting, when you're saying goodbye, a girl and guy ALWAYS feels obligated to say that they had a great time, blah, blah, blah.
When you walk in the door, however, it might not be that "great". If you ARE interested in a 2nd date, then a quick text sent right after you get home should say something like, "I had a great time. I hope we can do it again." OR something similar so the guy knows that you are open to seeing him again.
Some guys ask in person, and I hate being put on the spot... esp if I DON'T want to see him again... In those cases, I simply say something like, "Well, see..." If I DO like him, then I'll definitely set something up for another meeting right then.
Like another poster said, 1 text or 1 call or 1 email is it. Some guys think they have to wait 2 or 3 days to contact you... I don't play that game. In fact, I will usually tell a guy before meeting or during the meeting that if a guy doesnt contact me within 24 hrs, I just assume the's not into me and we're both free to move on, no need for an explanation.
Come on... if a guy is into you, he's not going to wait 3 days to contact you again. And if you are into a guy, you don't want to wait 3 days either... in your case, you didn't want to wait a few hours.
So, if you haven't scared him off, then my advice is to slow down a bit. If you blew it, then next time, take my advice... drop the hint about the "no contact in 24 hrs and I'm outta here" rule. If you dig him, text him once immediately after the date. He's probably driving home wondering what you thought of him...
If you don't dig him, then it's up to you... email is probably the best avenue. A simply "nice to meet you, thanks for coffee (or whatever). I hope you find what you're looking for!"
Does that help?
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My .02ยข
"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:33:46 AM | | Hi Janelle! This is my experience. When a man is truly interested in you, he will call even before you leave the parking lot after meeting! I, too, know a man is interested if he contacts me soon after we meet. If not, then I move on. However, I dont make the initial call/text or email. Men are pretty simple. If they are crazy about you, they will pursue! If a man doesnt take initiative, then I lose interest. This response is just my experience after initial meetings. | |
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| How Long after the first meet should you say if your interested in that person or not?
Posted: 8/14/2008 9:54:36 PM |
If he can t take you for dinner and some flowers than why bother. Men try and get off as easily as they can.
I think that is so untrue and so unfair. Coffee is a geat way to see if you can even tolerate one another. Nothing wrong with a flower but dinnr first time is too much. If coffee goes well, sure, it may evolve to dinner but if ladies do not want guys to have 'espectations', they shouldn't either.
To say that guys are trying to get off as easily as they can is as unfair as saying ladies are just trying to get as many free meals as they can. Many ladies, in fact, say they just want to go for coffee because they do not want to feel obligated in any way. Both genders want to feel like the person they are with is there because they are interested in YOU as a person/possible mate and not to see what they can "score" out of the other. | |
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