| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:59:29 PM | This from your profile concerns me more then anything else:
Yes, I was gay! However, over the last 4 years the desire or primordial need to be part of a family environment has risen to the fore within me.
Maybe it's just me but from the sound of that, it seems that it's not so much that you now desire a woman as you desire to be part of a "family environment".
I read nothing in particular in your profile about how women appeal to you which really makes me wonder. I think it's probably hard enough for most people, myself included, to understand how you can suddenly "switch" but then to see that right in the beginning of your profile, really makes me wonder. | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:19:40 PM | I think he's an honest person, I think this also proves you are not born that way, well thats my opinion anyways
but i dunno how any women could be ok with his past and want him as a husband if they knew his past
14 years is a LONG time, if he finds a good women whos ok with that then more power to him | |
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| Glad to see it's calmed down!
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:57:08 PM | Howdy All,
I'm glad to see the personal attacks of bigotry have slowed to a crawl, and some more open-minded folks are commenting, thank you.
I'd like to respond to one poster:
miss_13 wrote:
You have been with a woman before. You are bisexual and a lot of women aren't looking for that. You need to accept others opinions before you expect others to accept you. Sorry everyone didn't say yes ok you are straight now. If that is what you were looking for you shouldn't have asked anyone but yourself. Then you would get the answer you want.
Some people just want it all.
Yes you want it all your way don't you? It has to be that you have the only correct answer here and maybe a few others agree with you there, but what you are displaying is prejudice, and this is because you are in discomfort at my situation!
I'm not asking for your approval, I couldn't be bothered to waste my time on your opinions in that regard, you have to live with your actions and words, just as I do too!
Prejudice = not being tolerant of all. Doesn't mean you have to agree with everything, we're all entitled to our own opinions, we have all had different life experiences and hence our differing opinions.
Thank you to all those of you that have truthfully answered my question of opinion.
I donate blood regularly, I find that a really bizarre condition to be put on blood donations, especially as it is in decline of participants these days (donating blood, that is). What's happened in the UK to make it necessary, or is it because of the American "Down Low" type situation that more men than you would believe participate in regularly!
Anyway, thanks again to you all, yes, all, for your opinions, I'm sure it has helped quite a few others out there too, from the private correspondence I've received.
Kind regards,
John
P.S. Yes I am sexually and romantically attracted to women, always have been, always will be. My attraction to my ex b/f was an exceptional love, not born solely out of sex! In 2005 we separated for 3 months where I moved interstate to be with a man with kids! That didn't work out due to his extreme controlling and possessiveness! It also showed me that I did not have the capability of loving another man as deeply as I had my ex, and that it was actually a hetero relationship I was after! Please accept it, I have been through the counselling, talks with family, friends, etc... over the last 3 years, whilst I myself had been wrangling this one for at least a year prior to that. I am not romantically or sexually attracted to men any more. My attraction to men was born out of my experimenting during college with sexuality (and certain college type drugs, which I haven't touched for over 16 years). Not to mention a very bitter separation from an engagement, and me then thinking all women were pariahs! lol | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:27:44 PM | | Well, my past is as colorful as yours, its sounds like... no i am not bi-sexual.. i consider myself straight.. i believe that love is blind.. sex is just one of the fringe benifits... I was gay all of my life. I was in a 7 yr relationship with a women.. well, long story short, but like some relationships, it fell to the wayside.. i dont know what happened.. thats another long story, but now im a single mom with a 9 yr old son.. I have no regrets... i am a hairdresser... and some of my very closest friends were gay men.. any way... there you go... so there.. deedee | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:38:50 PM | I read your question -- then went to your profile -- then read some of the responses to your question.
To be honest with you -- I was shocked by the responses.
Your profile is nothing less than intelligent and honest!
I believe people who demonstrate issues toward sexuality posted rather harsh and critical responses to your question.
The fact that one gentleman thought it appropriate to make a snide comment concerning your profile pictures revealed to me that he may have problems dealing with his own sexuality. Your photos are fine!
The ideal person for you will see above superficiality and look inside your heart.
I hope you find happiness & stability & are totally upfront with yourself in locating that ideal mate.
Best of luck to you! | |
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| Glad to see it's calmed down!
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:39:21 PM |
Yes I am sexually and romantically attracted to women, always have been, always will be. My attraction to my ex b/f was an exceptional love, not born solely out of sex! In 2005 we separated for 3 months where I moved interstate to be with a man with kids! That didn't work out due to his extreme controlling and possessiveness! It also showed me that I did not have the capability of loving another man as deeply as I had my ex, and that it was actually a hetero relationship I was after!
I applaud you for your courage in coming out of a closet as a straight man during pride week. Being straight is tough! | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:53:43 PM | I have never heard of someone changing their sexual orientation like that. I don't even believe people are really bisexual. Who is to say you will not turn around and like men again? If you can do this after 14 years, anything is possible.
I have heard of gay guys who want to have sex with a woman to see what it's like, but that's different. I would not date a guy who had a previous life that was gay, because I would be afraid that one day he would want that life back.
Too risky for me. | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:00:57 PM | "To be honest with you -- I was shocked by the responses."
OP wanted our honest responses as women. I think he has been getting honest responses. I have no problems with my sexuality or another person's sexuality unless that person wants to have sex with me. I think OP is going to have a hard time finding a woman who understands his gay past.
I know of women who were lesbians for brief periods for a host of non-sexual reasons, but they cheated on their girlfriends with guys. I know of guys who had gay sex in college and now have gay sex behind their wives' backs. Senator Craig anyone? | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:07:13 PM | | I'd probably be okay with it, if the chemistry was there. I have never heard of anyone with that kind of history who refuses to self-identify as bisexual though, so I doubt I'd ever have to run into this. The real red flag for me is that you would be in a 14 year relationship that wound up not working out. It's a scary thought to me that it would take you that long to figure things out there, and I wouldn't want to wind up in a situation like that with you where I'm with someone for a length of time like that and then have things break up. But the gay past doesn't bother me. | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:13:17 PM | Ooooh, just gotta say, I think Zentimes is not only intelligent, insightful, obviously comfortable with his own sexuality but sounds really sweet (and he's hot to boot!) 
Damnit! Another Canadian....that's it, time to move north!
Btw, this whole post is OT! =) | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:01:52 PM | We have people defined by their sexuality and we have people defined by their love and devotion. Women have been known to be hetero their whole lives and then have sister-friend who becomes so close that intimate love between them is just unavoidable, and if that relationship ends for some reason, they may just go right back to being hetero. I can see where OP reached a time when he wanted love and the only comfortable and trusting love came from a man, but now he wants what he may have had before.
As far as being outwardly appearing gay, I also believe that who we love will often cause a change in our lifestyle and appearance as one partner usually bends more than the other for conformity within their world. It's plausible that much of OP's gay *appearance* will shed in time.
There isn't any question that just as there are hermaphrodites and some are more one sex than the other, that babies can be born wired with a sexuality that is homosexual rather than heterosexual and there is no evidence on the infant body. There is also a great deal of evidence that it is a lifestyle choice for many, and possibly a trauma option for many more - as ALL the lesbians that I have personally known have suffered some pretty awful trauma at the hands of men, but then so had I, and I didn't go there.
To see the possibility and plausibility in OP's case, we have to stop looking at our humanity as if there are rules to our thoughts and regulations to who we love and how we love them. While there are more kinds of love than a dictionary can describe, it is always love. | |
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| Glad to see it's calmed down!
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:31:43 AM | You have got to love the "victim mentality" displayed by the OP who has now deleted his profile, but of course is still reading this thread....anyone who disagrees with him is a "bigot" and it attacking him personally.
He had no response for the fact that you can't turn your orientation on and off. He had no response to my question (twice) about whether or not people are BORN gay. No response to the fact that if there is some woman stupid enough to spawn kids with him, he's going to turn around and go back to a man someday.
Nope, anyone who doesn't tell him what he wants to hear is a "bigot." Any woman who wouldn't settle down and make babies with him is a bigot. I'm sure that's what his "counselor" told him. (BTW, anyone can call themselves a "counselor," and charge a fee for telling you what you want to hear.) | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:19:41 AM | Changing Tracks:
I am also curious as to what you mean by "college type drugs" ..................'cause if as you say that was part of the reason you were with a man for 14 years I would sure like to avoid them,
yours
M | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:38:32 AM | Not only would I have to worry about him cheating with another female, I'd have to worry about him cheating with a male. Naw...think I'll pass that one on by...
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Glad to see it's calmed down!
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:06:12 PM | Yes you want it all your way don't you? It has to be that you have the only correct answer here and maybe a few others agree with you there, but what you are displaying is prejudice, and this is because you are in discomfort at my situation!
I'm not asking for your approval, I couldn't be bothered to waste my time on your opinions in that regard, you have to live with your actions and words, just as I do too!
Prejudice = not being tolerant of all. Doesn't mean you have to agree with everything, we're all entitled to our own opinions, we have all had different life experiences and hence our differing opinions.
I have no prejudice, discomfort or anything else with your situation. I'd even barbeque for you. I just wouldn't have sex with you. No I wouldn't have sex with a man that just had sex with another man for all those years. Sorry if you took it that way.
Sorry you feel that MY having an opinion is unacceptable.
I think you will run into this a lot and it is obvious you are having a problem with women not saying "oh no problem glad your back". This problem will be a part of your future. I hope continued councelling will help you with accept that. | |
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| Glad to see it's calmed down!
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:18:25 PM |
You have got to love the "victim mentality" displayed by the OP who has now deleted his profile,
Unfortunately I don't think his new one is going to mention his sexuality now that he has seen lots would have a problem with it. | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:29:27 PM | | Yes. That being said, I have to be honest and say that I would always be secretly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm not sure how much good that would bode in a relationship. | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:49:29 PM | Ok, so I didn't read all the postings on this issue, but I had to comment. I find it fascinating that many of you think when a man has lived a hetro lifestyle for many years and then "comes out of the closet" that he was always gay. Yet, this fellow has lived a gay lifestyle for many years and now wants a hetro relationship. Shouldn't we then assume he was always hetro? Talk about your double standards!!!!
My thoughts: I would consider dating any man with whom I felt we had potential. Past baggage needs to be sorted, minimized and set aside - regardless what colour your suitcase.
Op - you sound just fine to me. Very healthy to seek help sorting your luggage! All the best on your new path! | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:39:24 AM | | I don't believe that there is any such thing as an "ex gay guy". A person is either gay or not, it is a genetic characteristic. Someone who likes both sexes is, by definition, bisexual not gay. | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:04:30 AM | | John if you have been with men in woman .. sweetie you are bi sexual according to the dictionary . If you prefer bi curious ( more like convinced in your case) then that is cool. You are probably one of the few people that has looked at yourself and decided what you want for yourself sexually what pleases you and how you intend on bringing pleasure to others . I would advise you to do a few things before you become intimate again. Be honest with your partner about past. Make sure you get tested every 6 months. Practice safe sex. | |
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| Glad to see it's calmed down!
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:06:25 AM | I think that you are the only person who can define what your sexuality is. However, since the issue is being raised here, do you think it's possible that you could be pansexual? Not to patronise, but if you don't know what pansexuality is, it's a term used for people who identify an attraction to people rather than gender. In essence, it's suggesting that you meet a person and are attracted to them regardless of their gender. This would tie in with how you described your initial attractions to your ex bf.
Of course i could be way off the mark, but it's something to consider. I think you make an interesting point about experimentation, but truthfully, there is sexual and indeed emotional experimentation, and there is someone who states that he USED to be gay and now isn't. To be honest, i think it best for you, if you want to date women, to not mention that you 'used' to be gay. As a woman, i can say that i'd be immediately wondering if you would 'turn' again (whilst i really don't even believe that sexuality even works that way). So maybe just mention that have had relationships with men, but that you decided it isn't for you, and lean more towards heterosexuality now.
I would be involved with a bi man, hell i AM involved with a bi man. But sadly far too many negative views are held in this world, of bi and gay men. We have seen some of the bigoted opiniosn floating around in this thread. It is ignorance and intolerance, but sadly many women will too harbour these negative views. Just try to keep feeling comfortable with who you are and don't feel you have to define your sexuality to others. | |
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| Will gals give an ex gay guy a chance?
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:22:45 PM | | I noticed he deleted his profile.(I don't blame him) But I say if he was in a relationship with another man for 14 years then he infact is gay. I'm not one to discriminate or do name calling but I see no other sexual act that a man can do that is more wrong in gods eye's other than rape or incest. It even says so in the bible. Not that I'm a bible thumper or noting but get real. Even gay people know it's not right. Their sexual perversions just out weighs the common sense to do whats right. | |
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