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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:48:24 AM | it's funny that you should post this topic - there is a show that i have been watching called how to find a husband. it's a uk series examing dating rituals in the 21st century. it's really quite funny, hosted by this tv presenter sally gray who's 30 something.
anyway, she talks about the "american" phenomenon of "multi-dating"; dating more than one person at a time. it doesn't seem to involve real intimacy, it's just casual "hang out" type dates which may include some kissing. she explains that brits don't tend to "multi-date" but it's popular in america. and as the "multi-dater" she can understand the advantages since she isn't waiting by the phone for a guy to call after a great date since she has other "options".
i thought this was interesting since i've always been exclusive even before the topic of exclusivity has been discussed. i don't think i could multi date...i have so much going on in my life, it's difficult enough to make time for 1 other person, i can't imagine more. she does make some great points but then she has a bulletin board to keep track of all her dates and what she liked and what she didn't like about each one! | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:43:50 AM |
...im talking about seriously investing yourself into a relationship with more than one person at a time..... how do you do that??
You don't, and you can't. It's impossible... at least with the *serious* part.
I'd expect anyone who is over the age of 18 and has a modicum of self-respect to focus on *one* person only after a short period of time (getting over the initial "is there even anything there?" part).
People who wanna play the field *after* they've passed the "is there even anything there?" part and stayed interested in you are simply selfish whores.
In fact, I just dumped a chick for doing exactly that. See ya!  | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:54:46 AM | I dont see anyting wrong with going on dates with more than one person (dates being going out for a meal or to the pub or sky diving or whatever, a date, an day or eveing out with someone who you are seeing if you like or dont like) but there is a big difference between dating and a relationship...
I still believe that you get that magic spark when you meet someone you really want to be with and you will both know and when that happens well... then it becomes exclusive..... Then do give all that you are to the one person and no one else... | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:45:13 PM | I've never put this in practice, but at some times in my life I have really liked the idea of a poly relationship - or at least one that's completely open and honest about dating other people. Let's face it, if we weren't all that picky, we probably wouldn't be here - which means we all expect the one person we're with to fulfill a good number of our wants and needs.
That seems kind of unfair when you think about it and an undue burden on someone you care about. For example, rather than nag your boyfriend into going to a play with you - or consequently missing out on something you enjoy, why not date one guy that fills that need in your life and date another that you like to go out drinking with and just love and appreciate them both for their individual qualities and personalities without worrying how they fit into the mold you've created in your own mind?
I've often thought an open poly relationship is one of the most honest ways to go. It means admitting that no one's perfect and no one's expected to be. Of course, this is all academic and I have no expectations of this working in real life. Besides, I'm an only child and I don't like to share.  | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:27:16 PM | | I just dont think dating more then one at a time cause eventually someone could get hurt,some guy mightwant to take things futher and find out your dating others. I figure if you date one person at a time nobody has the chance to get hurt. | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:25:13 PM | I consider the first few dates (1 to 5, roughly) to be a screening process to see how compatible we are and if there is real mutual interest. Until that interest and compatibility are established, it isn't "serious" in my mind - and I dated other people until such time as one person clearly stood out as being right for me. Then I'd focus only on that person until the relationship either fell apart or became lasting. I wouldn't keep the other prospects hanging either - if they weren't a good match, I'd stop seeing them as soon as I realized that. (Except in a few rare cases where we mutually decided to continue casually dating each other and others, even though we both knew it didn't have long-term potential.)
If I hadn't done things that way, I'd probably have never met the few great matches I did find. I'd still be sequentially single-dating all the also-rans! | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:52:05 PM | | I agree with Single1965.....and for myself personally, I can not "go there" emotionally with more than one person. If there is someone I am interested in, I am honest with them and all around me, so there are no lies or mis conceptions. I would not want to hurt anyone either...I have had it done to me. There is a fine line between dating and using multiple people just to go "out". Just pick one, see if it can turn into something you want and take it from there :) | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:19:14 PM | | I was seeing a couple of guys, no physical contact and just weeded them out. No problem, lol. Unfortunately, no one panned out. Not worth my time. | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:30:26 AM | | Dating more then one person is easy. When you are trying to meet people and sort the wheat from the chaff so to say, the more people you date, the odds go up you'll meet someone you both like. Many of us put more into a date then they should in the beginning, its just a date. A chance to meet and get to know one another, nothing more then that. Anyone that wants to be exclusive after just a few meetings is someone you'll most likely want to run from. | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/8/2008 4:02:34 PM | Timely post - THANKS!
Has been awhile since I even thought about dating , now I'm looking again.
Casual sex is just not my style. In fact, that most of the fellas I run into seem to expect to just jump in the sack out the gate is part of the reason I shut the door for as long as I have. Those that diferentiate between casual dating and being in a relationship make a valid point. At what juncture the difference is bridged is subject to what both parties are wanting and choose. If you assume, well sometimes you assume wrong. Honest communication helps. I don't want to go out on one or even two or three dates and have a fellow just assume he "owns" me. If and when I choose to have a go at a relationship with a fellow and he with me, then yes, intimacy and exclusivity would be expected and given. Til then, it's casual dating. He's free to do what he wants with whomever and so am I. There are no obligations implied, assumed or accepted. Of course if he's made it clear he's pursuing me exclusively, throwing his hat in the ring so to speak, I'll look at him more seriously in consideration - don't want to play or hurt someone. Choosing is a two way street. Can't push someone into it before they are ready and shouldn't allow yourself to be pushed either.
Other's mileage may vary. As long as honest communication is in place no one has a reason to cry foul. | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/8/2008 4:17:30 PM | I mean, i'm not talking about the nasty folks out there that want to sleep with everyone all the time -
who are you calling nasty, my best date/ girlfriend/ relationship was with a girl I slept with after knowing her 20 min... If we wouldn't have done that I might have not gotten to know her like I did and really missed out on a good relationship. we were together for a year and a half, and our relationship would have lasted too but she had a family issue arise and had to move to Peru, so don't look down on the ones that take a chance on chemistry.... if its right, it works, | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/14/2008 5:22:34 PM | you can't really get to know someone well if you are dating several different people. the interactions become cursory glances into people, and you never really get to know anyone. i hate dating more then one person at a time, but it seems that that is what everyone is doing these days...
lar | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/14/2008 7:02:07 PM | | kissing is no different from exchanging stories, your judging the person on all you can the first date, like it or not. Rats can sense genetic disorders in potential mates, and choose not to pursue. A kiss can make or break it, whether you get along or not. I say, date and kiss, you will eventually narrow it down to the one you want, because the last thing you want is to end up with the rich bad kisser! So basically im telling you to put those feelings aside, think about yourself during all this, what do you want to get out of it and how can you accomplish it? | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/14/2008 7:28:53 PM | This is a good subject. Honestly the further you go with one date, the closer you get to shrinking your list IMHO. Live one day at the time kind of deal, capice? If you are the kind of person that have to taste the waters before making a final decision, by all means, but again live one day at the time.
When I met my ex wife, we were both dating others too, and I never cared either, at the end she just didn't want to see anybodyelse, me neither. I got a few phone calls from girls that I was semi-dating and I just told them the reason I was GONE, most of them understood. Good luck to you!!! | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:01:50 PM | I have been married twice and divorced twice. I sat down and thought about why my marriages failed (they failed because they cheated on me). After doing some soul searching, I discovered that the common denominator was that I only dated that person, I didn't see what else was out there. SO for me, I see dating as getting to know someone to see if you two will click. If I'm dating multiple people and I feel that one of them will work, I will let the other person know that I am getting serious with the other. I would still like to be friends (NOT with BENEFITS), just friends. All of this should be talked about and have a mutual understanding. life is too short to be unhappy with someone. If it's not going to work, you let them know and move on.
It may sound heartless, but being cheated on is not nice nor pleasant. Communication is the Key! | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/14/2008 11:12:40 PM | | Thats what dating is. If your only seeing one person than thats "going steady " for lack of a better word. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Dont sit by the phone and answer only one call that may not come. go out and have fun. and then when you find someone that says he cant wait to see you again and calls every day and you feel the same...then its decision time. | |
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| Dating more than one person....
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:46:40 PM | I feel I have been forced into multiple dating even though I really don't want too, nor am I really cut out to do it.
Even though I really like the girl I have been seeing I am not confident of her interest towards me - but then that could just be me (despite wearing women's clothing I am completely clueless when it comes to women), I'm a sensitive guy - I wear a dress afterall :) - getting dumped would hurt, so in order to try and build my confidence and my defenses I am trying to see other girls. I did date one other girl but my heart just wasn't in it - which was too bad because she was a great girl.
I'm also British and multiple dating is completely alien to me too. I guess I'm still old fashioned. | |
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