| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:51:34 AM | Well - I've found that when girls break up, they are usually pretty sure about their decision, and generally have at least started the moving on process mentally and emotionally before they have the talk.
It's rarely a spur of the moment decision because they're angry. Therefore, generally I've found that when the breakup is mutual or they initiate the breakup, they are usually ready for another relationship relatively quickly, because they haven't really been fully vested in the relationship for a while.
It's understandable that she moved on...
Also, girls are always going to have more opportunities to rebound than guys, because they don't have to be proactive. If they're cute, all they have to do is go out and wait to get hit on. When a guy is down after a breakup, it's that much harder to force them to ask people out or even be social - which cuts down on the rebound opportunities! | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:58:15 AM | | Some people just have the ability to move on faster than others. I think they are people that have a fear of being alone. I am ok being alone and going through the process of closure when a relationship ends. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:48:15 AM | | Yeah i know what your all saying :-) still makes me angry that i still have such strong feelings for her when she is waking up with another dude and not thinking about me at all while i can't even sleep. Love sucks lol | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:57:09 PM | Funny. I'm almost exactly where you're at right now. That's one of the good things about these forums. They remind us that we're not th eonly ones going through crap and oftentimes there's people who have it far worse (imagine if you had been married or had kids!)..
I have to totally agree with the No Contact thing. I spend a lot of time thinking about letters to my ex that I know I will never send or write. It's mostly "I now know how little I meant to you" and "You bailed on me when I need you the most so you could go to the bar" kind of stuff. I know that there's no point though. My brain tells me that its over. Nothing will change that. It's for the best. I'm better off. If it was meant to be and blah blah blah... My heart still breaks when I wake up alone or see a movie come out that I know she and I would have gone to.
Each day gets a little easier though and I know next week will be better than this week and so on. Now if I could just stop writing those stupid imaginary letters! Sigh. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:14:44 PM | Holy shit! are you me?
That's an uber simelar story.
Anyway... yeah..
Pretty much put off training as a pilot for her, spent a hell of a lot of monies on her, ... yeah blah blah.
Dude seriously, I know it hurts now, but it will get better mate.
Throw yourself into a new hobby.
Man that's such a simelar story! Apart from the fact I couldn't give a monkeys who she's with... but that's the only difference.
Holy moly we should start a club or something.
K good luck man
Mitzky... That bit of advice was awsome
"Not that my advice offers much, but I will offer this - decide who it is that you want to be as a person - strive to be that person - and strive to do so without a significant other in your life. Be your ownself, your own amazing individual self, without the help of a significant other."
Tis what I'm doing too! | |
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| Ex moving on... Woman's decision...
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:22:57 PM | noorct185,
What you mentioned was part of my divorce situation - although my ex would say our divorce was my doing - I believe that the divorce was her decision, and that she had prepared for it long before I acknowledged that it was happening.
From reading on here, and talking to male and female friends, it seems to me that in well over half the breakups, it's the woman who makes the decision to end the relationship.
I'm not talking about who was at fault in the relationship. I know I contributed plenty to hurt my marriage. I'm talking about the DECISION to end it. | |
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| Ex moving on... Woman's decision...
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:27:37 PM | "it seems to me that in well over half the breakups, it's the woman who makes the decision to end the relationship. "
Which leave's the other 50%...
Yip men end em too.
I've always been "le dumper"- guess I have a subconcious fear of being "le dumpee" - Pride n all that. | |
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| Ex moving on... Woman's decision...
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:38:45 PM | Ouch, le dumper, you're raining on our parade!
I would just like to interject here, that when I was having trouble getting over my broken heart, it helped me to read a lot of Smoove B on The Onion.
Smoove B knows your pain, and he has no shame about stating it. He helped me a lot, because I knew that someone else was sprawled in the middle of their big round bed crying, "Baby, why'd you leave me?" | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:33:06 PM | | Is it coz, she wanted to forget you and having a new relationship makes it easier..BTW. I would feel bad as well..but maybe ur impression on her was so strong that she couldn't forget you all by herself | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:12:00 PM | Can I just admit to something....???
Even though we have been parted for 8 years...and even though we have managed to achieve a level of amicability often unheard of between ex husbands and wives (we have been known to go out and get drunk together/go to gig's etc) and while I have no desire whatsoever to get back with my ex husband......I saw him the other day with the woman he left me for......
And was a little bit smug that she was so haggard and old looking..
I know...I'm a terrible person but it did give me a little bit of satisfaction to know that I look better than her......
Go on..tell me off now.... | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:41:14 PM | Hey flyb0y0, Sorry to hear that your going through the same thing. I'm really starting to think that the fact that i tried everything to make things work and she was already moving on is why i'm having these issues.
The only think i can say to all the advice is its good but its not working. Its getting worse day by day. I've kept busy but as soon as I stop then its like a wave crashes over be again. I'm about 100% worse off then a few months ago. How is that possible...
Feel like i've not lost the "one" but have lost one that could have been in the future if you get me. Now i'm just feeling stupid for typing all of this. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:57:46 AM | tut tut tut, J-Lo, consider yourself told off, thats simply outragous................NOT !!!!
Too right you should feel better if the ex ( whether you still talk or not ) has ended up with someone who looks nowhere near as good as yourself.
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:28:54 AM | When my 8 year marriage ended 2 years ago my ex husband started dating a month after we separated and that hit me hard, but its because he couldnt stand to NOT be in a relationship maybe thats the case here, i dont think its a case of replacing you but definately a case of just having someone there, everybody deals with break ups differently.
Hold your head up high, and give yourself time to get over her, in time it will get easier I promise you this, all the best. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:30:11 AM | they do that ~!
women are suvivors
when did you ever heard of a women
falling own their own sword?
That's a stupid guy thing.
Having experienced the same question about (1) women, this is my answer.
15 years later ~ we are"friends" again
and she is still "short" in processing skills ~
and I so "don't care" anymore ~ I was once the wind under her wings
she just flies lower these days ~ Dance | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:35:20 AM | Yes, women are survivors, but so are men. It just depends on each individuals way of dealing and trust me, each relationship experience will make you learn from it to be a better partner for the next lucky person to have you. You live, you learn sometimes the lessons are hard ones. I recently went thru a break up of what I thought would be the last relationsip of my life. Funny how he appeared back in the pond the very next day. That hurt. But I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and some day I'll realize what this happened for.
OP, you will be fine after time and the advice to "find yourself " and who you are as a person and what you want is right on.
You must love and be happy with yourself before you can love and be happy with someone else.
Best of Luck to you
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:50:56 AM | Hey Ben- yeah I'm pretty much ok though mate!
All the pains gone now anyway.. just sometimes it returns, for all of about a minute or two.
And I really have to think hard to let that happen.
But I do hope you find someone who knows what they want.
All the best mate...
And it will get better man.. trust me. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:36:05 AM | | Have you thought about writing a letter? I've found that to be a good way to " get some stuff out", and often I don't even feel the need to send it. It definitely at least gives you a chance to really think about what you want to say instead of just getting overcome with emotion and saying whatever pops into your head. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:46:29 AM | Some people can move on quicker than others. It's just their nature. And sometimes they move on quickly as a way of forcing themselves to get over someone. I got on this site less than a month after me and my ex-gf broke up. But as I started talking to someone, I realized I wasn't over her, and being with someone so quickly was just going to complicate things, not make them better.
Sometimes I wish my ex WOULD find someone. A little voice in the corner of my mind keeps telling me "she not with anyone else because she wants to be with you". It leaves open the option of going back, which would be the worst thing I could do. For myself, it would be better if that option WASN'T there, if she would move on and show that she doesn't need me, instead of wondering if she DOES need me right now. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:59:45 AM | My wife and I had one of the best relationships I have come to know through life experiences and hearing about how other's treat one another. We had no abuse, arguments,
or 'bad experiences.' Nevertheless, one day after almost ten years of marriage she tells me that 'she met someone else' and then refused to go to counciling, or even try to see what her deal was. I never saw it coming, and it hurts so bad that if there was a way to remove the memory, and the broken heart - I'd opt for it. The person I had come to trust and know as my best friend - suddenly re-emerged as a total stranger. I can relate to your pain. The problem becomes that, once this happens - how can one believe in love again? | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:04:22 AM | Ouch Creative-Guy. Never saw it coming? Are you sure? Usually there are signs when things start going awry. Nevertheless, it doesn't stop the pain you feel. You didn't say how long ago this happened to you. It will take time and close friends and maybe these forums or some kind of support group. Mostly, it takes time and eventually you will begin to heal. You'll never forget and that will make you a stronger person. But you will eventually need to forgive to help yourself heal. As I said before, everything happens for a reason, you just don't know what the reason is yet, but you will someday.
You will love again when you are ready. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:40:45 AM | OP, my situation is almost similar. Except for your highs and lows - We only had highs and honestly, no lows. The reason for the breakup only being due to him living here for a limited time. Same length of time dating (one year) and it's been about 3 months since it ended. The only difference is he hasn't moved on yet with anyONE in particular, but he's looking and actively dating. When the time comes that he does, unless it's a long, long time from now and I'm over him, it's going to feel like a knife to the heart. I totally know what you're feeling like.
He's trying to stay friends but it's really hard for me! A few times he has said he will be very happy for me if I met someone. That itself is like a knife to the heart!
To the pinhead who felt it necessary to point out that what the OP's ex does is none of his concern, I'll speak for both of us in saying DUH!! We know that! Is that advice supposed to help us feel better?? | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:52:42 AM |
I can relate to your pain. The problem becomes that, once this happens - how can one believe in love again?
It's possible. You just have to believe that not all people are like your ex. | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:53:42 AM | | you can bet the new guy was there long before you broke up with her , haven't you figure women out yet., the grass is alway greener on the other side. let it go , you can never go back it never works | |
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| Ex moving on...
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:34:57 PM | | Some people is kinda immature and believe they will move on by meeting someone new.... | |
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| Ex moving on...Getting &^%&% WORSE!
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:59:07 AM |
The only think i can say to all the advice is its good but its not working. Its getting worse day by day. I've kept busy but as soon as I stop then its like a wave crashes over be again. I'm about 100% worse off then a few months ago. How is that possible...
Ben,
I had a similar path after my divorce. I even felt kind of good for a short time - there was some relief from the pressure of the bad parts of the relationship. But my lonely feeling grew and grew for a while, and got so bad that I just wanted to die!
But I learned that you have to go THROUGH the pain to find the good that's down the road. Sharing on here, and the advice on here helps you get through it, but it's not going to "WORK", as in making it all better now.
In my opinion, anything you attempt to make the pain go away will probably just prolong the pain.
Hang in there! | |
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