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| Dating What's it all about Alfie
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:49:13 PM | Soooo … to answer your specific questions:
2. Now I mean just dating with no expectations of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right. That’s
EXACTLY where I am right now. I look at dating as a social activity & if anything
more than that happens hopefully I will recognize it & prepared for it.
3. How many of you are comfortable with dating two or more people at the same
time? I’m very comfortable with dating 2 or more people simultaneously. I
list “dating” as my preference on my profile, not long term & I’m up front when I
meet new people. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m open to the possibilities of more … it
just means I’m not going on each date expecting that.
4. Do you prefer to see more then one person at a time? Right now it’s the right thing
for me to do. I found that when I was searching for my soul mate too often I missed
the opportunity to enjoy the moment. Life is simply too short for that. I try to
enjoy myself as much as possible & try to see to tit that my date does as well.
5. Is it something you do on purpose so as not to get attached? Absolutely not! Like I
said, there is nothing that would make me happier than to meet someone special that
I could share my life with. It’s something I do to keep my sanity. It eliminates
feeling of rejection & makes life a whole lot more enjoyable.
.... Right on Gary....Your response #2...EXACTLY how I feel
I had to chuckle when I read #3 & 4, "seeing more than one person at a time"......has never happened for me....way back in the jurassic period when I was dating, I somehow only managed to see one person at a time.... just the way things worked out I guess.
Everyone looks at dating differently, and I think the the big question is what do you want to accomlish through dating....is it for fun (social aspect)or for specific reasons such as forming a long term partnership.
...maeflowers | |
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| Dating What's it all about Alfie
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:18:41 PM | When I first left my husband, I enjoyed dating and meeting new people and I dated often. I wasn't sleeping around. I was merely meeting different guys. I had a few serious relationships during that time and I didn't date more than one person when I was sexually involved with anyone. That changed when my son went to Iraq. I didn't want to leave the house for very long because I was afraid I might miss one of his calls so I nearly stopped dating completely. When he came home, he noticed that I had changed and although he had given me a hard time before he left, calling me a player and teasing me about all my men, he seemed to be a little concerned when he saw that I no longer dated at all. I guess I was so scared when he was gone that my outlook changed. A lot of the newfound joy that I had found from finally being away from an emotionally distant husband and meeting men who treated me like I was a desirable woman, was replaced by being constantly worried that something would happen to my son. I no longer had the carefree frame of mind or the patience to try to fend off men who were hoping for sex on the first date and I got frustrated and irritated with that kind of behavior. I haven't really gotten back into the dating thing since then. I think it was probably better for me to date than it is to sit around by myself turning down dates. It was definitely a lot of fun when I first started to date again.
I see nothing wrong with dating more than one person for a little while. Seeing a picture online and hearing a voice on the phone only tells you whether or not there's enough mutual interest to meet. There's no way to predict whether either of you will actually be attracted enough in person to see each other again. Most of the time, if one person is very interested, the other isn't. I agree with Gary that it's best and more realistic to not get too emotionally invested in one person before spending time with them face to face. If both people really are looking for a serious relationship and they connect with each other emotionally and are physically attracted to each other, they will automatically stop seeing other people because they will both want to explore the promising new relationship, but expecting loyalty before then doesn't make much sense. I wouldn't be interested in dating a nonstop serial dater either but I would want anyone I'm interested in to determine for themselves I might be the one they're looking for. Obviously they would need to decide that fairly soon after meeting but I wouldn't expect them to make that determination after only a date or two. I would hope that once sex is part of the relationship that neither person is seeing anyone else. I don't want to share my lover and I wouldn't want a man willing to share me. Unfortunately, sometimes we meet and fall for people who aren't as sincere as we thought they were and you have to start all over again or give up on dating completely. | |
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| Dating What's it all about Alfie
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:43:04 PM |
Well, poly, theories are just fine, but multiple relationships, aside from simple acquaintances, are energy consuming, and most people are monogamist in behaviour because its just too much trouble to be otherwise. Most men daydream about having several dozen lovers, particularly when they are young, but in the end we all tend to settle down with one woman we can get along with, and generally don't want her out there changing the oil on other vehicles, not so much because we are particularly jealous, but because it means more personal work for us, more disturbance to our personal lives.
rearguard2, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I've heard that before (as one might expect), and I understand the feeling...don't feel that way myself, but I can understand what people mean when they talk about time and energy consumption. The reason I don't find this to be so is that, other than my roommate, the other people I'm involved with see me very infrequently. One of them is monogamous, and prefers to keep our relationship more "casual", as you say, so we have what he calls "quarterly meets", lol. The other isn't sure, but is interested in polyamory, and says he might like it...but he's just a bit "experimental" at this point, so he appreciates being able to test the waters with other people, to see if he'd have any hope of finding any partners who would accept him as a polyamorist. Kinda sad, but he probably won't.
Interesting that you related this to the daydreams of men about having multiple lovers, in view of the fact that I only really have one *lover*. My roommate partner and I don't have a sexual relationship anymore...for years now. But he still just touches me in a way that nobody else does - and we sincerely love each other. I don't have sex with the man who likes his "quarterly meets" either, he's into bdsm play, and that's what we do together. The one who's still expermenting in polyamory is the only one I'd call a lover, and that's using the term rather loosely, for reasons I won't go into on someone else's thread. I've said too much already, but I do appreciate the comment. | |
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| Dating What's it all about Alfie
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:19:22 AM |  I am soooooooooooo screwed.I for the life of me cannot fathom how so many my own age got so serious so quickly.If your CHOICE is to seek that last life partner,find someone you can start and hopefull complete a LTR with,Great love ya for it wish you all the best.Please dont judge me Unfit to date because I would prefer to enjoy my life,find people who also enjoy life.I may find a Lady on POF who enjoys Golf,another who enjoys Rollercoasters another who enjoys movies.Because I go out and enjoy all these activities with 3 different Ladies does not make me defective! Good Gawd life is suppose to at our age teach us tolerance of others,acceptance of differences. I find some of you people in dire need of a trip to Disney World or Fun land. | |
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| Dating What's it all about Alfie
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:22:04 AM | | Candylilly812 I would like to say to you from an ole Vet thank you Son please for his service.I will keep him in my prayers. | |
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| Dating What's it all about Alfie
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:48:46 AM |
was replaced by being constantly worried that something would happen to my son. I no longer had the carefree frame of mind or the patience to try to fend off men who were hoping for sex on the first date and I got frustrated and irritated with that kind of behavior. I haven't really gotten back into the dating thing since then.
I would say that your behavior is VERY understandable, sort of an "emotional survival lockdown". And yes I do think that one can get a bit burnt out when you hit a patch of nonstarters and sex agenda guys.
You might try just investigating some new social or recreational interests, or going out with the girls or just a group of people hanging out,rather than sitting at home staring at the phone and chewing your fingernails up to your elbow.
I too would like to say "thank you" to your son, and to YOU for enduring what must be unremitting anxiety as long as he is in harm's way. I pray that he stays safe and comes home in good shape.
Cindy O | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| Dating What's it all about Alfie
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:10:57 PM |
How many of you are comfortable with dating two or more people at the same time?
I would be if I could ever get it lined up right.
do you prefer to see more then one person at a time?
Definitely
Is it something you do on purpose so as not to get attached?
Not exactly.
I like having a backup plan. | |
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