| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:53:44 AM | i was out yesterday waiting for an appointment with my soon to be 3 yr old. there was another mother (looked maybe late 20's) and her son, who was around 3 as well.
this kid would NOT stop yelling, running up and down the aisles, throwing his shoes, tearing books apart....the mother just sat there texting on her phone, with the odd "pick up your shoes"....
my son and i sat in the chairs and i pulled out a pencil and some paper. we wrote his name out and he said the letters back to me, we read a book, we looked around the office for certain shapes etc...
first - its LAZINESS, no interaction with their kids, the kids don't know right from wrong.
i think a lot of the young parents aren't thinking about the short term discipline which have the long term outcome.
some think they will not be the way their own parents were - thus, not giving boundaries to a child.
my son has been taught the proper way to behave when we are in public. NEVER have i had to deal with a "temper tantrum" (scouts honour!!) i've never let it get to that point. when he would start misbehaving, he got ONE warning. we have left places many, many times. many things had to be rescheduled, many things were put off until the next day. but now i don't have any problems, i rarely even give a first warning anymore. =) | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:27:45 AM | My daughter would never behave like that. She has been brought up to know better than that. She has respect for her own belongings, aswell as things that dont belong to her. And she respects her elders.
When I am out and about, I too sometimes see kids behaving apaulingly and wonder why the parents just sit there and do nothing about it.
A friend of mine has a boy who is 3. He is a nightmare. He spits at people and doesnt care who it is. If they are in waiting rooms, he will scream at the top of his voice for no reason. He hits and kicks his mum. I just dont get it.
The very first time she came to my house, she was amazed at all the nice things I have standing or laying around. Ornaments, picture frames etc. She asked me if my daughter doesnt wreck them? I said no why would she?
The first time I went to her house I was amazed at how bare her home is. She has nothing but 2 sofas and the tv and tv cabinet in her livingroom. She told me there is no point in getting nice things, because her boy would just wreck them! | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:56:04 AM | | My kids know better then behaving like that in public or at home. I think it relays more on the parents not wanting to displine the children. I have a cousin who has three boys everytime they come to my home they destroy things and it makes me wanna displine them. the mom and father doesnt believe in displine which is why the kids act that way. i have a friend named dana that comes over and brought her kids one day and they were climbing my intertainment center i was so appaled by this display of behaviour and the mom was just sitting there letting them get away with it. I displine my kids because i know my kids need to respect other peoples things. I would never let my kids break another persons things. Its not about age and or kids having kids its about displine and it starts at home. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:20:28 PM | justasweetone,
All I can say is I hope you got a certified cheque up front for the damages!
Perhaps you should advise your clients to leave the kids at home when they come to see you.
Your experience and loss was unfortunate, but it not a criminal offence that the police would become involved in. How old were these kids?....BTW 3 is the new 2 these days in toddler years! Any kid under 5 who is left semi unsupervised outside of their enviorment is going to test the boundaries when they think noone is looking.
Sounds like you should have cut your losses before the appointment even started! | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:09:27 PM | First of all, I was not "force feeding" a child who would not eat. Obviously ignorance is still bliss as an adult who can not read. The child repeatedly refused to use a fork to eat his food to make his friends laugh. Was bending over his tray like he was in a pie eating contest. Secondly, he was sticking corn kernels up his straw and spitting them at people. So I said to him, "the only reasonable course of action for me to take is to feed you myself. Obviously you can not handle it. So whats your choice. You feed yourself appropriately or I do it". And he said he wanted to feed himself. OK then. I told him if it happened again I would have to feed him his lunch himself. He agreed. My principal knew. What would your suggestion be? To scream at him? Make him miss recess? How does that address the behavior? I wanted him to use his silverware. Next day, guess what? Spitting at people again. So I sat next to him and held his milk carton as he drank from it. And guess what non-teacher? Never happened again.
Secondly. The masking tape incident was a joke. But I sure did threaten to do it and left the masking tape in his line of vision. Don't criticize what you can't understand. You need a license to teach. But apparently any moron can be a parent. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:19:23 PM | Excuse me, sweetie, but YOU need to read as I said IF - IF you force fed him. IF.
Secondly, Miss Non-Parent, you know as well as I do that the tape wasn't a joke. I'm so glad my kids are in a top 5 district in the state where we have capable teachers that don't resort to spoon feeding kids and taping them to chairs. Our district hires real teachers.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go untape my kid from a chair and I have no interest in getting into a flame war with you.  | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:01:26 PM | Yes. I'm sure your children are pillars of the community. And I would love to get in a battle of wits with you because you have NO idea what goes on in a classroom daily. But, I'm sure you're a parent volunteer, show up for your conferences and reinforce learning at home every day, right?
Secondly, the masking tape WAS a joke and I would love to explain why. I'm sure you're interested. The child that wouldn't sit in his chair was over emotional. Would burst into crazy screaming fits if I told him to stay on task. Kicking stuff, throwing stuff, you name it. But I developed a good relationship with this child because he fancied himself a comedian. And if you could make him laugh, he would stop acting like that. Maybe you would get it if you were in my room the day he labored over a paper to turn in to the principal and put his holes on the wrong side of the paper and sat down in the recycling bin to pout.
I told him I was going to masking tape him to the chair if he wouldn't sit still. And it made him laugh. So he would do what I asked him to do. And every time he would get crazy I would point to the tape and he would stop and smile. One day he asked me to tape him down. It became a joke between us. And that, my friend, is what it means to REALLY get through to a kid. Develop a relationship, figure out what works and use LOGICAL consequences, which was my point in the FIRST place.
And by the way, just an FYI I work for a TEA Exemplary school and my TAKS scores were 95% passing with 45% commending. If you're not from Texas look it up.
Anyone else want to go to the board and take my job? Best of luck. My heart and my soul goes in to what I do. And my students know at the end of each and EVERY day that I have their back 110%. And I will go to bat for them ANY DAY. I also go to soccer games and Christmas pageants. Maybe my methods are unorthodox. But when your students CRY when you tell them they passed TAKS and are going to the next grade because they don't want to leave you-you know you've done something right.  | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:39:06 PM | I don't think there are many people who do not respect teachers for what they do. In our society we take one of the most important jobs on earth, the molding of our childrens minds, and pay the people who do it close to nothing. We cut budgets to bare bones and force good teachers to pay out of pocket for materials so that they have the ability to do the job correctly.
So I come from a place of respect.
That being said, there are things a teacher does and does not have a right to do.
From what you are saying, the whole tape thing was a joke between you and your student that proved to work. However, had you actually done it, regardless of how wonderful of a teacher you are, I would have a big problem with it... I want you, as a teacher, to have the ability to do your job- but I will not allow physical punnishment of any kind.
And yes, I am one of those over-involved parents who volenteers close to daily, is active with the PTO, attends school board meetings, mentors at the school, blah, blah, blah...
I think it would help our schools out greatly if more parents did so. It would also help if parents would work on behavior WITH the teachers... If we sent our children to school understanding what respect means we wouldn't have to worry about such concerns. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:37:36 PM | | Some children act that way because of illness regardless of the apparent age of the mother if the father is over 45 the odds are 40% in favor of the child having a mental illness. 98% of people with organic non stress induced mental illness in the US were fathered by men who were 45 or over. USBVS 2002 | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:19:52 PM | A rolled-up newspaper and a squirt gun... that's all you need...
It works on pets, kids, unruly parents, guys who won't take a hint, commitment phobes... | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:21:12 PM | Try being a teacher. I've had chairs thrown at me when I was 9 months pregnant.
I would say that parents these days are not doing a good enough job of raising polite, respectful children. And surprise, surprise, the worst-behaved kids have the worst-behaved parents. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:01:49 AM | This is no excuse for the behavior for what you endured in your office, but I am a mother to a four year old autistic son and he at times can have "behaviors". I been through some crazy temper tantrums in the grocery store but I would just pick him up and leave. Would not stay in case he does damage to the store. So witnessing children with temper tantrums do not always mean bad parenting.
But my son is learning that bad behavior is unaccepable and I would NEVER allow him to destruct property. He, at times, knows better to cause damage and if it came to that I would accept responsibility because I allowed it. Mostly I just wanted to note that sometimes unruley behavior from a child is not always bad parenting. Allowing bad behavior is. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:49:28 AM | flwrchld81 said:
I have spoon fed a 4th grader their lunch because they thought it was more fun to play with it. Made a seat belt out of masking tape for a kid that refused to stay in his chair...point being...consequences have to make sense to a kid. If it doesn't it is worthless and they will run riot anyway.
That doesn't sound like "joking with the kid about taping him to his chair" to me.
My children are 6 therefore they act like 6 year olds. I've never claimed my kids are perfect, as I know they aren't, but that has nothing to do with what I know, and don't know, about what goes on in the classroom. I'm not there everyday, but I sure as hell know that no one is getting spoon fed or taped to chairs. My son had to carry a behavior chart for most of last year. He got rewards for good days and consequences for bad days both at school and at home. And before you go giving me this bullshit about how if I were a better parent he wouldn't need a chart, I know it's got nothing to do with that and I know the real reason he was acting out. (Btw- his sister acts completely opposite and they've been raised the exact same way.) I kept in constant contact with his teacher and she knew what was going on in his life as well. We worked together to come up with a plan for him that would work for HIM. Amazingly it didn't include tape and spoon feeding.
While a battle of the wits would be amusing, it leads to banned camp. If you wanna go there, have at it. I'm trying not to. 
blondie, I'm glad you brought that up. I never pass judgment on, say, a mom in a grocery store with a kid having a meltdown. You never know if her child is special needs or not. Or even if there is something else going on in the kid's life to make him act out that way. I must not pay much attention though, because I rarely witness a parent acting like a pansie while their kid terrorizes everything.
I think I'm harder on my kids than others are. I've had loads of people comment on how well behaved my kids are while I'm thinking they need to chill out. Overall I have pretty good kids. They aren't perfect, and neither is my parenting, but I try damn hard to do my best by them.
On a side note, I stopped saying, "MY kids would NEVER act like that!" after being on vacation at my aunt's with them when they were 2. I put them to bed and once they were asleep (or so I thought) I went upstairs to watch one of those nanny shows with my aunt. As we were sitting there appalled by this family's kids, and saying how our kids would never act like that, mine were in the bedroom dumping foot powder everywhere.  Looking back it's hilarious but at the time, not so much.  | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:41:55 PM | | um to be quite honest here, my kids do have their bad points and then their overall good kids but to have a teacher feed a kid isnt in my line of thought what a teacher is suppose to be doing with kids. A teachers job is just that to teach the kid to learn their abcs math english general stuff like this. Im sorry if a teacher had done that to any of my children I would have a problem with it. I would atleast expect the teacher to put the child in detention or send the child to the princepals office to figure out why the child was acting that way. And if someone told my kid they were going to tape them to a chair I dont care if it was a joke or not I would be one highly pissed off parent. Sorry teachers place is NOT to act as the parent but to teach the kid. You say you they dont know what its like being a teacher no but all parents have been to school one point in their life and know how kids act because they were one. Me I have seen alot of horrible kids growing up, and i dont blame you all for saying being a teacher is hard because it is. But me being a parent and my eldest starting school this year there is no way i would put up with a teacher that had done that. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:51:56 PM | | Instead of getting angry to the teacher, you should wonder why the teacher needed to feed the kid in the first place. True, it's not the place of the teacher to act as a parent, but when the real parent is not acting as such, what else is to do? | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:00:49 PM | No, not bad thinking. Behavior like that is a result of poor parenting, not bad children.
I may be considered old fashioned, but if any of my four children had carried on like that, within 10 seconds I would have quietly brought them outside somewhere private and smacked them dead in their ass followed by a lecture on acceptable behavior and manners.
My ex used to get upset because sometimes there was nowhere private, and punishment after the fact, in my opinion, is ineffective.
I can honestly say that there was a short window, from approximately 3 - 6 years of age, where this was even necessary.
Behavior modification needs to happen right away, and I don't believe that sparing the rod has resulted in any significant degree of successful child rearing. Yes, I know there are probably many of you that "time outed" and "withheld" your way through child rearing without ever spanking your child. Good for you.
I found just the fear of a spanking was sufficient enough to keep my kids in line and I must say, they are terrific, well mannered, and well behaved kids.
And yes, it did hurt me more than it did them. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 2:29:03 PM |
Instead of getting angry to the teacher, you should wonder why the teacher needed to feed the kid in the first place. True, it's not the place of the teacher to act as a parent, but when the real parent is not acting as such, what else is to do?
It doesn't matter why the kid was acting the way he was or whether he is the product of poor parenting. It's not her job or her place to be using such tactics. It's her job to teach children and send unruly children to the office for the principal to deal with. Also, kids acting up isn't always due to poor parenting. They do have brains of their own and make their own choices sometimes. Parenting is a crap shoot- none of us are perfect at it, and none of us have perfect kids. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:04:08 PM | | The parents should have found away to control the kids before damage was done. The fact that they did not or could not speaks volumes about the parents. We can not reprimand someone else's children so I would make sure the parents pay damage costs. Yes I would say this was from poor parenting. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:35:37 PM | It's her job to teach children and send unruly children to the office for the principal to deal with.
So it's not the teacher's job, but the principal's? And exactly how should the principal deal with it? As I said, if a mom doesn't mind being called every day to pick up her child because of his bad behavior, it's ok. But I'd think her employer would take a dim view of her continued absences.
Also, kids acting up isn't always due to poor parenting. They do have brains of their own and make their own choices sometimes.
If a child doesn't know that choices have consequences, I call that bad parenting. So, it's not their fault to act as little shits, but their parents'. However, not being the child's fault doesn't mean that others have to bear with it.
Parenting is a crap shoot- none of us are perfect at it, and none of us have perfect kids.
"Perfect" children is unattainable. "Well-behaved" children is not only attainable, but should be considered as a minimum standard. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:55:15 PM | rock_hunter, we're agreeing more than we think... I think. heh
It's the principals job to find out why the kid is acting the way he/she is, call the parents, arrange a meeting with the teacher and the parents, give or enforce a punishment, etc. Look at Nanny 911- she doesn't have to resort to such measures and she works with demon spawn. lol
If the mom isn't doing her job as a parent, and has to be called to the school everyday and doesn't do anything to correct the situation, then that's on her. Perhaps it would wake her up and make her realize that she needs to parent her kid better.
Other than that, I completely agree with you. The OP's situation is absolutely unacceptable. There was no reason for those kids to be acting that way. That IS poor parenting, I agree. However I stand firm that it's not a teacher's job to punish a child in such a way. Or anyone else's for that matter. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:04:16 PM | this is to johne102
I've seen you post your opinions on how people should deal with their children and how bad your personal experiences have been with single mothers. In fact, almost every forum that I've checked out, You've already posted your little opinions and bashed some poor girl who had the misfortune to go out with you.
But your profile indicates that you do not have children.
YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE PARENT. WHY ARE YOU ALL OVER THE SINGLE PARENTS FORUMS?
You have no insights here. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:13:00 PM | I have plenty of insight I coach kids softball and have for many years. I have had a few of my players tell me I am the cloesest thing to a father they have ever had.
I have had 2 children of the women I have dated want to continue a friendship withme after the relationship with their mom did not work out.
I have had to deal with mis-behaving and well behaving children....so yes I have insight. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:46:52 PM |  I wish there were more teachers like u! The worse teachers are the ones that wont try anything. It is so much easier to give up on the hard cases and just deal with the little angels the A students the ones that make it all feel worth the effort. The though cases every one wants to pass to someone else. You deserve a lot of credit for sticking it out with the ones that really need the help the ones that would not have a future if not for teachers like you! Hats off to teachers like you. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:58:00 PM |
Try being a teacher
I do and I see a lot of poorly parented children one dad said to me "...Well I aint raisin' my kid to be no whimp!", before the year was up that dad and another dad nearly went at each other in the parking lot in front of the school I had to remind them that thier two year old sons were watching and so am I.
"Wow you two are very upset. __ and __ what do we do at MsWendy's when we are up set?" both boys ran in to get the pillows. As they did I told the two men that if I saw a glimmer of impolite action one toward the other I'd call and have the boys in taken. (Cool thing to have a bunch of law in the family I am so glad they never tested me on it.)
All parents and children were seen safely to kindergarden with out fighting.
Most people just need tools and the first three years are the best for getting and practicing social skills. That is why people need kids they make it possible for them to pick up the tools they dropped along the way. | |
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| Bad Parenting Behavior
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:21:23 PM | | I'm a single mom of a spirited 3 year old boy. He's an amazing child with a huge heart. He's also a handful and he can make a scene if he wants to. I'm also an Early Childhood Educator and I manage an Infant/Toddler daycare. I take care of children from birth to 3 years. I have all of the tools and the tricks to help my son become a respectful, a responsible, and a happy person. I have the education, I have the resources, and yet I still struggle and I still have to sit back and think of ways to help my son learn all that he needs to. I'm a parent that is tired at the end of the day and I might just give in to that bedtime battle. One thing that everyone has to remember is that parents (most parents) need support and understanding. We don't know each other's stories, nor do we know what everyone has had to go through. Not everyone is perfect and we've all had our parenting mishaps. As long as we are striving to do our best and to help each other out, our children will be fine. Just my thoughts! | |
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