| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:46:32 AM | This may sound **stard(ish)- but I tend to stay away from that word.
I refuse to say it to any of my partners, Instead, I show them, with actions.
But with me being a logical male, it tends to go un-noticed, and the OP's question always seems to crop up. "why do you never tell me you love me?".
Sometimes, I wish women could SEE what we are doing, and not solely rely on waiting to hear the three magic words. (It's so easy to say it- guess I like the hard road)
And there's plenty of fellas, who will say "I love you" to get in their pants, or use it as a line to get out of trouble. Daft thing is it usually works.
Bah I dunno, I should really be asleep now anyway :P
PS - I still haven't been "In Love" yet.
So bah...
Maybe it's just me, but ^^^^ That looks like a wing.
;) random | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:12:32 AM |
Wait, you're a dude, scratch that. *man-hug* There, you gotz lub.
Awww... that was cute!  | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:35:10 AM | To the OP: I wait for her to say it first and then we talk about it anymore as the word "love" can be used in so many ways these days as in:
I love you as a person but not in love with you.
I love you and care for you as my friend.
I love you as my bro/sis.
See what I mean. It takes time to get into the full package deal when using that word in these days we live in. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:38:38 AM | | Yeah i had someone ask me that.. it was very awkward! luckily we were both drunk so i just dodged the question and then i told him i didnt want to see him again! I was in it for just sex, not love!! | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:41:33 AM | | i will only say i love you if i mean it! if you dont feel it, just tell them you like them but dont feel that way at the moment! who wants to be strung along believing that a person feels the same when they dont! there is no reason to even feel bad about it. you cant make yourself or anyone feel what you cant! | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:46:52 AM | The whole question is rather pushy if you ask me.
Go ahead and profess your love of a person, but don't ask it in the same sentance.
That is like testing a person. I know it may be because you are afraid of emoting those feelings and not wanting to be hung out there alone with them. There even may be a right situation and condition to simply ask your SO if they love you.
Bottom line, those words are more than words. As many people have posted it means so many things in many different ways and situations. Express what you feel is ok. We all verbally express differently. It does not mean they don't love you if they dont say it. It is in their actions and appreciation of who you are and the relationship you have that truly shows love in all its forms. Yes, it is nice to hear it, but it is incredible to feel it. You feel it in great times and in those difficult times when that person is right there by your side, no matter what.
More Than Words - Lyrics by Extreme
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now Ive tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:03:49 AM | If she says it first..i will always follow..especially if its right after sex..:-) Seriously tho...Love has levels..for ex; i love my dog...i love my car..(porsche)...i love a sunrise/sunset...i love cooking...golf..etc..get the point?? Who's to say..at that moment...that u don't 'love her'..in my opinion its just words..'actions' in my book hold alot more weight in a relationship..
If & when i spend a considerable amount of $$$ on 'the ring'..u can be sure i love her then...lol.. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:20:57 AM | | Just be honest. If you don’t feel the same. Tell them u r not ready for that step. It will only hurt more later if you lie. You should never tell anyone that u love then unless you mean it with all your heart. If your true to yourself than it will be the greatest moment in the world!!!! | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:45:08 AM | I don't think it's untruthful for a person to say "I love you". However, the difference between the reason one person loves and another person loves can make it very confusing.
Many times, if not most, a word is better defined by saying what it doesn't mean, rather than what it does.
"I love you" can mean "I want to spend the rest of my life with you.", but then if a person says that now, how can they know what they'll feel like 5 years from now when you're both different people in many ways?
"I love you" can mean, "You're not perfect, but I love to find fault with you because you always listen to my criticism and respond to it in a way I find to be a validation of my self-esteem."
"I love you" can mean "You always cry and beg forgiveness when I yell at you and beat you."
All "love" means literally is that you want the other person in your life.
The next rational questons are: for what? how long? will it help ME? is our relationship productive? Kind? etc...
I love the smell of pine needles in the summer... but that doesn't mean I want to sleep on a bed of them every night... yaknow?
A good way to learn about a person might be to open the topic of "what love is" to discussion... and find out what it's about. In fact, it's kind of like putting a claim on someone... so I should think they'd be obliged to explain themselves.
On another note.... over the years, many guys have found saying "I love you" to be an easy way to get some quick... well, you know....and in later years, these same guys find that it's better to muster up some courage and say "you make me SO HOT!" rather than steal someone's affections by feigning an emotion they don't have in order to have a sexual interaction that's not that satisfying. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:33:36 AM |
Those 3 little words should never be lied about preiod. No matter what the circumstances are. For me, I would never say it in response to someone just because they said it.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
I couldn't agree more. Much better to tell the truth now than to cause far more pain later when the lie is discovered. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:43:34 AM | I would not say it unless I meant it. I dont understand the logic of saying that to someone to ease thier feelings? It would be very hurtful to find out afterwards that it was a lie!
If someone said that to me, and I wasnt there yet, I would like to think I could come up with something along the lines of-"I have very strong feelings for you, and they are growing everyday. I can see myself spending alot of time with you down the road."
But dont lie about it! | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:56:36 AM | Oh dear, what a horrible predicament to put somebody in. I sould imagine the person asking would have to be quite insecure and hoping that they will get a "yes of course I love you" back if they put you on the spot - who on earth would want to hear those most beauiful words in that kind of situation and if they were not said sincerelly.
I would never put anybody in this situation, I am a true romantic and if/when I find love my partner will tell me of his own will, as and when the time is right :)
BTW i love you all lol lol lol xx | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:22:24 AM |
To say such a deep and moving thing to a person without really meaning it- you rob yourself of the joy you should feel in saying it. You deceive the person you are saying it to- give them a joy which is a lie, a false memory, just plain wrong as far as I am concerned.
What a terrible thing to do to someone you care about.
This is why words can be cheap.
Well put. This should never be said flippantly. You might feign sincerity with "You don't look fat in that dress", " Of course I don't mind your mother staying with us while she's in town", or "I'd rather attend the opera with you than watch the game", but not with "I love you". | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:35:15 AM | Just my .02
Lying about this just leads to trouble - been there done that, got the t-shirt. But once it is said, and the question asked, the person asking the question deserves an answer - a REAL answer. If you don't feel it - then say so - NICELY. If you don't feel it "yet" but find you are heading that way - then make sure the other person knows it. Now if it becomes a nagging question and you start feeling pressure, then it's time to put a stop to it.
It sucks to be in a relationship where only once side feels the love. It's a terrible set up and usually leads to a major power imbalance. And leaves the "in love" person very vulnerable.
So I am guessing a "No, I don't love you, but damn I love the way you walk." wouldn't be the most tactful answer, no matter how honest.
Terry | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:37:49 AM | The infamous L word. And when to say it and expect some response. That is the main problem, that when someone says "I love you" you can hear the silence and then the response of "me too," which is not always the case. That was my case as well, but I told her that if she said it, not to expect me to reciprocate, so she used to tell me "I think I am falling in Like with you." It was kind of funny in retrospect. Eventually we had a moment when both felt the same way and there was complete reciprocation.
So personally that is something that I have not, would not and will not lie about. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:02:25 PM | well, excuse me for being an old fashioned "american" romantic. but i just don't get this when it comes to being with someone a long time and still not being able to "say" the love word. so please all explain to me.
something of a scenario:
you are with someone for a "long" period of time and have a sexual /monogamous relationship. he shows his love by action and she needs to hear the words ALSO. to him, it opens pandora's box. the past marriage, commitments, fears that the relationship will change, yada yada yada. she also shows by actions that she knows will empower him. she has to bite the words as they start to come from her lips, because, the recipient's face turns to stone or he gets all "wierd" like. plus, he is an affectionate person in all other aspects and the sexuality is both passionate and nurturing. they are also very good and loyal friends,who go out of the way for each other.
let's face it, the words are also good for him, just like gifts. some like to receive gifts, but just don't like to give them. what if he thought he was not loved? would just actions be sufficent for him? you know like the one who doesn't believe in birthdays, but always looks forward to his/her presents? kind of a contradiction, in my mind but nevertheless very prevalent.
ok, you don't love her. so why are you with her then? you haven't "fallen"? does that mean you have to be totally out of control and have all sorts of jittery "feelings" inside you? or is this codependency? you do have passion within the sexual aspects of your relationship. is the falling different? what does falling mean? what happens after the six months or so of courting time,when these falling feelings (documented by physiolgoists) are not always there? that is not love, then? or having fallen, have you picked yourself up? so, nothing more in comon? now just a booty call with a buddy? is that what it is now, seeing as how you do NOT love her? if you can demonstrate love with action, then why cannot you put a word to these actions? does love to you, really mean fear of commitment and wanting to move along and keep screwing around?
they say that the power of "the word" is strong and embracing and does empower the giver and the taker. love is an affirmation, yes amongst others--but one of the strongest. if you can say i care for you deeply, i only want to be with you, etc. etc. why do your withhold the love "word"? is this a control thing? knowing that the woman you make love to day after day after day (or maybe several days in between!), needs and wants affirmation. isn't this a part of the maslow hierarchy of needs?
what do relationships need? what is the recipe? that is assuming you say you want long term? what does long term mean? does it mean working through the bad times and coming out at the end of the tunnel intact? for how long do you have to prove/test love?
do you not say i love you to your child, because s/he may not turn out ok later on? or maybe did your parents never say they loved you and each other? or maybe they got divorced and that trauamtized your future?
please explain this to me. thanks! | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:32:17 PM | The times that I have felt like saying it, I will bite my tongue until it bleeds!
If a man says it to me, I will assume that he means in the context of the moment, and don`t assume that he puts the same gravity to the word that I might. No, I wouldn`t say it back, but then no one has ever put me on the spot. The few times I have heard it I usually try to change the subject, or pretend like I haven`t heard them.
I hate to admit this, but if I hear from a man those 3 words, I am usually wondering
what he wants or figure he`s had one too many. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:50:55 PM |
ok, you don't love her. so why are you with her then? you haven't "fallen"? does that mean you have to be totally out of control and have all sorts of jittery "feelings" inside you?
Serenity,
It is more complicated than that. I personally believe that women tend to fall for someone faster and more based on some raw instinct than men do. Why? Because they size what they want much better and in the end are looking for one person, while men, is designed to spread his seed. Add to that the cases in which men have fallen for one and get slapped on the face when she does not reciprocate, so traditionally men are very protective of those emotions. So what happens is that men tend to go into a relationship, "Liking" the girl, which then can grow into "Infatuation" for the girl, to then grow into "Love".
Of course there are guys who rush as well, but only the lucky few find a response to be equally reciprocal. For the rest, and you have seen the post here about the subject, in which the guy falls for the chic, does everything to show her how mad in love he is, even tell her, and she then loses interest in him.
So real love takes time. In fact when I finally told my gf that I loved her, she did a reversal on me and became stand offish for a couple of weeks. It bothered me because I had opened up, so I began to close that door again. But then, and that is after splitting three times by her dumping me, and one more time me dumping her, we were able to reach very deep inside and realize, that is not just words but that all the emotions have to be there. We made up and it was about a month after that when she told me that even though she had told me that she loved me, and she did mean it, deep inside there were apprehensions that go all the way back to the days of being a teen, of personal traumas and insecurities that once she reached there was she then ready to completely open up and connect, truly connect, thus the words then can be the foundation for something else, something very meaningful and profound.
Anyway that is my take. And now, we do use the words liberally with each other because we know their true meaning. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:27:46 PM | Why do I keep hearing a horrible sound, like a large purple dino singing out of tune...ACK!!!
I think telling someone you love them when you don't is an awful thing to lie about. Now madly in lust, that's fun.  | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:59:53 PM | When you sacrifice everything for a person, or put it on hold, just for them, and also constantly go out of your own way to make them happy, and they still say "why don't you say you love me?"
That really pisses me off :P
The fact that they need to be told is an utter mystery to me. Personally, I won't say it to an SO unless I KNOW we are going to last, and she can accept me for who I am, and it's been time proved.
When people are on the honeymoon periods in their relationships, they tend to say it just for the hell of it... call me weird, but it freaks me right out.
It makes them seem to needy, and that's definately not what I'm looking for.
If it's said to me, and I can tell it's genuine- and not being said for sayings sake- then I feel much more at ease to return the compliment.
These are my onions, again :P | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:12:18 AM | Love is simply a gift...doesnt have to be returned to be true....
There are all kinds of love but some dont understand the difference between saying "I love you" and yet not being in LOVE with the person. You can love someone and not be IN LOVE with that person. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:51:06 AM | | I'm NOT going to lie about that. If someone doesn't want to know, they shouldn't ask. No one should be asking that question anyway. When someone loves you, you won't have to ask. | |
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| I love you, do you love me?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:56:13 AM | | It is a pretty big lie if you tell someone you love them and you don't and it hurts more to be lied to, more than the truth. I know. I have had lots of woman tell me that they loved me and I had tell them that I didn't feel the same way. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone and I have had to explain that a lot because I have loved a few woman, but only been in love twice in my life. I have also been on the other side of it. My last relationship my girlfriend spent 5 1/2 years lying to me about loving me. At first she was very convincing. So much so that I had finally decided to have kids (I was in my early 30's when we started going out) after she got pregnant she told that she loved me but was not in love with me. She said she didn't think she was able to truly love anyone. When she left 7 months ago she told me that she never loved me she just didn't want to be alone and honestly I believe her because she did not just leave me but also left our 2 daughters. So if you have to lie for some reason don't lie to someone about love. Be an adult about it. Just tell the truth. It is better to be a little lonely and still have your self respect than be in a relationship where you have to lie(any relationship where someone is lying is going to end badly anyways) | |
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