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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:45:18 AM | if you're a couple, then you're both supposed to help each other, not just draw lines in the sand that say "I'm not doing more than this."
I'm a married guy, but I have to do all that stuff sometimes. I've got three grown kids and they all take turns fixing dinner, doing laundry, picking up, vacuuming, dishes, etc, etc.... too... with ME.
To respect someone is to appreciate what their load is and if you're living with them, HELP THEM.
You and he will have to determine what works or doesn't work for you. People who expect fairness in life will always be disappointed... but conversely, what's fair is fair. I guess it depends how much you're willing to give up, or not. | |
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:46:01 AM | I cant believe this molehill is such an almighty mountain, quit whining, and get someone in a couple of times a week to clean the house.
Simple, no more arguements, not too tired to have sex, a clean house and all for just a few £/$ an hour.
Honestly, I think some women just like whining for the sake of it. | |
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:16:01 PM | OP, I just re-read your thread from April regarding your daughter's birthday party. From that thread, I find some similarities with what you've posted on this thread.
1) Both threads start out by depicting your BF as belligerent, arrogant and controlling.
2) In both threads, you later post or edit posts which defend or minimize his words or actions.
3) Both threads have you declaring how much you love him/each other.
In the other thread, the result was you were able to come to a compromise after communicating with your BF. It was a 'miscommunication' or 'misunderstanding' which caused the problem. You stated that you both vowed to each other to never give up on each other and to take each argument as a learning experience.
What concerns me, is the manner which you have twice described your BF. Both times, he comes across as a control freak. Worse than that though, is your need to come here to seek other's input rather than discussing it with him. If he is indeed controlling as you have made him out to be, then I completely understand why you'd be more comfortable discussing it with complete strangers. If he's really not as bad as you make him out to be, then quit making him to be that way, gain a little maturity and start communicating with him. Whatever the case may be, you need to take a long look in the mirror, then a longer look at your relationship & BF. Is he really the right one for you? If he is, then start treating him that way and acting like it. If he isn't, then you need to move on before something more drastic or harmful happens. This isn't just about you....you have a little one to think of and protect, as well.
Good luck to you, OP.
~ds~ | |
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:32:23 PM |
Buy lazy butt a monogrammed apron and tell him to get to dusting!
Or indigo tell him as long he does it in this birthday suit~smile~ | |
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:48:00 PM | Start being too tired to have sex because of all the housework.
Irronically enough this is what has happened and I get to hear about that too! LOL
How much does it count for that he takes care of your child every evening whilst you are working?
My grandmother actully wathes my daughter while I work, He does work 5 days a week in the evenings but not full-time.
Who owns the house?
We both rent the house and we moved into it together. | |
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:07:38 PM | Most of the mess would be from a child, not adults so you would do more than he would.. because the child is yours, not his....
and going to school is for you... your education...
maybe you should wait until your child is older rather than to try to dump more work on him.
no offense, but
Thats how I see it.
Ya I would say you sound exactly like my BF most of the mess is NOT from my daughter because unfortunatly she is not home as much as I would love her to be because I have to work. I was going to school BEFORE I met him and I was doing it all on my own then WE decided to move in together not me move in with him and he know what he was singing up for.
I DO NOT dump more work on him I just feel that he should be doing his fair share!
I just want to say thank you to everyone else for the replies. | |
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:59:03 PM | If I were ever to live with a man again, I would insist on having someone to come in a couple of times a month to clean and we would split the cost. I believe that it is a "relationship aid", would avoid some arguments, and it would give me more time to be the chef, occasional gardener and "upstairs maid".  I realize that not everyone can afford this luxury, I can't myself.
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:04:45 PM | Re post 82
I fully agree on the cleaner "rel aid" and IMO if the couple in this story moved from a rented house to a rented apartment, they would probably save enough for the cost of a person to come a clean on a weekly or bi-montly basis, in addition to an apartment having much fewer chores than a house!
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Re the Opost
IME, most times, when a man and a woman live together, the woman is usually the one who (alone) sets the standards and goals for what is considered home ec and chores. And the man is expected to simply do 5o% of them, without having been involved, co-deciding or even been consulted, on the planning/standards/goals phases of the home ec! And that of course de-motivates the man from doing his share of work , since he never got to co-decide! I wonder if that is the case in this story. But then this man may not have such experience or knowledge if he came straight from living with his parents (although some parents do involved their children, after a certain age, in this home ec c0-decision process).
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:19:07 PM | ^^^ "But then this man may not have such experience or knowledge if he came straight from living with his parents"
niick, he moved in with the OP from his parent's....however, OP stated he has lived with a woman previously...so, it's not like a out of the frying pan, into the fire situation. Would be interesting to know, if OP even knows...why did his previous co-habitation relationship end? Domestic issues? Control issues? Combination? Something else? You know....thread after thread: past behavior is indicative of future behavior....until a recognition and correction of said behavior.
~ds~ | |
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| Chores/Housework
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:37:39 PM | From what I know regarding his ex-fiance and thier split they were having issues for a while and were still going ahead with the wedding plans but they just were not connecting anymore, and then she left him for a friend of his.
As for the chores he actually made most of the decisions on who was going to do what. Things used to be more even for example he used to do the dishes and the vacuming until summer came and he is now doing the lawn so those chores have become mine. | |
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