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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:21:53 PM | People need to earn your amazing stuff!
I am just who I am! I don't rate people and dole out what I think they deserve, everyone is worthy of being treated with respect, love and kindness. With me it's 100% all the way. No exclusions.
I realize you were probably just giving a pep talk here.. but it's turned into something "amazingly backwards".  | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:56:45 AM |  Where to begin? I think I will hold onto my amazing stuff until I know his amazing stuff is just as good as my amazing stuff, so how do I know? OK boys get out your resumes and personal references!!
OP, actually I think you are saying that we need to have more self esteem and not just give our hearts to just anyone, that we need to see we are worth true love. I agree on that but don't think it's quite as - mmmm well I don't know how you mean on the rest of what you said. I do know going into a relationship thinking he needs to give me his amazing stuff first and having that kind of attitude will leave me pretty empty and alone. Love is a risk, it's a personal choice as to whether we take the risk or not, but it is ALWAYS a risk and no resume or personal reference or anything will tell me if the guy is worth it without taking a risk.
All risks are valuable learning lessons, and with each one we learn a little more about the next risk we take and how to tell a bit better whether it will be worth it or not. | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:27:39 AM | Much has been well said...
yes, one can only give what one has. If your identity doubts you own it, you cannot give it.
If you try to give 50/50..it invariably begins when one starts keeping score (i gave 52%, you held back)
add to the mix personalities that have no boundaries (they "overgive"...ie enable...)
and date people who have no compunction to be "users" and not "givers", people who, even IF you had healthy boundaries, would run all over you to get theirs...
and one soon becomes emptied of all that amazing stuff.
Some will try (and often do)"earn" it through "works"....and not from true hearts intent.
Others give with true hearts (to some who will take it, but do not reciprocate)
Is this why a truly lasting relationship...takes a tremendous investment of time? Tears? Trials? For it is HERE that one understands self...and the "other"...
Truly a sticky wicket!
one cannot earn...what is freely and unconditionally given.
nor can one give....(unconditional love) if one hasn't received it....
Love "earned".....is it "love"?
begs the question, what is THE SOURCE...of such gracious love?
How does one "receive" it..in order to pass it on..and pay it forward? | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:51:09 AM | | You know how to love because you were first loved. You know how to give because someone gave to you first. I like the respect till they unearn it theory. Trust everyone, but cut the cards. | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:20:17 AM |
This is a question you need to ask yourself when you are giving WAY to much to a relationship.
Did everyone miss this part? As stated, it is when you are already in a relationship and find that you are giving your all and not receiving much in return. I totally agree with what the op is saying.
We all too often give to people who don't deserve even the time of day from us.
Yep, a lot of people are moochers; they soak it up and move on without any due regard. I know that it is not right to ever expect anything in return, but there are plenty of people that take, and take, and stick around until they have taken all that they can, and then they go find someone else to take from.
I think that what the op is saying is that when you notice a person like this, whether it be a s/o or a friend, or a friends friend, then you need to do something about it. I call it as I see it. I often insult people by saying what I think, but, if a person doesn’t realize that they are this way, then they wont reflect about it. It is all about signaling a warning so that the person and others around them can recognize what’s going on; this is the best way that I have found to alleviate the situation. It is not meant to insult, it is meant to help that person be a good person. | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:29:47 AM | NO ,,, NOW THAT ITS OVER,HE SURE DIDNT DESERVE ONE MINUTE | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:54:48 AM | Maybe rather than saying do they earn it you should ask if they appreciate it and return it in kind. As the first poster indicated, love, affection and whatever else should be freely given but when a relationship is one-sided, it is not good for the individual to remain in it.
The same thing can be accomplished by advising people to refrain from settling for poor treatment from another person. Require (in your mind not as an ultimatum) that they operate by the golden rule and they treat you as you wish to be treated. | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:04:44 PM | On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair,
drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was too and said I should be hung!'
I took a drink from my can of Coors Lite, wiped the
cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared
directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then
calmly replied, 'I am.That's why she cuts the grass.'.  Well I thought it was funny.
op.,unless your raising animals as pets imo stick with that but that has it's risks too in returning the affection you seek cuz if you forget to feed the little 4 legged friends they to will will eventuality will leave too for the same things you want, go figgie. | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:27:11 PM |
Give to the people who EARN and DESERVE it. No one else!
thats what I find to be a problem though. people wait for people to prove themselves, before their willing to give back. everything is give and take, ane sometime, you have to take a chance, and just give your best.
how can the other person give their best if your not giving your best cause your waiting for them to give their best first. its a chicken or the egg first sort of thing. it doesn't make sense
I give my best, and people that burn me, screw them......
but if I dont give me best cause I'm waiting for them to prove to me that they deserve me best, then whats the point of getting out of bed in the morning | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:32:12 PM | ^^^ et, the point of getting out of bed, would be to give yourself all of your own amazing stuff.....oh wait, yeah....I see your point!!
~ds~ | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:44:57 PM | When we give we are expressing who we are. I have never regretted seeing myself as a loving giving person, I do regret not getting affection in return, but then apart from walking away you don't have control over that part. I am glad and always will be that I did all I could, while I could because I can look back and feel I gave everything I had.
No-one can ever really "earn" what we do for them, if we expect them to be attuned to our own personal unconcious benchmarks. What does a baby "earn"? The sheer joy of giving is a privileged experience even if that little baby can't respond lovingly or make eye contact or reach for us in return - we all have value simply as a birth right. I might note, that baby after 5-6 years began to open and blossom, now I have a daughter I am incredibly proud of, watered, tended and cared for all those heartbreaking years - who does indeed give back.
Even terrible dark entities who withdraw from the light, are still worthy of the love and affection that even they deserve, because somewhere deep inside them, much as they don't comprehend kindness or the effort of others - your effort is just a tiny part of their growth. That in itself, to know you touched a dark thing with loving concern without judgement, is possibly a great gift in itself.
Some of us may not ever experience a relationship where there is reciprocal feeling and affection, that is life. However much as we can't control the actions of others, it should not diminish our power to give and support others. With each act of giving, I heal and grow, perhaps in a future life, I will experience a reciprocated relationship for a fleeting transient moment, but I hope I will be strong enough to not "need" it as a requirement for giving. I well understand however that adage to "protect the wellspring of your heart", where your heart is attacked - yes indeed it is healthy to protect yourself from being taken advantage of and used. Perhaps when we value ourselves and take care of our "wellspring" we are able to give prudently and wisely. | |
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| HAVE THEY EARNED IT?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:37:57 PM | Each of us should not only be LOOKING for the right person in our lives, but we have to BE the right person too.
Steven Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, writes that we all have Emotional Bank Accounts (EBA) with individuals in our lives. We make deposits and withdrawals regularly. Deposits when we do something nice for another, and withdrawals when we screw up and hurt someone. We need to always strive to remain in the black with those we love.
I have had relationships where the other person is routinely making withdrawals... and those are the relationships that I chose to let go of. No one, of course, is perfect. But, it becomes clear, with time, who is complacent and a "user," and who is genuinely trying to keep the relationship healthy.
Yes, respect is something which is to be earned... and it is a two-way street. It's unfortunate that in this world we live in, that so few relationships are truly reciprocal on the level of earned respect. It does take a prudent and wise person to be able to identify whether a person is genuinely healthy enough to remain in the black!
~Ann
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