| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:48:55 AM | | You do not say for HOW LONG you were involved with the individual or the amount of time the two of you took to get to know one another before the adoration phase began. If you're not sure what happened, I'd wager to guess that both time frames were short/brief, in which case, what the two of you felt was somewhat superficial (based on very little of who the two of you are). If it were me, and I had NO IDEA what happened (this isn't a normal thing in a relationship), I'd be feeling pretty lucky for not having invested much time in the relationship and be glad the guy was gone for he doesn't sound like someone you can rely on when it comes to integrity, honesty, and committment. Thank your lucky stars - you're better off alone than with the wrong person. HOWEVER, I know it hurts. Remind yourself that you're hurt by something/someone that probably only existed in your mind (what he said and what you felt were not -real- except to your heart & emotions - sound relationships involve the brain as much as the heart!). Been where you are, but with nearly a decade of what you describe, and trust me, you are fortunate the guy was independent enough to run. Some women aren't so lucky. You're far better off without him, no matter how you might be feeling. Time heals - get out and overwrite those seemingly good memories with some better ones. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:15:16 AM | | Sounds like all the standard lines to get you in bed. Either he got what he wanted and is done with you, or he figured he wasn't going to get it without a battle and gave up. Either way I am sorry that men do this kind of crap. It gives us all a bad name and makes it very hard to gain anyone's trust. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:17:07 AM | DEar OP,
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are lazy. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......
So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's good enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
My guess is he found as "easy" apple!
I have had this happen to me many a time, because I have STANDARDS. When a man wants a serious relationship, he'll climb. When he wants a roll in the hay, he'll pick the easiest thing around.
I know not all men are like this all the time, but it is very prevalent.
You are very pretty, read all the good advice in this thread & move forward. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:23:45 AM | It is so easy for people to be something they are not on-line. As written in a prior post, actions count for so much more than words do, they are just words, written on a page and could well be a cut and paste from a well used playbook.
For a long time I spouted the advice don't invest too much too soon, after my last experience I am going to follow my own advice. When you communicate on line for a very long time before meeting like it or not a bond and attachment may start to grow. How seriously each party takes that bond is where the issues begin.
I know that you are upset and I don't blame you one bit, but move on and the next time you meet someone, don't make a HUGE on line investment of your time, just go and meet the guy and see what there is to invest in. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:17:24 AM |
I am sorry for your disappointment. It's a harsh way to learn that the anonymity of the Net provides an excellent smokescreen for people to carve out a persona, enjoy it for a while and then, just toss it off... It's part of what we have to know when we are using dating sites to meet people... Once you accept that someone can disappear like a wisp of smoke, you begin to understand that it is the very reason some people are on here...
Internet has nothing to do with it....
All the above can happen with someone from work, to the point that they quit there job in the process.
I know....
Maybe you were a rebound **OP**, but who's to say? Hopefully someday he will be a little bit of a man and explain why.
By then it won't matter, but at least you can burn the bridge completely.
Good Luck and God Bless,
Scott. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:38:37 AM | Women are apples? Men climb trees to get the good apples?
The apples that get picked are the ones within reach. Those ones on the ground were too high up to be picked. They ripened then fell.
I thought women were peaches, because of the fuzz. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:47:42 AM |
Women are apples? Men climb trees to get the good apples?
The apples that get picked are the ones within reach. Those ones on the ground were too high up to be picked. They ripened then fell.
There-in lies the problem...While he is climbing and striving for what he perceives as the "good" apples, the best, ripest, and sweetest ones lay on the ground.
His loss, and he is unenlightened. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:11:12 PM | Very well Put.
I believe that Most men on these sites are trying to juggle multiple women at one time. At some point I guess that they have to pick one. The idiots will just disapear. The nice ones will be honest.
I was (maybe still am. Pretty unclear at this time. (she needed a break) dating a woman that I like VERY much (actually more than ANY woman I have met in 10 years of on line dating) . She never really understood the fact that once, I started talking to a her that I quit writing additional women. I want to put my time and energy into one to see how it works out. Sometimes obviously when you write people , you might get responses at roughly the same time. Usually one of them will kind of disapear after a few days or so. To me, its ALWAYS uncomfortable doing the juggling and trying to learn about more than one person at a time.
She took this as pressure, because she wasnt ready to date one person and I believe that the Pressure she was feeling has driven her away. Im still praying, crossing my fingers ect ect that she is not. gone for good:)
We do all know that Most men are jerks when it comes to dating but NOT all of us. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:50:38 AM | I can understand if you where upset, hurt or confused, with the short time you met this man. How can one be wounded deeply, when you weren't together for a long time, and leads me to suspect that you clung on to this man? I bet he felt trapped by how clingy you where and decided to run while he had the chance.
Have you ever thought with all the communication you did daily, was overboard and not having a chance to miss you when you where both apart?
I don't think you have been wounded, hurt or confused, as for your emotional well being, maybe next time slow down & find out the person first. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:18:16 AM | Sorry you had to go through that, I've had similar experiences with women (not necessarily on here, just in general) and I'm with the other posters. He wasn't being honest. It sucks, but sometimes people do that. But fret not, you will find someone who is right for you.  | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:29:37 PM | | Yeah, sounds like he was a jerk. It sucks that he hurt you like that but it's probably a good thing that he's not in your life any more. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:14:54 PM | Hello Ivs123, unfortunately seems the men on here are not as serious as some of us ladies! Like yourself I met someone on pof, and we instantly hit it off, chemistry seemed to be there, i felt very relaxed in his company, and he really made me laugh, we had a few dates, and my heart finally started skipping and I thought maybe I had met someone a bit special (albeit early days, and I am very protective with my heart - its been bruised before). However no sooner had it started when it ended! Dumped by email no less! How shit is that? A first and a last i hope!!!! Anyhow, who knows, he may very well be the same person u met, but i put it down to the fact that there are many "players" on here, and reside myself to the fact that he was not genuine at all, just very good at being charming - unfortunately now and then he is still in my thoughts, but i guess there were either reasons, or obstacles, or both - bottom line is that people with obstacles shouldnt dabble - its unkind. Wish you all the best. X | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:52:39 PM | Welcome to online dating. Unfortunately this happens a lot. I don't know if it's the "kid in the candy store" syndrome that makes them do this or if there really are that many insincere people around; but it's not cool when someone gets your hopes up only to waste your time in the end. He'll probably surface again in the near future with no explanation and act like nothing ever happened. I just had someone contact me a week ago who I met here and dated two years ago. He pulled the disappearing act as well. When I brought it up he refused to discuss it. He wanted to wipe the slate clean, zero everything from the past and start all over. He thought he deserved a second chance---AS IF! I told him where to go. 
I'm sorry you had to go through that but now you know his true character. Think of it as a blessing in disguise.
Best Wishes,
H.A. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:21:53 PM | | Join the crowd. I rarely hear about any success stories on these sites. I've been burned more than once. Internet dating is not for the faint at heart you have to roll with the punches & take the good with the bad. I'm not a bleeding heart anymore. Things could be a lot worse, like coming home from an unjust war with missing limbs. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:52:24 PM | Ivs,
Sounds like he was still looking, had an exgirlfriend that he went back to, or decided that you werent a good match .
No matter the case he was not brave enought to tell you its over to your face.
It might be better to chalk it up to experience and move on.
I definitely would not communicate wuth him if he calls back - he may be playing you.
Peace | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:07:48 PM | His wife probably caught him. I had that happen several times on POF... If he disappears, he's been busted.
"If you want to catch a catch, the BE a catch!" | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:02:57 PM | | I know that I always continue to write, and either they stop writing or the message that I wrote doesnt get sent. Dont get me wrong, there is a good posibility that I have bored them silly by the second email, but on the sent and replyed column it doesnt always say that I returned a message when in fact I have. And the message is shown on a different page. I'm probably missing something obvious. Not sure what the hell happens but I guess it wasnt suppose to be. And ya, men arent the only ones that lie about being single. I've had that happen twice. Which is really funny in a way because most of the time they quit writing. Maybe thats the way to weed them out. If they keep writing to me, they must be married and desperate. I'll keep you posted. Seriously though I have learned alot about people on these dating sites. Most of which I wish that I hadnt learned. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:12:44 PM |
To the poster who says that if a man says, "I love you," he probably means it, do others agree with that statement? Even very early on in the relationship? Maybe I'll have to start a thread about that.
My answer??? Early in the relationship???? No Way!!! Actions speak louder than words....words are cheap....especially those three...."Show me, don't tell me."
Later on there is plenty of time after proving yourself to be sincere, to say those three words and I'll truly cherish them every time they are said... 
~DC~ | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:21:41 PM | | It depends on the man if a man told me he loved me i would believe his love is the same as I feel when I look at a pair of shoes and say I love those. I do love the shoes. How much do I love them? Enough to try them out may be buy them and take them home forever or maybe just long enough to see the price tag and say no no no. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:27:56 PM | | i feel it is better to see if someone is worthy of your emotions before you give them so soon. they have to earn your trust first.over time you can go by someones actions not by thier words. the truth always wins. take the time it will hurt alot less.don't put all your eggs in one basket.or you won't have anything left for yourself. there are alot of cowards in the world. | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:36:28 PM | I hate that when that happens...
Yep been there had it happen, even got the tee shirt, maybe two or three times... They all went into the Good will box, and I don't miss them...
It does hurt, and it leave you to wonder... HOWEVER remember this, no one can reject you but you... If a person can't be a grown up and communicate why they are disappearing they aren't worth your time...
It hurts, and it takes time to heal... Be kind and gentle with yourself, but remember only YOU can reject you... HE, just lost out on knowing one of the greatest ladies he ever could have met... His loss... | |
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| I've been deeply wounded. . .
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:38:38 PM | This happened to me also after a few months of dating. Took me a while to get over him and to realize what a jerk he was! Just be grateful that he's no longer around and that you did not invest as much time or emotional attachment as you would have if you dated him for a longer period.
Just be patient, I'm sure a great guy will find you! | |
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