| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:55:56 PM | OP: Whenever a relationship or friendship fails, I try to identify what my contribution to the failure of that relationship was, but if that person continuously blames me without looking at themselves as well, then I grow defensive. (In other words, they press my "bitc* button" and I tend to lower myself to their level, blaming them for the breakup or falling out.)
I'm not perfect, and yes I can honestly say I've been to blame for some relationships not working out, but the important lesson here is whether you, I or the Pope learned from our mistakes. Are we big enough people to apologize to that person that we hurt? Or can we accept that apology owed to us and go on with our life without hatred in our heart for that person?
Luckily, I can do both because I'll be the first to admit that I've hurt a lot of people in the past, and a lot of people have hurt me as well, but I've grown from each experience. All of us are a work in progress. We have bad days and good days. We have added stress, kids, sick elderly parents to take care of, chores, housework, bills, sick pets and any number of other things that would "set us off" to take it out on the people closest to us.
All I can say is, I'm willing to make a concentrated effort to improve myself and to not make the same mistakes I made in the past, and I hope the people that I've hurt in the past can forgive me because I certainly love(d) them enough to forgive them.
Sans | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:03:06 PM | Yep, my last relationship (and in my opinion "THE ONE" that should have been for the rest of my life) it was my fault that it ended....at least partially so.
Yep, I fawked up. And, yep, he did too.
But in the end, I wanted to try more than he did. I'm not blaming him, not at all. No use in doing that anyway. What's done is done.
I've had my regrets, now I'm just trying to learn from my mistakes and move on. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:12:54 PM | all of you remember ;
when you pt your finger at someone
you have three fingers pting back at ===you !!  | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:21:25 PM | Yeah. I'm willing to admit that my communication in my previous relationship isn't what it should've been. If I don't recognize that, how can I hope to grow as a person?
But I tend to think that relationship failure is generally a mutual thing. (Except in cases of outright dishonesty on behalf of one person.)
Do I admit to my fair share? I think so. Should I take all of the blame? I don't think so. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:36:31 PM | I openly admit it was my fault. What did I do?
1. Put her on a pedestal
2. Kicked the pedestal out from under her
3. Dumped the booze down the drain (soooo many times)
4. Pulled the dial-a-bottle guy out of his car and set the dog on him (watching him piss himself was soooo funny!)
5. Flushed about 20k worth of coke and pills down the crapper (can't tell you what I did to her dealer)
6. Forced her into rehab (only lasted 3 days before the great escape. lol)
7. Left with the kids
8. Divorced her
All my fault with not so much as a hint of guilt. The only thing I'd do differently is leave the first time she got drunk ugly. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:38:10 PM |
Do I admit to my fair share? I think so. Should I take all of the blame? I don't think so.
Whaddya mean, Marc? It was ALWAYS my fault, lol!
Again, go see the current thread referring to Borderline Personality Disorder.
I admit to a little latent hostility regarding how I was treated by the afflicted one I loved so much. I can also admit that, at a point I wasn't able to deal rationally with it anymore, so I loaded clothing for all seasons into the old Peterbilt and stayed out in the Pacific Northwest and California for months on end. It was easier to be lonesome by myself and accomplish something tangible than it was to go home and be a lonely partner to destruction.
What's that line about "... a woman scorned"? Shoe on the other foot here. Try going home and being ignored or worse, screamed at by a woman who thought it was all about her, didn't work(didn't have to) and who was never nurtured into healthy development by her own parents. Nah... I'll just stay out and make that money...
I am healing slowly...
-Nomad- Whoop-whoop... Truckin up!!! | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:44:42 PM | Yeah, but it's not about blame. That's a whole separate element.
While I don't care to go into it here, I'm sure that I've taken my share of blame. All I can do is admit to any problems that I can see in reality from my perspective and try to improve upon them.
(And I'm not saying that you have any of these. I'm just clarifying.) | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:50:49 PM | Sure the divorce was my fault as I left the relationship. It was also my fault for marrying someone I knew was not in the long term compatible with me.
So yes I was at blame..... | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:57:41 PM | I have a relationship inventory form. I once did one with all my prior intimate or near intimate relationships and found my themes. 1 - how it started. 2 - how it developed. 3 - how it ended. 8 questions related to my part in it. 9. what will I do differently aka lesson learned.
Only problem is that now I know what triggers me into stupified attraction and are on gaurd for it... hmmm ... not sure I know how to do it differently. I've learned what not to do, but not what to do. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:37:00 PM | OP,
Kewl post, fawk.
I will settle for it was only half your fault!
I'll go halfsies, you @ church and me with your money. LOL
Is it EVER your fault?
IMHO, everything that happens to me is all my fault, knowing or unknowing. 100% of the good, the bad and the ugly, is and always will be able, to infiltrate my thick skinned ego. My fat head, which can't find a door big enough to go through, leads me to all cavernous (preferably not to big) destinations.
But I'm lucky. I never notice all of my faults, way too numerous to mention. Instead I gloriously plod through, looking for my next dark moist cave.
Mostly unknowing,
Ur Xoxo. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:47:32 PM | | Everyone plays a part in a past relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes we don't know why it didn't work or what part we played. Blame it on our family or whatever. I, myself am from a "broken home", but most people are these days & even if their parents are still married it doesn't make them angels. Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer, but I believe that we will be with who we are supposed to be with...... nobody ever said live is perfect. Goodness, life is stressful.......We all make mistakes. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:54:21 PM | It was my fault for knowing the day I got married I was making a big mistake..and not acting on it.
It was my fault for enabling someone in another LTR...
It is often my fault because I let my feelings cloud my judgment. In many situations, not just romantic ones.
I hope I have learned from all my mistakes..but, I sincerely doubt I will ever be prefect, though I hope I will always get better? | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:00:22 PM | I hear ya, Marc... I'm just being real here, and have come to the point where humor feels good in context. I was nowhere near perfect, but I was a team-player by definition. I will always own my faults and weaknesses as such, but if you remember the likes of coaches getting on some of us- teaching us the dynamics of the team concept... And then there was the wannabee who had all the drive in the world, but lacked the psychological resources(self confidence, security, etc., et al...) to "be one of the guys"... Sometimes some of us meet a beautiful, wonderful mate... Who by a very, very sad slight of fate, isn't equipped to participate in full. And, some of us are in these very ranks. Trying our/their best.
I think you know what I'm trying to convey here, though I may not be doing it as eloquently as I'd like to think I am.
Godspeed, bro.
-Nomad- | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:04:17 PM | zangie, msg. #62: "I hope I have learned from all my mistakes..but, I sincerely doubt I will ever be prefect, though I hope I will always get better?"
And there it is, there.  
~ds~ | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:14:09 PM | | Simply stated, I have screwed up more times than you can imagine. More times than I can believe. Mistakes made: HUGE. | |
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lksy77
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Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 68 | |
| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:16:51 PM | hell yes its been my fault!
i'm my own worst enemy...
i'm at fault by out of fear of commitment or intamcy or just plain fear...pushing away for any reason and then later, looking back and not even knowing who i was for that moment...
its hard for people to accept responsiblity for outcomes that they most probably did not want, most everyone really just want to be happy and have peace in life and relationships
but i can claim it! thats step one, owning up to my faults and the results of my actions based out of fear
i' m learning to allow happiness on this strange path of mine
and i have a feeling its within reach
i dont want to be a lonely girl forever | |
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TBLZ
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Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 69 | |
| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:20:38 PM | Yep, it's always my fault...
Sheesh, like I didn't see this one coming...
It's my fault for not running in the opposite direction...LOL! | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:52:45 PM | I don't generally post about my relationships ending, but I am certain that I've screwed at least half of them up myself. Still not gonna list them though. But I won't list the ones that weren't my fault either.
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:11:11 PM | | ^^ Which list is shorter? *giggle* Just kidding, I couldn't resist! | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:18:52 AM |
I tend to only want to see MY faults and I totally downplay his.
In sort of a perverse and complete reversal of how it usually is I guess.
But I've always been this way so this is nothing new for me.
In fact, one of my biggest fault is thinking that everything is always my fault. And as ridiculous ( or pathetic) as it may sound, it's a serious problem and it can be as detrimental to someone's mental health than it is for someone who is at the opposite end of the scale who goes around blaming everybody else for his lot in life.
Instantly you could say the only thing to blame yourself for here is for having a relationship with someone who was so self righteous in the first place. Anyone who can't accept responsibility for their own part in a relationship isn't worth having a relationship with. So you waste a few years or whatever from your bad judgement of people, but so long as you learn not to get into a relationship with that type of person again then you have nothing to blame yourself for. If you don't learn and you carry on doing it, then you have only yourself to blame for not learning from your mistakes in the first place. We all make mistakes, once, twice, maybe even three times, but once you DO learn you're grateful to have had the experience. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:16:15 AM | Yep it's my fault all day long
I apologize I caused the heat index to go sky high today !
Forgive me for not seeing you had a hidden agenda all along
Excuse me for not recognizing not only would you run around behind my back ..
But you would defraud and cheat the government by not paying your personal and your business taxes for the last 15 years .
That you diss and dismiss people you claim you care about once you found a new playground to fertilize
Please !!! Because you don't have a conscience
Give me a break
And to the OP give yourself one | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:48:03 AM | Every relationship that has ended has been half my fault. It's never one sided, ever. I don't care what someone says happened, it's only their part of the story, and there are still the other two parts, the other persons, and the truth.
So I'll admit to exactly what I did wrong in a relationship and that it has been half my fault. I've never done something like cheat or abuse, but nothing is just one persons fault in a two person relationship. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:01:49 AM | I'm to blame for everything going wrong at all times in all places in all of your lives.
I do hope that makes everyone feel a lot better.
I feel no guilt about this whatsoever.
Mwahahaha! | |
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