| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:40:14 AM |
I will settle for it was only half your fault
IF I could only retrace some of my steps
Yeah, most people dont' like taking credit for effing up a relationship soz we don't hear that much from them. I, on the other hand, couldn't count all the ones I've messed up on both hands. I've let some real prize women slip through my hands.  But you know what they say.....
Hindsight IS 20/20, and hopefully, we learn from our mistakes.
You can make a million mistakes, just learn a million lessons and try not to repeat the same mistakes again. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:28:58 AM | I think the reason few people post confessions of guilt here is that there would be no point to it other than to say I screwed up and I'm here to be roasted on a spit ... probably not gonna happen. Although they might say I screwed up ... how can I make it right? For which they might receive a barrage of possibly unsuitable and ultimately ineffective or even counterproductive advice from people who are not privy to the whole story.
In any event, as most qualified counselors/therapists might say, the first step for a person to resolve any personal or interpersonal problems is becoming aware of their role in creating the problem and to take ownership of it. Putting the responsibility elsewhere only removes them from playing a role in finding a solution and if they are at least partially at fault then the problems will not go away until they eliminate a their contribution to them. A person's contribution may include anything that serves as a reward or at least a lack of consequences for undesirable behaviour or it could be a reaction that results in ugly, emotionally charged confrontations etc. Getting to the root of such matters may require professional help and self-examination which leads to personal growth and development. But that's a lot of hard and potentially painful work ... it's much easier to vent and blame someone else, although that seldom solves anything. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:30:36 AM | Nope !! It was never my fault at all. I had nothing to do with it. I just had bad men I guess...... all 14 of them.
Sophia  | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:31:16 AM | | its human nature, thats why no one takes the blame, its always the other person's fault, | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:49:28 AM |
Is it EVER your fault?
It's all my fault for everything that has gone wrong and right in my life.
That's the thing, people addressing that they should take personal responsibility about their actions and not blaming others.
As for Manimony, I will always be dependent on myself and never use a outside source for a free ride. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:00:42 AM | We all have our faults, some bigger then others, and some minor,but all nonetheless. I sure if you asked my ex or you ex you would hear their take on faults for a failed relationship it would be on the same lines and having their list too.
I was married only once,over 2o years and for the most part,happily,we divorced because mainly of money issues. I admit I could have handled it differently but it wasn't to be.
And I've been here for a year on the forums and have never blamed or degrade my ex, why?
Because I it would be self discriminating myself too! It takes two to tango baby and two not too.
So yes, I have had my short comings,and have grown and learned from them.
Life goes on,forgive and forget and let the sun shine back in! It's your choice in the road you which to walk. ~smile~ | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:07:53 AM | | I'm not afraid to say that I contributed towards my divorce. Both my ex and I didn't take care of our marriage - we let our jobs get in the way. Although his way of seeking solice was to have an affair. Having an affair does not resolve marital problems, it only adds. We weren't perfect people. Hell, no one is perfect. I don't regret marrying him, if I had to do it over again, I'd marry him (but not at age 21), and for damn sure, the marriage would come first over the jobs or anything else in life. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:34:06 AM |
^^ Which list is shorter? *giggle* Just kidding, I couldn't resist!
I think I'm ahead by 2, at least. Hahahaa. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:59:09 AM | Why blame anyone for anything? Deciding who was at fault does not change a thing!
But of course everything that ever happened to me that I did not like was a consequence of my own actions to some degree. No matter where I put the blame, I cannot do anything about what someone else decided to do, for whatever reasons they decided. All that I can do is to make wiser choices of people to spend time with and do the best I can to make that time special. The rest will take care of itself. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:02:42 AM | | Hell Ya , i'm as guilty as can be , i screwed up about every relationships i've been in. i guess i didn't kiss enough ass or eat more **** | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:47:49 AM | | "It wasn't my fault," said the earthquake, and split the seam like a size 14 butt farting from within size 8 jeans. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:43:51 AM | | Yes, the last relationship ended because it was my fault. I did not make enough money to give her all of the things in life she richly deserved. It was my mistake for not going to medical school in the 70s instead of taking a blue collar job. She deserved ever bit the life her mother had, who never worked a day in her life. Yes, it was all my fault. The next girl, if there is one, will have to accept my salary of $88K a year, not $188K! | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:13:58 AM | We live in a society that falsely believes that if you make a bad decision, you can simply go back and change it if it doesn't work out. I see this all the time. My son just made a great one and now is crying in his beer. He went back to his gf with his tail between his legs, but found someone else had taken his place. lol. Now she wants to be "just friends" (in case the other one doesn't work out I guess). lol.
Sucks to be young and full of yourself. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:38:08 AM | YES.... it definately was MY fault! I married him in the first place & I left the relationship, broke up the family! So, I will suffer the consequences.... quite happily now :)
I was a very, very, very bad girl for getting married, to him, in the first place.... & should be punished for that! I am & will be punished until cows fly!
Life would be so boring if I have done everything properly :) Damn me!! | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:49:04 AM |
It's like a damn prison around here, they are ALL innocent in there too!!!
I don't agree with that at all. There are countless threads on here saying "I f*cked up, I ruined it, what should I do?". I see them every day, they're all over the place. Just look around a little. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:50:37 AM | indigo rose ,,, I confess..
It is all my fault that I didn't bed the 22 year old girl that was coming on to me yesterday at the Boogie..
She had been trying since friday night to get me in bed..
I found her to be very attractive and sexxy but I kept running off..
Totaly my fault.!!
Maybe I will give her a chance if she still feels that way next year.. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:57:43 AM | A person truly innocent in the failure of a marriage or a relationship is extremely rare. The old cliche says it takes two to tango and it takes two to make or break a partnership. Outside parties are often accused of "breaking up" a relationship, but I don't think a truly solid couple can be broken up by another person. When it happens, there is something already brewing, perhaps subconsciously, but it is still there.
Except in my marriage, of course. It was totally HIS fault. (Evil grin.)
Or maybe I shouldn't have married him in the first place, eh? | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:09:01 AM | | In most cases, both people are to blame to some degree. Sometimes it may not be something that was blatantly rude. But one or both people could have handled certain situations better. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:19:52 AM |
Except in my marriage, of course. It was totally HIS fault. (Evil grin.)
Or maybe I shouldn't have married him in the first place, eh? - gwendolyn2008
That would only be true, if you honestly knew what you were getting into. Some people are sneaky & change after the wedding. In some cases it's not exactly sneakiness, but a subconscious attitude, about the differences between marriage & "living together", or boyfriend/girlfriend.
My first husband was acharming sweetheart, before we were married. AFterwards, he turned into a violent, abusive assh*le. My biggest mistake, was taking 10 months to leave & trying to fix things. You cannot fix someone, who does not understand that s/he needs it. You cannot help someone, who does not want to be helped, or does not see that s/he needs help.
The old cliche says it takes two to tango and it takes two to make or break a partnership.
While this is partly true, I also partly disagree with it. It does take 2 to make a partnership, but it can be broken by only one. If one person is trying & the other isn't, there is very little hope of success. Also, if one person chooses to end the relationship & leaves, there is little or no hope, either.
And while a truly solid couple should be able to withstand outside influences & temptations, a relationship that is already in trouble, can be very vulnerable to such stresses. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:25:05 AM | I do take some blame....my problem is I dont like to sweat the small stuff ...till it turns to the big stuff and I cant handle what ever the situation was ....Now if I learned the fine art of communication perhaps this wouldnt happen ...im the first to admit
Always feel like all im being too ****y when I complain ..... | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:31:36 AM |
A person truly innocent in the failure of a marriage or a relationship is extremely rare. I don't agree. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:35:58 AM | | In confiding with my best friend, and letting her know the mistakes I made, she would always remind me that "it is never one person's fault". Both people are always at fault. I think that initially, at the beginning of the breakup, I was feeling the victim, and blamed him for things.... but as time went on, I was reminded of the things I could have done better. Especially my attitude, and taking for granted, not appreciating, after a 22 year long marriage. Both parties are always at fault. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:46:29 AM | | Well, here is one person that will ADMIT to it. Yeah, alot is my fault. I do alot wrong. I am not perfect in no way shape or form. | |
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