| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:47:25 PM | OP
So is there one brave,honest person who can say that they fawked up? I will settle for it was only half your fault!
I suppose if I was 'wise' I would first ask what the prize is for fessing up to fawking up, but I can be a tad lysdexic that way. Anyway, here goes
I did it. It was my fault. I fawked up - Big Time.
What do I win?
A.S.is
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:31:01 PM |
What do I win?
Hope you're kidding, because if you have to ask, you still don't get it. You win your own self-esteem.
Lying is low. Lying to yourself is needlessly lame.
Honesty is it's own reward. Self-honesty is a complete no brainer. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:59:23 PM | No, that's crazy talk. Nothing has ever been my fault, and as far as I can determine, nothing ever will be.
It's their fault that I picked them, their fault that I ignored all the warning flags & bells & train whistles. It's absolutely their fault that I have to hang around until the very, very bitter end, and it's their fault that I was too good for every single one of them.
Except that last one, that was his mother's fault.
I swear. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:06:34 PM | "Nope !! It was never my fault at all. I had nothing to do with it. I just had bad men I guess...... all 14 of them."
Okay but who's fault was it that you chose them in the first place?    | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:08:33 PM | | Great Po:)st Indigo! I think some people don't get that we are all imperfect. Some think that their shite don't stink, so to speak. I have definitely made mistakes in my relationships, the main one being my marriage. It is never all one person, it takes two to tango. I think the key is being able to honestly look at your mistakes and try to find ways to better yourself. I did councelling to try to improve myself. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:26:19 PM |
Except that last one, that was his mother's fault.
Don't you dare get me going on the infamous in-law cramp. Her empathetic ...err... I mean pathetic mother would peer at us in the dark, at our alone time. Thank the Borg I got a job soon after. But it really traumatized both of us to the point that we could not enjoy ourselves in the dark.
You see, me naked in the light...
It is really traumatizing. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:49:05 AM | once, i thought i was wrong.........but i was mistaken!
chrissy
p.s. great post | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:09:28 AM | Is it possible that perhaps herin lies a huge portion of the entire problem....now I am not claiming to be rightous or better then any one elese but the "strike one he's out" statement just seemed to leap off the page.....have we as people become so used to the entire concept of a disposable era that we can not think in any other form?
No fault marriage ...unhappy, been cheated on, yelled at....ignored...no problem call a lawyer.....fix you right up....will have you divorced in no time...whats that you say "go to a counselor " no heavens no....you are not to blame here....let me take care of this for you...had hot coffee from Mickey D's , fell on some ice ....not your fault let's sue..
We as a society attach no shame...no blame to anything anymore....so your into doing weird things with chickens or sheep or whatever no problem California will probably let you marry it....I confess to feeling like a utter failure in life...why ?
I seen June and Ward Cleaver make it seem all so easy.....Donna Reed....hell even Lucy and Ricky ....how come it never seemed that easy for me? | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:16:56 AM | as I said before, I do think we are all responsible for our parts we play in our lives and the consequences we create - for ourselves especially and others when they are involved. I may sound defensive at times, but I think we all know deep down where we acted, reacted, behaved, spoke, did things that could be seen as hurting others and ourselves.
but, to call all the things I did that were not so wise as messing up is not how I view things.
sometimes they say we learn how to be by being or doing or saying what we should not.
for all the things we all do that perhaps we are not so proud of, of when it looked like we really did mess things up, all those things we don't want to admit to ourselves - I believe it's from them that we learn how to act truly responsibly.
all people know, I think, deep down, no matter how much they blame others outwardly, i hope all come to see eventually not to lie to ourselves, or wear blindfolds about our own behavior.....for as I said before, if we are not responsible for ourselves, who is??!! | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:50:44 AM | Rev1Dave:
Hope you're kidding, because if you have to ask, you still don't get it. You win your own self-esteem.
Lying is low. Lying to yourself is needlessly lame.
Honesty is it's own reward. Self-honesty is a complete no brainer.
DUH. I know I typed "lol" in that post! lol
and btw - you don't "win" self esteem, but I'm not here to edumacate ya! holicrap .. this is a DATING Site - Lighten the frig up!
\
My post was a complete joke - I am Never wrong! Ever .. oh, well cept that once, but we still don't like to talk about that! lmao
Rev1Dave - I love myself, when my head hits the pillow at night I have no problems falling asleep. lmao @ "no brainer"! lol
A.S.is
Be nice to the guy in the mirror! | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:47:26 AM |
. Ok.. so I couldn't give my first wife an orgasm, and she found someone who could. So technically, I own some of that one right? I don't think so.
Of course you own that. If you couldn't give your wife an orgasm and someone else could, there was something deeper and much more basic than the orgasm at fault. Sex doesn't begin in the bedroom, and a harsh word, an action that lacks care or concern, an attitude, or other things can later be brought to bed. It wasn't your skills as a lover, those can be learned, but something about the way that you interacted with her that was the problem. Perhaps you were simply not a caring lover, maybe you didn't respond well enough to ANY of her needs and wants.
Sex with my ex-husband wasn't enjoyable, and for years, he told me that my lack of response was MY fault and once even called me "frigid." The real problem was the holdover of things that happened in the rest of our married life. For example, the night I received my teaching degree and walked across the stage, he later told me I looked "a mile wide up there." Later, he couldn't understand why I didn't want to have sex with him. When I left him, "suddenly," sex was great.
Who knows? But I bet if we heard her side of the story, it would be different from yours.
Did your second wife die? Did she leave you because she was sick?
Again, up yours.
I only have one word for those who wave their faults like a flag in order to look like their a good person. FU.
Why are you so defensive? It gives really good hints and clues as to your personality. If you don't like a forum, don't answer. And NO ONE singled you out, though you act like it. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:52:22 AM | Yes, technically everything in my life that goes wrong is my fault (barring acts of God)...that's what we live and learn for. If a relationship goes bad, it's because I was too dumb to end it sooner, or my fault for giving someone else the benefit of the doubt, or to assume they had a conscience and cared. Well, usually.
Anything that happens to you, you allow. I don't believe in victims, only volunteers.
It's also why I don't bother with people much anymore - essentially over the years I have learned that it's almost better to stay single. That way I can take less blame for the crap that comes with relationships. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:10:56 AM | To a way I can see this but in a way I highly disagree.
:
Of course you own that. If you couldn't give your wife an orgasm and someone else could, there was something deeper and much more basic than the orgasm at fault. Sex doesn't begin in the bedroom, and a harsh word, an action that lacks care or concern, an attitude, or other things can later be brought to bed. It wasn't your skills as a lover, those can be learned, but something about the way that you interacted with her that was the problem. Perhaps you were simply not a caring lover, maybe you didn't respond well enough to ANY of her needs and wants.
I know that some if not most women are for the most part like this and have to have emotional connection before the big O. But the way I'm reading this, it is more to it than that. So he didn't give her the O, she goes out and finds someone who would, which is fine if they aren't married or committed. But if they are this is not an excuse to cheat on the man. Ok if he cannot give the big O, instead of cheating why not try and fix it. Instead of cheating why not break up or get a divorce.
I mean some women don't like sex so the man who is with a woman that don't like sex and wants his O and goes out and finds someone who will give him that O. Is that him getting his O or cheating. Most will call it cheating. Same thing just different gender cheating is cheating wither it is sexual(man) or emotional(woman).
So he may own the not give her a O but he does not own her cheating on her. I'd say the same if a man cheated on a woman for his O. He may have a part in it but he don't own it. It is her fault too. Maybe the sex was great til she got an emotional connection with someone else that she meet. Thus loosing her emotional connection with her current b/f. I mean if women are that emotionally connected and they've found someone else they're not going to share that connection. They may have sex with one but make love with the other guy that they've cheated on with.
Best of luck to every one  | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:23:15 AM |
So he didn't give her the O, she goes out and finds someone who would, which is fine if they aren't married or committed. But if they are this is not an excuse to cheat on the man. Ok if he cannot give the big O, instead of cheating why not try and fix it. Instead of cheating why not break up or get a divorce.
My point is, you and I don't know the whole story--and the man who posted gave HIS version. In fact, maybe she didn't seek out a new man until after the divorce. How do you know that she didn't seek help or try to talk to him? I did, and it was like talking to a brick wall. I SERIOUSLY doubt that their marriage broke up over the single problem that she couldn't achieve orgasm.
Obviously, at some point, she did want a divorce because they are no longer married.
Women who seek sex outside a marriage are often not seeking sex, but some sort of validation that they are not getting from their husbands.
At any rate, this is a POF forum, and when people vent, it is almost always from their POV. The bitterness and rancor of the poster who avows no responsibility gives a good indication as to his personality, and his lack of owning his part in the break-up of his marriages perfectly exemplifies the OP's point for opening this thread. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:31:38 AM |
Women who seek sex outside a marriage are often not seeking sex, but some sort of validation that they are not getting from their husbands.
This still doesn't excuse cheating. Emotional connection and sexual connection may be different but the same. The same that they are both considered cheating in my book.
Men who seek sex outside of marriage are often seeking sex and maybe as a validation that they are not getting sex from there wives. And trust me I am not saying one is worse than the other I'm just making a point that they are both the same. A cheater is a cheater man or woman, sexual or emotional. It is still cheating | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:09:44 PM | Rose,
Honor and integrity are words that meant soemthing years ago. Now they are whispered because everyone has forgotten what they mean.
I fawke up on a daily basis and admit to each and everyone of them. I only apologize for the times i fawked up unintentionally.
the others I smile and can't wait to do again... | |
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tenino
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Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 143 | |
| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:15:36 PM | MSG 128
No fair no fair - that was MY answer!! She stole my answer 
But I'm so lucky - I've had more than one relationship so I can also choose this answer.
Yes. I made a dreadful error in judgment that cost me a relationship that I did not want to lose. I messed up. It was extremely painful for a really long time until I 'woke up' and decided to live in the present and be happy again.
Sunny days ahead. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:17:58 PM | | well I dont know when people split up its becuase one is unhappy. does not mean its anyones fault. I left my ex becuase i was unhappy yet he was a wonderful man. he is not to blame for my unhappiness. He nor I could help how I felt. He was always a wonderful ,kind, caring man when it came to me. but i guess u can say it was my fault for being unhappy. however in most relationshiops somene is at fault. if he or she cheats then they are at fault. but according to men the women are always at fault which is fine by me lol. its true a man will never take the blame. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:25:30 PM |
DUH. I know I typed "lol" in that post! lol
No, you didn't.
Message #126. Go look.
No biggie, though. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:47:07 PM | | I've admitted I've "fawked up" without hesitation and have always been very candid about who I am and my past. Quite frankly, it has gotten me nowhere. I seem to reapeatedly meet wingnuts and basketcases who think they are perfect in everyway. Why admit that one has "fawked up" when this is the reward? | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:47:21 PM | """"At any rate, this is a POF forum, and when people vent, it is almost always from their POV. The bitterness and rancor of the poster who avows no responsibility gives a good indication as to his personality, and his lack of owning his part in the break-up of his marriages perfectly exemplifies the OP's point for opening this thread""""
Its this point that is cracking me up about this thread...I think only 1/5 have admitted any particular wrongdoing, faux pas, bad habit, mean streak, deficiency, rudeness, ignorance, selfishness, drinking problem, etc.
Even the folks that chimed in here "to be funny" at this point are regurgitating stale jokes (please read the other replies people, after one person makes a funny crack, that same joke isn't funny anymore) and SEEM TO BE IN DENIAL. There are plenty of threads on POF to make funny comments, but for some reason, "Is anything ever your fault" brings the bugs out of the woodwork.
This must be where I admit some faults ehh? Yes, not listening closely is one, I would ask a question, pause for an answer, then I would start blurting out what I thought the multiple choice answers should be, thus confusing myself what her or anyones answer was, because instead of listening to them, I was listening to myself. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:22:34 PM | On one hand, Men are raised to not show weakness. Admitting you were wrong is a weakness (in the whole primal decision making and selection way-), and if you were not tought this, you do it naturally because that's "what feels right". (It's also why were so competitive, but I digress)
Look at it this way;
I did done fawked things up before, which means that I feel bad that MY actions LOST me someone.
I now know the value of a good really good woman.
But men cheat- in one way or another. Women do to.
Blame it all on the "expectation/entitlement of exclusiveness" thing I suppose. | |
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:30:08 PM |
I seen June and Ward Cleaver make it seem all so easy.....Donna Reed....hell even Lucy and Ricky ....how come it never seemed that easy for me?
Because they all slept in twin beds with a nightstand separating them! And of course it was all scripted. IE: not REAL life!
Is it possible that perhaps herin lies a huge portion of the entire problem....now I am not claiming to be rightous or better then any one elese but the "strike one he's out" statement just seemed to leap off the page With age comes wisdom and jadedness. If they hit you once they will hit you again. If they cheat on you once they will cheat again. No second chances in my book, but then my dance card has always been filled.
So I suppose your disposable world theory holds water.
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| Is it EVER your fault?
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:48:08 PM |
This still doesn't excuse cheating.
I never said that it excuses cheating. I said that her lack of orgasms could very well have been due to many factors, including his disregard in other areas of their married life. If so, he bore part of the blame for the marriage failing.
Men who seek sex outside of marriage are often seeking sex and maybe as a validation that they are not getting sex from there wives.
Agreed, but we weren't discussing men and their infidelities; we were addressing women not having good sex.
Also, he NEVER said she cheated--she could have sought out someone who gave her good sex AFTER she left. | |
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