| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:50:53 AM | | I would have been quite clear from the minute I was asked that I could not afford to take a trip. $500 for Tourist Activities? Where the hell did they go? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:41:49 AM | | WHAAAAAAT?!?! Im sorry, but if the story REALLY goes the way you are stating it here (HE was the one that came up w the trip and HE was the one that arranged everything... AND they are in FACT an "item")... i dont see why in the world she should pay for anything. she didnt come up w the idea, and HE was the one that invited her. im sorry... but this guy sounds like a royal TOOL. if i was in her situation, i would: (1) stop seeing him; and, (2) never pay what he calls my "share" of the bill. this is just totally retarded. what a loser that guy is! ~SIGH~ | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:06:50 AM | | In a fun and good relationship both parties find the way to share the expenses. One way dating is not healthy. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:36:01 AM | | Well, wasn't it "one way" dating, when he made the plans, the when and the where? When she told him she couldn't afford it, but he planned it anyway? Isn't THAT kinda selfish? How "one way" is that? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:36:02 AM | When a man invites me somewhere and then arranges all the accommodations, then he's paying for it. On the other hand, if I do the inviting then I'M paying for it.
If your boyfriend wasn't going to stick with that premise, then he should have told you about it up front. And handing you a bill? Just crass.
You offered to pay for your share of the tourist activities, which you didn't have to do, but it was a nice offer. This doesn't obligate you to pay for other parts of the vacation.
Next weekend the BF and I are going to the beach. He asked, so he's paying. However, I've asked him on many holidays -- and, of course, I picked up the bills.
Personally, I hand the bill back to him and then find a classier boyfriend. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:44:41 AM | I would of thought the guy who asked pays it, as he is now asking for half the money,my thinking is that he didn't get any nookie so he's feeling angry ,now he's trying to get some of the money for a sexless adventure.
Tell him to swivel. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:06:55 PM | for poster 24 wow YOU ARE A GOLD DIGGER it shows u have fun u can pay as well so get off ur high horse and get with the program and the equal rite bs and foot for half the bill and btw ur boobs sagg really bad
yall have a nice day
wildman  | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:14:30 PM | No. She mentioned money was tight and for him to ask that was cruel. I would be reconsidering my relationship if I were her. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:40:05 PM | The man - pays for all dates ad infintium, not expecting quid pro quo, not discussing the tab, not complaining. A smart woman would reward him with pizza, hot wings, and good ale before Monday night football, then hand him the remote control.
Invitee - offers to pay only she wants to make it clear that they are just friends, nothing more. Not so much as a kiss.
Husbands - pays for all dates. A kind woman might reciprocate with candles, a little Sinatra and thick steaks on the grill.
IMO this man's parents should not have procreated unless they were going to ensure his social communications skills in civilization. He should never let the wonderful female in this situation even offer to pay. Would that female date this male if she met him today, knowing what she knows? I think her love for this man is clouding her good judgement. He is no longer that great catch she knew way back when. She should carefully disengage herself, buy a good dog who would make a better companion without so much drama, and enjoy a few tv dinners before moving on to a real man who knows how to treat a woman. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:48:53 PM | I'm not sure what I'm more shocked by:
1. The fact that men actually expect women to pay
or
2. Women actually do pay
or
3. Women will actually date men who let them or expect them to pay.
~ TYF | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:48:51 PM |
The man - pays for all dates ad infintium, not expecting quid pro quo, not discussing the tab, not complaining. A smart woman would reward him with pizza, hot wings, and good ale before Monday night football, then hand him the remote control.
Invitee - offers to pay only she wants to make it clear that they are just friends, nothing more. Not so much as a kiss.
Why? Her money's just as good as mine. I mean, what exactly are you saving it for?
Husbands - pays for all dates. A kind woman might reciprocate with candles, a little Sinatra and thick steaks on the grill.
Well I guess this makes sense if maybe the woman doesn't work or the guy won't put his spouse's name on the checking and savings account. Also I'm pretty sure the kind of guy you're describing wouldn't let you anywhere near his grill.
IMO this man's parents should not have procreated unless they were going to ensure his social communications skills in civilization. He should never let the wonderful female in this situation even offer to pay. Would that female date this male if she met him today, knowing what she knows? I think her love for this man is clouding her good judgement. He is no longer that great catch she knew way back when. She should carefully disengage herself, buy a good dog who would make a better companion without so much drama, and enjoy a few tv dinners before moving on to a real man who knows how to treat a woman.
I.. actually kind of agree with you to a point, but where's all the vitriol coming from? Wow.
The fact that men actually expect women to pay
Oh, most men never expect it, it is more like a really nice surprise. Like finding a $20 bill or sinking a three from half-court. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:20:43 PM |
I'm not sure what I'm more shocked by:
1. The fact that men actually expect women to pay
or
2. Women actually do pay
or
3. Women will actually date men who let them or expect them to pay.
I'm not sure what I'm more shocked by:
1. The fact that women actually expect the guy to pay.
or
2. Women actually don't pay.
or
3. Men will actually date women who let them or expect them not to pay.
My conversation and company comes with a price too. Free loaders not wanted. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:37:25 PM | He expect sex and did not get it or it was not that good. - - -
and or the relation did not continue as he desired after they got back.
He was not expecting her to pay for her own tourist activities - - -
She did to keep him at bay and restrict his ability to make love to her.
Her insisting to pay is keeping the man at bay.
Not what he wanted. - - - -
She should not pay - - - She should have been smarter - - -
Jim P. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:50:46 PM | She should pay the bill. When she mentioned that she was tight on money he didn't say "Don't worry about it, it's on me." I hardly think inviting someone to accompany you on a trip means they pay for all of it.
If she couldn't afford the trip she should have made that clear and said she couldn't go. I dated a man who had a lot more money than I did. He often mentioned that he'd love to take me to the islands. I refused (nicely) because I didn't think that meant he was going to pay for everything. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:46:32 PM | | the man ALWAYS pays. This is why I don't waste my time trying to meet anyone on here, I use the sugardaddy site to get what I want, sugardaddies don't worry about paying | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:37:41 PM | IMO, the man does NOT always pay. At least not in 2008! This is not 1958, 1808 or 1008! Women in 2008 either work, receive support from ex or from state, or live on income from assets. After reading some of the posts, I am tempted to start askig for women who like me, even as friends, to pay to take me to vacations or any other activity since I am (they say) witty and a good conversationalist! Tempted, but of course I will NOT. Because these things are not "services" to be traded, by either women or men in return for coverage of expenses. Thus he ground rule in 2008 at least in the so called Western World is that people go Dutch. Unless of course there is an explicit agreement (but I do not see why there should be such an agreement, I woild not enter into one) that one of the two, man or woman, for some reason, pays the costs (eg of a vacation). I have broken up rels over this "going Dutch" issue and will continue to do so. It is "Dutch or no go".
And I am shocked to read that in 2008 there are American women who expect the man to pay (always or on any occasion) for vacations, drinks, anything! Have we gone to sleep and woken up in the 19th century again????
But as I wrote in prev post, the "Vacation" case in the Opost, as presented, is not clear as to whether there was an agreement as to who pays and what during this Vacation they took together.
PS. I think there must be at least 3 threads active right now on the issue of who pays re either drinks (1 thread) or vacations (2). Must be 1808 all over again! lol
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:40:30 PM | Gosh, I feel deja vu! Didn't we just go through this thread about women being into money?
Anyhoo, before you ever take a trip, get the money straightened out. Be upfront and say,"hey, I'm broke and can't afford this. Are you footing the bill?" You have to have this stuff spelled out before you take a trip.
If they are in a relationship, then this guy is a cheapskate. She's broke and the guy takes her on a trip she has to pay for? What is up with that? I hate cheap people.
Well, when I was in an eclusive relationship we use to do things for each other. That's what a partnership is about. Obviously, this guys is all about the bottom line or he got upset on the trip. He knew she could not really afford it and even though she went anyway, he must have thought he would be the bigger financial contributor.
Sounds like something happened on the trip and the guy is getting back at the lady. People do this stuff all the time. Instead of being direct, they get mean about it. She told the guy she was broke and she did pay for what she could. I would pay the bill and give the guy the door. Who needs such a cheapskate?
Before any guy says it is all about the money. The guy in this story should have been straight BEFORE the trip. This happens between friends and relatives too.
I owed a cousin some money and my boyfriend (at the time) had to work and couldn't go with me on a ski trip. I had paid for everything and asked my cousin if he wanted to go. I was EXPLICIT in explaining the trip cost more than the money I owed him and would he be alright with the trip instead of the money. He said, "fine." We had a great time, but to this day he says I owe him $50.
Another story with a co-worker. We went out for drinks and I split the bill and tax perfectly. I like to be fair about that stuff. She could not stop ****ing about how much she paid and how tacky it was for me to split the bill that way. Why did she not bring this up BEFORE?
My point is, people have power trips about money and it looks like this guy is on one. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:17:03 PM | | In the context of the man inviting, he should pay. On the context on a mutual agreement to go out both should pay. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:22:39 PM | | if she didn't ask, then she just assumed...and as such bad on her. frankly unless someone says point blank "all the expenses are on me" each person should be expecting to pay half. and i agree with one of the earlier posters, if i were tight on money, i would have simply explained my circumstances and not gone...because even if a guy had offered to pay my way, i have too much personal pride and independence in my nature to allow myself to be taken care of by someone else. some people might want the freebies, i'd just feel like a mooch. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:25:42 PM | | crazycurlz I agree with you. Don't think I could enjoy a vacation someone else was paying for. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:26:50 PM | Both should pay their own way unless other arrangements had been agreed on
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:34:42 PM | | My mom taught me one should not have champagne tastes if one must live on a beer budget. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:45:37 PM | Op...it sounds like HE EXPECTS you to pay...
...AND you expected him TO PAY....
this tells me you two did not communicate very clearly on the subject prior to the trip.
i will tell you that how couples handle money can and will "make or break" the relationship. i was with someone who had to total every expense down to the dollar on trips. (so it could be split evenly). i didn't even mind paying more. as i earned at least 3x more money than him. it drove me nuts.
i really liked malibusteve's response :)
coco | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:27:35 PM | | She said that she *thought* she might have to pay for her own tourist activities and anything else besides hotel, food, and travel costs, but thinking doesn't equate to having a discussion. You can think something all day long, but unless you verbalize it, the other party cannot be expected to behave in accordance with it. To assume that the other party would pay because "When they go out on the town whoever does the invite pays" is a stretch. Unless the two have agreed upon this precept, it only exists in the mind of the one thinking such a thought. People cannot be expected to read our mind. Hopefully they can discuss the misunderstanding civily, and come to a mutually agreeable solution. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:33:36 PM | | One more thing: Hopefully this guy wasn't manipulating her into taking a vacation with him that he knew he couldn't afford - or wasn't willing - to take alone. This would be the case if the two did previously have an agreement that whoever did the inviting does the paying, because he did do the inviting on this one. | |
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