| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:35:29 PM | Wow......Girl how did you get in this mess? Here's what I would have done. When first meeting this gentlemen. I would have asked several questions to get a feel of his preferences in traveling as well as his level of generosity. Does he like to travel alone? Would he be willing to pick up the tab if we were to travel together? Most men will. (If he truely cares about you) Most importantly communicate and plan the trip together. If the travel plans extend both of your budgets......make other plans. .... or save up the money necessary to take the trip at a later date without it being a strain on either one of your budgets. If he wishes to plan our trip without me....that's wonderful. Just fill me in on the details. And if there are any surprises with a price tag........ do not expect me to pay for it. I believe in letting the gentlemen/partner I date, be a gentlemen. There's an old saying, "People treat you the way you let them".  | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:05:20 AM | Wow. I'm shocked by the attitudes of some posters in this topic.
When I date somebody, I prefer to pay if I am able to. I actually enjoy treating the person. (I also enjoy treating friends as well. It just feels good to do something nice for somebody else.) If I don't have much money at the time, I'm upfront about it and suggest alternate activites that don't cost much.
However, I'm disgusted by the attitude of entitlement some of you seem to have. Do you even see the person, or only the wallet? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:19:29 AM | If he invited her then he should stump up - if she wanted to pay she would have.
Bad man scrounging off a woman
He should have been discussing all the way through how much today is costing her and how much her share would be, then she could have decided if she wanted to stay on this get away, or bugger off home leaving her prince charming to finish the trip alone. Sounds like he got a free trip if she was silly enough to pay his bill for him - hope she threw it in the bin and laughed.
If you do the inviting then you do the paying. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:33:14 AM | | Tell him to suck eggs. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:23:55 AM | SKAJ - This man is obviously not of the "barefoot and pregnant" generation because he doesn't have the class to take care of his lady. He's the type won't hold open a door, or pull out a chair. He's not hurting for money, or the Op would mentioned it. The real issue here is the man does not know how to treat others with respect (in this case sideswiping financially ex-post facto, knowing she is on a budget) and it is probably too late to change him. The lack of love and respect is pretty evident, and that is what really hurt her. The issue isn't money.
thisgirledm - haha. SUCK EGGS is right!!! lmao. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:31:41 AM | And so ends another chapter of the bimbo chronicles.
"Suck eggs", she spat over her shoulder. She turned on her heel and walked back out into the world of willing wallets. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:14:07 AM | Everyone who disagrees with you is a bimbo? You wish!!! Bet you think the Op is a bimbo, too? right? Poor gal has a problem and you are just full of witty and cruel quips, usually a sign of low self esteem when someone has to put others down to feel good about themselves. Try focusing on someone other than the cheapskate in the mirror, or helping in your community where you'll realize the world could be a positive and energerizing place. We're all this together.
feel free to suck eggs, too. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:47:30 PM | | I would just ask if that person is paying since its their idea to go on an expensive trip. I don't think its rude at all to ask when money is on the line. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:52:31 PM | | F*CK NO! that was wrong of him to ever do that if he wasnt going to pay cheap Azz | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:46:43 PM | I dont understand something...
Just because a man is paying... or in this case, just because YOU THINK the man is paying, doesnt mean that you should let him spend like a millionaire... (not that 2 grand is a whole lot of money, but in this case you dont have much of it, so it is).
So when booking the touristic activities, you should've been a bit more considerate of your wallet and his.
Anyways... back to your question,... I dont think you should pay anything!! I mean, WTF?!?! I'll admit it was your fault to begin with for not being CLEAR and instead of saying IM ON A TIGHT BUDGET... you shoulda said, I CAN ONLY SPEND XXX AMOUNT... will that cover it?? Otherwise I CANT GO.
But on the other hand, HE shoulda made it clear before he whisked you away.. that he expected you to pay!!
Whenever Im in this situatuion and I want the other person to pay for their half.. I will always let them know what the total price is (BEFORE GOING ANYWHERE)... like this:
"Total price will be $800, so your half will be $400, is that ok with you??"
Problem solved. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:49:33 PM | I just wanted to update on the situation- I feel that his character has been questioned and wanted to state that this is a man of character and class- he is very integral, romantic, and is a true gentleman-it just seems a miscommunication and thus a misunderstanding obviously occured.
After some thought she in the end offered to pay the other half of the bill since the cost was about the same for a side excursion she had suggested- so she offered to treat him to this component, but he declined. However, he decided to end the relationship since she let him know the subject had been posted in the forum to try to obtain objective viewpoints prior to her offer to him so there could be fairness but he was upset that they did not talk about it first.....I guess it was just not meant to be as forgivness should be shared. : (
Anyways, I just wanted to defend his character as he is a very integral person. They are both good people. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:20:26 PM |
Scenario- two people have been dating for a few months and agreed not to date anyone else. When they go out on the town whoever does the invite pays- dinner, movies, festivals etc. The guy later asks to "take her away somehwere" and he would " be honored if she would let him whisk her away somewhere and not have her worry about daily stresses etc, and just have a good time".
I can't imagine how you could be in a relationship that long and have this issue come up. If your relationship is exclusive, why are you not able to discuss your expenditures as a couple before you decide to do something together, rather than wonder who will pay for what? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:11:02 PM | Wow...
The post I was going to make asked what planet were all of you on? There's a guy who was mad because he got taken on a first date for $60 and is demanding to know who pays. Another lady who got taken for $50 on a date AND 1/2 her dessert eaten, and she thinks going Dutch means putting on clogs, AND another woman who's driving over 2 hrs to see a guy who doesn't drive to her AND isn't offering up money to help defray her expenses...what is up tonight???
And you had to know that he was going to be mad that you put your relationship with him out on a PUBLIC forum for all the world to see/criticize...right??? That's notfair and if you really wanted to be fair to him you would have just talked to HIM and not ask a bunch of people who don't know you all. Right...?? (it's not like talking about it in the 3rd person wouldn't have given it away).
I'm sure you're both great people but you don't know how to communicate. And please, before you go anywhere else with anyone else, TALK BEFORE YOU GO. It would make life so much easier for the 2 of you.
Good luck my dear...if you can't get talk about who pays for what before it has to be paid, you're going to end up back where you started again. And broker. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:14:43 PM | Malibusteve...
Not all of us believe that we're entitled to spend a guy's money. I completely believe that if one or the 2 of us can't afford it, say something! In this day and age, if you can have a conversation with someone about sex, but you can't have a talk about who pays or doesn't pay...what the heck does that say about us as a whole??
I see the man--and if it's between paydays or he's had some issues come up, I have no problem paying. Even if that is not the case. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:19:54 PM | | Now I agree with people in that you really shouldn't agree to go on a trip unless you can afford your part. At least talk about it first. That being said, he actually GAVE you a BILL? See, that to me is like a business transaction, not a romantic getaway. Just rude. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:39:37 PM | The OP obviously isn't aware of the new rule which came down recently:
She who accepts, pays.
Thus her total amount due comes to... $7,839.47 
I can't wait for this to come around on Judge Judy. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:36:02 AM | afashionlady,
Not all of us believe that we're entitled to spend a guy's money.
I did not mean to imply that all women are golddiggers. In fact, I wouldn't even argue that most are. I believe that the percentage is much smaller than most people make it out to be. I was specifically addressing the individuals who were posting in this thread where they seem to think a man owes them money for the honor of their company.
Come to think of it, "golddigger" isn't the only term that describes this attitude... | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:59:44 AM | Obviously there was not near enough communication between the two about who will be responsible to pay for what and how much.
What the saddest point of all this is, is that the main focus of so many females is the "money pot". "What's in it for me" and "how much am I going to get" and "how many expensive gifts am I going to receive"???.........and for absolutely nothing at all!
The point is proven by the responses of so many of the females listed here. Very, very few said one word about sharing in the cost or pitching-in even one little bit to cover the expenses of dating!
I agree with many of the males comments in that it is only fair and right that the "two"
share the costs of whatever it is they are doing on the date or the vacation BECAUSE there are TWO involved in that process together; NOT JUST ONE!
Why is it just AUTOMATICALLY assumed that the male pays for all and everything?
I say let women have a real turn at getting disrespected and being taken advantage of
by the opposite sex! It is not a party you will enjoy! Try getting expensive flowers thrown back at you or expensive vacation trips and nights on the town for free without any further communication from the other person. Trust me females, it won't take you two seconds to say ENOUGH of this bull and NEVER AGAIN! She pays her part or she stays home!
As one male commented so well; IT'S DUTCH WE GO OR IT'S A NO-GO!!! | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:49:29 AM | Malibu...
LOL...be nice. Don't need this to devolve into a bash thread. 
But point taken good sir. Believe it or not, there are some of us ladies who find the entitlement thing weird too. I have friends that I ask "who died and made YOU queen?" when they say things like that. What's also funny...in an ironic way...is that when you start demanding things from men, they, oddly enough, turn tail and run the other way sometimes don't they?
Happy fishing  | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:49:26 AM | REGARDING POST #61:
Oh man....because you posted on an anonymous forum, he got his itty bitty feewins hurt ? poor baby. ahhhhh,
just give HIM a treat now....how 'bout a big ole sugar t!t !
So, now you shouldn't be able to talk about something that obviously bothered you and he has in a sense....ridiculed you for it .  | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:57:47 PM | He was the one to ask her to go away with him. He should be a gentleman and pay. If he felt that she should be paying her share he should have made it VERY VERY VERY clear from the beginning that he had NO intentions of paying for her. After all she did make it very clear from the very beginning that her funds were limited.
I have that from my dating experiences never to assume. If someone asks me out on a date I will always offer to pay my own way however if he accepts my offer I always refuse the second date........ After all, who wants a cheap-o? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:24:52 PM | I went back and reread the original post, as there seemed to be a lot of people making assumptions.......so here's my .02 cents worth of assumptions:
the OP said:
They agree to take a trip together and when planning the trip he states hotel is covered by airmiles and finds some activities for them to do on the trip and asks her which ones she would like to do with no mention of costs.
There is absolutely no reason for him to disclose that the cost of the hotel is being covered by airmiles if he is planning on paying for the entire trip on his own!!! In fact, it is a clear sign that the cost of the trip will indeed be split. The only reason to mention that the hotel bill is taken care of is to let the other person know that that portion of the trip will not be included in their portion of the trip! | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:41:22 PM | | Do you think at the beginning when he said he wanted to "whisk you away" that he intended to pay, and has now gone back on it and decided to get you to pay your half? After all, throughout the trip, it sounds like he took care of the payments, and is now just asking you to give him money to pay him back. Sounds fishy. Are you two still going to date or are you breaking up or something? | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:47:03 PM | | If he invited you on a trip, he should pay. He should especially pay if he is trying to have a relationship which is more than just a friendship. Friends go dutch but when people are dating the man pays! That is why society gives them an edge in life. They make more money for less education than women and get favored in society. Asking you to pay is probably why he is still single. He is cheap and a jerk. | |
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| Who Pays????
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:29:22 AM | Okay I have an interesting question for you all...
Scenario-
two people have been dating for a few months and agreed not to date anyone else.
When they go out on the town whoever does the invite pays- dinner, movies, festivals etc.
The guy later asks to "take her away somehwere" and he would " be honored if she would let him whisk her away somewhere and not have her worry about daily ]stresses etc, and just have a good time".
Relationship is established.He indeed did invite her and based on past activities whenever someone was invited the inviter paid. Based on precedence the inviter pays in this relationship. Why would she think any differently?
They agree to take a trip together and when planning the trip he states hotel is covered by airmiles and finds some activities for them to do on the trip and asks her which ones she would like to do with no mention of costs. She also stated she was tight on money at this time since she had some bills soon due so was concerned about budget. She did think she might have to pay for her own tourist activities and anything else besides hotel, food, and travel costs.
He has not made mention of any costs she would be expected to pay but simply let her know he was happy the hotel would be covered by airmiles. He was planning tourist activities for both of them after asking her which ones she would like to do.
She let him know she in on a budget thinking she may have to possibly pay or would like to offer to pay for her half of tourist activities he was arranging so planned to spend for these items as a precautionary. She did ask for the price of activities prior but he stated the hotel was planning it all. If she was expected to pay- should she not know how much prior to being signed up for them? Regardless she did pay for her activities.
They go on the trip and she pays for her own tourist activities. The tourist activities were about $500 each that they did. There is no other mention of any other costs.
During the trip he put all meals, gas etc on his credit card- at no time did he ask her how she wanted to slit the other costs. If they were to split these costs there should have been discussion prior or during the trip. Moreover, they should have had seperate bills as they did for the activities where each paid their own.
When they return home he gives her a bill for half the trip - food, gas etc except for costs of one night when he says he "took her out to dinner". Her total half of the bill is close to $700 on top of what she already paid for her tourist activities.
Again he is using the phrase " he took her" to dinner for which he is paying, just as he used the phrase he wanted to "take her" away on a trip.
Should he expect her to pay the "surprise" bill?
No longer an issue as now resolved.
I think if anything this situation shows how miscommunicaton can result in misunderstandings. It really is subjective to the relationship os who pays for what and really is not a matter of questioning the other person's character, as this was not the issue, but rather that clear communication is essential to any relationship.
Thank all who reponded but no longer posting in this thread. | |
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