| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:07:56 AM | This has been an ongoing question in many relationships.
Most men have some feminine energy and most women have some masculine. However, there needs to be a balance.
If a man is mission oriented and not swayed by the lure of feminine when he is in this mode, this will naturally bring out the feminine in a woman. She knows she can trust her man. She must have confidence in herself, otherwise the lack of focus on her will cause insecurity.
The bottom line is trust. If she feels she has to step up to the plate time and time again, her feminine energy will be masked by the masculine that has taken over. As a result, the man will feel defeated inside and just give up.
Don't be so concerned about what women want. Woman will test their man over and over and over.
Be true to yourself and if you are right for her, you'll know it.
If men have the Ego "I'm a man, the king of the house", it will never work. Trust is earned over time.
If a man tries to only please his woman, if she becomes his soul focus, over time she'll just want to gag and roll her eyes (usually)
There is the flip side where some woman say they want to be in control and that they will never let a man control them again. The word here is control. Control is over rated and not necessary. Deep down they seek a strong hearted man but would never admit it.
If a man leads with integrity, confidence, compassion and passion...she will follow. Sort of like..if you know how to dance and lead her around..she will follow.
In my opinion, if a woman oozes masculinity with no desire to girlie up.. she doesn't trust men. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:11:09 AM | yet are screaming out WHERE ARE the manly men?
Yup I have been known to say that a time or two.
We're so dominant we scare 'em silly!
Yup been told that a time or two.
However, there needs to be a balance.
I think that too for time to time. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:12:44 AM | I don’t think that you fully understand what it means to be a leader. As a leader you have to make sure that everything is done before you rest. That is strength.
How in the hell are you going to call yourself a leader when you come home and say me,me,me? That is a leech.
What you are talking about is the man being the breadwinner, and the woman being the leader at home.
For me the leader means you make the decisions, you have more responsibilities. A leader needs more emotional support than a follower. Who the hell would put themselves in what you describe. That's just suicide and self sacrifice. No woman or man should have to do that. If being a leader means I come second she can be the leader. Have fun catering to others needs. The leader also gets blamed when things go wrong.
This is why women complain about being married. They are the leaders at home. Managing the money and similar decisions. They just want to pass it off to someone else. No one really wants to be the leader.
I still think if you have more responsibilities you are the one that should be comforted. You decide what to do with money you should be getting emotional support. You should be the one nurtured.
I would put up with a lot of flaws in a man if he took care of me.
What a princess attitude. You take care of each other. You make decisions together. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:58:39 AM |
The leader also gets blamed when things go wrong.
That sounds like fear to me. If something goes wrong, you fix it. If someone wants to blame fault on anything, then give it to me, I can take it. But then, if you are not helping to resolve the situation, then you are not in a position to place blame.
No one really wants to be the leader.
A leader does what needs to be done. When things need to be done, the leader makes sure that it gets done.
If you want to be pampered, then find a woman that will be the leader. She will send you off to work, tuck a pillow under your feet when you get home, but she is the leader. That is her house and her responsibility, so you would need to let her make the decisions. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:53:21 AM | Every person has male and female energy and every relationship has male and female energies... the yin and the yang.
However you choose to define it, a successful relationship is going to have a balance between yin and yang.
As with so much in life, I think the place to start is awareness of our self. And then examining what we expect from life and a partner. Some of our expectations are contradictory and *most* haven't been examined... we've just picked them up from the culture we were raised in and haven't really thought them through.
I think we mess up when we do not understand our own natures - the balance of male and female energy we each have. And then get into a relationship with someone where our natures are incompatible. When you are compatible the puzzle pieces fit together effortlessly and each feels accepted and understood by the other.
I learned a long time ago that my competition with a man was actually more revealing about my own internal conflict. It was my insecurity and confusion on what it meant to be a woman for me. I also hadn't figured out the concept of team work yet; I suspect this might be easier to get if women played more team sports. It is a harder to create balanced relationships now because we are no longer operating out of societally defined roles. This is great for us, but harder to define.
Like other women here, I wanted a man who would be leader and was always dissatisfied that I ended up leading. No matter how well balance we started out, I always ended up the leader and I assumed it was his fault - I was still being me afterall, so it seemed a logical conclusion. It was extraordinarily useful to me to look at how my competitiveness was throwing things out of balance. Although it was the last thing I wanted, I actually was making it impossible for him to lead because I wasn't being effective at team work; I actually was working against the relationship. I wish I could find the words to describe how I got it because it directly led to peace in my relationships by allowing and accepting his male energy. As far as I can tell it is in the area of coming to peace with the whole want/need issue. I rather suspect this is what men are getting at when they say "women want to be men". | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:10:33 PM | A leader does what needs to be done. When things need to be done, the leader makes sure that it gets done.
If you want to be pampered, then find a woman that will be the leader. She will send you off to work, tuck a pillow under your feet when you get home, but she is the leader. That is her house and her responsibility, so you would need to let her make the decisions.
What type of solution is that? Like everyone said there can be two leaders. There is no need for one to sacrifice themselves. Each person will have their strengths and each one can lead in different areas. If its one person doing the leading that person will resent the other for not doing their share. Who wants this type of stress?
I guess for you
Pampered=Not having to sacrifice my emotional and mental well being
Ok in that case I want to be pampered. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:21:30 PM |
What type of solution is that? Like everyone said there can be two leaders.
Are we even talking about the same thing? I stated that I want it to be a two leader situation. You stated:
For me the leader means you make the decisions, you have more responsibilities. A leader needs more emotional support than a follower.
I have stated what it takes to be a leader. You don’t want that. Then I mentioned to let the woman be the leader. You don’t want that.
Maybe you should describe how a relationship should work, because, to me, you are being totally wishwashy about how you think it should be, other than the fact that you want a lot of emotional support.
Again, here is my opinion from Msg: 16
I believe that a relationship should be between two good leaders. Once they learn to read each other then their lives are much better than when they were single. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:35:13 PM | I believe we have all sides within each of us. I am most definitely both a thinking and feeling person. I do not believe it is SO divided that you portray, OP.
I do look very feminine, and I do have feminine qualities, but I also have always had male personality traits also - questioning a very strong father - becoming strong to be able to stand up to him and be respected by him....becoming strong being a single parent for 18 years, and both mother and father to my youngest in many ways....so very much the leader in my life.
When I was in a relationship that included the things you speak of - when I lived with an other full time for years, it was before I was a single parent so long.....I think I was more yielding in that relationship until I wasn't - until I realized essentially I felt inferior if I was around a male who could feel superior....
and yet, it could have all been my imagination and projection.
I also am very feminine and nurturing - have always been.
I believe we all have both masculine and feminine within.
My most special physical relationship was with a masculine man.
My most loving relationship was with a man who was softer.
Perhaps it is more we join with others who are the perfect balance for our energy in that point in our life. And perhaps at different times of our lives, we are working with our masculine, and other times we are working with our feminine.
These days I seem to be able to change minute to minute, practically, but feeling the balance within me is when I feel best and the most 'me.' Yes, I'm definitely all girl on the outside, but inside there is definitely some manly strength too....or perhaps it really is all woman strength....for we are ever so strong.
Yes, I think you were right saying the boundaries have blurred and I think it's a good thing.....might be confusing for some, but for me I am overjoyed I am not confined by others telling me how I 'should' be. I am so grateful for the freedom for each of us to find who we really are - what is the balance and natural level of each of our male and female within us? Discovering that I think is a great part of the learning of this journey. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:47:46 PM | | One way to tell who is more dominant and who is more submissive (not in a kinky way!) is who decides where they eat dinner and what movie to watch. (This test only works after a relationship is established, because when dating, at first, you want to look polite and it's not the way that it ends up. ) | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:05:49 PM | | All my life I've heard that old line about "someone wearing the pants" when a man and a woman are involved. My answer has always been that in a healthy relationship, you each get a leg. Its more about being a partnership, and in a partnership, each one of you brings your own unique strengths to the party. If she has a better head for business and investing than me, I'll express my opinion, but defer to her more informed knowledge if we are faced with those type of choices. When we go car shopping, and she doesn't even know where to put oil in the engine, she can rely on my knowledge. I don't expect her to do all the housework and have dinner ready for me when I come home, and if I know she's had a tough day at work by all means I will pour her into a hot tub to soak when she gets home, and get her a glass of wine to relax with. I tend to be real good at taking care of the woman in my life, but I expect similar treatment when I've had a rough time of it too. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:42:34 PM |
tend to be real good at taking care of the woman in my life, but I expect similar treatment when I've had a rough time of it too.
do you get it? ever got a massage or bath or beer in return?
i wouldn't want a woman to pour me a bath. give me a bath is more like it and wash me off with her.... lol.jk | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:44:36 PM |
A man wants a woman who has feminine qualities, but he himself has the inability to be a leader (Capitan of the ship) of a relationship. Expecting the woman to take the lead and do all that is necessary to move the relationship forward into new and better things ... he is the crew. (one captain remember) Well this woman now has a problem, because they are the SAME. Both so wrapped up in FEELINGS, wow just like girlfriends.
IF woman wants a man who has masculine qualities, but she herself has the inability to be a follower (crew on the ship) of a relationship. This woman actually expects her man to step up to the plate, BE A MAN, but guess what she is already stepping on the plate and there is no room for the man. We have two masculine energies in this relationship. Both so masculine tied up in THOUGHTS, wow just line men friends.
I'll go back to my cherished Tracy/Hepburn model. Two strong people, whose love towards one another is bound heavily to respecting each other. One can either lead or follow, when the situation demands it, because the relationship itself is of primary importance over all other things.
It's a nation of two.
There's no domination of one entity over the other, consistently. That's generally a turn off, unless one is very submissive or unassertive. I don't think most people are, based on what I've seen.
I certainly favor a woman with strong opinions, but that must also carry with it a respect for the rights of others to disagree with that same opinion. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree, and walk away happy with that decision.
Having a woman "under my thumb" is not something I desire, at all. That's not a true relationship, in my opinion. I don't want to be under hers , either. | |
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| Who takes the Lead in your Relationships?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:42:21 PM |
It's a nation of two.
I like that very much MG.
My model is a duologue - a conversation with two parts. Both are necessary or there is no conversation, | |
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