| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:06:06 AM | OMG Chatterbug, I have no idea why you feel you need to argue this one into the ground.
Your relationship is different... got it.
Many people do not have their relationships organized the way you do. It works for them. Yours works for you.
The majority of people don't feel it is reasonable to spend money one can't afford. << let that be a bottom line. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:11:10 AM | And the reason you gave for him not taking her wasn't something sensible and sane like maybe going in debt, but you claim he used this as an excuse for dumping her.
Kinda funny YOU can make that assumption about someone elses relationship.
He dumped her because she had grand delusions of entitlement.
I saw it, over 20 posters here saw it.
You found someone that is willing to spend tons of money on you. You are very lucky.
My family will has a huge get together during labor day week at atlantic city. Maybe after my next frontal lobotomy and if get a steady girlfriend RIGHT NOW, I'll spring a few grand for her to fly trans-atlantic to hang out with me.
Obviously, you and I will disagree, because the core being of my soul tells me that NO ONE should go into debt to pay for someone's vacation if they only known that person a brief amount of time. Three months is not a permanent relationship. It's known as "the honeymoon period." Things don't begain to get realistic until about the 6-8 months period.
And the fact that a 3 month gf suggested that he choose between her or his brother.
That alone speaks for itself.
If you and her are into one another, it wouldn't hurt to take her along. Things that always get realistic at 6-8 months. If a person wants to spend that kinda of money out on someone that is their chose no matter how long they have been seeing one another. If they want their boyfriend or girlfriend to tag along then that is their chose. Obviously he didn't want to do either. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:14:11 AM |
chatterbug32 - in your situation of being with your partner for 15yrs I would consider you two family.
However, you were comparing a married partner to a 3 month relationship. You said why are the husbands of the sisters going then. Ummm because they are family. Because they have done the courting and decided to commit to a marriage to join each others families and because they paid to go. Unlike a short term gf who may or may not be around very long.
Why should OP go into debt over a maybe or maybe not?
Casandra67,
Obviously she doesn't get it. If a couple makes it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, the 4th of July Bar-b-que and the labor day weekend with family outings, then you are part of the family.
Instead, the OP's gf only saw this as an opportunity to go on a free cruise at the OP's expense. If she had offered to pay any money toward her trip, I'd be more understanding toward her plight.
Kinda funny how the OP's love/ethics is in question when its him that has to bear the entire weight of the debt. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:14:54 AM | The majority of people don't feel it is reasonable to spend money one can't afford. << let that be a bottom line.
But he has it to spend with his brother. And don't give me crap that family is thicker than blood, because my family is not close to one another. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:19:42 AM |
I tried to put up with this as long as I could, but it seems she would start every sentence with "You'd take your brother on a cruise, but not your girlfriend". I even tried to talk to the cruise directors to see if I could get her in to sleep on the couch or something, but no joy - in order to take her along AND my brother, I would have to get a second room at an additional $3200. And my gf can't come up with the money on her own.
Indigo rose,
It obvious he tried to find a equitable way of taking her. But she didn't have the cash. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:23:56 AM | Casandra67,
Obviously she doesn't get it. If a couple makes it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, the 4th of July Bar-b-que and the labor day weekend with family outings, then you are part of the family.
Instead, the OP's gf only saw this as an opportunity to go on a free cruise at the OP's expense. If she had offered to pay any money toward her trip, I'd be more understanding toward her plight.
Kinda funny how the OP's love/ethics is in question when its him that has to bear the entire weight of the debt.
And obviously you don't get it. Just because you do go to family outings does not make you a part of the family. I would go to my partners family outings and they still didn't consider me a family member . Me and his family didn't get along up until several years ago. Then I was accepted as family. How do you know for sure she wasn't going to pay anything? Your just going by his word. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:24:04 AM |
But he has it to spend with his brother. And don't give me crap that family is thicker than blood, because my family is not close to one another.
And there lies your main problem. You have no idea what being in a close family means.
So yeah, his brother means more to him than a 3 month girlfriend. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:24:11 AM | chatterbug32,
Once a couple becomes man and wife they do become part of each others family. After what he wrote it only makes sense that he ended the relationship with her. She didn't care about him or his family. All she wanted was to go on a cruise at his expense. If she truly cared about him she would have understood that his relationship with her was still very new and she shouldn't be putting any pressure on him about the cruise.
The husbands have every right to be there on the cruise. Heck, if I was married and my wifes family went on a cruise...or any where and I wasn't invited that would send me a loud signal of disrespect. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:24:32 AM |
And don't give me crap that family is thicker than blood, because my family is not close to one another.
Chatterbug, this will be my last exchange with you because I find you narrow minded and rigid. It is obvious you are not close to your family because you cannot even glimpse the other point of view.
You persist in insisting the world organize itself around your life experience... and where people don't, they are wrong. While it is true most of our attitudes, values and approaches in life are based on our experiences, most people are also flexible enough to be able to see another's point of view, even where it significantly differs from their own. IMO, you severely lack this ability.
OT ~ compatibility is finding a person who shares many of your core values. OP and his ex g/f obviously aren't a good match. Regardless of where our sympathies might lie with the individual attitudes, this pony wasn't going to go. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:28:05 AM | chatterbug..please learn to use the quote thing. (instructions are in the right hand corner)..You cant tell what you are repeating or what you are arguing about!
Its good that your partener spends tons of cash on you and has stayed with you for 15 years....congratulations.. Makes one wonder why you are here (pof) and not off on a cruise with this wonderful fantastic person in your life.
O.P. shouldnt be expected to fork over that much money for a vacation with someone who not only doesnt want anything to do with his family otherwise..but he has only known her for 3 months!!
Not only is there the 3200 dollars for the cabin..there is beverage costs, excursions, tipping..I suppose that OP is suppose to fork all that over as well?
It would be different if they were in a long term serious relationship..but there is hardly anything serious about a relationship after such a short period of time.
As for sisters and husbands going..well in marriage comes shared money and its a little different then a three month relationship. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:29:15 AM | You absolutely, definately did the right thing. If she is that demanding after a couple of months think how she would be after a couple of years. I think you dodged a bullet there mate. Go and enjoy your cruise, and find yourself a nicer girlfriend!
K | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:32:02 AM | Chatterbug, this will be my last exchange with you because I find you narrow minded and rigid. It is obvious you are not close to your family because you cannot even glimpse the other point of view.
You persist in insisting the world organize itself around your life experience... and where people don't, they are wrong. While it is true most of our attitudes, values and approaches in life are based on our experiences, most people are also flexible enough to be able to see another's point of view, even where it significantly differs from their own. IMO, you severely lack this ability.
That is your opinion of me, but personally you don't know me or my life experiences. I see the point of view. He didn't want to spend money on her, but he did want to with his brother. I understand relationships come and go, but so does family. I've seen it alot happen to families in my lifetime. I'm not someone that was just born yesterday. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:36:13 AM | And there lies your main problem. You have no idea what being in a close family means.
So yeah, his brother means more to him than a 3 month girlfriend
He said they hit it off when they met. Does that not mean anything? My partners family is close, so yeah I do. Mine might not be, but his is. He will and always has told them he wants me rather they accept me or not.
Anyone can see that this man was not serious about this woman. Because he said they got along well until this came up and he just drumps her at the first agrument they have. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:41:19 AM |
And obviously you don't get it. Just because you do go to family outings does not make you a part of the family. I would go to my partners family outings and they still didn't consider me a family member . Me and his family didn't get along up until several years ago. Then I was accepted as family. How do you know for sure she wasn't going to pay anything? Your just going by his word.
Ok Chatterbug32,
We are done.
You just morphed this thread into problems you are having with your partners family.
I'm going by his word, because THAT'S WHAT HE WROTE.
Kinda pointless to assume every poster is lying about their situation unless they reply back with conflicting information.
I am truly sorry you had issues with your partners family, but from my point of view, you are no longer contributing anything insightful to this thread.
Everyone else can play along, but I'm taking my ball and bat home.
OP: You know how I feel. Good luck and stay strong! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:42:30 AM | But he has it to spend with his brother. And don't give me crap that family is thicker than blood, because my family is not close to one another.
There is something else I should mention. My brother is a chriopractor. My ex-gf is a cashier at a deli. She makes slightly more than minimum wage.
My brother's practice is in financial straights right now. His main clientele is our family. My mom and sisters go to him regularly for back and neck pain. I even went to him for a few visits after a car wreck last year.
So... there is an additional desire for him to go along from the other members of the family. I mean he's our doctor! And he is much more likely to be able to afford to pay me back in the future, once his business picks up, than my ex-gf is.
And, as I mentioned, I DID consider renting another room so I could take her along. But I've already paid her airfare so that she could visit her own family in California twice since we've been together.
I should also mention that I offered to let an old girlfriend stay with me a couple of years ago when she lost her job and had nowhere else to turn. But then I caught her looking for other guys to hook up with using my own computer and even had one of them come to my own house while I was at work.
Even then I couldn't just kick her out without anywhere to go, so I GAVE HER $5000 to move to another state and start a new life there. I'm not a tightwad, but I'm also not in debt. I don't owe anyone anything - and getting into any kind of debt is very dis-concerning to me.
My ex-gf was over $25K in debt even though she was only a deli clerk. But if she had the money for herself and wanted to come along, that would have been great. But she didn't.
Even though she was trying to stop me from taking my brother in order for her to go, it wasn't really a deal-breaker for me. It was her denying me sex even though she knew that is what caused my own 15 year relationship with my ex-wife to end that was the final straw... Yes. She knew all the buttons to push and she pushed them. Just way too Deja Vu if you get my drift. And that's why I wasn't sure if dumping her was the right thing to do... my past experience getting in the way of my decision making process? | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:43:20 AM | Once a couple becomes man and wife they do become part of each others family. After what he wrote it only makes sense that he ended the relationship with her. She didn't care about him or his family. All she wanted was to go on a cruise at his expense. If she truly cared about him she would have understood that his relationship with her was still very new and she shouldn't be putting any pressure on him about the cruise.
The husbands have every right to be there on the cruise. Heck, if I was married and my wifes family went on a cruise...or any where and I wasn't invited that would send me a loud signal of disrespect.
You can be considered family without a marriage paper. So what if she did? At least they would have been together and spent some time together. This would have been a perfect opportunity for his family and her to get to know one another. So if my partner dished out that amount of money and I didn't pay for anything, would that make me seem like I was just using him for my expense? No I don't think so. That was his choice to pay and invite me because he wanted me to go. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:50:21 AM | chatterbug..please learn to use the quote thing. (instructions are in the right hand corner)..You cant tell what you are repeating or what you are arguing about!
Its good that your partener spends tons of cash on you and has stayed with you for 15 years....congratulations.. Makes one wonder why you are here (pof) and not off on a cruise with this wonderful fantastic person in your life.
O.P. shouldnt be expected to fork over that much money for a vacation with someone who not only doesnt want anything to do with his family otherwise..but he has only known her for 3 months!!
Not only is there the 3200 dollars for the cabin..there is beverage costs, excursions, tipping..I suppose that OP is suppose to fork all that over as well?
It would be different if they were in a long term serious relationship..but there is hardly anything serious about a relationship after such a short period of time.
As for sisters and husbands going..well in marriage comes shared money and its a little different then a three month relationship.
I've tried clicking on it, but I can't get it to work right for me.
That's my business for being on here. I didn't say he was all wonderful. I just said he goes everywhere with me or he won't go at all.
If that is what he wants to do, yes it's his choice rather or not if he wants to spend that kind of money. But he didn't want to. It does not matter how long you have been in a relationship to determine how much amount of money you want to spend on someone. I'm sure he has spent money on other things rather he needed them or not. Rather it being a short or long term thing. How do you know the sisters and their husbands shared the expenses? | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:54:43 AM |
You can be considered family without a marriage paper. So what if she did? At least they would have been together and spent some time together. This would have been a perfect opportunity for his family and her to get to know one another. So if my partner dished out that amount of money and I didn't pay for anything, would that make me seem like I was just using him for my expense? No I don't think so. That was his choice to pay and invite me because he wanted me to go.
Yes, I agree that a GF or a BF can become part of the family.......AFTER a FEW YEARS! But not 3 months.
A perfect opportunity to get to know the family is a few dinners together or a camping trip. Not a cruise at $3200.00 a pop. After 3 months......that is more like a hell of a gamble on his part. She proved her colors by putting pressure on him in the first place.
She might have been a blast to be with...but she sure wasn't long term material. The OP did the right thing.
Of course......I would have held him in much higher esteem if he did what I said in my first post. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:54:47 AM | damn...here I thought you were born yesterday...because its obvious you still have growing up to do!!!
And you know this by a few post I have made and not by knowing me personally. To make observations about someone, you have to spend time with them and obviously none of you have. You all are just making your opinions about me based on a few post I have made. I don't recall making any opinions on any of you. So why do you feel the need to about me? We all don't see eye to eye about things. So you shouldn't form a opinion about someone just because they don't agree with you. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:57:44 AM | Ok Chatterbug32,
We are done.
You just morphed this thread into problems you are having with your partners family.
I'm going by his word, because THAT'S WHAT HE WROTE.
Kinda pointless to assume every poster is lying about their situation unless they reply back with conflicting information.
I am truly sorry you had issues with your partners family, but from my point of view, you are no longer contributing anything insightful to this thread.
Everyone else can play along, but I'm taking my ball and bat home.
OP: You know how I feel. Good luck and stay strong!
That's right, your going on his word and his word alone. You have not heard her side of things. And you think that you are contributing to his thread just because you are agreeing with him.
Good luck to you also and thank you. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:07:45 PM | There is something else I should mention. My brother is a chriopractor. My ex-gf is a cashier at a deli. She makes slightly more than minimum wage.
My brother's practice is in financial straights right now. His main clientele is our family. My mom and sisters go to him regularly for back and neck pain. I even went to him for a few visits after a car wreck last year.
So... there is an additional desire for him to go along from the other members of the family. I mean he's our doctor! And he is much more likely to be able to afford to pay me back in the future, once his business picks up, than my ex-gf is.
And, as I mentioned, I DID consider renting another room so I could take her along. But I've already paid her airfare so that she could visit her own family in California twice since we've been together.
I should also mention that I offered to let an old girlfriend stay with me a couple of years ago when she lost her job and had nowhere else to turn. But then I caught her looking for other guys to hook up with using my own computer and even had one of them come to my own house while I was at work.
Even then I couldn't just kick her out without anywhere to go, so I GAVE HER $5000 to move to another state and start a new life there. I'm not a tightwad, but I'm also not in debt. I don't owe anyone anything - and getting into any kind of debt is very dis-concerning to me.
My ex-gf was over $25K in debt even though she was only a deli clerk. But if she had the money for herself and wanted to come along, that would have been great. But she didn't.
Even though she was trying to stop me from taking my brother in order for her to go, it wasn't really a deal-breaker for me. It was her denying me sex even though she knew that is what caused my own 15 year relationship with my ex-wife to end that was the final straw... Yes. She knew all the buttons to push and she pushed them. Just way too Deja Vu if you get my drift. And that's why I wasn't sure if dumping her was the right thing to do... my past experience getting in the way of my decision making process
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Thank you for showing proof of what I have been trying to say all along. Read it people.
{{{{Even then I couldn't just kick her out without anywhere to go, so I GAVE HER $5000 to move to another state and start a new life there. }}}}
He gave this woman money to help her out, and she wasn't even his girlfriend. An ex.
You expect your girlfriend to pay you back for a cruise that you and her would be spending time together on?
How do you know his business will pick up? How do you know he will pay you back?
So you want him to come along because your family has a desire for him to, but you don't want your current girlfriend there? Hmmmmmmm. This isn't about kissing butt so that your family can keep coming to him for medical attention is it? | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:13:14 PM | Yes, I agree that a GF or a BF can become part of the family.......AFTER a FEW YEARS! But not 3 months.
A perfect opportunity to get to know the family is a few dinners together or a camping trip. Not a cruise at $3200.00 a pop. After 3 months......that is more like a hell of a gamble on his part. She proved her colors by putting pressure on him in the first place.
She might have been a blast to be with...but she sure wasn't long term material. The OP did the right thing.
Of course......I would have held him in much higher esteem if he did what I said in my first post.
It all depends on the family to determine how long it takes to be accepted. What does it matter where and how much money it takes for a family to spend time together and get to know one another. Camping, etc., takes money also. | |
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