| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:13:14 PM | Yes, I agree that a GF or a BF can become part of the family.......AFTER a FEW YEARS! But not 3 months.
A perfect opportunity to get to know the family is a few dinners together or a camping trip. Not a cruise at $3200.00 a pop. After 3 months......that is more like a hell of a gamble on his part. She proved her colors by putting pressure on him in the first place.
She might have been a blast to be with...but she sure wasn't long term material. The OP did the right thing.
Of course......I would have held him in much higher esteem if he did what I said in my first post.
It all depends on the family to determine how long it takes to be accepted. What does it matter where and how much money it takes for a family to spend time together and get to know one another. Camping, etc., takes money also. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:23:24 PM | Even then I couldn't just kick her out without anywhere to go, so I GAVE HER $5000 to move to another state and start a new life there.
I had the money to give back then. I didn't have to go into debt to take someone on a family cruise that didn't even like my family.
Since then I've learned not to spend so much money on budding relationships. It just isn't worth it. But even though, I've already spent over $1k on airfare for my ex-gf to visit her own family in California. She told me it was just a loan. I knew I'd never get it back... but I'm entitled to wish for it, don't you think?
It must be nice to have that millionaire boyfriend that will take you everywhere, with no spending limit... huh, chatterbag32... You really got it made, don't you?. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:30:09 PM | had the money to give back then. I didn't have to go into debt to take someone on a family cruise that didn't even like my family.
Since then I've learned not to spend so much money on budding relationships. It just isn't worth it. But even though, I've already spent over $1k on airfare for my ex-gf to visit her own family in California. She told me it was just a loan. I knew I'd never get it back... but I'm entitled to wish for it, don't you think?
It must be nice to have that millionaire boyfriend that will take you everywhere, with no spending limit... huh, chatterbag32... You really got it made, don't you?.
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Sir, you are entitled to do whatever you feel like doing. It is your life to live. The choices you make in life has some affect on you sooner or later.
I never said he was rich or I had it made.
I'm sorry to all if I stepped on any toes. My apologises. You all have a good day. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:33:05 PM |
should also mention that I offered to let an old girlfriend stay with me a couple of years ago when she lost her job and had nowhere else to turn. But then I caught her looking for other guys to hook up with using my own computer and even had one of them come to my own house while I was at work.
Even then I couldn't just kick her out without anywhere to go, so I GAVE HER $5000 to move to another state and start a new life there. I'm not a tightwad, but I'm also not in debt. I don't owe anyone anything - and getting into any kind of debt is very dis-concerning to me.
OP, what you wrote doesn't surprise me. Did you read my intial message? Message 56? Something about meeting abusive women? Did I not call that?
And, as I mentioned, I DID consider renting another room so I could take her along. But I've already paid her airfare so that she could visit her own family in California twice since we've been together.
WTF dude, And you have the friggin nerve to say, "Everything was going great until my sister told me about a family cruise they were planning and invited me along."
Sound like this relationship been a bloody trainwreck. You paid for TWO round trip tickets for her to visit her family? Amd you've only known her a few months?
*just shakes my head in amazement*
My ex-gf was over $25K in debt even though she was only a deli clerk. But if she had the money for herself and wanted to come along, that would have been great. But she didn't.
Not surprised. God, she sounds like an absolute nightmare. And you seriuosly need to erase the word "MUG" from your forehead.
Even though she was trying to stop me from taking my brother in order for her to go, it wasn't really a deal-breaker for me. It was her denying me sex even though she knew that is what caused my own 15 year relationship with my ex-wife to end that was the final straw... Yes. She knew all the buttons to push and she pushed them. Just way too Deja Vu if you get my drift. And that's why I wasn't sure if dumping her was the right thing to do... my past experience getting in the way of my decision making process?
I kinda believe the opposite here. I think Kyn said your GF didn't want to sleep with you because she was pissed off at you. Meaning she didn't find you attractive and wasn't very turned on by you sexually, which is by rights is her prerogative.
And yeah, your past issues may have reared his head with this situation.
At first I thought she was just an immature, entitled shrew. Looks like she wasn't a very nice person either, looking to get whatever she could from you.
You seriously need to stop this great need to rescue amoral women. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:36:31 PM |
Since then I've learned not to spend so much money on budding relationships. It just isn't worth it. ?
Well seems to me awhile back you sent some beautiful way overpriced Indigo blue roses to some chick you didn't even know.
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:23:58 PM |
I've talked to her since and she explained her reasoning for the denial of sex thing - she said that since I was going to be away from her, that she reasoned that I was denying her sex for seven days.
I guess I never thought about it that way...
That's because no normal, rational human being WOULD think about it that way. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:30:51 PM | | she is childesh! she thinks that she should be put in front of your family and that is really bizarre. she has only been with you for 3 months. that is to soon to be being that pushy. od lose her if i were you! with out a doubt you did the right thing. if she is that controlling picture when you are together longer. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:02:30 PM | you did the right thing. clearly she thinks she's more important then your family. Family cruise is for FAMILY not Family + girlfriend. 3 mths isn't that long, I personally don't think its a good idea to go on a trip of any kind that soon in a relationship, think should wait at least 1 yr of dating before doing so....
I would of dumped her before she started to really diss my family. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:12:58 PM |
So I went ahead and booked the room and told my brother he can share the room with me. But when I told this to my new girlfriend, she was really pissed off. She thought I should take her instead, and no matter how I tried to explain that this was a "family" cruise, she wouldn't accept it.
That's the point where they should be told to f*ck off.
My opinion is that the MOST you should spend on a budding relationship is about $25 for a movie and $50 for dinner. Anyone insisting on more than that is just a mooch. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:35:18 PM | | It would have been nice to take her, but she had no right to go off on you about it, you were only 3 months into it and frankly for some people that would be a bit soon to bring a GF into a family vacation kind of situation. I think she probably has PES and good riddance. Consider yourself lucky to find out now. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:42:06 AM | I agree capricorn40.
I wonder if he realises that by his generosity he is actually hurting them more. He is not allowing these ppl to learn how to deal with life issues themselves.
Much better to offer someone emotional support and wish them well plus give some advice or tools on how best to handle a situation that has put a person in financial trouble. Being of such a person as OP states he is, having NO DEBT, he should be a very good teacher on how to control, budget etc.
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime".
Something for OP to consider. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:10:11 AM | Sorry, OP, to post again to the thread, as I know you wanted it to die...
However, I have to second the point brought up (and cheered) by Capricorn and Cassandra. When you are tempted to offer money to a new romantic partner, or any friend in general whom you do not know well (I offer that broad swath of people to consider, as I'd guess you possess a generous spirit in other parts of life, beyond simply the romantic section)... think again.
Because you have discovered a way to live within your means, you can be both an example and a mentor for others, to learn the skills necessary to live the same way and experience the same freedom (if they so desire). Offering skills and emotional support while someone develops those skills will, in the long run, be a lot more rewarding than simply throwing money at a problem out of guilt or any other emotion. Money can often muddy the waters of a relationship, and that is true no matter the length of time that you've known someone. For a wife, yes you provide for her and your children, and contribute to their well-being. But for a girlfriend, this is your opportunity to LEARN about a person, not to solve their problems or simply meet their needs. It's one thing to offer nice opportunities to help someone out by always paying for the "dinner and a movie" or whatever else you're doing on a date. I think that could be very chivalrous, and it could take financial pressure off your dating partner to "match" your financial outlay when they may not have the same income you do. But it is an entirely different animal to rescue someone from their financial problems. Bad, bad, bad thing to do.
I hope you enjoy your cruise, and the next time a girl shows no interest in going with you to your many family events (though you repeatedly invite her), or getting to know your family while she's dating you... RUN! ('cause she just ain't that smart, otherwise she'd take every opportunity to get to know you, and your family of origin!)
Good luck, Hitman.
Beth | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:27:37 AM | I think you really hurt her by telling her you were not taking her on the cruise.
Next time you meet someone you really hit it off with, don't let your family come between you.
You were probably going to dump her anyway and this was a good excuse
now i dont understand how you can take her side. familys do things together. she was so selfish to think to leave the brother out and take her. how would you feel if you had a cruisewith your family and your brother or sister says, you cant go i invited my sis or brother. now that shows that you would probably be the same way! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:36:34 AM | A couple last things and I'm outta here:
1) My brother and sister (one of the sister's that is going) are twins. And it so happens that the embarkment of the cruise (in September) happens to be on their birthday!
2) I already pormised the cruise to my brother before my ex-gf learned about it. So if I were to change my mind and take her, it would mean breaking my promise to my brother. I don't think anyone should break a promise so lightly.
Ok... I'm done.
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:45:12 AM | Read between the lines in your opening post, OP, and figured it was that kind of situation. Her loss in the long run. Meanwhile, far better to have discovered in 3 months that you and the GF weren't singing the same "song"...
Good luck to ya!
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:51:11 AM | I'm going to play devil's advocate here! I honestly think SHE was lucky you dumped her! I'm sorry, BUT - I think 'mama' had a plan and you played right into it! I bet 'mama' didn't like the gf in the first place and you are a sucker for being played the guilt role with your family! She is one LUCKY PUPPY that she found out how "led-by-the-nose" you are!!! PS: she should have just walked away asap instead of trying the control of the sex thing - that was a bit stupid on her part. NEVER works where 'MAMA' in concerned - umbillicle cord is too strong! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:03:33 AM | Im totally on the side of your ex on this one I afraid but I have to call it as I see it.
If you were seeing her seriously, being intimate and seeing eachother alot then what happened is unfair to her.
Seems like your sisters were takin their partners so why would anyone be upset at you taking your lady along? You basically tossed her aside and paid for your brother and were leaving her at home with no thought for her. She got the ass? Id of dumped you not the the other way round. The reason she dissed your family is because Im sure you pointed theyd be upset if you took her instead of your brother and you brought their opinions into it.
Imagine if one of your sisters said well I wont bring my husband I'll pay for my brother to come with me instead? Do you think that would have happened? No it didnt. You may have only been with her 3 months but I gather you were planning some kind of future with her and we all have to start somewhere.
Its nice to consider your family but she needed to be equal in your thoughts and she as your partner should come first. I feel what you did to her was an emotional kick in the teeth.
You say she witheld sex. Do you think she fancied it knowing how low on your priorities she came? I think you need to wise up. Woman are not robots and you hurt us and its all ok.
I think you are wise to get rid of her. She deserves better treatment than this. I think what you did was awful. Like shes not good enough to mix with our precious family. She felt sidelined and put last and doubt she'd take you back. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:14:01 AM | ~OP~ nothing is as it seems to appear. You have presented the circumstances around the family cruise and your girlfriend's reaction and expectation. It sounds too much to expect from your to go into debts, I agree. This was family event, and you only knew each other for mere three months.
What amount of time is considered long enough to start being taken seriously. Three months, most people say in this thread is "...oh, common, gimmie a break".... so is six months and eleven days little bit longer, there are more chances one would go into debt for someone.... The bottom line, she felt close to you after three months and wanted to be part of your travel adventure. The sad part is that she was blackmailing you and denying your sex, as you put it. Oh, was she simply hurt, and withdrew ... different perspective.
You could have talked to her and acknowledged her feelings and try to help her with feeling the way she did. I don't agree with simple statement... three months was not long enough... so you did the right thing by dumping her. No one of us was there to know how you should have handled this situation. NO one should guilt you into anything, but human emotions are very real. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:37:55 PM | Im totally on the side of your ex on this one I afraid but I have to call it as I see it.
Obviously you have a very limited vision.
The reason she dissed your family is because Im sure you pointed theyd be upset if you took her instead of your brother and you brought their opinions into it.
Yeah, family is weird like that, choosing a gf you known only a few months over your brother you had a close bond with tend to cause a few family ripples.
Imagine if one of your sisters said well I wont bring my husband I'll pay for my brother to come with me instead? Do you think that would have happened? No it didnt. You may have only been with her 3 months but I gather you were planning some kind of future with her and we all have to start somewhere.
Wow, I can't even imagine what type of medication you are taking to form that type of condition. How you can equate a couple that has been married 22 years to a 3 month gf.
Did you read any of the past post by the OP? Do you even have a clue what is going on here?
I think you are wise to get rid of her. She deserves better treatment than this. I think what you did was awful. Like shes not good enough to mix with our precious family.
Once again, did you read ANYTHING the OP said? He offered her to meet his family SEVERAL times and she declined. She was only interested in his family when the cruise was in the mix.
She felt sidelined and put last and doubt she'd take you back.
He is well rid!
Wow, it's like you didn't read anything the OP or other posters had said.
And this crap about her being low on his priorities. PLEASE!!!!
He brought her 2 round trip plane tickets to her home to another state and she still whining about not being taken on a cruise. Did we mention they only been together 3 months
Woman are not robots and you hurt us and its all ok.
Men are not walking wallets and when you try to use emotional blackmail to get us to shell out cash, it pisses us off! | |
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