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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:42:06 AM | I agree capricorn40.
I wonder if he realises that by his generosity he is actually hurting them more. He is not allowing these ppl to learn how to deal with life issues themselves.
Much better to offer someone emotional support and wish them well plus give some advice or tools on how best to handle a situation that has put a person in financial trouble. Being of such a person as OP states he is, having NO DEBT, he should be a very good teacher on how to control, budget etc.
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime".
Something for OP to consider. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:10:11 AM | Sorry, OP, to post again to the thread, as I know you wanted it to die...
However, I have to second the point brought up (and cheered) by Capricorn and Cassandra. When you are tempted to offer money to a new romantic partner, or any friend in general whom you do not know well (I offer that broad swath of people to consider, as I'd guess you possess a generous spirit in other parts of life, beyond simply the romantic section)... think again.
Because you have discovered a way to live within your means, you can be both an example and a mentor for others, to learn the skills necessary to live the same way and experience the same freedom (if they so desire). Offering skills and emotional support while someone develops those skills will, in the long run, be a lot more rewarding than simply throwing money at a problem out of guilt or any other emotion. Money can often muddy the waters of a relationship, and that is true no matter the length of time that you've known someone. For a wife, yes you provide for her and your children, and contribute to their well-being. But for a girlfriend, this is your opportunity to LEARN about a person, not to solve their problems or simply meet their needs. It's one thing to offer nice opportunities to help someone out by always paying for the "dinner and a movie" or whatever else you're doing on a date. I think that could be very chivalrous, and it could take financial pressure off your dating partner to "match" your financial outlay when they may not have the same income you do. But it is an entirely different animal to rescue someone from their financial problems. Bad, bad, bad thing to do.
I hope you enjoy your cruise, and the next time a girl shows no interest in going with you to your many family events (though you repeatedly invite her), or getting to know your family while she's dating you... RUN! ('cause she just ain't that smart, otherwise she'd take every opportunity to get to know you, and your family of origin!)
Good luck, Hitman.
Beth | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:27:37 AM | I think you really hurt her by telling her you were not taking her on the cruise.
Next time you meet someone you really hit it off with, don't let your family come between you.
You were probably going to dump her anyway and this was a good excuse
now i dont understand how you can take her side. familys do things together. she was so selfish to think to leave the brother out and take her. how would you feel if you had a cruisewith your family and your brother or sister says, you cant go i invited my sis or brother. now that shows that you would probably be the same way! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:36:34 AM | A couple last things and I'm outta here:
1) My brother and sister (one of the sister's that is going) are twins. And it so happens that the embarkment of the cruise (in September) happens to be on their birthday!
2) I already pormised the cruise to my brother before my ex-gf learned about it. So if I were to change my mind and take her, it would mean breaking my promise to my brother. I don't think anyone should break a promise so lightly.
Ok... I'm done.
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:45:12 AM | Read between the lines in your opening post, OP, and figured it was that kind of situation. Her loss in the long run. Meanwhile, far better to have discovered in 3 months that you and the GF weren't singing the same "song"...
Good luck to ya!
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:51:11 AM | I'm going to play devil's advocate here! I honestly think SHE was lucky you dumped her! I'm sorry, BUT - I think 'mama' had a plan and you played right into it! I bet 'mama' didn't like the gf in the first place and you are a sucker for being played the guilt role with your family! She is one LUCKY PUPPY that she found out how "led-by-the-nose" you are!!! PS: she should have just walked away asap instead of trying the control of the sex thing - that was a bit stupid on her part. NEVER works where 'MAMA' in concerned - umbillicle cord is too strong! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:03:33 AM | Im totally on the side of your ex on this one I afraid but I have to call it as I see it.
If you were seeing her seriously, being intimate and seeing eachother alot then what happened is unfair to her.
Seems like your sisters were takin their partners so why would anyone be upset at you taking your lady along? You basically tossed her aside and paid for your brother and were leaving her at home with no thought for her. She got the ass? Id of dumped you not the the other way round. The reason she dissed your family is because Im sure you pointed theyd be upset if you took her instead of your brother and you brought their opinions into it.
Imagine if one of your sisters said well I wont bring my husband I'll pay for my brother to come with me instead? Do you think that would have happened? No it didnt. You may have only been with her 3 months but I gather you were planning some kind of future with her and we all have to start somewhere.
Its nice to consider your family but she needed to be equal in your thoughts and she as your partner should come first. I feel what you did to her was an emotional kick in the teeth.
You say she witheld sex. Do you think she fancied it knowing how low on your priorities she came? I think you need to wise up. Woman are not robots and you hurt us and its all ok.
I think you are wise to get rid of her. She deserves better treatment than this. I think what you did was awful. Like shes not good enough to mix with our precious family. She felt sidelined and put last and doubt she'd take you back. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:14:01 AM | ~OP~ nothing is as it seems to appear. You have presented the circumstances around the family cruise and your girlfriend's reaction and expectation. It sounds too much to expect from your to go into debts, I agree. This was family event, and you only knew each other for mere three months.
What amount of time is considered long enough to start being taken seriously. Three months, most people say in this thread is "...oh, common, gimmie a break".... so is six months and eleven days little bit longer, there are more chances one would go into debt for someone.... The bottom line, she felt close to you after three months and wanted to be part of your travel adventure. The sad part is that she was blackmailing you and denying your sex, as you put it. Oh, was she simply hurt, and withdrew ... different perspective.
You could have talked to her and acknowledged her feelings and try to help her with feeling the way she did. I don't agree with simple statement... three months was not long enough... so you did the right thing by dumping her. No one of us was there to know how you should have handled this situation. NO one should guilt you into anything, but human emotions are very real. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:37:55 PM | Im totally on the side of your ex on this one I afraid but I have to call it as I see it.
Obviously you have a very limited vision.
The reason she dissed your family is because Im sure you pointed theyd be upset if you took her instead of your brother and you brought their opinions into it.
Yeah, family is weird like that, choosing a gf you known only a few months over your brother you had a close bond with tend to cause a few family ripples.
Imagine if one of your sisters said well I wont bring my husband I'll pay for my brother to come with me instead? Do you think that would have happened? No it didnt. You may have only been with her 3 months but I gather you were planning some kind of future with her and we all have to start somewhere.
Wow, I can't even imagine what type of medication you are taking to form that type of condition. How you can equate a couple that has been married 22 years to a 3 month gf.
Did you read any of the past post by the OP? Do you even have a clue what is going on here?
I think you are wise to get rid of her. She deserves better treatment than this. I think what you did was awful. Like shes not good enough to mix with our precious family.
Once again, did you read ANYTHING the OP said? He offered her to meet his family SEVERAL times and she declined. She was only interested in his family when the cruise was in the mix.
She felt sidelined and put last and doubt she'd take you back.
He is well rid!
Wow, it's like you didn't read anything the OP or other posters had said.
And this crap about her being low on his priorities. PLEASE!!!!
He brought her 2 round trip plane tickets to her home to another state and she still whining about not being taken on a cruise. Did we mention they only been together 3 months
Woman are not robots and you hurt us and its all ok.
Men are not walking wallets and when you try to use emotional blackmail to get us to shell out cash, it pisses us off! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:10:27 PM | Ya got my vote, capricorn40. OP has twice posted more or less end of story and even provided the specifics that clarified the situation - yet those posts must have sailed right over.
Once again, did you read ANYTHING the OP said? He offered her to meet his family SEVERAL times and she declined. She was only interested in his family when the cruise was in the mix.
Says it all right there!
Can we now respect OP's request and let this thread have a dignified end? | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:46:19 AM | Just an update for anyone who's interested...
When my sisters first hatched the plan for the cruise, I initially backed out. It was only when I learned my brother wanted to go but couldn't because of money problems that I decided "what the heck" and booked the room for the two of us.
Well.. yesterday my brother contacted me, and told me he had to back out because he just couldn't justify taking the time off when his business was in so much trouble.
So... now I have an expensive room for a cruise that I didn't even want to go on in the first place, which I'll likely be spending time alone in even though I paid for two people.
When will I learn? No good deed ever goes unpunished... | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:03:10 AM | Hmmm, since you already have a room and no first mate...........nah just kidding.
Maybe you could invite a close cousin or beloved uncle or even a very close friend that at least knows some of your family well. I booked a family vacation/reunion with a couple of cousins since none of my siblings could make it and it worked out great.
If it ends up you spent double for yourself, just go spend some time with the family and have an extra good time. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:07:57 AM |
Well.. yesterday my brother contacted me, and told me he had to back out because he just couldn't justify taking the time off when his business was in so much trouble.
Well well. One would almost think this was a plan from the beginning, so all of the PoF ladies would be beating your door down offering to take your brother's place  
I doubt it was, but if so, man you're good. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:02:37 PM | Ask your brother how long it has been since he has had a vacation. If it has been more than two years, tell him he will be better off taking the vacation.
Even his better customers will tell him that. I have owned my business for 15 years and for the first 8 years I was never closed. Now, I close for two weeks every year. However, if your brother lets all his customers know he will be gone for a week......or two at the most, it should be fine. His customers will encourage him to do it. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:44:54 PM | The fact that you are now feeling bad speaks volumes about YOUR character, which sounds excellent. What you have rid yourself of is a controlling, manipulative, insecure person who was showing a red flag early on (lucky for you!).
Too bad I am not as smart myself. Just trying to break up with a guy who has no job, no money and wants me to add him to my "family plan" so he can have a phone. Stick to your guns, because these people only cause grief and mess with your head!! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:46:08 PM |
Too bad I am not as smart myself. Just trying to break up with a guy who has no job, no money and wants me to add him to my "family plan" so he can have a phone. Stick to your guns, because these people only cause grief and mess with your head!!
Hopeiam,
Realizing the problem is halfway to the solution. You know what is going on is NOT a good thing. If your boyfriend doesn't pay for his phone calls, guess who's credit is going down the toilet?
Him not having a phone is NOT your problem. Stay strong. Been there myself! | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:55:45 PM | | Wow, I'd say you were lucky to see this side of her before you got more involved. For one thing, if I'd only known you for 3 months I wouldn't think we were too far into any kind of relationship, we would just be getting to know one another and you going on a family cruise, sure I'd think damn I'd love a curise, but I would certainly understand and in fact not be so sure about spending all that time together on a ship at sea with someone I barely know to be all that good an idea. I've done it LOL but it's not really a safe thing to do. Anyone with this little control over their emotions would be someone I'd personally want to avoid any further contact with, she sounds awfully immature and naggy. I think you dodged a bullet. | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:10:46 PM | Three days, three months, three years...I believe a person can fall in love and no time frames bind you.
The woman inquestion does not sound very nice. If I were in your position...based on what I think you said, I would not be bringing someone like that into my family either. You must of had some kind of reservations about her or I think both your brother and she would be with you. If you had feelings for her, she would have been a stowaway. If the person in question was someone I thought I may possibly love and want to be with...Come hell or high water he would want me there and I would do the same.
And now I see you have a whole other problem...but maybe just maybe you will go, enjoy the ride, AND meet the woman of your dreams! | |
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claral
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Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 160 | |
| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:54:07 AM | Yeah you so did the right thing she clearly is a selfish brat who cant handle the fact you have a family and yopur whole relationship will revolve around her me me me me me attitude until she is number one priorty in everything
Some women feel justified in being first second and last with men like some controlling parasite who needs constant attention and to feel more special than anything else in someones life.
Like a power trip but equally a need to feel the most important person ever superior and ruthless posion ivy that will ruin qany other relationships you have with friends and family.
Selfish they just want their needs met over yours end of | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:28:45 PM | Actually Capricorn I read the first post only and never saw his other postings I so humbly apologise lmao
You can critise my vision if you like or anythin about me as a person as you dont actually know me (cant believe I have to poin that out) lol
Well its all worked out well eh? He got no gf but is now goin on holiday with mummy and the brother has let him down. I suggest Im not the only blind person round here. A relationship should come first if your trying to buld something and he chose his family without trying to work it all out. In my view his decisions made it this way so why whine? | |
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| She tried to come between me and my family, so I dumped her.
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:30:26 AM | You did the right thing. She had no right trying to make you choose between your brother and her on a FAMILY cruise. You weren't together long enough to pay the $3200 to accommodate her. She was improper, selfish, intrusive and jealous. Enjoy the trip with your family!!!  | |
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