| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:22:41 PM | No, it's not. You simply type in truthful information. Why would anyone want to attract a person of the opposite gender who's responding to an illusion instead of the real you? It's not like they won't notice if and when they meet you, and if they're anyone with any amount of self-respect, character, and integrity, once they realize they've been lied to, you will be in the ignoratorium.
So there is really nothing to be gained by lying. Not a single thing. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:34:27 PM | What it boils down to is that on the internet women are looking for the same men they want to meet offline.
I've been told I have to act a certain way to attract women, some men take that to heart more than others, I'm looking for the exception and continue to put off a lot of girls, some men will try and completely change their entire life just to be someone else that's more attractive to the opposite sex because it beats being lonely, others will just hope to god they can lie to someone long enough it won't matter.
If you keep meeting liars, you might want to invest some time in approaching men or looking for similarities you can spot early. | |
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42 4 U
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Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 69 | |
| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:19:48 PM | I agree with you Op on this issue. Its too bad that those liar, player types have such a negative effect on the honest people.I am a very straight forward, easy going person and I don't see the point of lying or exaggerating anything about myself. I realize that many women would find me more attractive initially if I did this,but what would that accomplish?Maybe I would get more emails if I put on an Armani suit, and stood next to a Mercedes?Or put "corporate executive" as my occupation? Or claimed to guarantee multiple orgasms? Since I am not on here to play games,I just be myself and let people make up their own minds about whether they want to have me in their lives.
I've been lied to and misled by women on here, and it doesn't impress me at all.I think its because the computer gives a sense of anonymity,people don't feel they have any accountability on here, and don't feel they must use proper manners.This is wrong, people need to treat this the same as if you were meeting face to face.Theres way to many fakes and game players on here.
If you're going to use this medium as a way of meeting people,you need a thick skin, and a good bull sh*t meter.I don't mind if women ask certain "test" questions,or want to spend time emailing before they're willing to meet.The only thing about this that I don't like is, most just spot communicating and disappear without any explanation. I,ve invested time and effort into these communications too,don't I deserve some explanation as to why they've given up on me? | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:46:45 AM |
I guess I just thought that at this age we were all past the "tricks". I have been out of the scene for a long time and I guess I just assumed that everyone was on the up and up. After all, we are all adults. Right?
Yeah, and the main difference between adults and children is that adults have leaned to rationalize lying and playing games as not being naive. Children have little difficulty speaking their minds and being up front about what they want until adults teach them to not be naive. If we are all adults, then you might expect the games to only get more sophisticated. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:53:03 AM | I must read your profile. I had to read this sentence twice and that is unusual for me! But really you are right and love the way you worded it making it funny but truthful.
I often cannot write what I am thinking properly.
I usually have to edit my posts a kajillion times, because every time I go back and read what I had written, it was poorly communicated.
I think my brain is broke'd.
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:51:43 AM | | Well I think all people misrepresent to an extent, especially when going after something, whether it be a mate, a date, a job, etc. Sure, it can be considered 'lying' or embellishment to an extent, but I think it's almost human nature to put our best foot forward when going after something we want, and to a certain extent it is almost encouraged..and both men and women do it, not one more than the other. On a resume, we list our accomplishments, degrees, accreditations, skills. We don't put the fact that sometimes no matter how much I love my career I just don't feel like getting up at 6am to go to work..or that you got fired when you were 21 for stealing the company pens! It's the same for dating. While I don't think THAT many people tell outright lies about their lives, we tend to spread the peacock feathers when dating and looking for a mate, and hide the porcupine needles. I smile a lot more, try to feel more positive, act like I don't get angry. I don't want to show that stuff off as a marketing tactic for myself because it simply won't work. Fact is, I have bad days like anyone else. Most of the dating profiles I see on here and elsewhere make it appear like people live in white clouds without a worry in the world. Why? A little 'misrepresentation' goes a long way, in the dating world. Maybe it's wrong but would be naive to think most people don't do it. I challenge any man out there to show a profile picture which shows your full beer gut and any woman to show a picture of yourself with your hair and face taken exactly 13 seconds after waking up. Not gonna happen! | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:27:37 AM | Nope, I think I thought I understood what you thought you wrote. No misrepresentation in your chosen words. They were well put and your profile is just as funny.
This why I like doing the forums, you vent and someone else puts a twist on it so that you can see the humor in the situation.
Even relationships you can find out that the person you thought you knew isn't. One day they seem like your knight in shining armor and the next you find out that they really were a wicked witch spewing lies to you and others...sad. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:15:44 AM |
Can someone explain to me if this is because of the women or because of vanity?
It's mainly due to women. You prioritize money, power, and looks as your dating criteria. As such, men will create the illusion thereoff to remain competitive. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:21:52 AM | I have been on these dates and listened to guys tell me about the women that had lied to them and then I look at their teeth and cars and it's obvious they dont' make 100k so it kind of evens out. I personally have never had to lie as I weigh less than 100 lbs but I have had so many guys tell me this stuff.
Good luck gauging the man's income based on his car. I know plenty of broke individuals with $70k-100k vehicles and I know plenty of millionaires with Honda accords. After all, it should tell you something about their ability to evaluate investments and their spending habits. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:43:41 AM | I can't say this enough, so I'll say it again. I didn't think that very many, if any, would reply to my post. I am really glad that all of you have. It has provided me with information and insight from both sides that I may not have had otherwise.
I guess being a tomboy puts me in a unique situation. I don't understand why most women do what they do....from the hair to the games. Also, I don't relate to guys that same as most women do so I don't understand where they are coming from either.
I think the best analogy of all the posts would be the peacock (being a country girl). I get that the males have to make themselves seem more attractive than the other males and show that they are the Alpha in order to impress the female of the species. This is how it is done, apparently. I still see a lie as a lie but this does make considerably more sense to me, whether I like it or not. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:31:46 PM |
I have been on these dates and listened to guys tell me about the women that had lied to them and then I look at their teeth and cars and it's obvious they dont' make 100k so it kind of evens out.
LOl. The image of wealth. This an era of cheap credit. Cosmetic improvements to one's teeth and a fancy car are *EASY* to get for any one who has even a small income. Both are offered on credit. Many of the people who put on an image of wealth are essentially broke and 'renting' the image. So long as they can cover the interest they can keep it going.
People who earned their way up in income tend not to squander their money. So maybe their car isn't what you expect someone of their income to drive. Maybe they bought it before their income went up? Maybe a car has all the appeal of a toaster to them so they just buy an average one. Maybe they like a simple car.
One of these days I really should put on the show just to see what happens. Buy some expensive clothes, waste some money on fancy haircut, ok ok, there are some expensivish cars I wouldn't mind having... and I should probably get a new car... :) | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:44:15 PM |
Yes its easy to be truthful (for some its not) but it takes a LOT more to get any woman's attention and thats extremely difficult to do; thats what I meant when I said easier said than done.
I get what you're saying, but I disagree that it applies to all women. Or "any" woman, as you said. Maybe the ones who choose dates based on superficial things that won't matter much in a few years instead of looking at a man for the kind of human being he is ~ character, humor, integrity, honesty, kindness, etc. rather than how tall he is, how pretty he is, how much money he makes, what job he has, what car he drives, whether he has hair on his chest. I mean c'mon...
If men lie in their online profiles to appeal to women like that because it's important to them to be competitive with other men who desire such women...well, alrighty then. But I can tell you that none of that stuff is what gets my attention. So happy fishing to you guys. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:04:50 PM | | IMO it's not a guy thing or a girl thing... plenty of people from both sexes do it. I think it's natural for men to say that women do it more and for women to say that men do it more. But really it's just up to each person whether they're going to be real people or not. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:04:06 PM |
Are women really so shallow that men feel the need to embellish on their looks, jobs, etc?
Not in all entirety, obviously, but there are enough out there that it matters. We're just trying to put our best foot forward in order to have better odds in the dating world....whatever that best foot may be.
It's not like women don't do it too. I mean come on: fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake height (high heels), surgical modifications, make-up,etc. Yet, y'all claim that you want a REAL man.  | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:12:12 PM | It's not like women don't do it too. I mean come on: fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake height (high heels), surgical modifications, make-up,etc. Yet, y'all claim that you want a REAL man.
None of those things are the same as lying about your age, income, marital status, drug use, height, etc. All the things you listed are things any such woman would have to offer in real life, not just on her online profile. Lies, however, about the kinds of things I mentioned are not things the liar would be able to offer in real life, as they are lies.
How can you compare a fake tan with someone lying about their age? Or fake nails with someone lying about being married? A "REAL" man is a man who doesn't misrepresent himself. If he's bald, has fake hair, fake teeth, or whatever else ~ as long as he doesn't misrepresent himself, it's all good. It's not about physical perfection, it's about being truthful about yourself. Doh!
If a woman has been surgically altered and doesn't misrepresent that, how is it presenting something to get someone to meet you that doesn't really exist? Exactly. I'm glad we agree. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:36:05 PM | This thread is crazy it's went from a simple question of lies on profiles to who's blaming the other gender and who does it more. Tssk tssk.
When I was doing "online dating" (old school meeting ppl now). I was honest on what I looked like and what I liked. You know how many women that I contacted 1st emailed me back in almost a year. Less than 3 and those was just the polite ones that was not rude. So to be honest it was tempting to lie in my profile. But number one I suck at lying second I thought of what I would think of her if she lied to me? So temptation did not get the best of me lol.
OH btw I do agree that rich guys may drive old cars and not "look" rich to actually find someone that isn't a gold digger. That's what I would do if I ever won the lotto.
Best of luck to everyone
Best of luck to everyone | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:13:52 AM | OP,
Most guys misrepresent themselves because of exactly what you said. Some women do have certain expectations for example I have heard women say they only want men that make six figures or more. so of course some guys will feel that in order to have a chance they have to add an extra zero to that yearly income or lie about their jobs etc..
In my opinion some men and women need to stop living in a fantasy in regards to what they want and take a big dosage of reality, then nobody would feel the need to misrepresent themselves. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:33:30 AM | I totally agree with this statement
People who earned their way up in income tend not to squander their money. So maybe their car isn't what you expect someone of their income to drive. Maybe they bought it before their income went up? Maybe a car has all the appeal of a toaster to them so they just buy an average one. Maybe they like a simple car.
I mean not "all" guys have to have the best car or biggest house. They may be perfectly happy with a mid range car or 2 or even 3 bed room house. They may save there money for the future.
I also say a lie is a lie. If a man or woman lies about there weight it is the same lie no matter what gender. Imo I think that people lie more with online profiles than they would normally because they realize how many people are picky online. I mean what may look like a obese guy with just pics may "carry his weight" well in real life so you may not notice once you meet the person. Speaking with the weight. There is not many categories on here in description, plus peoples opinion vary between each other. So what may be over weight to me is like a few extra pounds to someone else. So because of this technically most of us are lying when we put average.
Ah on to the money issue with men lying about how much they make. Well its no secret that you have to have money to land a woman. I'm not talking about Joe Millionare but enough to support two people. Money is not the only thing like most PEOPLE think but it is one thing I'm not one to lie so I cannot give everyone a reason why they would in depth. But I will say that I think the lie is equal between a man lying about money and women lying about weight. They are equal in my book both a huge lie. A lie is a lie.
Best of luck to everyone | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:38:36 PM | I met a guy on here who lied about his height (said he was 6'1 when he was really about 5'11 -- lied about having a job (was unemployed) -- lied about having a place to live (was really staying with friends) -- lied about being a responsbile person very into spiritual growth (see prior parenthesis) and pretty much lied about his beliefs, morals, et cetera.
Now why would he do that.
Who in the hell would have gone out with him if he had told the truth?
A lot of people lie because they know they're jacked up and they don't want to do anything about it. By telling a good yarn they enjoy a fantasy that they can have their cake and eat it too at least for a little while. When it doesn't work out, they say it's because the other person was a **** or too fat, too demanding you name it. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:56:40 PM | Well I think all people misrepresent to an extent, especially when going after something, whether it be a mate, a date, a job, etc. Sure, it can be considered 'lying' or embellishment to an extent, but I think it's almost human nature to put our best foot forward when going after something we want, and to a certain extent it is almost encouraged..and both men and women do it, not one more than the other. On a resume, we list our accomplishments, degrees, accreditations, skills.
That pretty much makes my point regarding the way adults rationalize. A resume is probably the most egregious example. To paraphrase Richard Feynman, ``there is a difference between knowing somethig and knowing the name of something.'' Most people deliberately confuse those two things to appear knowledgeable. The analogy in dating is that people look to see what are desired attributes and list them as their own if they can pretend it fits closely enough and wash out the difference with euphemisms. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:18:14 PM | | A lady friend said she met up with a guy who claimed to be 6' tall and he was only 5'6". That I don't get, like she's not going to notice the second they meet? Assuming you are looking for an actual relationship it would seem logical to just state who you really are and look to hook up with someone who is looking for what you have to offer. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:40:54 PM |
I am curious to know why people (men, in my experience) feel the need to misrepresent who they are. I am told that this is primarily a thing that women do but a lot of men have been doing it lately. Are women really so shallow that men feel the need to embellish on their looks, jobs, etc.? Do people honestly care whether or not you are losing your hair or is it vanity? Is it that important to men to be perceived as something that they aren't?
Most women my age are very shallow...
John | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:44:47 PM |
I met a guy on here who lied about his height (said he was 6'1 when he was really about 5'11 -- lied about having a job (was unemployed) -- lied about having a place to live (was really staying with friends) -- lied about being a responsbile person very into spiritual growth (see prior parenthesis) and pretty much lied about his beliefs, morals, et cetera.
Now why would he do that.
You met actually met him, that's why.
Those who lie do so that they can get to the next step and so women reject men who are better than they are but tell the truth. The liars tend to be much more successful with women and as with any rewarded behavior the result is more of it.
The liars are out there somewhere with women while I (and other guys who don't) am sitting here reading and posting to this forum. That's why lying is done, that's why it works. They just want to get their foot in the door. Then they have to find a way to get in, but that's step two and apparently it's often successful. That seems to be the way the game is played, but I and others continue to refuse to play it. | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:51:33 PM |
In my experience, liars and players come in all shapes and sizes
the worst are those who say they hate liars and then you find out later those very individuals are the most prolific lairs. had it happen with someone once - i was stunned at the person's hypocrisy - and i was totally blindsided too! | |
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| Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:14:00 PM | You can go to the south of Germany and find many women, and men who feel the way you do OP.
They don't wear makeup. They don't dress up to go out. Natural is good. Natural is best.
It is the prevalent attitude there. OP, would be in the majority.
Here in North American, though, the average women spends 7 times as much as the average man trying to disguise how she looks.
Women also buy most of the paint, wallpaper, shrubs, and flowers, often with a view to making rooms and yards appear bigger than they are.
Is this incredible level of spending on appearance because women think men and other women are shallow?
I don't think so. I think it is because in North American culture appearance counts for much. In mainstream North American culture, men, women and children are aesthetically oriented.
For most women to complain about men trying to look good would be hypocritical for most North American women. But not for those who don't wear makeup. | |
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