| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:54:09 AM | THis is just a theory.
I've drawn a basic conclusion that people that get cold feet when it comes to meeting, but have no problem chatting or emailing back and forth forever......have some kind of social issues, or have issues interacting with the public perhaps?
We can an actually find where hermits hang out now! lol | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:45:52 AM | | "Gentlemanjack " May Have Something There...Have People Formed Deeper Relationship's Based Merely On Line?...Have We All Taken That Next Step Away From Personal interaction..Just By Buying That Computer?..It's A Thought...Say What Ya Need To Say. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:10:32 AM | | Sometimes I think I need to cultivate the relationship by texting here for awhile, then when I'n fairly certain there is not gonna be a funny surprize, I will talk on the phone. Then if that is relatively surprize free, then I will allow a meeting, usually on my own turf. With very few exceptions, this usually screens out the johnny jump-ups. Imming almost always leads to a surprize , as does email, so I am very reluctant there. I hate it when a guy thinks sex is getting one over on you. That attitude is evident right away, and I will tease relentlessly forever. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:59:16 AM | | I think that if you took the approach of meeting someone in the way you go meet a friend you already know, then you wouldnt be so nervous. I have gotten up out of bed at 1130 pm to go bowling with someone off POF for the first time, and another one was for drinks at T.G.I Fridays at 1030pm, I took a little bit of time to prepare but not alot, and i enjoyed myself. Found out , I dont do to bad at bowling, given the right wieghted ball next time. Ok so there was no connection, but the guys were nice guys. I cant feel bad about that , it is what it is.But the point is , I got out there and had fun ! And about people with OCD... they need love to, Im not one but I do have most all my friends are .. yes they drive me crazy sometimes, and I have been known to ignore thier phone calls because the drama in thier voice alone is stressful, but they are good people, and they would do anything for me, maybe because Im a good friend and I always listen and for one friend Im her only friend but still ... they deserve a chance ! I know it can be hard and I know that we shouldnt have to put up with it, but there is a certain way to respond and talk to people who have ocd or bi polor to calm them down and bring them back ... My son is bi polor .. and one day he will deal with relationships, and I only hope that someone with a big heart, and patient enough to love him and know how to work with these issues will give him a chance.Its harder on the person who has the illness that it is on the people who have to deal with it. sorry I went off the thread there.... :) love to all !!! | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:30:53 AM | As a guy in his late 30s, I am finding that it is extremely hard to meet a quality match. I've done the online thing, gone to social functions, dances and even did the "talk to random women" thing (in a less than creepy way). Trans wrote that 1st impressions may not be lasting. I have no problem talking with women, but I recognize that my own anxities may be blocking me. I decided to really "stop looking". Perhaps if I learn to relax, it would enable women to see me as less needy. It's a difficult balance. I've also decided that if a woman rejects me, then it's her loss. If I reject myself, then I need to reevaluate my priorites. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:48:20 AM | | if there was someone i wanted to meet there'd be nothing that would get in the way except some efficiency issues if the person lived far away - chatting more in having more assurity that it'd be worth the effort. no reason to be neurotic. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:49:25 AM | | I'm new to this site and have met five people now. Things I have learned. State your expectations in your profile. Weeds out a lot of responses. Try to confirm early on in a casual way, how current their photos are. If they have not provided a close up...ask for one. If its' not provided...don't meet, there was a reason for that! If their introduction lacks effort...send the thanks but no thanks response. Indicates lack of sincerity and apathetic fishing. Continue to email on this site and get to know them better, even for several weeks. If its' BS, the inconsistencies will show up and if they are not sincere, they will lose interest. I don't like to IM. There is no record of the conversation. People who are not interesting in writing will not be interesting in person. Answer every message, even if it is a negative response. 99% so far have appreciated not being ignored. From this point, a phone call will not take place for me within days, but within weeks and in the meantime, the email conversations are enjoyable. As I am sincere, it is no loss to me to lose contact with someone with no patience. Anyway...just a few thoughts. Fish smarter...not harder. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:01:18 AM |
When you put aside all the obstacles of kids and work
Well, those are MY main obstacles...Other than that, I don't have a problem meeting anyone .
Maybe if there is a good fight on, or a championship game..I might ask for another day. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:19:50 AM | For many women it is because of getting caught up in the “bad experiences” we begin to question if it is possible to meet someone special, unique, and true…
I too have backed off online and in person dating after a few of these experiences but have come to realize that finding that special person is like a lottery… if you don’t purchase a ticket and get into the game you wont win {soft smile} …. As much as I don’t like thinking of dating as a game I guess in some ways it really is…
Of course we are ALL scared of being hurt and rejection .. WE ALL have a past … but… we have to remember that it is JUST THAT ONE special person many of us desire deep down (not the attention of all)… So if you give up he/she will never find you (it only takes ONE) {soft smile}…
….that is what keeps me making myself “finable” online :-)
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:57:51 AM | Lack of funds. MOre than half of my paycheck goes to child support, so going out on a date is nearly impossible for me. Most days I am borrowing from waitress' for gas to get back and forth.
Otherwise, nothing. I have met a few of my best friends from POF!!  
God Bless,
Scott. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:14:43 AM | | I see that keeping myself to myself is an investment into my future relationship. I am not out getting women pregnant, getting stds, or getting caught up in a lifestyle that I don’t really want. Plus my heart if free from social stigmas and negativity. I think that there are too many people that carry a past mindset into a new relationship, and it is nice knowing that I don’t have that. A clean slate is the best way to start. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:53:02 PM |
Fish smarter...not harder.
Excellent. Your system sounds like it's setup to work just how you need it. A methodical approach to online dating is probably a good thing for a variety of reasons. Though isn't there a potential for letdown if you spend (invest) weeks into someone and find there's no spark when you actually meet? I guess that's just the risk you take right?
O | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:12:40 PM | | For me personally I like to chat with someone for awhile it is scary out there. Not that life isn't full of surprises even when you think you know someone but it just eases the mystery of it all. I also believe that some people truly just want conversation or someone to check in with about life. I think that's cool but then you should state that in your bio. I do think the number 1 reason is that people have wounds and they are afraid to get wounded more. If a person could just think of it as a fun experience of adventure and learning and try not to expect too much right away it would help ease the fear. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:01:17 PM | | When I start thinking about the odds and the person lives any distance over 40 miles I get slow finding the starter button. In real life you meet and you are attracted or not, in internet you spend time and then you hope there will be attraction. If we are talking about meeting in real time the honest answer is I am too shy around women. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:12:50 PM | For me it's having to be at my best behaviour in a way when it comes to meeting girls socially whether it be in clubs and bars. Don't get me wrong, I am the one always approaching, or being the one who's inviting girls I haven't met to approach me, but it's just that I like having a good time, that I don't feel like toning down and getting to know someone, it feels like too much work rather than having a good spark happening and just letting loose.
In a way it's like Baseball, my favorite plays are first base, and The Home-run. Everything in between takes too much time for me lol. Sorry if that comes across as rude, but that how I look at it when it comes to meeting people. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:32:28 PM | | Recent statistics regarding the success of online pair bonding , i.e. singles engaging in meeting someone for more than casual sex but truly looking for a meaningful long term relationship is 3% , so that should send an alarm bell to all of us to find this as an extension or an added tool to finding a mate. This site does lend itself to what the entire world of cyber can inflict and that insidiousness is pervasive online. On the brighter side the success rate of long term relationships over the age of 45 to last as a meaningful monogamous til death do us part bond is around 90%. So people who find a mature mate that they believe is,"the one" will have a lasting and happy union. Do not give up on alot of other ways to socialize to meet compatible mates, as this venue although possible is a very, very small avenue for success in forming a long term pair bond with a monogamous union. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:43:06 PM | Maybe I just haven't been here long enough. Or maybe it's just that I haven't yet added much to my profile. And the picture I uploaded shrunk down so much it's hard to see me (makin' note: find another picture).
But I see lots of prospects here. I just wish they weren't on the other side of the country. And I've gotten some email, so there seems to be some women interested in me. But here's the real kicker. It's not at all like ordering something out of a catalog. For it to work, the order has to be placed from both directions at the same dang time. One direction or the other happens all the time, no problem, but having to find someone of interest who is SIMULTANEOUSLY interested in me.... well, that cuts down the odds of success by a BUNCH. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:03:23 PM |
Recent statistics regarding the success of online pair bonding , i.e. singles engaging in meeting someone for more than casual sex but truly looking for a meaningful long term relationship is 3%
quite an interesting stat. when you consider many gals here have gotten so many dates yet so many men do not, it shows that there are a few men who apparently the women are being fooled by who are getting much of the action. sad, huh? i've always contended the choosing is not optimal and i doubt it'd change much in my lifetime. my mojo would be 100% lost by the time women actually choose wisely.
:) | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:18:47 PM | I was married at 18yrs.and that was 14 yrs.ago!
I would love to meet more people but,I have no clue what I'm doing out there?
I see people out there but,I'm hesitant because,I'm thinking they probably have heard every cheesy line of the month and don't want to be bothered anymore.
Plus I'm really pretty shy,which does'nt help at all.
I never thought I'd be doing this all again.
I was'nt very good the first time around. | |
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