| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:18:47 PM | I was married at 18yrs.and that was 14 yrs.ago!
I would love to meet more people but,I have no clue what I'm doing out there?
I see people out there but,I'm hesitant because,I'm thinking they probably have heard every cheesy line of the month and don't want to be bothered anymore.
Plus I'm really pretty shy,which does'nt help at all.
I never thought I'd be doing this all again.
I was'nt very good the first time around. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:36:01 PM |
Let me propose a counter question: What are the deciding factor or factors in making you WANT to meet someone.
attraction (and no, he does not need to look like an Adonis)... mutual interests... is positive about love and life.... want similar things in a relationship... is ready (not just fluttering from one "butterfly" to the next but Knows what he wants and can see it when he meets her...) ... (not in that order)
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:55:52 PM |
Let me propose a counter question: What are the deciding factor or factors in making you WANT to meet someone.
He didn't close the window when I made an off color joke and conitinued to make me laugh at my own crazy faults!
I have a nasty habit-and FOOT-IN-MOUTH disease if he can accept that then I may ask to meet him after a few more conversations. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:08:17 PM | | Dear actualized ............latex cover your mojo or your dojo and your blow joe or yah could be ground zero will be no go and hoe hoe hoeable in bronze plaque ...........one in three hundred adults in the US carry HIV, a baggage item you might not want to keep , it is not just a third world epidemic. So if you think boinking for the sake of boinking maybe you should try reinventing wanking off or you could be. Unemotionally slapping is just that ........... yuk | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:36:54 PM | Overall, I think that 3% is fairly good. Does anyone know the ratio of men to women on POF? I know that that would be hard to calculate, given law enforcement ‘fake’ profiles, people with multiple profiles, and other website ads.
BTW, what is up with the (something)localsdotcom profiles on here? Is that like a my space or is it a pay site ad? And no, I am not looking to find out for myself, just curious if anyone knew. If it is an ad site, which I am sure that it is since those profiles are copies of each other or close to it, then why is Mark not doing anything about evicting those profiles?
Edit: after posting and noticing the post directly before, the 3% I was referring to was the coupling rate, not the hiv rate. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:17:01 PM | My lack of "Getting Out". However, thanks to the no smoking bylaws I am getting out to events that I have interests in.
Apathy.
Some of the choices that I have made and my attitude have become quite difficult to change. For example, I never want to get divorced; therefore, I avoid relationships.
I am working on changing myself for the better but I feel like I am climbing flat brick wall.
If I ever do ask someone out for a meet and great or an actual date then I have put away my selfish attitude and such.
A deciding factor for me to WANT to meat someone is if they have interest in knowing more about who I am. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:14:00 PM | Recent statistics regarding the success of online pair bonding , i.e. singles engaging in meeting someone for more than casual sex but truly looking for a meaningful long term relationship is 3%
I found this quoted back on Message 99 but I don't know where it came from originally. Does anybody know how it was calculated? I'm a stats and numbers guy and without more explanation, frankly it could mean almost anything. The devil's in the details. But I'll bet I've just looked at 1000 profiles, I'm just takin' a break here gettin' my eyes uncrossed, but at 3%, should I have found 30 prospects? If that's what it means, that 3% is WAY high. Cuz I came up with a goose egg.
Edit: Well.... maybe not a goose egg. Maybe 1-2. But certainly nowhere near 30. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:25:23 PM | | There has to be something rather drastic to keep me from meeting someone. Like I always say, and @sshole can be Rico Suave on the internet. In person, I get a better idea of what they are REALLY like. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:17:33 AM | Nothing, if anything I would rather meet sooner - regardless of my doubts of my own flaws - not even for hypothesis; I don't like the "grey territory" ...I'd rather know one way or the other.
Plus I find these e-mails and chats so disconnected I don't feel like i'm even really talking to anyone - even some of the ones I get along really well with.
Just feels like a more healthy and real relationship the sooner two meet - be that a basis for friendship, romance, you name it. I understand the desire to weed out the freaks, players, pyschos, etc - but consider we practise those same "weeding techniques" with those we meet the "normal" way - with the major exceptions that you have already met, and presumably are comfortable with continuing to meet.
But I'm digressing from the OP's post heh... | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:34:14 PM | | Well, I have varied in meeting. When I first got online almost 2 yrs ago (diff. service), I was very nervous the very first time I met someone. By the 3rd or 4th person, I was not nervous. I then went on a whirldwind of meeting 2 new people a week and I was also dating one guy for about 6 weeks at the same time (he knew I was dating around). I did that for about 3 months and I found myself exhausted (I was gone 5 or 6 nights/week plus working full time). Anyway, I got out of the habit of dating for about 10 months. Then I met someone at a pretty bad time in my life (very hectic stressful time) and I wasn't in the mood to meet. Then I developed a crush on him. By then we'd been talking pushing 5 weeks or so. I think because I developed a crush, all of a sudden, I felt really self-conscious after having talked for so long. I did eventually meet him a few weeks later and it turned out to be a disaster! LOL So then I went back to meeting people within a week or two. I actually went out with a guy on whom I'd had a crush on a year and a half before (at that time, we dated a few times but it fizzled the first time). By the time I went out with him this year, it was too late for both of us...we had totally lost interest in each other. (I mainly went out with him this yr is because I was trying to get my mind off the other guy on whom I had a crush.) Went out with a few other people after a week or so of talking. Then met yet another guy where the meeting was delayed. You guessed it, another disaster! Since then, I'm back to meeting pretty quickly. I think it works better in some ways, but it has its negatives too. The positive of delaying a meeting is it allows you to build a little chemistry before meeting, but the negative is it also builds up too many expectations (that's why the 2 delayed meetings were disastrous, in my estimation). I've found the ideal amount of time to talk prior to a meet is maybe 3 weeks. Enought to build a little flirty chemistry, but not so long as to build up too many expectations. I'm weirdly shy in some ways, but in other ways, not at all shy. That can also affect my moods where I'll find myself for a few months not wanting to even talk to people online - nevermind meet. Eventually, that lifts and I find myself in the mood to date again, so the whirlwind starts up again. It goes in cycles for me. I don't know why, but it does. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:39:51 PM | | 99% of the time it never gets that far, but I do have a certain apathy for it all, almost to the point of even sending an email.. With all the rejection, it's like "why bother, it'll just be yet another dead end" | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:52:19 PM |
When you put aside all the obstacles of kids and work what is it that ultimately makes you put the brakes on and make excuses to decline a meeting? Well, scratch off the ones with obvious incompatibilities (age, interests, extreme personality traits) and you get to the "definite possibles" only to find that they are meeting people just to be meeting people. They have no particular interest in "me"...they're just...going through the motions (and it shows) LOL! I don't emulate a can of spam very well....so, I figure...why waste their time or mine. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:06:26 PM | I am kind of poor right now, and I would feel uncomfotable with someone coming to my mobile home. Therefore, I feel I should be more financially capable before I join the dating force again.
Sherry | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:35:00 PM | | As of late it is having too many things either need to do (which takes up time) or when I have a bit of time I feel like relaxing. Once I kill the "multitasking bug" it will probably change but bad habits are not always easy to break. (And yes, multitasking is a bad habit much the way doing something just to be doing something is -heck I am doing it now typing this while checking email, reviewing headlines on Drudge, etc.) | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/13/2008 6:36:16 AM | How about the fact alot of people don't have updated pictures which you may have learn from past meeting. People will put up picture thats dam near 5 or more year old because they wish or think they still look the same back then. Most cases some do but not today so and it's just my opinion mind you ok but a picture should be up dated every 6 or 12 months but no more than 2 yrs old what do you think sounds about right.
P>S>>>> Also some people sounds Crazy or Stalkish as well which makes meeting a bad ideal.
But anyway good luck  | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:42:08 AM | op, you ask:
When you put aside all the obstacles of kids and work what is it that ultimately makes you put the brakes on and make excuses to decline a meeting?
my first thought was i don't usually decline meetings, but i don't invite them unless i am pretty sure i want to meet the other person.
the only times i declined was when i was not sure. the first time i was unsure and had not spoken on the phone yet with him, so on the day i called to arrange timing and realized with that phone call something in his voice and what he was saying convinced me i did not want to meet him....and i still don't know exactly what it was - an intuitive feeling, you could call it.
the other time was, again, i was in doubt, having suggested meeting very spontaneously and knew i knew hardly anything about him and was very surprised he said yes to meet the very next day. at first i thought great, but as the time passed, i got more hesitant. but speaking on the phone the next day i thought ok, why not. i usually meet publicly and casually during the day for coffee anyway, so it would be ok, i thought....so i was going to go and was squashing my resistance down when my son came home from school that day ill and i just knew i had to stay with him.....and, lo and behold, when i shared that with the gentleman, he seemed to take it personally and not believe me and resented the whole thing. (and it convinced me it was just as well we did not meet after all.)
and so, what keeps me from meeting people, basically, is when my intuition at some point kicks in and says, don't.
it's not self image as much as being discriminating.....after all at some point meeting for cups of coffee makes me wired :) and i'm really much more interested in it being a stepping stone towards getting to know someone deeper. if i sense before that first meet i won't really want to get to know them, then it seems pointless to meet at all...besides, there is not limitless time and i have enough friends i don't see enough of as it is!
mostly, i'm not here to play games..it's called an online dating site - not just a public forum, or email or im site....and so i am here with the hope and goal of meeting one that will become a meaningful part of my life...as i will for him too.
and i do believe in putting up or sending privately pics - clothed pics i mean :) and enough of them so they get a really good idea of what i look like in reality, as well as tell them enough about me (but not too much cuz if we meet and there's no wish to meet again - well, it has to be enough, but not too much info shared is my feeling before meeting - and i ask for the same courtesy from them so there are no shocking suprises when and if we meet. it just seems wise and i'd always rather have someone pleasantly surprised than unpleasantly.  | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:59:41 PM | OP: my apologies, but I'll be blunt.
Get over yourself and go out there.
You can't date someone you've never met. :-)
So meet, have fun with, date, and forget about whatever barely visible issue you've got.
As long as your profile is accurate, you should know that whoever talks to you will accept you.
XOXO!!! | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:28:11 PM | I don't make excuses. I am either interested in meeting someone or I'm not.
I'm in the camp that feels like you really can't get to know someone well on line. More importantly, the who that you get to know is based on your perceptions of what they have written and not necessarily who they actually are. I don't want to fall in love with a fantasy of a person and I honestly couldn't say how many times I've seen this happen. The reality can never live up to it. The very moment someone on line is hesitant to talk on the phone or meet in person is exactly when I lose interest in them. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:44:42 PM | I have only actually have met a handful of people from dating sites over the last two years.
Alot of little things simply must be in place, to make me feel compelled to meet.
Attraction, intelligent /interesting emails, discovering a few common interests, and sharing the same long term goals for a relationship...and I am probably going to want to meet. Believe it or not, it is really hard to find these things online,in one single person... at least it is for me. I get asked frequently to meet up...but if one of those things is missing, I really cannot be bothered.
There is no set timeline for it to happen. Sometimes I have chatted for weeks with someone before it happens, while others I have only chatted with a bit, but talked on the phone...
If there is 'no pull'..making me really want to meet that person, then I dont think it's fait to either party, and I move on. | |
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| Time to come clean: What keeps you from meeting someone?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:10:33 PM | The number one reason for me is I like to do the whole "get to know you" by chatting here for a while, with some emails.
It should only take 3 or 4 emails to find out what you need to know to take it further. There are some important questions that I ask or it goes no further. These questions can't always be covered in one email. I don't consider emails a "get to know you" either, but you could always call it "the questions". Calling it "get to know you" is a little more PC....Personally I'm not a big fan of PC, but some people are "sensitive".
A deciding factor for me to WANT to meat someone is if they have interest in knowing more about who I am.
The experience I had on here is that most men do not return this favour. I rarely found anyone equal to the task.
Everyone likes someone being interested in them. Most men figured they could just answer the question and expect me to keep on asking them things. That ole one sided conversation. And let me say, that most of these guys were probably really great guys, they just are not paying attention to the "how-to" of online dating. Not everyone will be great at this, so I truly think some should learn. | |
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