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| Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:32:52 AM |
The legal system? It's a merry-go-round of lawyers, fees, judges who don't listen or understand - that goes round and round. After a while, you tire of it all and just want to get on with your life, and I did.
Boy, ain't that the truth??? Welcome to the justice system. And yes, the lawyers and judges are nothing more than idiots who just like to hear themselves talk. And talk. And talk some more. And after all is said and done, there is more said than done.
I had a very good friend of mine who was physically abused in a very very savage way and paid the price with her life for it. In spite of all the restraining/non contact orders and her moving to several different places - unlisted numbers, changing jobs, etc. over a span of about 7 years, he always found out where she was but the last time was totally different.
He stalked her, gained entry into her home, ambushed, attacked and killed her. Dead at age 34. She left behind 2 beautiful children and he is finally behind bars. Where he belongs. and should have been long long before that. Life with no parole. As far as Im concerned, he should be sitting on death row.
So now here I am very heavy hearted thinking that maybe, just maybe there was something more that the legal system could have and should have done. The only way I get to visit her now is in the cemetary to put flowers on her grave.
So in all reality, the court system can make all the legal orders it wants, but it damn sure can't enforce them. You can press charges of contempt and threaten jail time all you want, but for many it doesn't do a damn bit of good. And unfortunately, if the person in contempts skips town, it is up to you as the plaintiff to locate that individual and bring them to "justice". The courts are definitely NOT in the business helping anyone.
If anything, they are too concerned about the rights of the crimminal and don't really semm to care about the rights of the victim. So yes, I do have a very sour attitude toward the court system these days. | |
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| Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:11:42 AM | Orders of Protection are totally useless and don't protect anyone!
Background and Tragedy:
My beautiful daughter at 16 met a young man. He appeared well mannered, sincere, and totally smitten. They dated with restrictions until she graduated high school. At midnight of her 18th birthday she packed her bags and left with him.
During the two years that followed my daughter slowly stopped visiting, stopped calling, and became completely isolated from her family and friends. Then, all of a sudden she left him. His behavior became irratic and irrational. He stoled her cell phone out of her car to check who she was communicating with. He followed her everywhere. He took a job as campus security to be closer to here. He moved into her apartment building. She moved repeatedly. She quit school when he showed up in her classes. She changed jobs. She filed a restraining order. When I asked the police if they could patrol her house, the school I was told that they were in the investigation business...not a protection service. It was then that I noticed that the "To Serve and Protect" is no longer on the patrol cars in Arkansas or Missouri.
He removed the the door frame from her apartment door and when she came home she thought the door was ajar so she called 911. The "investigators" came and found the young man sitting on her couch cleaning his nails with a knife...REMEMBER THE KNIFE REFERENCE. He got 6 months probation.
He kidnapped her from the parking lot of one of local college hang outs with a loaded 44 mag. He held her captive for 4 hours, speeding up and down the highway, threating to shot himself and let her die from impact trauma when the car crashed. He got 2 years probation.
He found a new girlfriend. We thought that Sarah would finally have some peace. His new girlfriend, Katy broke off the relationship because he was becoming too possessive. Two weeks later, he crawled into Katy's apartment through the bedroom window and waited on her to come home. She came home, he attacked her in the kitchen. He pulled her into the bathroom and pushed her backwards in the bathtub. He then took the KNIFE and stabbed her 28 times in the stomach, chest, and head. When the police came, they found Katy laying in the bathroom with her internal organs laying beside her.
I got a call in the middle of the night. It was the police in Arkansas wanting to know where Sarah was. They told me what happened to Katy and told me that he was seen outside of Sarah's apartment. What they didn't know was that I have moved Sarah into another just the day before because he had been parking out in front of her apartment.
Zach went to trial in Dec. He was found guilty of Capital Murder. He got the Death Penalty. Now, we have to go through the appeals process. What the heck??????? Appeals? He killed Katy, took his dog to his parents house, and changed out of his bloody clothes. He took off to where he said was the ocean to kill himself. When arrested he told the cops that he hurt Katy really bad but didn't remember how bad. He gets appeals?
As I write this Sarah is on speaker phone crying because she just broke up with her boyfriend. She is crying because she believes that Zach is the only man that really loved her.
I think the prosecutor at the time of the 4 orders of protection Sarah filed should be charged with voluntary manslaughter! Why is there no protection for the victom...someone has to die before these mad men are put away. | |
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| Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:53:46 PM |
someone has to die before these mad men are put away......
I agree with you. Whether it's a man OR woman that gets killed in these instances.
I think the prosecutor at the time of the 4 orders of protection Sarah filed should be charged with voluntary manslaughter! Why is there no protection for the victom............
That is exactly my question.
Zach went to trial in Dec. He was found guilty of Capital Murder. He got the Death Penalty. Now, we have to go through the appeals process. What the heck??????? Appeals? He killed Katy, took his dog to his parents house, and changed out of his bloody clothes. He took off to where he said was the ocean to kill himself. When arrested he told the cops that he hurt Katy really bad but didn't remember how bad. He gets appeals?
He will sit on death row for several decades while he appeals his case. Just like the "Walking Willie Otey" Case in the State of Nebraska. It will go on and on and on.
I don't understand the appeals stuff myself. All I know is it is very time consuming, ridiculous, and very very costly to us, the taxpayer. - We are already paying for his food and housing via our tax dollars but to pay for the appeals process to boot. It just goes to show that the courts are too worried and concerned about the rights of the crimminal versus the victim. | |
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| Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 1/18/2009 1:06:00 PM | So now here I am very heavy hearted thinking that maybe, just maybe there was something more that the legal system could have and should have done. The only way I get to visit her now is in the cemetary to put flowers on her grave.
This is the heartbreaking outcome of a legal system that is basing a lot of its decisions on economics and old guard conservatism, in my view. As I said earlier in this thread, the restraining orders are only as good as the respect those who are supposed to be bound by them are willing to pay them. In many cases, restraining orders can cause more problems because they challenge the abuser to "flex his ownership muscle" and, many of them do.
In spite of all the restraining/non contact orders and her moving to several different places - unlisted numbers, changing jobs, etc. over a span of about 7 years, he always found out where she was but the last time was totally different.
There comes a point where a woman who is living on the run from a sick individual has to put down roots. Moreover, she often runs out of money long before he runs out of intention. She tries to get up by going to work but if she is skilled in one particular profession, that can lead him back to her. Oftentimes, she is too ill with stress disorders that become physical challenges to be able to focus on her job as she once would have. The very thing that would help her to get up is the one thing that also makes her vulnerable.
Your post gives those who would prefer to blame the victim a very true picture of what some victims of violence go through. It still takes the breath right out of my lungs to think that there are innocent victims living in prisons made by terrorists while the terrorist stays free... I am so very sorry for your loss of your friend Renegade... 
When I asked the police if they could patrol her house, the school I was told that they were in the investigation business...not a protection service.
This would align with the recent report I read that some police detachments here in Canada are telling women to stay with their abusers. The reasons for this "resistance" from the police seem to be many but regardless of the "reasons", it seems that there needs to be some heavy governmental investment into the education of police in this area. And while they're at it, they could stand to drag prosecutors into those training seminars. Here in Canada, Crown Counsel doesn't have to accept the recommendations of the investigating officer. I think a lot of police members get sickened by seeing their hard work scoffed at and the courts putting the offenders right back on the streets.
Zach went to trial in Dec. He was found guilty of Capital Murder. He got the Death Penalty. Now, we have to go through the appeals process. What the heck??????? Appeals? He killed Katy, took his dog to his parents house, and changed out of his bloody clothes. He took off to where he said was the ocean to kill himself. When arrested he told the cops that he hurt Katy really bad but didn't remember how bad. He gets appeals?
Yes.. but Katy doesn't... Her constitutional right to live is now shrouded by his constitutional right to ensure that he had a fair trial. The system says, "Better that 12 guilty men go free than one innocent man be hanged"... BLAH! Now, he'll spend a number of years on Death Row, using up the taxpayers' money... Doesn't it just make you cringe???
As I write this Sarah is on speaker phone crying because she just broke up with her boyfriend. She is crying because she believes that Zach is the only man that really loved her.
Speaking of cringing, this really made me flinch. You don't say whether or not Sarah has had any therapy but I strongly suggest it. People who have had to fear for their lives are generally traumatized. Post Traumatic Stress has the effect of "freezing" the brain and the symptoms are almost impossible for the person who has them to be aware of. One of those symptoms is "flashbacks". Women wonder why they can't quit seeing his face everywhere they go and why they can't get him out of their minds. They think it's because they were in love with one another but in actuality, it's PTSD flashbacks they're having. The more frequent they are, the more inclined a person is to think that they're having them because they're still in love with their abuser. They aren't but they need a skilled trauma counselor to help them identify the problems. "Eye Movement Densensitization Reprocessing" has a huge success rate and it literally UN sticks the frozen brain so that it can begin to process information. With that unsticking, will also come, her ability to grieve her losses.
As much as we might like to think that once the terrorism stops, a person who has been through it can just return to normal life, it doesn't usually work that way. PTSD can be cured (thank God) but people around the sufferer need to recognize it because a lot of the time, she can't.
I think that people need to quit thinking this problem is just going to go away. We need to demand full accountability where an offender (especially a known offender) has been allowed to roam freely by the system and zero tolerance for harassment, assaults, stalking and uttering threats.
I hope something I've said here will help you to help your Sarah. Thank God, she's safe! | |
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| Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 1/18/2009 1:34:12 PM | | i was treated like something on the bottom of my ex shoe for 20 yrs we didnt go out as a couple when we did i had to stand behind him . i use to get slapped about and did once with my daughter at age of 6 weeks old in my arms as she got older it settled then as i had my 2 boys it started again and until 3 yrs ago when i had decided after this long time of getting tortured and made to feel worthless i snapped one night. and stood up to him .shaking like i have never have before he came at me all 22 stone of him me at 4 ft 11 gasping for breath as he lunged at me like a rugby player knocking me to the ground as i got back up he started hurling more abuse at me i stood myself upright and picked up a stilleto and wacked him right in the side of the face with it he didnt coem back for a 2nd go and i rang police to get help and all they wanted to do was arrest me even after i told them he beat me to a pulp he told them not to bother and kept me out of prison thankfully but what do i have to thank him for nothing really he was the bully i just retaliated and got brave . so many women out their get abused for no apparant reason but soem of them are reasons noone should be belted for not tidying up not cooking tea not watching kids 24 seven none should be put through a life of hell for anything BUT lets not forget MEN have been abused by their wives to and yet we never hear of a help line or centre to look after them but all i can say is dont be a vicitim but also dont be the bully who will one day meet his match and then consequences be yours | |
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| Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 6/5/2009 1:38:22 AM | | I would like to say i live in Victoria in Australia and its not much better over here... The police dont listen or care and the Department of Housing wont move you for 4yrs so its a constant game of cat and mouse....Hide when you can and take it when you have too....And yes i did leave but this is why because no one cares... | |
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| Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 6/5/2009 1:46:36 AM | | Any "man" that attacks a woman physically is a weak pathetic d-bag piece of shit. He has no honor, and he has no sense of self-worth. Any woman that stands by such a man is also pathetic. Anyone involved in such a legal situation should stop existing as a human being. | |
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