| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:18:10 PM |
They want you to take the trash out
Make as much money as them or more
Pay for all your expenses on trips and sometimes cover theirs
Never expect them to carry your groceries from the car to the kitchen for you
Have sex with them whenever they feel like it
Don't expect an expensive(or inexpensive) birthday/christmas/valentines present
If you go out you always expected to pay dutch
If you move in together you better be ready to pay for half or more of te expenses.
Wow...just wow. Kiddo, you have been dating the wrong men. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:23:13 PM |
Hey, a pound of lead and a pound of feathers are equal.
I would suggest that speaking about men and women is more like speaking about two parts of a feather: An aeronautical engineer might speak of a trailing-edge and a leading-edge, but to decontextualize each is to remove its holistic meaning that makes the whole fly, (if I have my terms correct).
Speaking of differences is fine, but it is important to refer to their context(s), such as to how they fit together and relate (as a whole), rather than to speak of differences as though they are somehow disparate entities, like a feather and a piece of lead. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:58:33 PM |
Women and men are both from Earth, as opposed to Venus and Mars, respectively.
I completely agree. I find that series of books distasteful and devisive.
I much prefer to find the similarities of all human beings and then learn from, and explore, the differences. In the male/female senario, I celebrate the differences! As someone once said, "Love may not make the world go round, but it damn sure makes the ride worth it!"
My lead/feather metaphor was simply an attempt to clarify the inherant differences. Not right or wrong, just different. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:55:43 PM | "Wow...just wow. Kiddo, you have been dating the wrong men. "
I'm sorry. Did I say I date all those kind of men?? I don't think so!
I said the men who I heard use that line, men claiming they want women to be equal.
But I do I see my friends and co-workers married to some of these types.
and
exactly how are women cheap dates?
If you are asking them out?
What do they do to be a cheap date?
Is it When they don't put out? After you buy them a burrito and a soda?
They don't want to pay for your drink and hers too?
Come back as a blond stacked woman on your next life buddy. It sounds like you are a little jealous of women there. I might be wrong.
I pay for my own every time just so there is no confusion about it. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:48:24 PM | My sister has a keychain with a quote that I find quite endearing. It says...
Any woman who want to be equal to a man lacks ambition
I absolutely love it, and I affirm it. Not that I believe between men and women, women are the lesser. But rather a woman who feels a need to be more like a man is aiming to be less than what she is.
I have no desire to find my equal. No woman can ever be my equal. If she were, she would be a man. I desire to find that person who brings with her all of those qualities that I lack, and can never possess. And if I ever were to find her (I have my doubts), she would find that I regard her with much more respect and admiration than I could ever have for any man. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:57:49 PM | | In my opinion, when a man states that he is looking for his "equal" I think that could mean is that he is looking for his intellectual equal. Someone that he can have a conversation with, and someone who can and will disagree with him at times. It could also mean who shares common interests and values. I do not think that it necessarily means someone who earns the same amount of pay, but rather someone who is compatible and is not submissive. Nor domineering either. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:22:45 PM |
but rather someone who is compatible and is not submissive. Nor domineering either.
Short and sweet, I like that. But, finding one that is compatible. Yes, that is not as easy as it sounds. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:10:34 PM | Levi501s wrote:
My lead/feather metaphor was simply an attempt to clarify the inherant differences. Not right or wrong, just different.
Understood. I simply used it as a springboard. :) | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:34:59 PM | The philosophygirl wrote:
In my opinion, when a man states that he is looking for his "equal" I think that could mean is that he is looking for his intellectual equal. Someone that he can have a conversation with, and someone who can and will disagree with him at times. It could also mean who shares common interests and values. I do not think that it necessarily means someone who earns the same amount of pay, but rather someone who is compatible and is not submissive. Nor domineering either.
I might replace some notions of 'equality', with notions of 'sameness':
For example, if I was a blue jay, then looking for my equal would be about looking for another blue jay, rather than, say, a sparrow or ostrich.
It would be a blue chick who flies like me, sings similar notes, likes the same general diet, and my kind of nest. :) | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:09:18 AM | For me its much simpler than looking for someone who has similar interests or has a similar educational profile etc.
For me equality in a relationship means that you ignore everything like earnings, education. When you are in a relationship you should both see that you are half of something special and be prepared to put the same amount into it as you want to recieve, There should be no expecting your partner to do something for you weather that be sexually or otherwise. You should see your partner as the most important person in your life and they see you as the same.
You should both be there because you want to be together and work to keep things good and make each other happy | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:28:24 AM | Or does it mean that I make the same amount of money he does? He insists that it's the reason why he likes women who use power tools
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"Equality" can mean millions of things....best thing to do is grab a dictionary, start there. Like my mother used to say "look it up". I did become a fair speller that way.
(((So, yeah. Equality means=CHEAP
That's right, only women have the right to be CHEAP DATES!)))
Which dictionary did you use?
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:39:53 AM | | Not to oversimplify, but I would imagine that he means either smarts or money. In either case he's being a prat, IMO. If it were me, I'd ask if he's afraid of not being able to measure up, and he could take that as he wished. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:58:22 AM | For Msg 5 You are right 100 guys would probley come up with 100 answers.Equality means-of the same quantity,size,value,etc. Having same rights,ability,rank,evenly proportioned.
But i'm hear to tell you most of the guys would have seen size,rank value. In the end it means something different to a lot. I've been told I do all the stuff out side and she does the stuff inside. What a crock There is a lot of ways a woman should not be treated equal to a guy its not the weaker sex thing eather. In the end there is almost nothing a guy can do that a girl can't. It's she should'nt have to. My thing is I want to bet treated equal. House work and yard work that stuff don't matter I can do all the stuf been doing it for a lot longer than I care to rember. I want for her to treat me as I treat her. that is equal that other stuff can be put on the kids .When we get to where we treat each other the same way. We would never have to worrie about who did what around the house. I guess the Cave man thing is still in a lot of minds  | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:55:50 AM | | I think by equality he means that a woman will be emotionally strong, and capable of sustaining her own happiness without relying on the man to always provide it for her (and vice versa) Men shy away from women who stop them from seing their friends, having time out, and who tell them they are wrong and useless all the time etc. Equality has brought about some great things, but it has also brought about feminism, and feminists are the type of women that men are generally trying to avoid when they make this statement, because feminists are effectively man haters. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:14:33 AM |
This guy I know on here insists he wants "equality" in a woman. That sounds like some kind of 70's women's lib cry to me. What the heck does it mean? That she doe her share of the work around the house (because I always had to do the housework and dishes when he was around). Or does it mean that I make the same amount of money he does? He insists that it's the reason why he likes women who use power tools. I think that wanting a woman who uses power tools is hardly equality. It's rather effeminate. IMHO
Generally, it means that the couple shares duties, decision making and is on par intellectually. Perhaps what he means by power tools is that he likes a woman that isn't obsessed with shoes, makeup, and the mall as her major interests in life. That does not make him effeminate. I would find it rather archaic to think that all women are supposed to enjoy one type of activity over another. The human psyche is as varied as grains of sand.
I happen to like power tools, gadgets, computers, gaming and other stuff that society might call "masculine". I also happen to hate shoes and most things that are girly. That doesn't make me masculine. Emotionally, I'm as girly as the next gal. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:09:40 AM | ahhh, I so agree Levi -
"....I much prefer to find the similarities of all human beings and then learn from, and explore, the differences. In the male/female senario, I celebrate the differences! As someone once said, "Love may not make the world go round, but it damn sure makes the ride worth it!"
and OP, why don't you ask your friend what he meant? (save us all guessing) | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:43:38 AM | | Equality is not natural, it will not endure in a relationship. Equality is exactly why the divorce rate has skyrocked and men and women seek out the same sex for marriage. It is just plain wrong and will not survive. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:58:21 AM |
Equality is not natural, it will not endure in a relationship.
Oddly enough, I just made a post on another thread that kind of supported your post there. Hmm, what is your idea of equality I wonder?
I'll make a sports analogy, and if hockey isn't your thing, just switch up the sport in your mind. The one carrying the puck might be leading at the moment, but no where near as effectively if his team mate isn't in position to either take a pass or tie up the other team. Many goals get scored by one player because the other one was there providing a place for the puck to go. Even if you don't touch the puck on a play your presence is important to making that play happen.
Just as team sports are dynamic, constantly switching roles between offense and defense, so is the roles people play in a relationship. You get further if you are a good two-way player. That's what I think effective equality is... the ability to read the play and know if, in this moment, your role is to lead, follow or get out of the way. Someone who thinks they have to carry the puck all of the time isn't really an effective team player... sometimes ya just gotta pass the puck to make the play. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:00:22 AM |
WeAre1: and OP, why don't you ask your friend what he meant? (save us all guessing)
Because she's already gotten an answer and doesn't like it / doesn't agree with it /wants ammunition?
I don't believe this is an either/or thing. Men and women are similar in some basic ways, but very, very different in some big basic ways as well. There is also so much variation between individual people that questions like this will always get bogged down with 'but that doesn't fit ME' responses. I also think this is yet another issue that is hugely influenced by the era you grew up in, and whether you had siblings of the opposite gender; what your work environment is. If you had no siblings or siblings of all the same gender, you are maybe more likely to see the other gender as an alien race. If you work exclusively with your gender you might stray toward a skewed view of the other gender (especially if your coworkers spout that kind of stuff).
People with a more traditional, old fashioned outlook are more likely to lean towards the genders being "different". I'd have to place myself on that side of the scale, but it is kept in check by growing up with brothers (damned pesky little buggers) and working in an almost completely male environment. I don't see it as a problem until you run into someone who feels the need to see the other gender as inferior. So you get the male-bashing or dumb blond jokes in the email. And surprisingly to me, I'll get those with a nasty little hostile edge to them far more often from people who place themselves on the 'equality' side of the scale than the 'vive la difference' side.
The trick is finding the person with the big, basic things that agree - outlook on life, personal integrity and honor, what you want your life to look like.
But – the other area I think people have wildly varying ideas about is whether their SO should be just like them and share outlook, interests, opinions, amount of time spent together, or whether they are comfortable with differences. If one person is completely rattled by the idea that their SO has separate interests, friends, and can still feel close while spending time outside the relationship, it won't matter how alike they are in everything else, and how equal they try to make the division of work and salary and giving and cooking and sex and laundry and who takes out the trash. They're going to feel slighted if the other person spends time doing that interest or being with friends apart from them. If one person feels threatened by the other having different opinions and is not comfortable batting those ideas around and lobbing opinions back and forth (this assumes a respectful, fun, pleasant exchange of ideas, not arguments), it won't matter how many other things are perfectly aligned.
If you are comfortable with the idea that the other person having separate hobbies or different opinions or deep connections to family and friends doesn't dilute their connection to you, you'll probably be more likely to embrace other differences as well.
Jules | |
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| One Guy's View
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:08:52 AM | Equality in a relationship means that you are both equally invested in making the relationship work. It is give and take on both sides. Counselors will tell you that any relationship that is one sided, one person giving and the other taking, is not one that will work.
If both parties joyfully give to their partner all that they are and have to give, that relationship will flourish and grow strong and both will be happy. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:19:26 AM |
Many goals get scored by one player because the other one was there providing a place for the puck to go.
Ha hahaha, I couldn’t help myself. Oh jeez, I am bad.
But it is so very true. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:37:49 AM |
exactly how are women cheap dates?
If you are asking them out?
What do they do to be a cheap date?
Is it When they don't put out? After you buy them a burrito and a soda?
They don't want to pay for your drink and hers too?
When I talk of equality, I mean it in a sense of a relationship. When I ask a woman out it's because something about her intrigues me and I want to know more. I don't ask her out to get in her pants, I ask her out to get in her mind and she's more than welcome to leave her purse at home. I don't think anything about a woman would turn me off more than knowing she wanted to have a physical relationship with me because I bought her a burrito and a coke. Making love isn't a bargaining chip kiddo, it's a wonderful thing shared by two people who have a desire to expand on something that's already good. I sincerely hope that's not lost on you.
It sounds like you are a little jealous of women there. I might be wrong.
Yes, you might be. Jealousy is a self-indulgent and wasted emotional exercise. To be jealous would mean I took something said in here personally, and I work very hard not take anything personally. To quote Don Miguel Ruiz, "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream."
I was a bit taken aback by the tone of your post. Maybe that's your reality, whether by your own experiences or the experiences of your friends. In any event, I hope you have better experiences that the ones you've described.
As for the *stacked* blond, the world is full of them. I personally prefer petite brunettes, but that is secondary to the content of their character by a long shot. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:00:51 AM | Not to oversimplify, but I would imagine that he means either smarts or money. In either case he's being a prat, IMO.
IMO...Prat concerning money? yes. Smarts? Not so much. I tend to gravitate toward those who I feel are in a like emotional and intellectual place as I am. I prefer someone who accentuates who I am and challenges my ability to grow and learn.
If it were me, I'd ask if he's afraid of not being able to measure up, and he could take that as he wished.
LOL. shouldn't you be the one holding the yardstick? | |
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