| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:01:36 PM |
Just as team sports are dynamic, constantly switching roles between offense and defense, so is the roles people play in a relationship. You get further if you are a good two-way player. That's what I think effective equality is... the ability to read the play and know if, in this moment, your role is to lead, follow or get out of the way. Someone who thinks they have to carry the puck all of the time isn't really an effective team player... sometimes ya just gotta pass the puck to make the play.
That's a great analogy, Margo.
Having cast aside the universal roles men and women played, prior to feminist uprising, there's an everpresent desire to redefine the definition of equality, and boths sides of the coin have agendas. But someone truly open-minded, someone truly seeking equality, is a good team player, someone who's watching to pass the puck effectively, or to take the lead and make the shot, given whatever the best choice to make is.
We could all use some of that discipline. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:52:56 PM | Slowride: The following wasn't adressed to you but life of leisure when he said
"That's right, only women have the right to be CHEAP DATES!"
exactly how are women cheap dates?
If you are asking them out?
What do they do to be a cheap date?
Is it When they don't put out? After you buy them a burrito and a soda?
They don't want to pay for your drink and hers too?
Come back as a blond stacked woman on your next life buddy. It sounds like you are a little jealous of women there. I might be wrong.
I pay for my own every time just so there is no confusion about it.
Slowride: May you be a petite brunnette on your next life. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:00:07 PM |
This guy I know on here insists he wants "equality" in a woman.
It’s a curious turn of phrase – ‘wants "equality" in a woman.’ Like, I want honesty, integrity etc. in a woman, but equality? How’s she gonna bring that? Isn’t that something that happens between two people?
I’d ask him if there was equality in his last relationships, and if not, why not? was it ever there? where did it go?
That might help flush out what he means, and how he wants things to be (and who he expects to make it happen). | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:34:35 PM |
They want you to take the trash out.
Make as much money as them or more
Pay for all your expenses on trips and sometimes cover theirs.
Never expect them to carry your groceries from the car to the kitchen for you
Have sex with them whenever they feel like it
Don't expect an expensive(or inexpensive) birthday/christmas/valentines present
If you go out you always expected to pay dutch
If you move in together you better be ready to pay for half or more of te expenses.
I think there's a big difference between being making things equal and taking advantage of another. I have made the mistake of choosing a guy before that couldn't ever seem to take care of himself or help with anything, and when I cut him off from the help, suddenly I was a mean, cruel witch as far as he was concerned. I was tired of the dead weight. But, that didn't have anything really to do with equality. It had to do with just a bad person and a bad choice.
Now, even though I make a little more than my guy, we pretty much take care of ourselves. We have budgets to consider and live within our means. If we were to live together, I'm fairly confident that we would come up with some sort of equitable division of the house/yard/vehicle work.
You always have the option of walking away. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:55:42 PM | | equality is just a word. it doesnt mean anything when it comes to people. a relationship is never equal. someone always defers to the other depending on the situation. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:08:25 PM |
He insists that it's the reason why he likes women who use power tools. I think that wanting a woman who uses power tools is hardly equality. It's rather effeminate.
I dated a woman who didn't know how to check the oil in her car, and I knew another one who I had to teach to put air in her tires. The guy probably doesn't want someone like THAT. What's effeminate about wanting a woman who can do the same things you can do? I don't personally need someone like that, but I can understand where the guy is coming from. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:15:20 PM | When someone says "I want to find my equal" I immediately get the sneeking suspicion that they think they're better than everyone else and they'd like to find someone who is "worthy" of them.
I assume they tell themselves their last relationship failed because their partner was exceedingly common and not up to the task of matching them.
Looking for my "equal" has a pretty positive ring to it on the surface, but it smacks of blame shifting, lingering just below. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:40:24 PM | | To me, equality among two people does not necessarily mean exactly the same, but rather, it means equivalent or being similar in many ways. Intellect is the first thing that comes to mind but also common values is important too. The same level of maturity comes to mind as well. A relationship between equals is also a relationship between peers. A relationship that is between two adults, not one adult and child. It is not about control either. If one partner has more power in the relationship than the other, then it is not equal. If one partner defers to the other, then it is also not equal. If one partner provides financial support to the other, then it is also not equal | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:13:40 AM | his guy I know on here insists he wants "equality" in a woman.
The men I know who use this line mean:
They want you to take the trash out
Make as much money as them or more
Pay for all your expenses on trips and sometimes cover theirs
Never expect them to carry your groceries from the car to the kitchen for you
Have sex with them whenever they feel like it
Don't expect an expensive(or inexpensive) birthday/christmas/valentines present
If you go out you always expected to pay dutch
If you move in together you better be ready to pay for half or more of te expenses.
So, yeah. Equality means=CHEAP
Same as someone who wants and "Independant"woman.
You are better on your own and nobody is "poking" you in the back early in the morning when you want to sleep in on the weekends.
You know, a lot of that is relatively reasonable. As a guy I like help with the trash, I will help with the groceries, I will help with manual labor, and I'm very cleanly. I don't expect or want any help with chores at my own apartment, but I really don't mind giving a hand elsewhere. I don't shy from chores, and I don't need or want anyone to do my housekeeping. However, I also don't need or want the stress involved in a relationship where the woman is too cheap to cover her own expenses in the same manner that I cover my own. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:47:30 AM | a bit nomadic said:
Perhaps. But if so, I won't TELL him while I'm doing the measuring....
You must me a heckuva poker player because the eyes speak volumes. Regardless if it's a short story or a novel.
lalatina44 said:
Slowride: The following wasn't adressed to you but life of leisure when he said,
"That's right, only women have the right to be CHEAP DATES!"
Slowride: May you be a petite brunnette on your next life.
Oops, my bad. You know us men, it's all about us. If I come back in my next life as a petite brunette, I might never leave the house.
I've lived with inequality. I dated a lady who had been much more successful in her business life than I had. She had also never been encumbered with the expense of raising a family as I had. She expected me to get the check in nearly everything we did, even if it was at her urging. She didn't take the break up well, and to this day I don't think she has acknowledged the problem I had with that. I had a budget, and I had to stick to it. She knew that going in but was always trying to *negotiate* her way past it.
There's a lesson there in respecting your partner's needs and abilities. She wanted to feel that her partner was chivalrous. The cost of that for me was stress and financial instability. It seemed that getting her needs met was more important to her than her concern for my well being. Once a relationship gets out of kilter like that it's inevitable that there are going to be some problems. When she refused to acknowledge my feelings as being valid it was time to move on. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:22:11 AM | This guy I know on here insists he wants "equality" in a woman. That sounds like some kind of 70's women's lib cry to me. What the heck does it mean? That she doe her share of the work around the house (because I always had to do the housework and dishes when he was around). Or does it mean that I make the same amount of money he does?
WHY DON'T YOU SPECIFICALLY ASK HIM WHAT IT MEANS? AND IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT ANSWER, WHY DON'T YOU ASK MORE CLARIFYING QUESTIONS UNTIL YOU DO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE MEANS?
Is it really that hard? If you want to know, then ask. And if the person is generally decent to you, then accept the answer with faith and at face value.
Every guy might have a different answer to that question, who cares what other men think? You don't want to sleep with all those men do you? You probably want to sleep with or are sleeping with that one guy.
Most women I meet push this "communication" cliche like it's going out of style and yet most also consistently refuse to just confront someone they are attracted to or involved with and get the answers they seek to discover (not the answers they want to hear, the specific answers to the burning questions they want to really ask)
I know what guys don't want, someone who refuses to just confront an issue when the simple answer is just asking the question to them in the first place. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:53:10 AM | UnstoppableLoveMachine wrote:
WHY DON'T YOU SPECIFICALLY ASK HIM WHAT IT MEANS? AND IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT ANSWER, WHY DON'T YOU ASK MORE CLARIFYING QUESTIONS UNTIL YOU DO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE MEANS?
" 'Cause I like a sense of mystery. " ;)
ItsMargo wrote:
I'll make a sports analogy... The one carrying the puck might be leading at the moment, but no where near as effectively if his team mate isn't in position to either take a pass or tie up the other team. Many goals get scored by one player because the other one was there providing a place for the puck to go. Even if you don't touch the puck on a play your presence is important to making that play happen.
Just as team sports are dynamic, constantly switching roles between offense and defense, so is the roles people play in a relationship. You get further if you are a good two-way player. That's what I think effective equality is... the ability to read the play and know if, in this moment, your role is to lead, follow or get out of the way. Someone who thinks they have to carry the puck all of the time isn't really an effective team player... sometimes ya just gotta pass the puck to make the play.
That seems to make sense, along with the qualification that all the best team-playing in the world may only go so far if each normally plays/prefers a different sport to begin with. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:09:51 AM | | I do what I enjoy... and hire out the rest. Then, if a guy I'm dating comes around and wants to help out around the place.... I consider it that he's enjoying doing some fixing. That way, everything is done and we're having fun. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:06:16 PM | Most women have no capability to love a man.What does a woman do in the relationship? Its the men paying for dates, cooking , buying gifts, giving massages, offering support, planning picnics and days out, driving her around. It should be equal from the start but women are selfish. If a man is ever getting as much as he gives or more every woman will tell her he is being abusive and to get out.
Most like women to plan and take THEM out on a date and pay for the date.. and he will plan and take her out on a date and HE pays for the date.
Another equality is she can mow the lawn while he whips up a mean steak & salad dinner for her when she is done...(great exercise gals!).
Most women will never do the first one at least not in an equal ratio. (btw movie tickets she paid for and a complete dinner at her house (wine, dessert) count as paying for a date, is she wants to throw in a backrub i'll marry her)
Nah I'd rather mow the lawn. Its good cardiovascular. And she can cook.
<div class='quote'>
I pay for my own every time just so there is no confusion about it.
Sure you do.
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:28:23 PM |
I think that wanting a woman who uses power tools is hardly equality. It's rather effeminate.
I agree completely. Women have a FAR wider array of power tools available to them compared with what men have.
You guys have purple power tools, long and hard power tools, small buzzing power tools, adjustable power tools, crooked power tools, wobbly power tools, double headed power tools... and the list goes ON....
.... we have a magazine and some lube.
Sheesh..... | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:44:54 PM |
The man generally was the one who made all decisions relating to children, finances etc.
The woman was generally the submissive one and did not question her husband's authority.
But many of these traditional wives were VERY adept at making the man's life a slow quiet HELL if she disagreed with his decisions...
Cindy O | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:49:44 PM |
The man generally was the one who made all decisions relating to children, finances etc.
The woman was generally the submissive one and did not question her husband's authority
But many of these traditional wives were VERY adept at making the man's life a slow quiet HELL if she disagreed with his decisions...
Both of you are wrong. The wife always gave her input. The husband had the final say. Most women did not make his life a slow hell. Because he also had the power to make her life a slow hell.
In those days man and woman needed to survive and didn't normally try to hurt each other.
I don't what you two are talking about. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:55:05 PM | You are right, 100 guys, 100 answers.
For me, it means she takes care of her own business and doesn't look to me to fix her problems for her nor does she do the "bat her eyes" to manipulate me to do her dirty work for her.
It also means that is not looking for a guy to take care of her. I don't want an anchor in my life. I want someone to walk with me not hold me back nor do I want to hold her back.
I also think it means that each has their own strengths that they bring to the relationship that they can and do teach the other to make the other better. The whole "I will hold back to not make him feel bad" makes me want to barf. So does the stories of people who just let the guys make all the decisions and then either b!tch endlessly or make the guy's life hell as a result.
This is NOT a traditional woman but I don't claim to be looking for one. Many claim in words to be this elusive woman but when actions come into the story the real story comes out and traditionalism comes out. Nothing bad with that, it is just not for me. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:07:56 PM | john.duke12
I don't what you two are talking about.
Well, for all that you were able to express an opinion about the statements.
Actually, your perception is probably the most accurate. The statement I made was meant to be humor with a core of truth. I'm not talking about the man and woman abusing one another,simply that the lady made her hubby's life a little less pleasant; too much starch in his boxers, "forgetting" his favorite foods and "remembering" his UNfavorite ones.
Dude, who stole your sense of humor? Why are you here on a dating site? Are you looking for a woman to punish for what some other woman has done to you?
I refer to your mesg 66;
Most women have no capability to love a man.What does a woman do in the relationship? Its the men paying for dates, cooking , buying gifts, giving massages, offering support, planning picnics and days out, driving her around. It should be equal from the start but women are selfish. If a man is ever getting as much as he gives or more every woman will tell her he is being abusive and to get out.
If you REALLY think women are such pieces of sh*t, why are you even ON a dating site??
Cindy O | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:14:02 PM |
If you REALLY think women are such pieces of sh*t, why are you even ON a dating site??
Cindy O
I used the word MOST. No I am not looking for a woman to punish. That is what women do to men. Men have more pride than that.
And if someone can prove my statement wrong I would be quite happy to admit I was wrong. But that is what most relationships are like. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:18:09 PM |
e·qual
–adjective
1. as great as; the same as...
For those of you who say "equal" doesn't mean "the same as", I want some of whatever you're smokin'. I'd have to TOTALLY AGREE with him.
As for the pound of feathers or pound of lead argument. True also. However, in order to BE EQUAL....the feathers have to be a much greater VOLUME. Using that argument (which I believe in) that just because something is harder for me because I'm smaller than men....does NOT give me a pass on doing the EQUAL work. If I upheld that argument...then I'd only be paid a fraction of what my male co-workers earn. Since I wanted "equality in pay....I accept the extra energy (volume) that I have to expend in order to actually BE "equal". Anything else is a farce.
That's right, only women have the right to be CHEAP DATES!
-which isn't equality, though that never seems to sink in with many. Correct again. Any man who can't handle me paying 50% or me doing 50% of the work load....had better look elsewhere. I neither want an "unequal partner" NOR will I be an "unequal partner".
But someone truly open-minded, someone truly seeking equality, is a good team player, someone who's watching to pass the puck effectively, or to take the lead and make the shot, given whatever the best choice to make is. Agreed again. I have NEVER been able to figure out how these women (in movies) can just stand there and scream while their man is getting the $hit kicked out of him by the bad guy....based on the fact that ....she's female and too girly to pick up a baseball bat and whack the bad guy over the head. Doesn't she realize that her man is ALL that stands between her and the bad guy???? Does she think that when the bad guy is done he's going to ignore her because she's "different"?  Yet, I see the same kinds of things happen in REAL LIFE every day. The more "feminine" the women...the worse they are. Resting on the arrogance of being "feminists"....equal but different....they'll let their men worry themselves into ulcers over a lay off or broken leg....but they won't get off their butts to help the guy out because.....it's "not their job".
I dated a woman who didn't know how to check the oil in her car, and I knew another one who I had to teach to put air in her tires. The guy probably doesn't want someone like THAT. What's effeminate about wanting a woman who can do the same things you can do? I don't personally need someone like that, but I can understand where the guy is coming from. Please, tell me....what IS the difference between a woman learning to check her oil or put air in a tire.....and a man learning to change a baby's diaper or operate a washing machine? To me, THIS is where the "inequality" comes in. There is no physical handicap by virtue of size and strength when it comes to checking the oil and putting air in a tire.....yet so many women who claim equality still cling to those things being "the man's job".....AS is changing the baby, doing the dishes, the laundry, and being sensitive, always remembering special dates, blah, blah, blah. I mean, come on now.......I taught my ex how to tie a perfect bow and how to braid our 3 daughters hair. It probably looked pretty dang stupid to the neighbors when he left for church with 3 perfect little girls....and 2 hrs later when I got home from work (3rd shift) that I was outside chopping firewood. It's whats called....EQUALITY. I agree completely. Women have a FAR wider array of power tools available to them compared with what men have. LOL!!!! so true! But that doesn't mean that MY tool box does not include, drills, (electric, pneumatic and cordless) a circular saw, and impact wrench, a jig saw, a chain saw, a grinder, and a router. I want a partner. I want mutual problem solving. I want things to be even. I don't want to be shoe horned into things because I'm "the man." I agree. An equal partner is equal in problem solving, responsibility and accountability. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:45:21 PM |
LOL!!!! so true! But that doesn't mean that MY tool box does not include, drills, (electric, pneumatic and cordless) a circular saw, and impact wrench, a jig saw, a chain saw, a grinder, and a router.
Ouch! Too Much Information!
Hahaha, sorry, I couldn’t resist. | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:48:21 PM |
And if someone can prove my statement wrong I would be quite happy to admit I was wrong.
I seriously doubt that, because;
But that is what most relationships are like.
you've made up your mind already.
It sometimes slips my mind that not everyone is on a dating site or wherever, looking for a serious relationship. I guess you would be one of those who aren't?
Which is perfectly OK, of course, but if you are just looking for somebody to hang out with, casual dating or someone to have sex with, seems like it would be easier to find that in real time venues.
Cindy O | |
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| What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:56:59 PM |
Most women have no capability to love a man.What does a woman do in the relationship? Its the men paying for dates, cooking , buying gifts, giving massages, offering support, planning picnics and days out, driving her around. It should be equal from the start but women are selfish. If a man is ever getting as much as he gives or more every woman will tell her he is being abusive and to get out.
JD12...I see you're still bashing women on a grand scale. I don't see any woman here being equal in your bashing persistance. | |
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