| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:08:35 PM | | I did this when I was very young 20's because I did not want to marry the guy and was freaking out inside trying to think of a way out. Swear I felt the chains around my ankle at night. So I picked a fight and ran. You know the song 50 ways to leave? | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:18:24 PM | well i moved to ga to start a new life after my divorce and my father died i had moved from louisiana i met this guy soon as i moved to ga we became very close friends he was great smart funny he made me laugh smile and after awhile we fell in love with each other and started dating then one day he leaves for work to go out of town and the next morning he texts me and says he wants to breakup and go back to friends that we were better off as friends at this point im madly in love with this guy and would do anything in the world for him even stand in his way and take a bullet he was my best friend and my lover i was stunned and lost that was two months ago we are still friends its hard i see him all the time just cpl days ago i asked him bout it and he said i know u love me and i still love u we just cant do the relationship thing were better friends but that doesnt mean we cant love each other it is confusing and i know i will never have him back like we were so im trying to move on and just accept the fact were just friends now who love the hell out of each other when im sick or hurting he holds my hand or kisses me and is there to make sure im ok but thats as far as i will have it again im not sure how to get past this love i told him i didnt know how long i could live or love like that im taking it one day at a time its just hard when he still around some ppl tell me to just stay away from him but i cant do that were so close and care so much bout each other i will not give up on our friendship so im not sure what to do  | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:31:12 AM | | Don't know the subject of the fight and how significant it was- nor if you talked since- but it sounds to me like he simply got cold feet | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:17:06 AM | He went there determined to end it, and , in his own stupid way, he did. But he wanted you to feel it was partly your fault. Not nice.
I agree with the posters who said you should have kept the ring.
He is not worth being sad over. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:14:59 PM | wow this situation has a striking resemblance to my last break up. after 2 years and 1 year of living together i found some pictures that showed she broke my trust. On that same day i was already 500 miles away before she got off work and found out what happened. its funny because she asked me the EXACT same question
how could someone who loved you, adored you, wanted to spend the rest of their life with you, just disappear?
its about breaking trust. without trust there is no love. | |
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I purr
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Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 56 | |
| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:16:59 PM | | I just don't get why people call names... why the jerk remark. Ignore that guy that respond with that remark. Things sometimes just don't work and unfortunately when we break up it is rarly for what happend that last moment, it was other things. Hard but move on. It is his loss and you can guess all day long and never know for sure. Maybe this was a blessing and just don't know it yet. Mabye he does not know and just got cold feet. You are missing the closure part. Have a cermony of some kind and get you closure. Write him a letter, vent and then just burn or tear it up. Find a way to get your closure and then you will be fine. Good Luck. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:20:55 PM | | I think the man who called this lady a jerk should say he is sorry.She didn't need to hear that. She was looking for support not some smart a-- response. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:11:29 PM | | Dainap? If you do not stop hanging with this guy you are going to go the way of Grace in Will and Grace always wanting a guy who does not want you back that way. I know he is your friend and you love him and he loves you but you need to date some one. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:57:10 AM | I agree with eagle. Things just dont happen overnight. And if you had such a magical relationship then you could have at least talked it out. Obviously he didn't think this was magical.
You are doing the classic thing women do sometimes. They PERCEIVE their relationship to be something that it wasnt'. If your foundation was so great, then you could have talked it out. Love isn't destroyed with one argument. He wanted an out obviously and used the fight to do it. I'm sorry it happened but move on and I'm sure things will work out. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:01:09 AM | Still would like to know what the argument was about?
Dainap, as was said before, you need to respect yourself and cut off all contact with this so called "friend". If he is fwb, then he is just using you. You cannot make him want you the same way you want him, it is hard to accept, but the sooner you realize this the easier it will be to move on. Find someone that will respect your feelings and that wants the same kind of relationship as you do. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:10:59 AM | why would somebody leave after a fight? as everyone else has said, depends on the fight. whatever it was about, you're not willing to admit its content, so obviously its something that you *did* in fact do, so whatever it is you did is what caused him to leave... case closed..
now on to more important things.. i sprained my ankle last week, and i can't really bend it all that well. it kinda sucks. crutches are the worst. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:46:38 AM | | What fight did you have? Men are just unpredictable.. What sign was he? Anyway I feel for you and your pain. I have broken heart too as my partner who I loved the most ever lied to me about having a child, then he cheated on me. I left him but I still miss him and can't forget him. Its been 4 months. I saw him with another woman just weeks after we split up. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:11:03 AM | It would be interesting to hear "the rest of the story" as Paul Harvey would say. We only get to hear one side of the story in the forums. Did this guy make up a reason to start a fight so he could get out of a commitment, or did the OP actually do something to get him started?
Generally mentally stable people don't get upset for no apparent reason, however I have noticed a serious shortage of mentally stable or emotionally mature persons around lately.
Relationships seem to be based on getting your "way". "I love you as long as I get to be in charge." I bet there is more to this story than meets the eye but without more info it's hard to make a call. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:41:15 AM | OP, I'm so sorry for you feelings of loss. I know, sometimes they can seem overwhelming, and they begin to cloud all the good that is in your life. You have a beautiful family, you have life and opportunity to live again. As other posters have stated, your life is not over, just that particular avenue is now closed to you.
Never regret... No matter what the argument was about (and I do think it is telling that we are missing this critical bit of information), you have lost a future you had been emotionally invested in, at the very least.
Don't let your ex-fiance, don't let your feelings of sadness for the loss of what you believed existed between you, to continue to infect your life. You can choose to begin healing. Buy a new journal. Start today. And walk away from your vision for your life with him. You have to let go of the old dream, the comfort of all the pain you've wrapped yourself in, before a new dream can take root and grow.
There is a new dream waiting out there for you. Post again if it will help. Perhaps there is more learning, more wisdom and insight, to wring from this experience for yourself. But if not, just ignore those requests. The thread will live or die depending on how it resonates, but that is irrelevant to your recovery.
Go, take back your life. Call your son, tell him how much you enjoy being in his life, in your grandchildren's lives. Live. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:44:55 PM | Yarimelma?
Who said the only noble thing would be to stay and fight more?
How about stay and...
fight fair
make up
hash it out
give it a chance
think it through
listen to her side | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:54:39 PM | (quote)You made only one mistake: you should have kept the ring. You had a legal and moral right to it, (/quote)
Nope Music, that is incorrect, if it was an engagement ring that is a conditional gift, if the wedding did NOT occur, then no matter who breaks things off, the ring goes to the man. Unless of course SHE bought the ring herself.
The best she got out of the whole deal was he left, and despite the pain, it is better than after a wedding she could have shelled out a whole heck of a lot of money for, and he would NOT have to reimburse her on. AND men say the law is only designed for women... | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:56:58 AM |
Men are just unpredictable..
So that has been what's wrong with me all this time! Wait... what does that make women?
BoT - unless the details of the fight are revealed it's kind of hard to make anything but an assumption. But normally one fight doesn't make anyone flighty like that. I would venture to say he had already been planning this and there was more to this than what's being said. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:31:35 AM | There must be a reason why he was so angry. There are only a few things I can see that would be a deal breaker like that. I don't have to run down the list. So what was the reason for the agruement?
Maybe he was wrong maybe he was justified. Without knowing what the fight was about then we can lend some deeper insight. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:36:49 AM | I know that you feel that your life has stopped, but in the words of Tom Stoppard, "Every exit is an entry somewhere else."
Some time ago I too thought I had found "Mr. Right." He seemed wonderful, attentive, affectionate. Looking back I was blind to some glaring tips that he wasn't all he portrayed himself to be.
When we first got together he had been injured at work and was on worker's comp. Once that was over he took a part time job. I fully supported him financially for five years. I put a roof over his head, fed him, clothed him, bought him several vehicles. He only had to pay for his cell phone bill and the fun stuff he wanted. Meanwhile, I was supporting the household and supporting my three kids (for whom I receive no child support - another long story). I never complained or said a word, only gave him emotional support and love.
He married me after two years, still working the minimum wage part time job. We were married nearly three years when he finally got a very good paying job. I also had a good paying job (more than he makes) but suddenly he had no more use for me. He dropped the bomb on me one day that he loved me but wasn't "in love" with me.
Call me crazy, but it sure looked as if he did not need me anymore because he had his new, "great paying" job. I now see that some guys (this one included) don't take commitment seriously. I know that this guy only saw marriage as a piece of paper. Hard lesson learned.
My point is, be thankful that you found out about this before you took the relationship even further. Otherwise you would be here as a divorcee instead of a jilted girlfriend.
It hurts, but time helps a lot in the healing process. It is very painful when one person has a stronger level of commitment than their partner.
Regardless of the reason for the argument, an adult who is seriously contemplating marriage would have taken some time to cool down and then returned to discuss the issue. Great relationships take work, compromise and commitment. I am sorry, it doesn't sound as if your guy saw it in the same light. You are better off without him. You deserve better. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:58:33 AM | I'm just wondering... since you never responded to the question that everyone wants to know...what was the fight about? Did you make this up just to get a rise out of people to play a sympathy card or did this really happen? You also said "he had the fight" and walked out and came back the next day and got his stuff and you just listened and never said anything and let it happen. When is the last time a woman ever let that happen???  Something doesn't sound right to me. If it did happen then I do feel your pain. My ex of 5 years thought it was greener on the other side. I was devastated. He even told me it was his cousin and let me talk to her. Until I realized it really wasn't and broke it off. Of course when I finally confronted her on the phone and told her what kind of woman she was for doing that and knowing that we were engaged and living together that if he was going to cheat on me while we engaged and living together then he will cheat on her. She was the younger woman. He moved out of town, even left his daughters and within 6 months she cheated on him or he cheated on her. Don't really know! But they broke up and he wanted to come back. I said "no" actually "hell no" and moved on and he is now very sorry because the other green side....it was just a cow pasture. Anyway, if this did happen....keep your chin up. Move on and hopefully one day we will both find a good man that's not afraid to be honest and communicate. I don't do cheating. Not even once because it just "doesn't happen" you have to make it happen. Good luck! | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:05:50 PM | | By the way, have a great July 4th. I have a date today. We'll see how it goes. Maybe there will be fireworks. LOL So get out today and have fun and move on! | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/4/2008 1:02:58 PM | I met someone online... he had just broken up with his gf. About 1 month later he sent a text to me stating he got back with her. This happenened in Dec 2007.
In April 2008, he sent me a text and we started talking again. He had just kicked his ex out of his house. We dated until the beginning of June. Everything was more than perfect.
He was talking about our future together and where i wanted to live . Then i go to text him and he stopped texting me and calling me. I even sent him an email which i got no reply to. I don't know. Maybe he got scared. | |
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| My future stopped overnight!
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:39:48 PM | (quote)It's obvious that she cheated on him. (/quote)
Obvious, are you for real about being an attorney, what happened to innocent until proven Guilty? What happened to imperical proof instead of speculation ?
Specualtion is nice to have, but wouldn't even be allowed in a court room.
In this case there is NO information as to what she did or didn't do, nor is there anything that even suggests she cheated... All you have speculation...Not a good example of how the law works, even if it is in a forum...(shakes head in disbelief) | |
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