| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/4/2008 9:06:29 PM | I can see both arguments (sorry, I'm odd like that, but it doesn't mean I agree with both arguments) but honestly, this is exactly what sick time was invented for. There are times when you simply cannot go in to work, and when you're a parent, that sick time extends to taking care of the kids if either they're sick or your your spouse/partner/single ex is sick and can't care for them. It's called responsibility, folks. If your employer simply does not subscribe to that, then they aren't worth working for and don't value you more than the cog in the machine that you are. Given that, why so loyal to a company that doesn't care for you? But that's another topic for another thread.
I've taken many a sick day (or worked from home when possible) to care for my kids when my ex wasn't able to due to illness or due to immovable responsibility.
That your 13 year old had to care for the baby was unfortunate. Part of being an adult, IMHO, is having the sense and responsibility to tend to priorities and use the sick time you're given wisely. And any parent who prioritizes work over family has some serious priority issues. Work simply isn't a be-all, end-all. Jobs come and go, but you only get family once (you can grow it, but you can't replace it).
Work to live, folks. Don't live to work. (He says at midnight just as he's working... LOL!) | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/5/2008 12:16:59 PM | I do wonder if the OP was still married to the ex....would she have expected him to stay home with her and the baby because she was sick...or would she have still asked their teenager to watch the baby.
When you are a single parent, you make sure you have a back-up for anything and everything and if the other parent can help out feel blessed. | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:04:02 PM | | My ex wouldn't get our kids if I were on the ER table dying .I actually quit asking him years ago b/c the answer was always a resounding NO. He thinks nothing of being sick and coming to get the kids to where my whole house gets sick after their visitation .I believe he cleared any misunderstandings up when I asked him once and he said " I have something called a life" yes his words . | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:50:26 PM | | The first time we were separated my ex-to-be thought she could demand that I watch the kids with 5 minutes notice but expected me to "beg" for access the rest of the time... She threw hissey fit(s) when I explained that she should ask instead of demand since she insisted on our living separate lives... Now she's 1,200 miles away and I have to chose between providing for them and being with them. (They would starve if it was up to her to feed them...) So far the court system is no help... I suspect if our genders were reversed that she would be in jail now... So EXCUSE me if I show little empathy for your having to figure out how to care for your kids while they are sick - consider it a side-effect of the tilted, gender-biased nature of our "justice" system... | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:19:33 PM | UHH HAVE U BEEN B4 A JUDGE? AGAIN!?ARE U KIDDING ME!? IF THE KIDS PRIMARILY LIVE WITH U! umm he has to provide so that u are also able to take care of ur health needs..that means!!!!!! umm 2 days a week of childcare? umm try U NEED AT LeAST 3 DAYS! I MEAN I HAVE ONE & I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF him when I couldn't even hardly walk (serious spinal issue) but 3!? that's sick & negligent of him..Me personally I wouldn't want to leave my son with his Dad he's 2 selfish& negligent...NO I DID NOT KNOW HE WOULD BE THAT WAY!! selfish maybe..negligent..I didn't believe he would be..But that's my prob..we're discussing urs...I HAVE ALSO TAKEN CARE OF MY KID IN BETWEEN ALL SORTS OF SICKNESS.., COME ON ur a single(so to speak) Mom u know how to man-up! I AM NOT PUTTING U DOWN!..BUT UMM U BETTER START TAPING HIS ASS ON THE PHONE & DOCUMENTING SHIT..BECAUSE WHENEVER HE GETS ONE OF HIS LIL MOMENTS HE'S GONNA prolly try to make u 'the crazy' which u will b if u keep up that pace...THEN U TELL HIM HE COULD ALWAYS MEET U IN COURT AND DISCUSS IT..Most guys who love themselves more than their kids , don't want to go to court..especially if they have an inkling they will lose & and need supervised visitation..if they get any! OH AND THE MONEY.they don't want to lose more money... ....DID I SAY 2 MUCH AGAIN? | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:31:56 PM | UMM HELLO MR. REAL!? THEY HAVE JOINT CUSTODY!!!IFU WERE SO HELL BENT U SHOULD PROVE UR CASE TO A COURT TOO..hell when I dealt with my moment where I thought I would need to cut my sons Dad out >>WELL LET'S JUST SAY U DON'T BRING A BUTTER KNIFE TO A GUN FIGHT& U DON'T SIT YA ASS ONLINE!U speak with attornies offices..u find away to get the money u will need for the attorney(A GOOD ONE)..ifu have to do something else to be able to retain one? DO THAT! these are ur kids!!!? have ur mini recorder ready! have ur notes with as accurate of dates as u can..ANY & ALL PROVABLE ,FACTUAL NEGLIGENCE OR SERIOUS CRIMINAL PAST OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES,AND REASONS THEY SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO HAVE THE KIDS..BECAUSE ! WHATEVER IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD IS UP TO THE PERSON WHO IS THE PRIMARY CARE GIVER! IF U HAVEN'T EXHAUSTED ALL U CAN DO? than u don't need to be online u need to be working on that! focusing!!!!!I ALREADY GOT my ducks in a row..he ever tried any crap with me about our son? HE WOULD RUE THE DAY! BECUASE I WILL NOT HAVE MY SON COMPROMISED FOR NOBUDDY!(THAT'S HOW I SPELL IT) | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:38:33 PM | I really think it totally depends on the nature of the relationship. If, like other posters have experienced or speculated, it is a situation where the father is not in the children's life frequently and regularly because the mother wants it that way, then it would be strange to then turn around and expect him to be there on a moments notice when you are sick.
However in a true share care arrangement, yes, I would expect the NCP to take care of the children if the CP was too ill to do so. All this talk of him not being obligated just blows my mind. He is the father. He is no less and no more 'obligated' to care for his chidren than their mother. She is not the only single parent here. He is a single parent too and just as responsible for the welfare of his children as she is.
And I don't agree at all that the only time someone is too ill to take care of the children is when they need hospitalisation. I have only been so ill that I felt unable to cope once. And my ex stepped in and took care of our daughter without hesitation. He even rearranged his work shedule to do it. And he is not in an occupation where that is particularly easy. He may only be able to see his children 1-2 times a week, but he is very much still their father and a co-parent.
Maybe it is different for us, because neither of us have any family in our State at all. But if he were ill and felt unable to take the kids, I don't force him to either. Our marriage might have failed but we are parents forever. End of story. | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:22:21 AM | | that sucks, of course, the dad should help out. the only reason he would say no would be to piss you off, but thats not fair to the kids. its pretty mean actually | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:52:38 AM | Carolann come to the light over here! NOT EVERYBODY HAS SOMEONE TO HELP THEM!??If she did would she be here posting..BUT WAIT..yeah ur still here posting creator of this thread,who's name has eluded me (NEED COFFEEE) u need to be reaching out more to others for help..alot of church orginizations have cheaper 'daycare' facilities..get that ***hole to ante up already ..if u are not gonna do anything about it when it comes 2 ur kids? THE U DESRVE WHATEVER U GET!..I feel bad 4 the kids!!!!!!HELLO FOCUS!!!  | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:09:06 AM |
Yep. My ex-wife might even do that. I *have* done it for her. She owes me. :)
Why does she owe you? Aren't they your kids too?
Back to the OP, I agree with you, he should have taken the baby, at least, if nothing else but for his own peace of mind that she was ok. My ex is a brilliant Dad, and we manage to get along ok (most of the time anyway!) but he would be exactly the same, yet wouldn't think twice about the roles being reversed, no matter what my plans were. As a mother I just accept it, cos I have no choice, and cos no job or anything else would stop me taking care of my son just because it wasn't 'my turn'. | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:02:06 PM | | well i can sympathise with you there i found myself in the same posision over xmas time i was so ill and im rarely ill but that xmas i was constantly being sick and at one point couldnt lift my head of the pillow and wen i did i was sick my little boy is 4 and was frightened everytime i was sick he cried i called his dad but he was (too busy)he is self employed and was on a fortnights holiday so im still left to this day wondering what was more important than him coming to get his son oh and would you believe that he even called me a couple of months after to say he couldnt have our child on his usual sunday because he was feeling poorly oh the joy of being the care free absent parent eh!!!!! but i guess all i care about is the welfare of my boy and to me thats all that matters xx | |
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| Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:00:53 PM | Kyn:
Oh ofcourse Ive been sick like that...many times over the years... I just dont think getting sick is a big issue and worthy of getting angry or annoyed at somebody else because of it when they dont take the kids...I'll still look after my kids. Everyone copes. Its not a big deal.
*shrugs*...Maybe Im just not so drama driven and take things in my stride cos unless Im about to drop dead...not a problem.
Kyn, I notice consistently in your responses, you're very arrogant. Just because something isn't a "big deal" to you, that doesn't mean you're right or that someone who finds it a big deal is wrong. You come across as the authority and expert on parenting. I guess anyone can paint a certain picture on the internet *shrug*
I actually admire a parent who realizes their physical limitations and asks for help when they need it as opposed to NOT doing so and perhaps putting their child's safety and well-being at risk.
I guess you're implying the OP is "drama driven."
Regarless of the custody situation, this man is still the parent of these children that he helped to create. This has nothing to do with his feelings toward his ex; it's his children that should come first and foremost - end of story.
I don't see the value in trivializing and minimizing someone's situation to the point of making themself look foolish and you appear like parent of the year. Not sure why you consistently do this. Generally people who are overly c0cky and arrogant about any particular thing in life; particularly on the internet, are full of it. | |
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