| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:45:38 AM |
but part of me has that fear of rejection that maybe I wasted her time too much the past few months and her feelings changed?
You've DEFINITELY been wasting time. If she's been "dating on the side", that kind of tells me that maybe she's not that interested in you and she's keeping her options open. But anyway:
As far as fear of rejection, no relationship is set in stone. You risk being rejected from the first meeting (or even BEFORE meeting), or she could cheat on you and leave you after 20 years of marriage. So you may as well go for it. You aren't exclusive right now, so you really have nothing to lose. If she rejects you, then move on to someone else. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:49:53 AM | | Sounds like you had the chance with her and blew it! Ask yourself why you have feelings for her all of a sudden? Is it because she has been dating other men and you realise what you could have had with her? If she means as much to you as you say she does then tell her before its deffinately to late then atleast you will know if your wasting your time BUT might i add that sometimes you have to fight for what you want! The fact she is meeting you tonight might still indicate thats she is interested OR she might not, only you know what to do depending on the mood when you see each other! You should have told her from the start how you felt about her and took things slowly until your feelings changed instead of misleading her. "Treat others as you would want to be treated"!!! | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:32:25 AM | Quote: "Why is it games when someone doesn't want to jump into a relationship when they first meet someone? Whatever happened to dating?
I don't see what the OP was doing as playing games. He wasn't ready for commitment at first, and now he is. The girl was, perhaps she still is. Hopefully she still is."
Bravo, Angel08619! Seems like you're the only person here who didn't take on an approach of assuming the maliciousness of someone's intents.
Yes, EVERYONE needs to figure out whether they like a person or not. It's called "dating." In some cases, instant attraction just doesn't happen.
But dude, - like someone said here before, - are you sure you're basing your apparent newfound attraction to her on anything reliable? If you're "blown away" by "how she looked" on a particular occasion, and if the entire resurgence of your interest for her is based on you now standing to lose what you took for granted, - I'd think again. Hard.
Imagine what would happen if you were to wind up together, and she eagerly ditched all her other guys for you and once again was at your beck and call. Would you still be attracted to her, or will you revert back to "toying" and initiate a "lull" once again? | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:15:30 PM | DON'T TELL HER!
just sit back and do absolutely nothing! just keep her on the side. the next time we'll be reading your forum post is in regards to how dumb you had been for having a chance with her and doing nothing about it, because someone in the forum who knows nothing about you said so...and you decided to listen to that advice than do what you think would have worked out for you. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:42:35 PM | Wow, I was really impressed to see all of the responses to my thread. However, I must first say "ouch." Some of you really told me like it was, but I respect that. To the poster who basically called me a hypocrite for playing games yet saying I' m a nice guy in my profile, I disagree with you. I am a nice guy and wouldn't write that in my profile if it wasn't true. It's just that I was out of the dating loop for so long that when she pretty much immediately fell for me, it threw me off and I didn't know how to respond to it. I admittedly, should have just told her what I was going through as far as my rollercoaster of feelings, a lot sooner.
Anyways, I know some of you asked for an update, well last night(Monday night) did NOT go over well at all. The plan was that she wanted me to meet her at a bowling alley that her friend's band was playing at. Well, I got there, smiled big, gave her a nice hug, acted so excited to see her, yet she acted non-chalant. In fact, for most of the night, she didn't even talk to me. I tried showing her how interested I was, but it was like pulling teeth. I have no idea what happened from Friday(when she was so upbeat, smiling the whole night, so happy to see me), to now. Now I'll probably call her this week to see what happened and go from there. Definitely was a downer though, as I was 100% planning on telling her my true feelings last night. Because of the way she acted at the show, I didn't even bother :( | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:19:51 AM | And that was a very good move man. Assessing the situation and acting accordingly is a very sensible way of gauging what to do next.
Alot of men would of probably done the opposite and then wondered why she wont reciprocate. When naturally things just take time, or she isnt interested anymore. Which isnt the end of the world. You can always work on the friendship again, or date other people. The key is not to act impulsively or desperate, which you exercised quite respectfully with not bothering to tell her what she probably wouldnt of appreciated anyway (given her demeanor that night).
Alot of people assumed here, that there must be something malicious about you holding off. For some reason having some integrity and self respect to allow time for feelings to develop between the two of you, has become a players move?!?! Well sir I respect that if the reasons behind not acting prematurely on your eagerness for this girl, was because you have strong convictions about taking your time and believing in her sense of autonomy. Then that is the honorable approach, which I adhere to myself as well.
So I take my hat off to you sir, for not letting the pressures of todays dating expectations, dilute your own dating convictions and principles. | |
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| Am I wrong?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:54:14 AM |
The plan was that she wanted me to meet her at a bowling alley that her friend's band was playing at. Well, I got there, smiled big, gave her a nice hug, acted so excited to see her, yet she acted non-chalant. In fact, for most of the night, she didn't even talk to me. I tried showing her how interested I was, but it was like pulling teeth. Ouch!
Even odds she's doing someone in the band.
2 to 1 it's the drummer.
3 to 1 it's a guitar player.
5 to 1 it's the lead singer.
10 to 1 it's the guy on keyboards.
25 to 1 it's the cute chick who plays the tambourine and cowbell.
36 to 1 it's the sound guy.
50 to 1 it's more than one of the above. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:20:18 AM | if you really have to ask all of us what to do, do you really think that you want a relationship or just scared because you think someone else will be parting the sheets with her?
if you have to run to someone else to solve your relationship problems for you perhaps you are not ready for a relationship.
sorry just tell it like i see it. | |
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| Am I wrong in this situaton or should I tell her?
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:40:09 PM | | op, tell her you really like her (& even wanna be her bf, if you feel comfortable with it), but unless she seems to need an explanation regarding your past behavior, i wouldn't remind her of it! (i assume you know her well enough to know if she needs to hear any sort of explanations.) | |
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| Am I wrong?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:05:45 AM | Sorry to say, OP, I have to agree with Artful Codger...(very funny!)
only I say its the bass player...usually the sexiest...
seriously, OP, she's either:
A) Giving you a taste of your own medicine
B) Found someone else who wasnt ambivalent about telling her he liked her...
C)Dating the guy who gives out the bowling shoes....
Also, to those who say you werent in the wrong for not telling her you liked her right off the bat...that is NOT the issue...its that he knew she really liked him and he "toyed" with her emotions...not knowing if you like someone is fine...it is smart to hold off on your feelings until you know...
BUT
if you act like you really like someone when you arent actually sure, then you're TOYING with them; playing GAMES with them...
that is what most people here are taking exception to.....
Capice?
Also, OP, I hope you tell her, even after she seemed to have been distant...
you'd be surprised, buddy....
no guts, no glory
Good Luck! | |
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