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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:06:55 AM | Yuppers.......^^^^^
It's too bad that anyone of either gender can walk into anothers life for a year or two and legally claim half that persons possessions/wealth.......blows my mind.
From what I've read, most pre neps / pre co hab agreements are'nt worth the paper they're writtin on.
I've seen child support payments go to one child from 3 different men??
Unreal, is it right?
I don't think so but the guardian of that child sure must have.......
This probably is'nt the norm but just an example of how family court laws can be enforced.
Yah, probably live in your own home is easier........ | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:54:02 AM | ^^^^^Good point, temptation50.
I've seen child support payments go to one child from 3 different men??
Unreal, is it right?
I don't think so but the guardian of that child sure must have.......
This probably is'nt the norm but just an example of how family court laws can be enforced.
And it definately does happen, that you will get some, I SAID SOME, woman, going from guy to guy, collectiong all kinds of money from each guy to support their needs, and what not.
And that is nasty.
Classic example, Paul McCartney, and Heather Mills.
Married him, just for the sake of being able to divorce him, after a certain period of time, just so that SHE, could get a good portion of his wealth, that Paul and Linda worked so hard and built together. And Heather Mills, did not even have to lift a finger to get that.
That too, is nasty.
As said before, us guys need to start taking a stand, and speaking out for ourselves, otherwise, they wll get walked on, by SOME, very manipulative woman.
NO THANK YOU, NOT.
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:00:51 PM | the previous comments evidence why so many are so hesitant to enter into a new relationship....truly a sad state of affairs
we also see how the laws previously in favor of the male changed to favoring the female, obviously to find a fair equilibrium in matters of the law seems impossible.
While monetary matters between quarreling adults should be simple (or so one would think) in the end most all children involved are the real losers and despite trying even the most sympathetic judges cannot make sure that the rights of the child are protecting the child, which would bring one to conclude there are a lot of very selfish people in this world.  | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:18:01 PM | They say the definition of insanity.....^^^^^.......is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result???
Slow learner???.....lol, jk.
Personally if ones content and happy living alone, why not??
It's a funny world these days, why screw things up by having your seat always lowered....... | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:19:42 PM | ^^^ Divorced 4 times??? Holy moly! Once was bad enough for me. The thought of getting married again is somewhat scary considering that no matter how well you think you know your loved one, there is no way of being 100% sure if he/she has any underlying ploys or motives in store. You can trust the person all you want but fact is that there is absolutely no guarantee that person will not suddenly do a 180 & expose sides to them that you didn't know could ever possibly exist. Been there ... was no fun at all.
Would I get married again? I'm not counting the days or months or years ... but hell yeah, if I met the right person, fell in love & my instincts told me it was the right thing to do. But I wouldn't leap into it like I did the first time around & would have to give it time & some very deep thought & consideration. I have no fear of committing to being with one person for the rest of my life as long as the feeling is mutual.  | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:39:03 PM |
9 times out of 10, the laws works in favor of woman, both you and I know that, which is also the truth
Dakota, there may be a lot of truth in what you wrote, I wouldn't know.......my ex and I worked out custody and child support payments like two mature adults and without a lawyer! (and FYI: I pay him, not the other way around)
I still maintain I prefer the view through my rose-coloured glasses . The one where I still believe in love and happily ever after and I think it is sad, that more don't. Perhaps you have not been lucky enough to experience the kind of love where you want to fall asleep in their arms and wake up to see their smiling face, not just on weekends, but every day. Where you share all the trials and tribulations of daily living, cooking together, doing chores together, whatever. How can you do this if you don't live together? Your way of viewing love just seems so cold and calculating to me. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:11:06 PM | Hey Dakota...I think there are two sides to the Paul McCartney and Heather Mills story. There was also a child involved. Also, Heather may not have been independently wealthy before they got married but she didn't do too badly either as a model, so I don't think that money was the motivation behind the marriage.
You're right that the kids lose out. When parents separate, it's the kids first family that will never be the same for them and they have their own process to go through to accept this. When two parents are not able to put the kids first after the separation and they end up in a tug-of-war, no-one wins. Kids need as much stability and security as they can possibly have after a separation to grow up healthy. The worst thing for them is to be used as pawns by parents looking out for their own interests. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:45:27 PM | OMFG
What a load of horseshite!
All of the above are on a freekin dating site.... can you spell I R O N Y?
OT The marriage issue is a contentious one these days as it still has it's roots in an origin that has long since passed it's value and reason.
As for being single, I for one accept it as a stage. One that will pass as I prefer to think I can love again and hell if I end up getting married, you can bet your ass I will make every effort to make it last.
This bitterness is awful to me. People, we all deserve to be in healthy/happy relationships, and we are only going to get there if we lose the bitterness, embrace what can be if we communicate in a healthy, sharing way.
To me this means we have to be honest with ourselves and others. Only then can we think of being in love, and sharing our lives with someone. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:15:56 PM | If anyone on this planet believes Heather Mills was'nt motivated by money...
I've got ocean front property for sale in Nevada....
I think the final settlement worked out to some bizzare amount like 80k a day for every day they were married.......
Notta bad living.
Of course after being offered 40 million which she rejected, like WTF is that??
This ones a no brainer, I'd think Sir Paul will be a little more selective if he ever goes down that route again, highly unlikely....... | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:57:24 PM | Re: Paul and Heather: Like I said, there likely were two sides to the story... Sir Paul may not have been the easiest boy to live with...who really knows...and they had a child together... who will hopefully grow up knowing that there was some love in his parent's relationship before things fell apart.
And...what was Paul going to do with all that $$$ anyway since he had so much of it? Heather has a good track record of being involved in children's charities before she met Paul too. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:09:50 PM | Currently I have no plans or intention of remarrying (I didn't plan on getting married the first time either). Given that I have no idea what the future holds for me or my plans, I have not stated that it will NEVER happen either...(regardless of how limited the options)
I have to say that there are few factors that are a given in to any future relationship I may enter in to.
-There will be no fruit of said union. No children of the marriage nor child support, nor differing child rearing philosophies.
-Even though I realize that prenups and agreements have little value if a person chooses to battle them (personal experience in the severing of my former union), I would still rather have one than not. I think that both parties have to have legal representation when drafting and finalizing the agreement. I do hope that at my age and experience level I should trust that I would not even entertain the idea of shacking up, never mind legally binding myself to someone who I felt the least bit of apprehensive about.
-Seriously as soon as I start to entertain the idea of future marriage and what that might look like, let's just say that it would be a very comfortable union with a person who shares similar values and integrity. Anything less than that just wouldn't be worth the time or energy to consider. I am WAY past the ideals of young love. I have experienced just enough to know that if I am unable to accept a person for who they are complete with foibles and vice versa, then I am completely happy to just walk away and move on down the line. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:05:16 AM | Tornado1:
I made my point, and stated my case, and I stand by what I said, whether you agree with it or not, that is your choice, however, it does not change my viewpoint on the subject, nor does it change.
Therefore, I am going to leave it sit, as is, there is nothing more for me to discuss about it, because, there is no more to discuss, and no further reason, for me to push it any further, then need be.
That is it.
Enough said.
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:13:21 PM | First of all, your topic is "Why get married (common law or legally?)". Common law is living together WITHOUT getting married, so the thread title doesn't make any sense.
I was at the Golden Spike Days Festival at Rocky Point in Port Moody yesterday, sitting on the grass along with thousands of other people listening to the bands playing on the outdoor stage. I was surrounded by couples with children of all ages, most seemed happy & content & many were dancing with each other & with their kids. As I observed the interaction of the families, I felt a little envious, knowing exactly the contentment in their hearts. It brought me back to when my own kids were young, I was still married & our family did the same thing.
We were happy to be married ... we were happy to be raising kids ... we were happy doing things as a family unit, & looking back, we had many great experiences & great years as a family. No matter what has happened since then (separation, divorce, etc.), I have absolutely no regrets. The experience of being married is priceless. The experience of having & raising children is priceless. So that's why I would recommend that people get married instead of just dating or living common law. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:02:27 PM |
First of all, your topic is "Why get married (common law or legally?)". Common law is living together WITHOUT getting married, so the thread title doesn't make any sense.
Common law is a form of marriage ,that is why it is called a common law marriage.I put it in brackets behind the word married to let the reader know that I was referring to both kinds of marriage. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:04:45 AM | ^^^ Welllll, marriage to me is when vows & rings are exchanged whether in front of a judge or in a religious ceremony to solidify the union & turn the couple into Mr. & Mrs. IMO, it makes couples work harder to resolve their problems because it removes the disposability of the relationship. I would not have had my kids nor 15 years of marriage with my ex had we just moved in together instead of getting married first.
Unlike marriage, common law merely involves saying, "Hey, let's move in together" ... no vows ... no rings ... no ultimate commitment & every time there is an argument, disagreement or misunderstanding, the temptation to say 'Adios bébé' & escape the relationship will always be there. I remember when people would say "We're not married ... we're living common law." So just because the word 'marriage' gets thrown after 'common law' doesn't make it a 'real' marriage IMO. I'm not saying that the whole common law thing can't work, just that it ain't marriage the way marriage was originally intended to be, so it shouldn't be given equal status. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:07:07 AM |
Welllll, marriage to me is when vows & rings are exchanged whether in front of a judge or in a religious ceremony to solidify the union & turn the couple into Mr. & Mrs. IMO, it makes couples work harder to resolve their problems because it removes the disposability of the relationship.
For what it's worth FaS, I agree with you about marriage, but I believe the point the OP was trying to make is that men lose, when they move in with a woman, period! (Doesn't matter whether they are legally married or living together.) And I've already given my opinion about this! | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:19:42 AM | *The OP was trying to make is that men lose, when they move in with a woman, perio!*
As said before, and I will say it again, it is the LAW, LAW, LAW, AND LAW, for crying out loud, 9 times out of 10, the LAW, LAW, LAW, favors the WOMAN, and the GUYS, DO NOT, want to get BOOFED up the BUTT, by the LAW, and if you do not think it is the LAW, then as said before,ASK A LAWYER.
ALSO, the LAW, applies to BOTH, marriage, and COMMON LAW.
And once again I am looking at it from te LAW, prospective, rather then being bitter, as someone had claimed.
Good lord, something soooooooooooo, easy to understand, but, is taken and thought of in the wrong way, such as THE LAW. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:12:15 PM |
As said before, and I will say it again, it is the LAW, LAW, LAW, AND LAW, for crying out loud
Me thinks he doth protest too much.......lol. | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:43:15 PM | Dakota......
I wish my lawyer knew the lawyers you speak of.......because apparently the law did nothing for me...I earned 3x that of my ex and I walked away with far less than I was rightfully due....but I guess we all do what we need to, and I needed to move on and get away from a very unhealthy situation. I truly believe its who you hire (are they a dragon slayer?) that will either win your case or not. (If anyone wants the name of a very nasty, unfair, unethical divorce lawyer email me...lol)
To say that the law is always on the woman's side is a bit much, but clearly no one here is going to change your mind. I respect that...
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:06:55 PM | | I think the law tries to work in such a way as to benefit the children,but because the woman generally receives custody of the children the law also works in her favor .I know this because I used one of these laws to my advantage.I told my second wife of two years that if she did not pursue family assets[which she did not contribute to]I would not pursue child support[for children that she didn't make.] | |
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| Why get married[common law or legally?]
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:11:01 AM | OK, okaaaaaaa, ya want a solution, instead of this constant LAW and COURT battles between the two ex-spouses, and their lawyers?
Ok then, then, EQUAL, yes, I said EQUAL up the friggin laws, so that the LAWS, DO NOT, favor EITHER, ex-spouse.
Drop the friggin ALAMONEY payments, crap, DROP IT completely.
Instead, financially support yourself, instead of exspecting your ex-spouse, no matter it be the woman, or the man to financially support YOU.
If there are any kids involved, who the two ex-spouses have shared custody of the kids, then instead of making support payments to either, yes, I said EITHER
ex-spouse, take that money and EQUALLY, yes, I said EQUALLY share the the costs involved between the two ex-spouses of raising their kids, instead.
When I say EQUALLY, I mean EQUAL payments, that the woman makes half the EQUAL payments towards the kids, and the man makes the other half of the EQUAL payments towards the kids.
NONE, of this 60/40, 70/30/ or even 80/20, crap, but instead,
meet each other half way at 50/50.
I beleive that someone else said it before, it is the KIDS, yes, the KIDS, that suffer the most in this USELESS battle between the ex-spouses.
Friggin put your KIDS NEEDS first, by EQUALLY, sharing the costs between the two ex-spouses.
Is THAT, SO FRIGGIN hard NOW.
I would hope not.
Otherwise, it will be the same old, same old ALL OVER AGAIN, and the two of you will NOT, get ANYPLACE at all, and the kids will continue to suffer.
Put the KIDS, NEEDS, FIRST, before friggin ANYTHING else, for crying out loud. | |
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