|
|
|
|
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:06:42 AM |
ok, OP, regarding your message 321 -seems you've gotten to the real point of your thread now and chosen finally to share your 'real' feelings here about women.....
and you're on a dating site why?
Ouch! Message 321 is NOT from me, the OP! Please try to read a bit more carefully, huh? | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:15:54 AM | ^^^oh my gosh!! you're right - i apologize, op.
ok, my mesage 324 towards the bottom of the previous page - i redirect to the real author of message 321 - jb53028.
| |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:30:33 AM | ^^^ to you and djchick..... First off neither of you know anything about me and if you think you and read a post and see my "true colors" you have some problems if you think your so smart you can figure someone out just by reading a statement they make.... Because the fact is that I have only been on one "date" in my life where the girl did not like me and we did not go on a second date or more.... I be myself and girls like my personality. My only problem is getting a girl to look past a picture and give me a chance.... but that rearly happens, why.... I already explained it in my previous posts | |
|
| |
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:53:37 AM | Call it chemistry, attraction or lust... there has to be something that is INSTANT to hold a persons attention for more than the first date/meeting. If not most people won't think twice about a second date. I think we tend to confuse simple words for feelings and major feelings for simple words to justify our want and needs, interest or disinterest.
Chemistry is an over used and often misplaced term that has lost the reality of it's true meaning.
Chemistry comes from meeting (attraction) and later in a realationship called chemistry (affection).
Chemistry, as we call it and demand today is something that is instant... and should be long term. Over time it is defined and falls into place with the rest of the world that goes with a realationship.
I think it would be intersting to see the word "chemistry" defined by people.
I look for an attraction to be instant, if I do not have an attraction to someone it isn't going to come over time.. that doesn't mean it is chemistry, or lack of.
Some people you click with, others you don't. That isn't chemistry that is human nature and the reality of the world. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:38:02 AM | re: mess 328...i'm sorry it seems like i'm picking on you, jb - but, i don't get you. two days ago you were on your own thread asking for advice on how to be more open minded and hearted with your g/f that you think is the most wonderful woman, but are not as into her physically as you'd like to be.
and then you're here saying how much you hate 'most' women because they won't look past your photo.
so, i looked at your main pic just now on your profile to see if perhaps i could see why women are not looking past your photo and i think it's sort of obvious -
you are sticking your tongue out in it, you are holding what could be a drink in one hadn and a girl in the other, and honestly, it's a pic depicting a sort of party guy there - whereas your other pics are quite different in energy and really would attract (imo) those women you are complaining don't look beyond your pic.
and so, instead of taking responsibility for the photo YOU chose to put as your primary one here, you bash women for being so shallow.
i have a great idea. remove all your photos and then see if more contact you, perhaps. then you know the ones that do will not do it because of your photo.
BUT, WAIT - you are in a relationship with someone you love, and yet your thread really expressed your concern that you aren't attracted to her physically as much as you'd like to be - didn't you??!!
and so, jb - your true colors do show now, don't they? it is you who seems so wrapped up in the outward appearance, it seems, but dumping that 'fault' onto women.
to me, everyone is visual up to a point. i know if I don't like looking at someone, I will not want to keep looking - likewise, if I do like looking, i will keep looking at them and that is part of the magic and joy of being attracted to someone - and just so you don't throw this all back at me - when i look i do not just look at the outward physical 'beauty' of somebody, but i look through their eyes and manner and words and voice and gestures, and energy into who they are on the inside, for, really, that is what i see more often...but if there is not a physical something that makes me look or gets my attention in the very beginning, i will not get to see who they are - externally, or internally.
to me, it's all one anyway. we are all one, after all - with ourselves and each other (imo)...or as someone once put it very well - we are all individuated aspects of 'the one'....how we can empathize with each other and how we can intuit about each other and how, sometimes, we can project something not true about each other.
with you, jb - i am completely confused. one day you show your open heartedness, and two days later you show just how closed hearted you are. why both extremes - which is the real you? yesterday I believed the dr jekyll you...today it's the mr hyde showing. as some would say, wtf?! | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:41:41 AM | Someone said it earlier in a post...chemistry=connection. I have felt that instant connection with my female friends and with partners and I can assure there was nothing sexual or lustful about it.....it did become sexual with my partners which is just the icing on the cake.
Two of my best friends were connections right from the get go. One of my girlfriends I had not seen in many many years knew her in highschool ran into years later mid 30's went for a coffe and the connection was incredible had not felt that with someone in ages. My second girlfriend we met through business she had such an awesome energy about her that I knew I wanted to hang with her more that was 10 years ago and we are tight as ever....they totally understand me and get me as I do them never feel the need to over explain anything because they speak my language and we laugh like idiots when we are together. I've had that too with men but its rare and when it has happened there were others things going on in the relationship, sometimes substance abuse issues, or emotionally unavailable....great guys just not great for me, better friends than lovers.
When you have a great connection with someone there is a lot less work involved...it just works. Since I have been blessed to know what this feels like I know what ultimately I'm trying to achieve in love and friendships and quite frankly it is worth the wait. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:02:20 PM | | If they don't feel attraction towards you then who you are and what you can do means nothing to them. The only time women complain about looks is when they are not considered as attractive as other women and get overlooked by men. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:25:00 PM | | clubkid - so, is it not true that this is what men are saying also? that both genders can feel this? ...complain about looks when they are not considered as attractive as other men and get overlooked by women? | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:37:52 PM | | weare1 ...... your right, I'll admit it I am a little anti-women today.... Had to deal with my ex this morning and guess I let it get the best of me..... To all I appoligize I was getting a little carried away with the whole women are horrible thing. Forgive me | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:40:50 PM | Some very good observations and I think what they seem to show (for me at least) is that the basic laws of attraction are pre-defined, in a way that has probably existed since the year dot, during the many thousands of years of our evolution from primitive ape.
Although I will agree that currency of attraction might include several different qualities for us today, arranged in a variety of computations, with even some yet working at the sub-conscious level, I think these qualities will always be arranged within an order that nearly always places physical attractiveness at the very top. This I believe is then followed in decending order by other more cerebral aspects of attraction that people are often want to assert are most important to them as individuals, which I'am sure they may well be provided the benefit to them of having a person with these secondary qualities are sufficient to make up for the/any shortfall in the primary quality which I believe is and will always be of physical attractiveness. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:24:43 PM | In the last 3 yrs, my perspective and life circumstances have changed considerably...death,divorce and cancer....all blows to my happiness! however my looks have remained quite constant......what I have noticed is that I get considerably more pleasant attention from people in general and not just men......the happier I get on the inside, the more my spirit shines and the more attractive I seem to be!As far as "chemistry" is concerned........Ive got a pretty good idea in the first ten minutes if my new experience with a person will end up being intimate!....
Another aspect of all this is timing, I think too many people dont stay alone long enough to know thier true selves.......what they expect from themselves and others is distorted by thier previous experience.........relax and take your time....even after you meet "the one"....after all, we are built with our "gut" and "crotch" fairly close together.........listen carefully.....love and luck to us all........ | |
|
| |
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:54:20 PM | Interesting article I found on MSN - rather timely! 
The New Rules Of Attraction
By Nina Malkin
Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds
New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates
“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you’ve done due diligence.
Nina Malkin is the author of 6X: The Uncensored Confessions. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/9/2008 3:16:48 PM | OP, this article was posted exactly as you post it here in a thread from February.
That said, not everyone fits into a nice little case study 
| |
|
| |
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:13:28 PM |
OP, this article was posted exactly as you post it here in a thread from February.
So, you knew about it already but failed to add it to the discussion here? tsk, tsk! 
That said, not everyone fits into a nice little case study
True, that - including the older case studies posted earlier in this thread by others on the OTHER side - but then I don't remember you pointing out that not everyone fit into those. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:02:57 PM | | *throwing up my hands in surrender. You got me, Dallas. Just call me shallow and working with an agenda. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:12:17 PM | I think you can nail the chemistry thing in five minutes. The tough part is figuring out if it's just physical, or if it's more.
On this site, I can pretty much tell from a profile if I'm going to have anything to talk about with a guy (or if it's a guy I just want to keep busy without much talking...) and I'm always amazed that it doesn't work the same way for men. Well... I guess it must, but I think it's funny when a guy sees my profile and thinks that we "have a lot in common".
There are a lot of guys that contact me here that I'd talk to at a bar to pass the time and have a good night out, but not a lot of guys I'd want to spend anymore time with than that - not on a romantic or physical level. Lots of guys who'd make good friends and I'd have a good enough time with for a night out, but not a date -- and that's all chemistry for me.
I don't have a type, or physical requirements, but pictures do say a whole lot about a person and compatability can come through even in the most basic profile. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:44:37 AM |
The New Rules Of Attraction
By Nina Malkin
Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds
New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates
“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you’ve done due diligence.
Hmmm, well, seems the experts might be particularly nervous people and projecting perhaps their own experiences onto everyone - and that rarely passes for a vote of absolute agreement here on the forums because there is diversity here...thankfully.
I know for me it does not take 3 dates for me to get over my nervousness. It takes about, um, a few minutes before I can relax into some real rapport.....also i'm not sure if this article is talking about online dating or not - for I definitely find out before meeting someone in person as much as I can to see if our values coincide - so my due diligence comes before even meeting in person.
Hmmm, nope, I think this person's ideas are perhaps talking strictly about meeting and dating in the conventional world because that is really where 'initial impressions based on superficial cues' seems to be how we meet without all the preliminary stuff we go through from the time we meet online until meeting in person (for some of us...or for me anyway because that is all I really know).
EDIT to add: just in case this is misinterpreted, I believe there is value in listening to one's initial intuitive feelings and impressions upon meeting, and also giving something time to see who the other person really is in person also. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:01:19 AM | I agree with you 1000%. I think it goes a step further to the "picture". If the woman looks at your picture and doesn't see something between Michael J. Fox and Tom Cruise, she willnot even talk to you. I read so many profiles that say things like "You have to have a job, a car, and have your head screwed on straight","must be a grentleman", and my fav "know how to treat a lady". I fit all that in spades!!! I can't get anyone to even chat!! If I delete my pic then I will get some chat until the pic.
What does that say about the women on POF???
I refuse to give up but .....
Signed
something betweed Brad Pitt and Fat Albert | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:39:32 AM | ^^^It's not the women on POF, it's women everywhere, and it's not Tom Cruise or Michael J Fox, it's having to be attracted to the guy you end up dating. When did men catch on to this? We've been liking only men we were attracted to since way before the internet came along. And different women still like different types of men...
It never ceases to amaze me that this is such a newsflash even in 2008. Lemme ask you...which women are you sending messages to? The ones you're attracted to because you can see pictures? Even if you like the profile, the pic's gotta be factored in there somewhere, so how is that not the same thing?
Too funny. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:30:39 AM | | Again with the photos. Does nobody but me realize that photos are lousy representations of real people? Every single person I've seen in person (at POF events, etc) looks way better than the picture they have on POF. I think people who are judging others by photos are doing even worse than the '5-minute chemistry' ones. Seriously, it's absolutely nuts to look at a photo and think that you're seeing a real image of the person. Photos should be banned here. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:50:24 AM |
It never ceases to amaze me that this is such a newsflash even in 2008. Lemme ask you...which women are you sending messages to? The ones you're attracted to because you can see pictures? Even if you like the profile, the pic's gotta be factored in there somewhere, so how is that not the same thing?
Sure you're initially attracted to the photos - not much choice, since that's all you see is a postage stamp photo and a username, until you click on it. We're all visual and the visual is always at least ONE factor. That's a totally different issue and topic than the "instant chemistry" thing though. | |
|
| The instant chemistry demand
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:25:23 AM | On line dating of course has it merrits pictures are what they, but one can not go on pictures alone easier said than I know, been guilty of it myself. People have far to many expectations when it comes to internet dating. We have preconcieved ideas of what we find attractive and we go with that, in the real world because of the interaction we have with people we give ourselves more flexibilty, there is something to be said about people to people contact versus computer to computer contact.....
I don't think pictures should be banned at all , that completely ridiculous.
If finding love ws that easy we would not appreciate it once it came ... | |
|
|
| Page 14 of 16
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 |
|
Home
login 
I know, and I'm fairly certain, so did they. 
