| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:05:37 PM | | I never pay on the first date. I don't care what cheapskate men on this site say about "equality" and blah blah blah. When a man takes a lady out for dinner or drinks or whatever HE PAYS the first time. It wouldn't occur to me to even open my purse when the tab arrives. If he even suggested I throw in cash I would look at him like he was insane. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:06:02 PM | [Women are calculating like that and give you a fraction of what you give them no matter what. When was the last time the average male got a surprise gift, or picnic or weekend away?]
WELL I HAD AN AWSOME UNEXPECTED BLOW JOB LAST NIGHT!...WOW THAT WAS A SUPRIZE GIFT!...AND I GOT IT AWAY THE WEEKEND LOL | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:14:53 PM | | this crap is all so easily avoided by simply stating at the time of making the date.."Well it's our first date..sooo we're each paying our own way then?" look at that...see how easy? And I don't even have my rocket science degree - daz | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:15:59 PM | [I never pay on the first date. I don't care what cheapskate men on this site say about "equality" and blah blah blah. When a man takes a lady out for dinner or drinks or whatever HE PAYS the first time. It wouldn't occur to me to even open my purse when the tab arrives. If he even suggested I throw in cash I would look at him like he was insane.]
'Any one would be insane to take a women out with that kind off attitude...or desperate! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:48:26 PM | Well, I know...I have gone out with several men the last few years....and
most pay, how it should be...actually there was a write up in the Toronto Star..."If you want to have a second date, pay for the first" . Chivalry is not dead.....a guy should be paying for the lady's company. The article also said, if the guy does not want to pay, that shows how generous he is, and if he starts out like that....what will happen later...the girl will have to pay his way for everything but you did it once!!!???
I'm not sure when men and women decided it was o.k. to go dutch or that the woman should pay...that is Nuts!!
It's a first date and when women went out for equality, they meant in the workplace.
I have been on a couple of date as well that the waitress handed me the bill and the guy said, and I quote, " Do you need some money to pay your bill?" I was mortified...I had had a hamburger....and he couldn't pay for it? *& he did ask me out & I drove out of town to meet him and used my gas, my money and wasted my time to get my bill!!
Needless to say, I told that he was Not a gentleman, and that he should advise a girl before they meet that he doesn't plan to pay....I thought it was ridiculous!!
So, since then I have not had a problem...not saying the guy always has to pay but certainly for the first date!!!
I believe it has a lot to do with how they were raised...I bet if they told their mother they let the girl pay, their mother would be mortified!!
No wonder there are so many singles out there!!! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:56:12 PM |
'Any one would be insane to take a women out with that kind off attitude...or desperate!
I don't think that they'd ALL be desperate (well maybe a little) but paying is definitely the path of least resistance. There's an abundance of women who will judge a guy's interest by his wallet. There are also a fraction of women who could take it the whole 'who pays' thing with a grain of salt; they're actually looking for substance and chemistry with a guy most likely. These women may inadvertently challenge some guy's masculinity by offering or insisting to pay their share.
When it comes down to it as times change and perceptions change it's easier to stick with tradition. There's also safety in having the greater mass of people nodding in agreement with you. Without people willing to break from tradition we wouldn't have had the Suffrage movement, the Feminist movement nor the Roe vs. Wade ruling. For as many people who've embraced these changes of mindset, there's still a huge number who challenge their usefulness even today. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:05:45 PM | So I just read alot of responses from the men, and they seem really angry. Makes me wonder if they know that on the average a woman makes much less than a man for every dollar. I am not absolutely sure what the exact amount is but a man who has been doing the same job as myself is more likely to make 30 to 50 cents or more an hour than me. So why is it that you don't think you should pay again?
I always offer and if he is a gentleman he will pay. I have no problem picking up the tab the next time even if he is making more money than myself.
I don't really consider this a date from hell, but more of a learning experience about the person. Is he a gentleman? Does he have integrity? | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:10:27 PM | I always keep that first meeting simple, coffee or drink. It is always nice to have an easy out, sometimes 30 minutes is just too long.
If things go well during that first meeting & you actually want to try a first date, then guys I think you need to show some interest. Treat her like a lady & insist on picking up the tab.
Just my perspective, then again I miss chivalry.
P;-.o | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:02:47 PM | Re the Opost
Hm, there are lots of active threads on nearly the same topic.
I always go Dutch. Whether she is Dutch, American, Greek or British, etc.
That means 50-50 or each pays for his/her own food (separate bills).
So him paying 20 of the total is #^^#^# but so is expecting the man to foot the whole bill.
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:06:28 PM | Well, I know...I have gone out with several men the last few years....and
most pay, how it should be...actually there was a write up in the Toronto Star..."If you want to have a second date, pay for the first" . Chivalry is not dead.....a guy should be paying for the lady's company. The article also said, if the guy does not want to pay, that shows how generous he is, and if he starts out like that....what will happen later...the girl will have to pay his way for everything but you did it once!!!???
I'm not sure when men and women decided it was o.k. to go dutch or that the woman should pay...that is Nuts!!
It's a first date and when women went out for equality, they meant in the workplace.
I have been on a couple of date as well that the waitress handed me the bill and the guy said, and I quote, " Do you need some money to pay your bill?" I was mortified...I had had a hamburger....and he couldn't pay for it? *& he did ask me out & I drove out of town to meet him and used my gas, my money and wasted my time to get my bill!!
Needless to say, I told that he was Not a gentleman, and that he should advise a girl before they meet that he doesn't plan to pay....I thought it was ridiculous!!
So, since then I have not had a problem...not saying the guy always has to pay but certainly for the first date!!!
I believe it has a lot to do with how they were raised...I bet if they told their mother they let the girl pay, their mother would be mortified!!
No wonder there are so many singles out there!!!
Paying for a lady's company is prostitution. Except he might not even be getting sex. Generosity is a 2 way street. If she expects me to pay then she might expect me to pay for everything. That fact goes both ways.
In other countries dutch is implied. I talked to a few women in Germany and Sweden and when they heard men are still expected to pay they cursed out American women. Your own gender doesn't support you.
I could tell my mother. She won't care. Most of our mothers if they loved us warned us about women like you.
So I just read alot of responses from the men, and they seem really angry. Makes me wonder if they know that on the average a woman makes much less than a man for every dollar. I am not absolutely sure what the exact amount is but a man who has been doing the same job as myself is more likely to make 30 to 50 cents or more an hour than me. So why is it that you don't think you should pay again?
First of all its about 17 cents. Not 30 to 50 cents. And you know what men deserve to earn more. Watch a video of the 20/20 special about why men earn more. Women do it to themseleves. Women earn less because of their habits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtjaBQMog0Q
Chivalry is opening a door, pulling out a chair.
Everything else should be equal. Why should men get less than they give staring on day one. It sets up the whole relationship. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:11:31 PM | | A couple of questions (maybe rhetorical, maybe not), can you put a price on chivalry? Is paying for the first date the most important thing which women use to determine the worth of a man? If a guy pays does it insure a second date? | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:47:56 PM | No price on chivalry...Even a poor man can be a gentleman.
Paying on the first date does not determine the worth of a man...but if he can afford it and doesn't pay...you've just determined how much he thinks you're worth.
If I guy pays it does NOT insure a second date...see question one. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:56:37 PM |
Paying on the first date does not determine the worth of a man...but if he can afford it and doesn't pay...you've just determined how much he thinks you're worth.
Interesting, chivalry is priceless but women feel that a man will equate her worth by what he pays for dinner. Well, live and learn. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:01:43 PM | its confusing sometimes, i guess
on at least two occasions i can think of, when i reached for my purse to offer my share, it seemed as though i had offended my dates by doing so
on the other hand, i had a longer term situation where we shared all expenses related to our time together
i do think, as others have said, it depends upon the people
above all, communicate about it to avoid any misunderstandings or surprises; if someone (of either gender) is unwilling or unable to discuss this in a mature manner, then that would tell me something important too
again, i do NOT think it is fair for men to always be expected to pay for everything; and i also agree that the whole thing can be avoided if first meets are kept short, sweet, and inexpensive (drink, coffee); if you decide to meet again you will have a sense from the first "short and sweet meet" where everybody stands, or be comfortable enough with each other to talk about it
like many things in this time we live in, there are so many different opinions; to those gents who wouldn't imagine asking or expecting their date to pay, i think that is admirable and adorable! to those who feel it should be 50/50, I respect that opinion as well whether it is out of financial necessity or on principle alone
also like many things, communication is key | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:10:00 PM |
Paying on the first date does not determine the worth of a man...but if he can afford it and doesn't pay...you've just determined how much he thinks you're worth.
Would you show him his worth and pay for the second date? This works both ways.
I think a relationship should be 50/50. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:11:18 PM | Send his a nice note and say I would appreciate what you owe on our dinner date. And tell him how much.
Tell him if he does not think he should send you what he owes, you will add him to the notorious don't date him girl dot com site because he is cheap and other women might like to know that.
That might wake him up.
Pat | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:14:40 PM | | men might not like it, but it's just how it is when you're dating. men pay. now if we're in a relationship I don't care who pays and if it's a first meeting for drinks or coffee i'll pay my own. you can say all the crap you want to but I won't pay for my own on dates. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:20:19 PM | Interesting, chivalry is priceless but women feel that a man will equate her worth by what he pays for dinner. Well, live and learn.
Careful not to put words in my mouth.... I didn't say "what" a man pays for dinner... I said "If". If a man doesn't think I'm worth the price of a meal that he can well afford (be that a steak or a happy meal) then I don't need to be with him. There are far more men out there who DO appreciate me.
And to whomever said that relationships should be 50/50... I totally agree! But you aren't in a relationship on a first date. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:27:25 PM | Interesting, chivalry is priceless but women feel that a man will equate her worth by what he pays for dinner. Well, live and learn.
Careful not to put words in my mouth.... I didn't say "what" a man pays for dinner... I said "If". If a man doesn't think I'm worth the price of a meal that he can well afford (be that a steak or a happy meal) then I don't need to be with him. There are far more men out there who DO appreciate me.
And to whomever said that relationships should be 50/50... I totally agree! But you aren't in a relationship on a first date.
Like I said would you show your appreciation for his act of chivalry if there is a second date by treating him? Its not fair for you to be treated better than him because you are a woman and he needs to wait until there is an established relationship for him to get equal treatment.
Anyways chivalry is just respectful behavior. It swings both ways. You giver her your coat she holds you so you also get heat.
men might not like it, but it's just how it is when you're dating. men pay. now if we're in a relationship I don't care who pays and if it's a first meeting for drinks or coffee i'll pay my own. you can say all the crap you want to but I won't pay for my own on dates.
Not all men pay. Yand you're contradicting yourself. you'll pay on a first date and you'll pay during a relationship so what you just won't pay for the few dates in between?
Anyways we know to avoid women like you. Our mothers taught us well. Why do you think you are owed something for being female? You may not like it but smart men won't like you. and no that's not how it is. men can say the same thing during marriage. you do all the housework that's just how it is when you are married right? and this type of bs wouldn't fly in many parts of the world. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:37:09 PM |
Anyways we know to avoid women like you. Our mothers taught us well. Why do you think you are owed something for being female? You may not like it but smart men won't like you. and no that's not how it is. men can say the same thing during marriage. you do all the housework that's just how it is when you are married right? and this type of bs wouldn't fly in many parts of the world.
(First time quoting... forgive me if it's not right!)
Like I said before... Maybe it's a geographical thing. I've asked every Southern man I know today and they've all said the same thing... Men should pay for the first date.
As for dating smart men...I don't date stupid men...and I date a lot...so my opinions must not be having too much of an effect on them. LOL | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:40:55 PM | Kiwi31909 that wasn't addressed to you. It was addressed to the other poster above me.
Like I said if he pays for the first date and passes this chivalry test blah blah would you show his appreciation by cooking on the second date or treating him to lunch or dinner on the second date?
A first date should be a dinner at a cheap place anyways. | |
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