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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:04:15 PM | ^^ If you want to pay then whats the woman's contribution? You don't believe in 50/50 i assume but put women on a pedestal? You think women should scoff down free food if they appreciate it. Its not about appreciation. No relationship could survive on that unless either party is very whipped. Its about reciprocation.
But I do know there is no such thing as a man going out with a woman for free food. Doesn't exist. Maybe men don't feel the need to cheat women out of meals.
<div class='quote'> quote] Too many men scrounging off women this is the third thread today on the same subject.
She paid for less than half of the meals and he's scrounging?
<div class='quote'> And frankly, I've paid for dates where his bill was a tad more than mine and I didn't give a crap.
Women pay? You mean you paid half of the time or once on a first date?
Mss 332: coffee= a dinner in your mind? And its a while before you are comfortable enough to go over to someone's house? He should have paid though and if there was a second date she should have covered that.
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:14:36 PM | That's NOT a date from hell. That's just weird.
Frankly, in this day and age of bank machines only giving us $20's, it is sometimes hard to have exact change.
If this were me, I would have asked the guy for change so I could ensure I gave half or I would have discreetly gotten up before and ensured that I had change.
I always expect to pay for half, if someone treats me, I accept graciously.
Let's put this situation in reverse where the woman only offers a $20 - nobody thinks that is bad right? This harkens back to tons of other threads about this and equality to boot.
And frankly, I've paid for dates where his bill was a tad more than mine and I didn't give a crap. Unless, the person orders something really expensive versus mine, it's halfsies. And if he wants to sit there and figure it out exactly, go ahead too. I really don't care.
It's happened where I ended up paying for a date once (he could not get to a bank machine) and I wasn't upset, it was only a movie and a bit more for dinner. He never called me again either, but it wasn't some big "gasper" for me that he didn't pay. What bothered me is that he seemed so upset that he didn't have any cash. Sh*t happens.
People need to stop worrying so much and just have a good time. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:15:18 PM | So right this is supposed to be a date - yes?? Where a couple go out as grown ups for an evenings entertainment together - yes? This is a prelude to having a healthy relationship between two people - yes?
One way to sort this out is:- state to the waitress - split the bill please from the start of the meal, then he gets to pay for what he eats - she gets to pay for what she eats and if that dont the man on his toes then nothing will And you can always walk away mid meal and pay your share and leave him to pay what he eats sitting alone at a table with no date and with no embarrassment at all. To be honest if some man was kicking off at the food table about who was paying for what, he would so be eating alone, very quickly.
Too many men scrounging off women this is the third thread today on the same subject. If you do the inviting you do the paying and if you going to make a mess and noise about it, then give up dating, easy!!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bad men!
EDIT; Msg: 330 - in that case if the man comes over to the ladies home, does she hand him a bill for the coffee, or the meal he eats, dont want him stuffing his face for free now do we? Or the TV that he watches? Oh come off it this is getting too silly for words now, its late and people are just being silly.
Next someone will suggest putting the fuel bills on the table and the highest one gets some money off the lowest. FFS
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:22:55 PM |
Maybe men don't feel the need to cheat women out of meals.
Wanna bet? I've run into a few guys( I use the term loosely) that figured an over 45 widow would be grateful to feed and house( and buy beer and cigarettes for)some dumbass that managed to somehow f*ck up his life so bad he was sleeping on his cousin's couch,no job, no effort being made to GET a real job or to make the effort to apply for SocSec or Vet's disability programs. In return for sorta doing "work around your place" when the spirit so moved him.
Granted this is not to say that these are the ONLY men I've encountered.they just happen to be somewhat memorable. I don't think that all men are like that, not at all. But I wouldn't put up with that...I have a better sense of self esteem. And I would question the self esteem of any man who was in an ongoing/longterm relationship with a woman who wasn't putting forth an equal effort in whatever way she could to make the relationship healthy and happy.
Maybe men don't feel the need to cheat women out of meals.
WTF...women "cheat" men out of meals?? Dude, lay off the  , are you implying that you, or any man you know, went WITHOUT a meal in order to provide a meal for a woman,within the context of a social date?
Cindy O | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:24:03 PM | Exactly. That Wil dude is living in the past. He is probably employed by the Amish to make their buggy whips. He is not living in the real world of the present.
A man who feels compelled, today, to assume the role of the big brave provider who takes care of all the responsibilities incurred in his relationship with a woman is probably insecure and threatened by women unless they accept his patronizing.
You may feel he is living in the past, but maybe he feels he isn't. He will find someone who agrees with his line of thinking and they will live happily ever after. Who's to say he is right, who's to say he is wrong?
Wil, it has nothing to fo with who makes more money. It is about who gives the invitation.
You think that is the right way, however some people feel it should be half, others think it should be the man.
The point is that nobody should be taking anything for granted, so expect to pay for your half much as you would when going out with friends. Not everyone thinks that it is the person who gives the invitation who should be paying. What happens 5 dates down the line? Or 20 dates down the line?
Who paid for the coffee that first time? Who cares? It just doesn't matter.
I agree that when having fun it doesn't matter, but out of courtesy, I give my half. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:31:32 PM | How times have changed,
In my grandfathers day, you would maybe see a pretty girl...buy her an apple...and take her to a dance! none of this taking her to a poncy restaurant!
To keep her, he said to me...you keep her well shagged and poorly shod (I guess he means she aint going to run away if she hasnt got shoes on her feet
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:39:38 PM |
buy her an apple...and take her to a dance! none of this taking her to a poncy restaurant!
To keep her, he said to me...you keep her well shagged and poorly shod (I guess he means she aint going to run away if she hasnt got shoes on her feet
So...still dinner (to a degree) and dancing! The shoe thing wouldn't work for some of us shoe lovers though....that would be "well shod"....... | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:42:41 PM | [And you followed grandfathers advice and ended up on a singles site with the rest of us - OOPSE]
Nope unfortunately I was stupid enough not to listen to him ;-) | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:05:01 PM |
You may feel he is living in the past, but maybe he feels he isn't. He will find someone who agrees with his line of thinking and they will live happily ever after. Who's to say he is right, who's to say he is wrong?
Then whats her contribution to the relationship? If its not close to equal then its pretty much prostitution. Traditionally women would bake and cook and he would pay for the meals out. This doesn't happen anymore. Dating has turned into women scoffing down free food instead of treating each other. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:24:31 PM | Gosh...stingy much? Lol. Something like that happened to me once, where me and a guy went to play pool (his idea), and somehow I ended up paying more than he did. I'm not saying he should pay more because he really was broke at the time, but...it was a first date and his idea... could he have "accidently" brought less money with him? So far I'm still yet to meet a guy who'll either offer to pay all or at least half of the bills, especially on a first date ...*sigh*
So no, I don't think guys should have to pay for everything on a first date. It just seems like such an old traditional thing to do in terms of dating etiquette.
And as for treating, hey I'd be happy to treat a guy, when I can afford it, and provided that he has done something(s) to deserve it. I love to treat people :) | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:30:53 PM |
So far I'm still yet to meet a guy who'll either offer to pay all or at least half of the bills, especially on a first date ...*sigh*
I thought all men did this and paid for all of the future dates too. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:31:12 PM |
I mean Duke, was somehow related to food, whether the word chocolate, bread winner, restaurants, give or take (food), edibles...
I noticed the same, but wasn't sure if it was just a coincidence. I think he either needs a meal or a hug, because he seems to be oddly sore about women and food.
Look, if you want 50/50...then don't settle for less than 50/50. It's not rocket science.
Complaining about the women you don't want because they aren't willing to accept 50/50 is pointless.
Why anyone complains about the nature of people they don't even want baffles me.  | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:44:45 PM |
and provided that he has done something(s) to deserve it.
Huh?! I treat my friends, they haven't done anything other than be my friend to deserve it....
Falling ember: I just posted in another thread asking the guys the question why they continue to argue with women they say they have no interest in and I AM very curious to know. I'm still waiting on responses! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:47:01 PM | John Duke- Nah, none of the guys I've met so far have offered to pay. Kinda sad, but so very true.
Wild heart- well, by "deserve" I really just mean by showing me a decent amount of respect, and all that. I do treat my friends too just because they're great friends. I guess I could say it doesn't take much to get into my good books...
I'm not sure if this makes any difference, but I'm also unemployed and a student. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:02:51 PM |
I think he either needs a meal or a hug
Can't a guy get both?
Look, if you want 50/50...then don't settle for less than 50/50. It's not rocket science.
I never said every aspect of a relationship should be 50/50 but overall it should be. What type of person would settle for anything less than close to mutual/equal give and take? | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:36:29 PM |
Can't a guy get both?
Depends on what the return on a meal and hug are. If you can cook as well as your girl can, then I'm guessing a return meal and hug are fair. If not, then you may have to take out your checkbook. Food isn't cheap with gas prices where they are and you want to keep it 50/50. 
What type of person would settle for anything less than close to mutual/equal give and take?
A person who is looking for a partnership rather than concerning themselves with not being taken advantage of.
When you look at a relationship and try to avoid giving more than you're given, you're no longer in a partnership. You're no longer putting forth what's necessary to keep the boat afloat. If the boat is sinking, and I refuse to plug up a hole because it's his turn and I've already given my share, then I didn't really care about that boat (relationship) to begin with.
When you're in a relationship, it's not about you and what you can get. It's not about making sure you don't give more than the other person. If you look at it like that, then the only person you're looking out for is yourself.
No one wants to be taken advantage of, but if you're entering into a relationship with that mindset then its probably already doomed from the beginning.
All relationship banks start at zero and we all have different things we can do without any withdrawals being made. I can cook and feel completely fine doing it every day because I enjoy doing it. I don't look for something in return because I'm already doing something I enjoy.
For him, that may be a deposit into his relationship account and he's now in the positive. For me, it's not a withdrawal, so I'm still at zero. I don't look to him to give me something when I'm perfectly fine where I'm at. We're no longer at 50/50, but we're both still happy where we're at. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:56:02 PM | | If he asks and picks the resturant he pays the most I do is tell him what I want. If we both agree on a place or if he says anything about being strapped for cash I say so we are going Dutch and say clearly to the wait person split the check. I have only payed a mans way if he was my father or brother and I was taking him out for a treat. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:58:41 PM | GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR ANYTHING OVER 20 BUCKS. That's my "spending limit" on dates... LOL. But, I'm poor. I make sure the guys know that before we go out. I usually leave the tip though because some guys are BAD TIPPERS and I used to be a waitress, so I always hook them up. Gotta love these forums. So many people, so many opinions...     | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:52:34 PM | The prettier , the younger, and the nicer the body a female has, the more a man values her, and the more money he will shell out to keep her. The homlier, the older , and the less attractive the body is, the less he values her and the less he will shell out to keep her.
Guys know this rule and they know what they are willing to pay for. Gorgeous women with nice bodies are used to having things paid for them and most men will willingly cough up, even if they don`t have a chance. The wallets just open up because they are hot.
But if you aren`t all of that be ready to foot your bill. Guys wills pay what they need to pay to get what they want. No more, no less. They usually have their own philosophy about this kind of thing and stick to it, just like women . Some expect to be paid for all of the time, some don`t like it.
I don`t know if there is a right and wrong, there are no rules any more. But I do know that if a guy is really totally into winning a woman over and wants her bad, the wallet flies out alot faster than if he is non chalant about her. So it depends on how much he values her as a mate and how much he would risk losing her attentions if he doesn`t pay.
That is the truth guys, don`t deny it. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:14:18 PM |
The prettier , the younger, and the nicer the body a female has, the more a man values her, and the more money he will shell out to keep her. The homlier, the older , and the less attractive the body is, the less he values her and the less he will shell out to keep her.
Rubbish. You are talking about the fundamentally flawed male who thinks/dreams only about what he can/might get back for his investment. In other words a****head.
Drew | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:46:19 PM |
DATING IS ABOUT 2 PEOPLE GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER,ENJOYING AN ENTERTAINMENT EVENT,OR SPENDING TIME TOGETHER IN A MUTUALLY AGREEABLE/ENJOYABLE ACTIVITY. It's not about women getting free meals, it's not about a guy getting sex in exhange for a meal, gift,or favor.
Amen, amen, amen. I think this point has been lost along the way. It is so sad. Common courtesy has also gone out the window. If you are meeting someone for the first time, it is nice to meet near the entrance. If I am there first, I never sit at a table and hope the guy finds me in the crowd. The first time I met someone that I chatted with online he 'was so excited to meet me' that he left his wallet at home. Fair enough, at least he said that before anything was ordered. I ALWAYS make sure I can cover my end, but I do appreciate the courtesy of being treated. It is also a courtesy that even if the gentleman is paying, he should at least ask what I would like to eat and not just order for me.
I don't understand where the idea of going dutch= being treated without respect. It is like if we each pay our own way then you don't have to have to be all nice and gentlemanly. Yes, I can hold my own door open, but it is a nice and FREE gesture when you do it. (I do it if I am there first.)
If all you want is a boink, then state that in your profile. But if you are really honestly here for a LTR (men and women) please try being kind and considerate to each other. Leave the chips at home. Put the baggage in storage and don't forget your common sense. Think like a Boy Scout and "Always Be Prepared." Bring some cash, make sure your cell phone is charged (in case of emergency. Girlfriends calling to chat is not an emergency.) and TRY to have fun. I know, a tall order perhaps, but I am willing to give it another go. | |
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