|
|
|
|
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:30:05 PM | | Well, now I can honestly say that I have never had a date, that I wasn't treated to the date. So I guess I have been blessed not to have dated the gentlemen you have had the misfortune to date. Believe me, even the ones you may ever date again, if they are truly a gentleman, will pay for the date, if they have asked you out. Even if you have asked them out most men I have found will pick up the bill. Good luck and maybe go to a less expensive place on the first date. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:52:13 PM | Let me explain a few things here. You may think you are right, John, about it being 50/50 and equal and all that nice stuff, thats great. You may think people like me are chumps, and thats fine. But let me tell you a few things I've noticed in my lifetime :
I've learned a long time ago how to act. I've been taught the correct way to act out in public, how to treat people, and how to consider other people's feelings towards you. The way you act is a big reflection on you in other people's minds. Paying the bill has nothing to do with being used, with being a chump, or being chauvanistic. The reason you should pay the bill is that you may be showing off a characteristic that is considered VERY bad in MANY aspects of life - being cheap. I'm not cheap. I've been raised not to be cheap, being cheap is a very bad trait in a person.
I don't hang out with cheap people. I will not ask them to come out for drinks or to go to dinner or to go to a show. I go so far as to not even be friendly with people who are cheap. I despise cheap people. I hate when people say "I only drank 2 beers, I'm not throwing in 15 bucks". They are a pain to go out with, they are a pain to deal with, and their cheapness is something that permeates everything they do in life. I'm not the only person who feels this way, I've heard people talk about other people and they WILL say things like "God I can't stand that guy he's so cheap". Is this right? Maybe not. But I know its not something I want to be, and not something I will ever be. I'm not saying you should spend money to the point of hurting your finances, but really, truly - there is nothing wrong with paying the bill no matter how your sick twisted mind says you should "split it". Lol. Thats so laughable.
This reminds me a few nights ago. I was telling someone how they need to talk to their brother and encourage him to work on his social skills. They asked what I meant, and I said "Well, he's almost 30 years old, he has no girlfriends, he has no friends, he doesn't go out, and he pretty much acts like a child". This is the point of where the conversation didn't go too well. The person was slightly offended by my comments, and said "well, not everyone is like you, you know you aren't the perfect person either" and I replied that I 100% agreed, by NO way am I perfect. BUT - I was telling them an opinion from the outside that they couldn't see. Their brother is cheap. He is UNGODLY cheap. He is 28 years old and has 100,000 dollars saved up. Yes, you read that right. The guy makes 60k a year. You know how hard it is to save up that much money?
He has no friends, no girlfriend, really nothing except his job and his family. By no means is there anything wrong with that. The REAL issue here is that the way he feels about money - him being cheap - permeates into everything he does in life. This, in turn, is affecting everything that surrounds him. I firmly beleive this is why he "is the way he is".
I could be wrong. My opinion wasn't taken too well, obviously, so I let it drop. I only offerred it because I cared about the situation, not because I wanted to be critical of the person because really, I coudln't care less. His cheapness didn't affect me either way.
This whole story is to make a point. You may nto be able to see what you are doing, or how you portray yourself to the outside world. Perception really is reality. If a man doesn't pay for the first meal, I consider him cheap. If a man doesn't leave a tip, I think he's also cheap. Sure, he may have his reasons, but the first thing that comes to my mind is "cheap **stard".
If a girl tells me she went out on a first date with a guy, and she tells me they split the bill, I say "don't go out with that guy, he's cheap". I'm usually right.
John - You are cheap. Deal with it.
-Wil | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:56:32 PM | Read the rest of the thread. And you know there is such a thing as a cheap woman. cheapness is not attractive in either gender,
and i've had female friends, sisters , aunts tell me if you're paying past the third date dump her ass. that a woman who doesn't want to treat you out will likely just be out for your money. she'll make a bad wife and especially a bad mother so you see it goes both ways. still don't know why only men are expected to be generous while women are not. Never knew generoisty was a male only quality. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:16:27 PM | I don't think you are seeing this the right way.
I don't pay for every single date. I don't pay for every single thing. I really like it when the girl offers - but I won't accept. I pay for dinner. If the woman says "Hey, let me pick up dessert", I will agree. If she wants to buy coffee, I will agree. If after the 3rd date she wants to "pick up the check", then I may consider it, and I may let her even pay it. But, in general, I will pay for the meal. Later on down the road (say a month to 6 months) we can split it if the girl wants. But in general, I go out with the intention of paying. If I feel as if the girl is really using me for every bill, then I will probably never talk to her again. I don't do it to the point of idiocy.
One time a night out was planned for my birthday. The girl rented a hotel room in the city and we were going to spend a night out to dinner and then go relax. It was a nicely planned evening (this was maybe 2 months into the relationship) and I was looking forward to it (and not because of the room. Well, not totally, anyway). I was 22 and working, she was still finishing school. The bill came, and I paid. She insisted on paying, and I said that was nice of her, but I didn't want her to be strapped up because she wasn't working yet. I was very grateful she wanted to pay for it, but the 150 dollars for dinner would have hurt her much more than it would have hurt me. So, I paid for dinner on my own birthday. I was working, making 600 dollars a week or so, and I didn't want her to be hurt financially by spending so much money on a night out (she was making about 800 dollars a month at this point, so this night was literally costing her half of her monthly income). I was touched that she would give up so much to treat me to a night out.
Some people might think I'm a chump for that. I sure as hell don't.
-Wil | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:21:02 PM | | John, in view of what you said about paying I don't think your cheap. Now I don't know about the advise the women in your life gave you, they maybe right or expressed poorly a correct concept. Generous women are great, or I should say women who have a generous trait in addition to other things are great. You never want to date self centered woman/man, it is a no win situation, just like a cheater, user, liar etc. Bad people, bad traits are not the ones to start a relationship with. None of us here started the way dating is done, maybe it will evolve, maybe not. Though you must decide, the rules being what they are, people having done things a certain way, have created the dating world you are in. You can partcipate or be selective with regard to dutch and eliminate 70% of your potential mates. You are correct though, in wanting a woman with a good heart and who is generous, loving, atune to your needs and desires. A woman who thinks of you in ways you can't even imagine. Now given that discription, you would just like me pay for 10 dates without thinking twice. Unfortunately, as the saying goes that women use "you have to kiss many frogs to find your prince", so it also seems we must do many first and second dates to find that woman of substance. John as an aside I shared details with you, so you know there are generous women out there, especially in NYC. Bob | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:23:54 PM | | I like the first date to be a meet and greet free thing like a walk in the park if he is hard up for cash. It should not sour the whole date OP. Go on dates that do not cost a thing here in Denver we have free Jazz live in the parks I can meet the guy there then go home thinking "I liked him" or "Not for me" with out the bother of who pays what. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:31:48 PM |
I like the first date to be a meet and greet free thing like a walk in the park if he is hard up for cash.
Thanks for bringing this up again along with a couple of other people; the issue was about the first date and the merit of buying things as the primary means to impress the other person. And like you and several people said earlier, most complications can be avoided by doing something simple where you can focus on one another's personality instead of the venue. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:47:46 PM | | If you're too broke to pay for a coffee and a light snack, you're too late to date. What happened to gentlemen being gentlemen. After you're seeing each other exclusively is soon enough for a lady to start treating her boyfriend from time to time. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:49:58 PM |
After you're seeing each other exclusively is soon enough for a lady to start treating her boyfriend from time to time.
Why the wait? | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:50:21 PM | | Thanks for noticing I was thinking that every one was so locked in on who will pay that they were forgetting the point of the date and that there are things in this world that do not cost money. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:59:12 PM | And....Some guys wonder why they are still alone ! I'll take a gentleman anyday who wants to take that extra step to impress me with his kindness instead of his cheapness. Better to use honey than salt in the dating arena, but some guys never learned that.
This has been mentioned before and I will repeat it again. The woman who wants the man to pay the entire bill is being more cheap than the man who wants to go dutch. At least the man is paying his half of the bill. The woman is paying nothing. BTW many men are willing to pay the entire bill. However a woman should not expect a man to pay the entire bill. It seems like some women equate money with love, respect, and being a gentleman.
I despise cheap people. I hate when people say "I only drank 2 beers, I'm not throwing in 15 bucks".
IMO that's not being cheap. A cheap person would expect someone else to pay for their 2 beers. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:05:48 PM |
Thanks for noticing I was thinking that every one was so locked in on who will pay that they were forgetting the point of the date and that there are things in this world that do not cost money.
NP. The contention is what constitutes being a "gentleman." There's the side that says it's based on his "duty" to prove that he's kind and giving by paying for dinner. I still say that an a-hole can pay for dinner as easy as a gentleman. Ask any woman who divorced an a-hole who she was committed to and she'll probably tell you that he paid for dinner at least in the beginning. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:06:30 PM | | It seems like women want the rights to do everything so why should they not take over the right tp pay for the meal. Yes Guys used to do alot of things for women, but these days the guy has no clue , IE if he should open the door for her or let her open the door herself. No matter what the guy does he can get into trouble for it. Women through out all the rules and guidlines guys have used for ever, so dont get mad when you dont get what you want all the time. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:06:41 PM | As modern as I like to think that I am, I am definitely old-fashioned when it comes to things such as who pays for the meal.
I do believe that the man should pay for the meal - now, I know that there may be some who want to tell me off for making that statement but that was the way I was raised.
CC. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:10:20 PM | | Hi at least you found out up front he is cheap and mean,I think women should pay there own way as men also have expenses,but the place should be afforable for both partys,but to short change you is evil and that means selfish in all aspects not to order his own sweet then eat yours he will be short changing you in the realationship.I think its not your fault but his he is just not worth your time.Learn vent move on I see wonderfull men ouy there every day full of courage,spirit,and giving in all aspects you have just been unluky but also lucky you have found out how cheap he is before more time and emontial commitment.Good luck on your search for love | |
|
|
| Page 21 of 21
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 |
|
Home
login 
