PDM61
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Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 51 | |
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:25:11 PM | I'm old fashioned.
The guy should at least offer to pay.
If you say "no lets split it" fair enough, but I wouldn't feel right if I didn't pay my share.
Be carefull. If he doesn't have the cash for half a $60.00 bill, there could be trouble on the horizon. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:32:25 PM | I dont understand why online dating sites... where you donot know the person....
so no idea about chemistry/attraction..etc....
as in meeting someone face to face in real life... your eyes have already met.. you sense whether you are attracted.. chemistry.. and want to explore it... by going on a date... (the original way of meeting /dating)
why online dating dosent have that catered for.... as in this is a new /different..medium/ way to meet/.... why isnt there a first meet section... ie coffee.. (as in replace the first date section..)
then a first date section as it has now..... to first meet ..... then first date... cut tru the bullchit quite quickly..
it seems without this alot of people are confused of who pays etc..... some feel used for a free date/dinner... when she/he dosent want a 2nd date...b/c that first showed no chemistry/attraction to go further....
some feel the guy isnt courting/romantic.. b/c he expects dutch etc....
why someone would agree to a date.. without knowing if theres a connection/attraction....moving forward together...
then expect him /her to pay.... is beyond me... i understand why some feel used/
at least some have the decency to pay half... if they dont want to see the other again...
so as i said.. a first meet before a first date... might stop all the used/abused.... etc.. hassles..
cant blame guys for feeling used.... pay.. $60 then shes not interested...
as for op.... i agree re communicate first before you agree to date..... and if your both going dutch...... then no problem.... if you want dinner with a total stranger.. your both taking time.. to know if your suited.. both are worthy of splitting..time/costs...
i mean back in the old days.. if you met each other in everyday life/person... youd already know if you had some attraction to work on... meeting strangers... offline... why put yourself in that position?....
smiles/peace | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:40:48 PM | | I think it's nice to meet for a couple of glasses of wine, late Saturday afternoon. If you feel the spark or chemistry, you can segue into some dinner and see where it goes. Then the optional dancing if you two really got it going on. It's always great when you feel the vibe to extend things. If not you enjoyed her company for a drink or two. Bob | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:41:42 PM | Thank you so much for your responses my friends, Cmonster you are sooo cool, boisegoodbadboy ........how do you like your pizza? and Ang65 , will notice where the exit sign is for the next date, ......that heads the same way.
You are all right, clever insightful people, and you are right it wasn't the date from hell, but these guys just had way too much personality............. and they do this to everyone they meet.
One of them showed me his texts from 6 other women and said aren' t you jealous, as I could have been cooked a Sri Lankan meal and the offer was that she do it topless, but instead I am in your company.
Apart from the cooking topless sounding dangerous, I did say, can you still go to her place for dessert. I don't like double dipping same as George Costanza. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:58:16 PM | | I always make sure I have enough cash on me to pay at least half the bill. If you don't know where you are going make sure you bring tens and twenties then you don't wind up with someone that takes advantage of your large bill. Or you could have told the waitress, when he added the twenty, to bring you your change for your meal sans the tip you wished to leave, and let him figure out the rest of the check. Or simply asked the waitress for change to begin with. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:01:11 PM | Oh and by the way, for those who suggested I should have had the right change....well I will check out the menu prior and work out what I feel like eating before we get there...excellent suggestion, and take my coin collection just in case.
If I have to plan that much to have the right change, ho hum would rather stay home and watch George Costanza, and the Nazi Soup Kitchen episode. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 57 | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:33:29 PM | I always bring funds, however, when I date the guys ALWAYS pay. There have only been 2 exceptions and I declined their offers for a second date. I think until you're seeing each other regularly, the guy should pay. You can also surprise a guy sometimes and pick up the tab once in a while when he is out of the room. If it's supposed to be dutch, the guy should specify that when he asks you out....in which case, I would suggest politely declining.
Coffee date is always best first so that the bill isn't too high (in case either party isn't interested). | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:36:58 PM | i just read op... again.....
<div class="quote">I pulled out a $50 note, as that was all I had and my date gives me $20. Yes you guessed it, he actually tried not to pay for half. The only difference in our order was dessert that I ordered and he asked the waitress for a spoon so we could share it. He didn't ask me.
i didnt realise he gave you directly his half.... seems you had the fifty.. and the only difference is.. a $15 dessert.......???. so he helped eat that? so basically he paid his way... didnt ask to share your dessert... which if he paid half for would = he owes you $7.50? anyhoo the maths dont add for me... unless the desert was $20 ... which you say only dessert was the price difference....
hmm. ive read your responses... you seem to miss the point of just basic communication of ... discuss before a date whos paying what.. if not... why not speak up on the date?
as for him trying to make you compete with bare breasted woman.... who could be cooking for him?
surely his attitude etc was already apparent before you agreed to dinner?
still cant see the date from hell.
maybe... why havent i learnt to communicate by the age of 48?
[quoteOh and by the way, for those who suggested I should have had the right change....well I will check out the menu prior and work out what I feel like eating before we get there...excellent suggestion, and take my coin collection just in case.
hmmm rather than seeing communication/choices of dates as the issue.. its not about he owes you $5 for desert or you not saying.. hey if you want desert how about you order your own.... im not comfy with you sharing, mine....
from your words the guy paid his half except for your dessert.... you need a voice..
smiles/peace | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:41:50 PM | I honestly think the guy should pay, for the FIRST date at least. It just sours the whole date. What do you think fellow forumers?
I run a business; Meet a customer one day who I did work, she drove a Mercedes. The bill came to £300. I went out with this women for 5 months. In that time I paid every time we went out, even when I took her on holiday to Corfu, Greek Islands, the hotel , the food the drinks. Sometimes she would ask me to pay her fuel bill for coming over to see me. When the relationship ended I sent her invoices three times for the £300, e.g. work done, After reducing the bill to £50 and I gave her time to pay ( just material costs, cause I knew I wasn’t going to get anything ) She falsely accused me of harassment. The police turned up and I was arrested & bailed for one month. All charges were later dropped and I have never had a criminal record, I do not even an endorsement on my driving licence. So nolamichelle , think you got away with it lightly this time. But I must omit some people are dam tight with their money, Its a clear reflection of their personality. Insecurity comes to mind. Maybe they just have a mental illness. Be careful   | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:45:34 PM | | I always keep a 1st date casual by either going for a coffee or a drink.If the guy pays for the first drink then i,ll pay for the next one.If its a meal out, i always offer to pay my share.Just cos a guy asks me out,i dont automatically expect him to foot the bill.Even if a guy refuses the offer, i think they like the fact that the offer was at least made. | |
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Acert
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Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 62 | |
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:46:07 PM | I agree with you completely, including paying for the first date. That guy's a worthless sack of worn-out dildo parts!
-Damon- | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:28:33 AM | For Soulmate 08.....Half of $60 is $30, not $20......My maths is excellent
At 48 I still dont have to pay for my date, and at 68 I won't be doing it either and my communication is ok. It's what I do for a living.
I don't care what the Double Dipped Dessert cost, my point stands the same...I do the Dutch, but I don't pay for the Drongo. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:46:34 AM | Hi OP
Not sure how long you've been out of the dating world (I didn't catch that from your original post). But...I'm 44 and there are times when I've paid for dinner, movie, etc. I dated someone longterm a few years ago and I paid at times. Not because he didn't have any money but because I felt it was the right thing to do. You may not HAVE to pay for your date but if you do the asking, perhaps you should do the paying? Or ask the person out to somewhere less expensive?
And yes, you may do communications for a living...but again, as several of us have said, why didn't you speak up when the date from hell asked for a spoon??? It's not a matter of cost, but you yourself said that he asked for a spoon when you ordered but didn't ask you if that was ok. Again...no comment that you didn't want to share? Or even a cute get your own comment?
Believe some of us when we say that you got off EASY. He could have eaten dinner, sponged up his "half" of your dessert and more, excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back...THAT would be a hellish (well not really date)! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:09:38 AM | | OP- now the bit you said about him showing you texts from 6 other women and then asking if you're jealous? Now THAT is grounds for a date from hell in my book. I give you credit for even sitting through the rest of it....because that is just ridiculous. I don't know what is up with some people and why they need to build themselves up by getting a negative reaction from someone else.....sad state of affairs. And I'm sorry he tried to get you to feel badly....those other 6 obviously haven't met him or his phone wouldn't be going off at all....LOL | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:10:58 AM | Regardless of the situation, or regardless of the political correctness of equal sharing in todays world, the gentlemen should always pay for the meal. Your taking the lady out for the evening. Its not a show as to who earns the most or who can splash the cash. A gentlemen paying for a meal is no different than a gentlemen opening a door for the lady in my op. There are certain things that should be done and i feel this is one of them.
If you cannot afford to pay for the whole meal then perhaps a quiet drink would be better.
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:56:48 AM | Thanks so much for your interesting replies.
And I have had an absolute hysterical laugh at this post as it is all true. The first guy that said he didn't want to go further, after I paid for a meal, had unecessary tickets on himself, (a photo of himself in every room )yes I went to his house with the surfboards hanging off the ceiling as decoration, probably never saw a wave, until I left the house ha. We met at an antique market and went from there...and that last guy I forgot to mention as we left the restaurant complained " that bill wasn't right was it" as we walked down the street when we left, as he was miffed I extracted another $10 out of him. I knew the people that owned the restaurant, but didn't tell him that as they pulled faces behind him.
They couldn't believe it either.
So no communication problem there, just like another Seinfeld episode, and I was polite to say nothing, but hey, if they read these threads and they ought to be ashamed, really ashamed, and they will never know what it is liked to be loved...too busy in love with themselves, trying to save a buck. ha thank guys, enough shame done now, just by this thread.
Going to change my name to ...Elaine. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:23:58 AM | | Hey- you should have gotten change for your $50. Just exuse yourself prior to the bill coming & get some change from a bar tender or waitress. That way you can avoid that awkward moment. You sound like a polite person and some people are going to take advantage of that first dating situation. I personally, always go dutch on the first date. I think it's just an "unwritten rule" where 2 people are equals. Later on, if you are dating someone. Then he sometimes picks up the whole tab or she picks up for the whole tab. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:42:18 AM | | LOL, that was funny about the spoon. I went on a date once, where the guy finished his steak and leaned over and started cutting my steak. I sat there speechless, cause he never asked if I was finished, he just started eating my steak! LOLL, you meet all kinds in the dating world, too funny. Normally, I would always offer to pay half on the first date, cause I think that is fare, but in this case, he did pay for the dinner and I left the tip. Needless to say, that was a one and only date. Now, I have learned to meet for something simple, coffee or brunch, something small. | |
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RNH78
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Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 71 | |
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:55:07 AM | | Times have changed...I always split the bill when I date...I haven't been out on a real date in a while..but wow, I don't know what to say...Did you meet him on here? I've never had a date from hell...had one though where the guy kept telling me to shut up LOL! We hadn't ordered anything yet...so I bowed out by saying I had to go the restroom, and vanished....I think that was probably my worst experience ever. The rest all went really good. | |
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RNH78
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Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 72 | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:19:36 AM | Unless I knew who asked who out and was this the first date etc...I can't really comment...exept that he should have at least paid half.
IMO though - your first mistake was taking out any money. Let him take out money first and then offer to pay half.
Also - a first meet should not be a DATE. It should be a meeting to see if you want to go out and date. Coffee, ice cream, even a drink are cheap ways to do this. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:27:20 AM | OP it sounds more to me that you are the date from hell. Quit whining about who pays, welcome to the 21rst century where women are allowed to foot the bill. happy equal rights!  | |
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