| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:28:34 AM | So, you want the guy to pay, and you not show up to cover it the next time, rather than you pay, and he pull the, "oops, I said I'd pay next time, but there will be no next time"? There are Equal Rights, and then there is sticking someone w/ the check. If you two agreed to go Dutch, then yeah, he shoulda covered his part. Its not hard to do the math. I'd hate to think of what he thought a good tip would be....
I suspect the date sours FIRST, then getting stuck with the bill comes next. Either way, if a $60 restuarant bill is harsh, then don't go to an expensive restaurant...or just go for an ice cream somewhere. I suspect there was a lot of food there to eat, to get to know someone w/out spitting out food while talking. So, change up the date, go for a walk somewhere, get an ice cream, do something that doesn't cost a whole lot...hopefully you live in an area where there are things to do that aren't expensive, but don't surround you with teenagers as well :) | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:29:16 AM |
Oh and by the way, for those who suggested I should have had the right change....well I will check out the menu prior and work out what I feel like eating before we get there...excellent suggestion, and take my coin collection just in case.
If I have to plan that much to have the right change, ho hum would rather stay home and watch George Costanza, and the Nazi Soup Kitchen episode.
Hopefully you were being sarcastic but even if you were, did you miss what everyone was trying to tell you? No, you shouldn't need to go online to figure out how much dinner is at a particular restaurant but unless you are going somewhere that you know is really high end, no way in hell is your portion of a tab going to be $50 unless you drank a couple of expensive drinks or bought a bottle of wine.
You provided the opportunity for the discourteous behavior by failing to be more prepared yourself. Yes, you are probably still going to be irritated that he took $5-10 worth of advantage because you left a ten or twenty and he failed to cough up his half, but would you even have considered starting a thread about that one? No, you would look petty so this was a more expensive lesson, whether you learn from it is your choice. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:29:58 AM | I've never been on a date without the expectation of having the *opportunity* to pay - no matter WHO asks whom. I'm not too proud to accept the reverse but to expect my date to pay? That's weird - certainly not normal. Dono what you're using for bait but I'd be lookin' to change things up a bit if I were you.
1 guy's thoughts. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:45:05 AM | This seems to be a recurring theme on this site.
I always thought the issue was simple. Whoever issues the invitation pays.
I've been invited to a number of birthday parties in my life. Often times I bring a cake. But on the occassions I don't, I don't expect to be chastised.
The good part about this though is that every picture tells a story. Someone can invite me to an event and stick me with the bill. Once. Such vulgarity is not tolerated in my life. When it happens early I just figure I saved a lot of time and money. I would just as soon learn about this character flaw sooner rather than later. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:09:34 AM |
OP it sounds more to me that you are the date from hell. Quit whining about who pays, welcome to the 21rst century where women are allowed to foot the bill. happy equal rights!
Sounds like you are cheap. I hope women check out THIS post before they accept a date with you. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:46:06 AM | Yeah, I agree about coffee. For the first meeting, do something you can afford - cheap movie, coffee, walk in the park. Something where you don't get stuck with the bill. Years ago, when I was 19 and in the bars a lot, I met this guy on a blind date. He offered to take me out for dinner and drinks. Well, a friend of mine was the karaoke host so I wanted to stay for the show. He had a few too many drinks and said he was leaving. And left - leaving me with the entire bill which I can't even remember how much it was. My friend took care of the bill after much pleading - and that actually ended our friendship.
So to this day, I don't go out if I don't have the cash to cover. Or I make sure I have cash before agreeing to dinner, etc. Always cover your butt. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:16:09 AM | Oh leave the poor woman alone. While it might not qualify as a "date from hell", the guy wasn't even prepared to pay half! Compare that to the guys that insist that it's tradition for the man to always pay for the first date (yes, although these threads don't reflect it, they are still out there).
Even if you as a man have decided that this tradition is unfair, you must be able to see how cheap it appears to a woman who is accustomed to that behaviour from other dates to suddenly get a guy who isn't even prepared to pay for his share. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:42:46 AM | As I said, damned if you do, damned if you don't. As a woman you are a gold-digger if you expect the man to pay, and as a man you are cheap if you don't pay the entire tab. There really is no answer other than to speak about it ahead of time.
As a man, if you are against paying for the entire tab discuss separate checks ahead of time. If she balks at this, then she probably isn't the right woman for you. If you are a "I'm the man so I pay" sort of guy then I really doubt that you will have any issues.
As a woman, discuss the same thing regarding separate checks. If he says, "No, I am the man, I will pay" you have a decision to make. Either accept his generosity and say thanks or insist on separate checks. Then just relax and enjoy since the expectations are set.
If he insists on paying and has a bad time, too bad for him. He made his bed and apparently you aren't lying in it (or doing anything else in it for that matter). If the relationship builds, I would assume that eventually bills are evened out to some degree depending on financial ability and understanding between the two of you.
My own personal belief, if I were a woman, I would insist on separate checks. My reason for this is, there are still jack asses out there that feel that paying for dinner equals sexual favours later. Why put yourself in that situation? If you pay for yourself and the date goes well, then that won't matter. You continue dating and enjoying each other's company and the financial situation usually works itself out, hopefully through discussion and not assumption. Just my thoughts. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:10:43 PM | I think that the OP nolamichelle made a valid point which if you look at it's root is this: -
She didn't mind going 'dutch', or sharing the cost, but old fashioned values seem to be melting away, and I was thinking the other day that if my partner doesn't open the door for me, and begins to relax where he doesn't think I need to be valued to continue to be respected in these small measures of kindness (if that is a standard he applied when we first dated) then I need to do a re-evaluation and see where we stand.
Here on a first date it is a horror date because it is the end of a date and the end of hopes and anticipations... the end of excitement and curiousity... | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:33:02 PM | Dirty pool that he pulled out a twenty...but to answer your question, I believe in dutch for the first meeting - anything after that, sure I'd be happy to treat.
But what can I say? I don't want to give her a free meal and drinks, just to never see her again~
EDIT: typos and spelling | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:06:38 PM | For the first date/meeting I like to stick with a simple coffee/tea, its cheap, there is no pressure and you can leave after 20 min if things don't work out. If you go to a restaurant on a first date, you should have money to pay YOUR share (not his!!!) and for me it would be a deal breaker if the guy wanted to go dutch on a first date, its cheap and low class. I know I might get attacked for this one, but that's just my opinion.
OP if I had been in your place I would have asked the waiter to bring separate bills. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:21:55 PM | | It's baloney! If he was really into you, he would gladly pay, in order to be present in your company. If you are one of his buddies.... a male friend, then he should pay for half. But you aren't. He's just trying to pull a fast one. He probably can't even afford to date.... so, he shouldn't be dating. Or maybe just shooting pool and going to Taco Bell or something cheaper. He should have thought of something that was fun, but less expensive. Be thankful that you learned early. He probably did you a great favor by letting you know his true colors! He's probably bankrupt, and credit cards out the ying-yang! | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:38:18 PM | LOL....
Sorry, Nola.... you get no sympathy here...
I just dropped like $120+ dollars to hear a woman tell me that she was still 'in love with her ex-boyfriend'.....
Jeez - she could have told me that over a cup of coffee!!!! LOL
Actually, I am sorry for anyone that is at the mercy of someone else not using a bit of 'common sense'. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:39:15 PM | | I don't necessary agree with his behavior in terms of how the bill was paid. But I wouldn't call it a date from hell. The bill was $60. A good tip would have been about $10-12 so the total ( including tip ) would be $70-72. You paid $50 and you would have paid about $35-36 if you went Dutch. That's a difference of $14-15. I have heard much worse stories than that. BTW first dates / meetings should be relatively simple and cheap such as a few beers or coffee. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:56:41 PM |
If he was really into you, he would gladly pay, in order to be present in your company.
You know smileee - there's a profession for men and women that expect that...what's it called again? oh yeah, escort service.
While I will happily pay for my girl on a whim - I will NEVER feel its my duty. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:01:10 PM | I have a question.
Did you pull out your $50 before he puller out his money?
If so maybe he thought you were planning on picking up most of it.
Did you bother to say anything about it when it happend?
I'm of the opinion you never go on a MEET anywhere that is going to require you to spend more than & 10. That way it's not a big loss of you guys decide that its a no go as far as seeing eachother again.
I also am irritated by this topic because the whole womens lib crap. (yes I'm a woman)
A lot of women say they want to be equals and so on, and preach about how women are being brought down by men and so on. But god forbid if your treated equally in all areas, like paying for a meal.
Whoever asked should pay or it should be decided before hand if its going to be dutch.
OP Im not attacking you, just speaking in general terms.
Did you ever say who asked who out, or who picked the resteraunt? | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:18:58 PM | | Communication is the key to life.....if HE asked you to dinner..HE pays for the dinner. IF you asked him out to dinner YOU pay for the dinner. IF there is an understanding that you both go dutch...make sure you take $30 only and hope for the rest.. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:52:22 PM | | yeah thats just plain wrong. I know I went on my first date. Really find it hard to imagine she was even the same girl as in the profile, virtually zero resemblance. Met her friend and her young boyfriend for drinks. Had a good time, but even though I felt deceived and didnt think twice about picking up tab for the 4 of us. Guess it is just how you are raised. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:31:26 PM | I'm actually pleasantly surprised. I thought at most two women would say that they are comfortable paying their own way. Now I've lost count (no jokes about me not being able to count past five).
One thing I have read several times though is that whomever asks should pay. However, none of the ladies have stepped up to say that they have asked a guy out for a first date and pick up the check themselves. I still say that 'most' women expect the man to pay regardless. One woman posted something like "he should pay for your presence." Personally, I'd rather be involved with a woman who's more impressed with who I am rather than what I buy.
Besides, any Tom,****or Harry can buy dinner, it takes no effort; any guy can do that. Also the act of eating can be easily used as a time filler or a distraction, much like going to a movie on the first date. I like woman who appreciate a guy that can hold their attention through conversation over a simple coffee. Afterward she's surprised at how much time had passed during our effortless conversation.  | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:55:38 PM | I wouldnt classify that as "date from hell" uhhh there have been MUCH worse!!!!!!
But I think there are different situations for everyone...I personaly bring ENOUGH money to pay for half of whatever but I have never had to use it...Most gentlemen will pay for the first date....
He was a cheap guy and clearly didnt care about the impression he made.
Why dont you just do something that involves little or no money for a first date? | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:39:12 PM | I'm going to be completely honest, and it may sound harsh, but whatever, the truth is so.
I get insulted when women EXPECT me to pay for the date. In that case I may honestly leave the date. Since when does going on a date constitute having to pay for someone's company? At that price, hookers would obviously be the more cost-effective option, and they dont care about olive garden or tipping.
Lets be real. Equal rights, equal pay at work equals you can equally pay for the date every once in a while. I was raised with the traditional courting customs pushed on me by my father. Man must pay for woman, shower her presence with gifts, affection, blah blah blah.
I'm glad I stopped that belief real fast. I used to be uncomfortable if the woman offered to pay for anything. Then I realized that it really set a person on a pedestal that they had not earned.
How can you possibly say that whoever asks to go on a date has to pay for it? There's so many different elements involved that its ****ing ridiculous to believe that. How many of you women seriously ask guys on dates and expect to me? I know chicks that go out every night, no car, no money, and no worries about how they are going to eat or get home or whatever else, because there is always some "romantic" chump willing to sacrifice his money for them.
I work hard for my money, and I believe the majority of other men do as well. I once had a girlfriend who offered to pay for her share of the meals, or for the entire meal, when we had initially started dating, and every once in a while, I would honor her request. Once I started doing so, that act of "Gratitude" stopped. I see no reason why you should offer to pay for half or the entire meal as an offer without actually wanting to do so.
When I go out nowadays, I make it known from the start that I am paying only for myself, unless the woman has really went above and beyond and I feel the need to somehow take care of her meal for some extraordinary reason, and that usually being she didnt bring enough money and is actually willing to pay next time. However, that only happens when I truly believe that the person has earned that.
I really am disappointed by some of you women that expect men to pay for everything, its the same reasoning that has turned men into such wimps. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:55:27 PM | While I agree with this for the most part:
"Lets be real. Equal rights, equal pay at work equals you can equally pay for the date every once in a while. I was raised with the traditional courting customs pushed on me by my father. Man must pay for woman, shower her presence with gifts, affection, blah blah blah."
Be a littl e careful so you don't go completely off the deepend in your views.
If its a first date go duch and eliminate all that other crap.
If its someone your dating on a regular basis take turns on who pays.
I'll admit my BF pays most of the time and I argue with him about letting me get it and sometimes I win that arguemnt. I personally like the guy thats kinda old fashoned and opens my door for me and so on but I by no means take atvantage of that.
He might pay most of the time when we go out, but I do most of the cooking at home, so while it might not be equal money wise, it is as far as the effort and everything else go. | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:12:36 PM | Well. I came off harsh originally and would like clarify one thing:
My beef with this topic doesnt mean I ignore manners. I have no problem holding the door open for the lady, and the rest of that. I just really dislike the debate over who pays.
my solution, actually has been, inviting someone over for dinner. I was blessed with a mother who was once a chef, so I have picked up quite a few tricks that you cant get at olive garden anyway :-). | |
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| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:55:42 PM |
However, none of the ladies have stepped up to say that they have asked a guy out for a first date and pick up the check themselves.
CMonster...since this type of thread has been beat up ad nauseum, I did on another one post that I had and will continue to ask a guy out and pay. I don't have an issue with it. If I want to meet someone and ask and he says yes, then I'm paying. He can offer but I am paying. I asked, I chose the spot, etc. Some of us ladies don't have that issue.
If I want to be equal, then it should be equal all the way. | |
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