|
|
|
|
|
shimbo
|
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 101 | |
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:01:38 PM |
you must be able to see how cheap it appears to a woman
If woman expects a man to pay, she's NOT being cheap?
The double standard here is amazing. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:34:44 PM | I always pay my share, and prefer to especially on first meet/date or whatever the case may be .. However,
I find the 'splitting the cheque' thing to be a bit of a cultural etiquette phenomenon, as opposed to a solely 'modern' one. How an action is perceived, varies from culture to culture. When I was living in Athens, people paid for each other, i.e. several couples would go out and only one would pay for the entire meal (of course, these were people that hung out all the time and what went around came around.) On a date, it wasn't even an issue - the man would pay and would be offended if the woman offered. Even while in Canada, who paid what was rarely an issue; it was basically "whoever pulls out the money the fastest does" .. at least with the Greeks and Italians, I've known.
(note: exceptions would apply here, as they do in all things, but I'm just basing the above on my direct personal experiences.)
In general, I figure "When in Rome, do as the Romans." So depending on who, when, where, and why, I usually play it by ear. Always offer though. I can't shake the Canadian outta me.
Sorry you had a date from hell OP. I personally would've broken the fifty beforehand, esp. if the chance of having to spend it all, was an issue.
p.s. just had a laugh thinking about the "and he pulls out a calculator" ... Man .. that's where I would draw the line! LOL | |
|
isoU
|
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 103 | |
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:54:37 PM | 1. Why should a man pay ?
2. Maybe when U were younger U might have been hot and worth the expense.
3. Men are tired of being used.
4. Equal rights - I would never offend an liberal woman by paying for her.
 | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:08:24 PM | I guess ...
But I can't help but find the term 'used' a bit old, especially when it comes to who's paying the bill, when they go out.
I figure if I decide to go on a date, and I end up paying for the bill (be it by design, or by circumstance i.e. he escapes from the bathroom window) I would do it gladly (regardless of who offered the date) as I took the chance on a night out. So what? If I had an unpleasant time, and footing the bill was the icing on a cake of disaster, then c'est la vie. lt would only happen once, and I always come prepared.
No one can be 'used' unless they allow it.
Come to think of it .. I'd personally rather be "used" once, for a plate of food (maybe they are genuinely starving? *smirk*) than other, worse, things.
Live and learn. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:51:19 PM | She didn't expect the man to pay! She expected him to pay his OWN HALF! The rest of my sentence was that he wasn't even prepared to pay HIS OWN SHARE. Some of you people amaze me - don't quote half my sentence and twist my point around 180 degrees just to make your point. Just make your own point with your own words rather than distorting what someone else wrote if you can't read and comprehend what other people write.
And you can shout "double standard" all you want, but that doesn't erase biological facts such as the woman can get pregnant for 9 months if she has sex, while a man can run amok, which results in females being the choosier sex in mate selection in our species. Of course there is a double standard. Women and men are different. Duh. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:43:28 PM | Next time you'll meet a really attractive, perhaps younger than yourself, guy, you will be paying for him without even thinking. It's not who pays for whom. It's about a FIRST DATE and not about so-called "cheapers" or so-assumed "gentlemen" who always pay and therefore he's considered a "Gentleman" just because he pays, not because he holds your coat, (un)dresses you, opens a door for you or pulls your chair for you. I think because the modern society has changed and has become much m0re feministic and women are now very emancipated and especially with biofuels raising food prices to heaven, and numbers of meal hunters are slyrocketing; most rules should be re-written. Not to benefit cheapers or meal-hunters, but both sexes. I've been on enough first dates to say that about 40% of those and as high as 75% were clearly (married , engaged or involved) meal hunters. There is this passion about food and what's for dinner and not even a single sight your way. Some of them try to "take away" as much food as possible (for the kids or even the hubby). I find it disgusting when people do that, and no, I'm not a cheaper; I'll take you on a $100 dinner with no problem and I'll pay for you as long as you have no job or a low paid job, but if you make a good salary, have savings and you are on a first date, the woman should at least offer to share in the costs,. especially if the guy is blue-collar and low wage. The new fashioned way.
And do you even know where this "Man pays for both" originated from and when? It originated from when men were the only bread-winners in the family, etc. During those times women had no jobs and were housewives. Naturally the only ones who had money were men, and they paid for women. Not today, it's dutch. By the way, I never offer a women to go dutch, but if it's a first date and she offers dutch I may go dutch in some cases, especially if i feel there's no chemistry from either or her side. At least I wanna see if she will pay, which will demonstrate the kind of person she is; is she a cheaper or a gold-digger or a kind person, who will not leave you if you become penniless some day.
So after the meal is over I'd ask the Ms. Meal Hunter, was the meal okay, she'd say - wonderful, tasty, whatever and I'd say - now you can take the rest of it to your hubby and the kids... and you should see the reaction... heheh. I mean, I'm a good psychologist and I wouldn't say it, if I wasn't sure that I'm not with a meal hunter. Mealhunting is now almost like a profession, especially in blue-collar areas. And what's disgusting that married women do that. I can see a mark left on her finger from the wedding ring that's been removed recently and the diapers smell... of her hubby...
"Hey Jane (wife), go get yourself a free date-a-meal, and bring some for the kids..."
 | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:13:52 AM | wow Wetmoon, you sound like you are the date from hell. No I don't have a husband, and no I don't have kids in diapers for you to smell the sick on my coat, my son is 25 and hasn't thrown up on me for a long time.
Some of you get this that he tried to make me pay more than half, and some of you are angry angry lost souls who need to chill out.
I was chilling out, and He asked me out not that that matters who asked who out, but when he walked down the street with me quibbling that the bill wasn't right, because I made he waiter divide the bill in half....hey guys I never want to see his face again. Not in this lifetime. | |
|
| |
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:27:58 AM | | and hey guys I don't mind paying my own way, but when people say ew I didn't have that and you did...it's over forget it, it aint going any further, where I come from my father used to use the term tight as a fishes ...appropriate for this site, he also used to say if you ....lie down with dogs you pick up fleas, but that is not appropriate here, but hey love reading your responses. I do the dutch......my clogs were put away years ago when I was hot. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:38:49 AM | | amazing aint it. we have all had bad dates. from hell well never but i've has some bad ones. from my experience which gets less , is that i would always offer to pay for the meal and do so , saying that if we get to the second then it would be up to the lady to pay for that meal or coffee, mind you i would still pay for the second time unless put in a stranglehold and straight jacket. any man trying to make good impression would pay. oh well it takes all types to make up our world. have fun all. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:03:23 AM | | It's just showing manners to at least pay half. I don't care who asked who out on the date. If I am asked out I at least offer to pay my share, if the guy wants to treat then I really appreciate it and thank him. This guy was rude and has no manners. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:32:51 AM | Thank god some realieses, when you split the bill, you split it half.
Ok I had the raspberry bread and butter pudding, but I never thought that splitting the bill was on what you actually ate.
It's absurd and ridiculas and not an issue...right I just want to pay half. He also bragged about what a good week he had financially, and we were out celebrating that I had just bought a house. He won't be finding out where that is. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:43:31 AM | | Thanks for the input guys and the critism as I wasn't worth a raspberry bread and butter pudding, he said that he didn't want dessert, and then asked the waitress for a spoon to eat mine, he is not worth the forum and I hope he reads this post. As thanks guys that is what it was supposed to do.....and in future guys you don't want to go halvies ... don't double dip the raspberry bread and butter pudding. haaaaaaaaaa | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:37:29 AM | "I honestly think the guy should pay, for the FIRST date at least. It just sours the whole date. What do you think fellow forumers? " - OP
I agree with you, OP. There's no bigger turn-off than the guy who looks cheap *ewwwwwww*, I don't care how good looking he is (and I am by no means a gold-digger). It just shows what poor character he has. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:10:57 AM |
I honestly think the guy should pay, for the FIRST date at least. It just sours the whole date. What do you think fellow forumers?
I think, dutch. I wont allow a total stranger to pick up my tab unless he absolutely insists, and if thats the case, then I INSIST on leaving the tip.
JMO | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:50:19 AM |
"I honestly think the guy should pay, for the FIRST date at least. It just sours the whole date. What do you think fellow forumers? "
Well, even if the date is a "date from hell" at least you've had a free meal. Heck, you could have a free meal a couple of days a week. You'd never have to see the guy again. He'll just keep having first dates and paying for them and women will continue having free meals just for showing up.
It could be worse though. There could be women out there who would only go out with a guy if he takes her to specific restaurants. She'd just cross reference Zagat and decide whether or not to go. Why go out with a guy if he's not willing to pay for a four star restaurant, right? Your time is valuable and if you're only going to go out with him once you might as well make it worthwhile, yes? | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:36:50 PM | God, please drop the "free meal" trip alredy!
Whomever has a problem paying for the first meal, if you are the ones asking, men or women.
Just don't ask out anybody anymore!!!
I have no problem paying. If I ask a guy "would you like to go for a movie"? He wants to go, I pay, It was my idea! Otherwise he would be home, resting, on the phone, out somewhere, so if he chooses to spend his (valuable)time with me, because I ask, the least I can do is pay for the meal, movie, bowling etc. I suggested.
Are we all in poverty here than a meal is going to set you back?
How often are you asking people out and they are accepting that this has become a problem?
I know this is a FREE service but come on!
| |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:58:38 PM | | I just automatically assume it's dutch. I see no reason some guy I've never met before should have to pay for my meal (and vice versa). | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:13:04 PM | to the guys that whine about being taken advantage of for meals from women.....
1. Don`t ask a woman out to an expensive dinner if you don`t want to pay or if you feel cheated if it hasn`t gone well. Do something simple and inexpensive.
2. Before you take a woman out to a really expensive place, wouldn`t you have the foresight to know if she is doing it for a fancy meal? For myself, I don`t want to go to some posh place for a first meal as a rule, just because of the hostility if things don`t turn out well. If asked to dinner, I will usually suggest appetizers or a small plate and say something like"I`m a light eater at night" Why don`t we keep it simple . I mean gold diggers aren`t really that hard to spot guys.
3. Impressing a woman with a fancy meal right off the bat doesn`t work anyways. I mean for the most part, if she is descent, she isn`t going to have that be a big consideration. Trying to buy affection with fluff just draws in what you are trying to avoid. Then you can say "see, they are all that way" to prove the point to yourself that all women are golddiggers. If you are nasty, a bad attitude, bad personality, unattractive to her, all the top zagat restaurants in the world,will not change her mind.
4. If a woman is really into you, she will want a second date. Doesn`t matter where the first one was. So don`t set yourself up by shelling out all the cash to impress, and then whine when you don`t get something back. You kind of did it to yourself.
5. If you ask a woman out, be prepared to pay. If she asks, she pays. If she offers to pay her share, figure out what you want to do. Getting out the calculator or trying to get out of paying is just tacky and of very bad manner. If you want to guarantee not having a second date. Just do this.
6. The issue about offering to pay is more a showing of generosity and willingness to
care for someone. It goes both ways. Personally, I have never had a man pull out a calculator or ask for half. I do always offer to pay my share though. I think it is nicest to take turns. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:13:10 PM | i like to pay on the first date.. i dont even mind when she supersizes her combo meal without askin'
...................................................................................................................................... | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:46:53 PM |
God, please drop the "free meal" trip alredy!
Whomever has a problem paying for the first meal, if you are the ones asking, men or women. Just don't ask out anybody anymore!!!
I have no problem paying. If I ask a guy "would you like to go for a movie"? He wants to go, I pay, It was my idea! Otherwise he would be home, resting, on the phone, out somewhere, so if he chooses to spend his (valuable)time with me, because I ask, the least I can do is pay for the meal, movie, bowling etc. I suggested.
I don't necessary agree with the "who asks should pay" theory? Who made up this rule? Some self proclaimed "dating expert". If a man has an extra ticket for a concert / sporting event or wants me to go a bar with him, I wouldn't expect him to pay for me. If I didn't have the money to pay, I would tell politely turn down his offer or suggest doing something else. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:30:58 PM | There is no way I would go on a dinner date on a first date.
A drink in a quiet pub is best so you can chat and get to know each other.
How can you chat with your mouth full of food ?
There is a certain type of woman who dates to get free meals.
I buy dinner for girlfriends and wives not someone I dont know ! | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:20:20 PM | You're right, the best solution is to not go on a dinner date, but limit yourselves with a coffee, a snack or an ice-cream, or a walk in a park. And I think that even if the two go on a dinner date, then it should be normal to either pay dutch or anyone pays who can afford more or less, does not matter what gender they are. Also I think the second, third etc. date should be on the guy if the girl is poor, has no job and if the relationship is getting a good start.
If the guy could pay $20 out of the $50 bill it means he was either a cheap guy or he could not afford more than $20 bucks, or perhaps you've had your meals and desserts for $30 and he thought he just paid his share. Some guys won't pay the full bill especially if they see that the other party is not interested in them.
There are two categories of guys who go dutch:
a) cheapers
b) those who respect women's rights to gender equality
I always pay for the woman, unless she insists to go dutch. But if she's got a good income yet always gets a "free ride" I'd be thinking twice before marrying her. Some people have a lot of money, but they keep it all to themselves. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:18:40 PM |
I don't necessary agree with the "who asks should pay" theory? Who made up this rule? Some self proclaimed "dating expert". If a man has an extra ticket for a concert / sporting event or wants me to go a bar with him, I wouldn't expect him to pay for me. If I didn't have the money to pay, I would tell politely turn down his offer or suggest doing something else.
Sportsgal, wonder the same thing. I think it's the same person who decided that the first date should be dinner (remember when it use to be dinner AND a movie?). It's just a first meeting; coffee and conversation should be just fine.
God, please drop the "free meal" trip alredy!
Whomever has a problem paying for the first meal, if you are the ones asking, men or women. Just don't ask out anybody anymore!!!
I have no problem paying. If I ask a guy "would you like to go for a movie"? He wants to go, I pay, It was my idea! Otherwise he would be home, resting, on the phone, out somewhere, so if he chooses to spend his (valuable)time with me, because I ask, the least I can do is pay for the meal, movie, bowling etc. I suggested.
If a guy is popular he can easily have two dates a week. If he's just spending $30 a date it can quickly add up. When was the last time you spent a couple of thousand dollars or more in a year just for first dates? I don't think most women care about what it cost for a lot of guys who are just hoping for a second date. | |
|
| Hi just had a date from hell....again
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:00:17 PM | | Omg he broke a rule in the book of dating, I am glad I never date anyone. Everybody follows what other ppl say and what they are influenced by magazines tv etc... I on the other hand just like being myself if I had a date. It wouldn't be expensive or whatever it would just be what we both like doing instead of these dating suppose to's. | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 21
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 |
|
Home
login 
