| | Dumped before the date! What's going on? Page 3 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | So then, just say looking for friends or hangouts then. Then the expectations tend to diminish to a large degree. If they expect more and are wheeling to be friends first, great for both, if not, then no big deal. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:56:02 PM |
HI, I WAS JUST READING YOUR MESSAGE THINKING HOW RUDE IS THAT OF THAT GUY HE COULD HAVE LEAST MET YOU FOR A COFFEE AND THEN COULD HAVE MADE HIS EXCUSES AFTERWARDS, OR HE MIGHT HAVE MISSED OUT ON THE BEST THING OF HIS LIFE. AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MEETING SOMEONE FOR A DRINK TONIGHT AND HE HAS JUST CANCELLED ON ME WHILE IM ADDING THIS.
Sorry to hear that we're in the same boat curlylou... I guess there are a lot of lame men on POF. Its a pity, they are missing out on meeting a great person (me and you). Maybe the woman can all get together for drinks then. :) | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:51:16 PM | So you met one of THOSE, let it go, keep going not all fish in the sea are good to eat.
Rule of thumb online
1. one lie, maybe a misunderstanding
2 second lie,,,we have a problem
3. you should already be out of there
You may be in for some good friends if you continue, stay safe | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:04:05 PM |
No it wasn't the same guy. I guess there are a number lame guys on here. At least you didn't drive 1 hour to get to the date, spend 4 hours with him and then drive another hour to get home. Also, at least you didn't waste 2 years with him while he blew hot and cold and sent mixed messages only to be told that he was interested in marriage PERIOD! Yes definitely count your lucky stars. The sooner one can weed out losers and snake charmers, the better
Do women really do this? Good lord!!! I can't believe how desperate some people are!
You know there is such a thing as give and take? | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:04:32 AM | UPDATE: I got an email today. Apparently he made his excuses because he wasn't ready to get back into dating and because he was afraid he would get hurt if I didn't like him as much as he liked me -- and he claims to have liked me alot. Sooooooo, I suppose that makes me feel better, but I've still written him off -- that's way too much drama for me, especially since he didn't take the chance to meet me. And like he wrote, you get one chance to make a first impressions and my impression of him is "WHAT AN IDIOT!"  | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:03:48 AM | I think many of you are being harsh, maybe you have had a few experiences with time wasters before and now see anyone who strays from the plan as another time waster. The last post was especially harsh, very vindictive.
Im going on the possibility that this guy told you the truth. Fine, he doesnt meet your checklist now because he has some baggage, or at least because he told you he had. Everyone does. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar plan and simple because we are all complicated. If this guy had been dumped previously, his confidence would be low, very low. You like someone, you wish to meet and go further with them but in your heart of hearts you know your not THAT good looking, you know you live in a highly materialistic society where image is almost everything and you are very scared that if you get a rebuff from a woman you really like, your slither of confidence you have left would be smashed. It would be depressing.
So you could say that people like this should not be in the dating game. Ok when should they?
If his quote of 'its me not you' was used as the cliche excuse then thats poor. BUT. There are times when this is true. He could well have something that he is embarressed about or has little confidence in (kissing, sex, showing a good time as in where to go, whats a good place ect) and knowing that some of this would come up just feels its too much pressure on him. Could he ever explain that to you? Nope, cause most woman would run a mile and it even says so on their profiles. So whats the only other option? Inaction. Guys do use the 'it me not you' reason when there is something that is stopping them but they cannot explain it to you because you wouldnt understand or are too embaressed.
Please just take this as another perspective as none of it may be the truth concerning your issue, but its possible. I just think some of the replies here were a little harsh if this was geniune, and if i was that guy, i would have loved for the woman to have mailed me back still asking to meet or still chat. That would have boosted my confidence a little and also made me more confortable as a small wall had been brought down. If it was all BS then it went the way it went unfortunately.
The truth is like a 3 sided sword.
Your side. Their side. The truth
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:15:42 AM | | At least he didn't do a "no show, no call" like most people. I don't know what happened to common courtesy, but people are so rude and self-absorbed these days they aren't even capable of showing manners. Then, of course, they get on here and whine if someone does it to them. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:16:14 AM | who really understands why, it could be he's just a jerk, or maybe he isn't ready for ANY relationship... either way he did you a favor, i had one show up after months of planning ,,and he got out of his car telling me that he wasn't ready for this,,, I said what ? meeting me or dinner or what ? he just ran away like I had the plague ...very disturbing, for about 5 minutes then I laughed all the way home... you shouldn't be upset at all, better now then down the road ...weak character there out there trust me ! try to screen alittle better next time, questions like, "hey are you gonna wennie out at the last minute " ? if so let me know now before I shave my legs !!!  | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:16:44 AM | | Yes - it happened to me not long ago! I rang to see why the date was cancelled and got a very strange reaction. The bloke thought he might be too sexy for me!! All on the basis of one telephone call of about half an hour. Didn't let it worry me though. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:28:24 AM | | OP...Its all about him and his baggage, not you...Dont take it personally...I actually met face to face with my "date" about 10 years ago and he turned around and started walking the other way... ..Talk about feeling sh..it on.....Guess he was so repelled by my appearance and that I didnt meet his fantasy of the tabloids woman he couldnt help himself...Although that was an extreme situation, I found most men I dated very obssessed with womens looks....But I remembered that it was his loss, not mine..Keep your faith, a gem of a man will be able and ready and very willing to date you and consider himself lucky to have met you...It happened to me | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:33:37 AM | | I would say the reason they don't meet and you get dumped is because they are already in a relationship with one foot out the door. Trust me ... | |
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bsg789
| | Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 64 | |
| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:35:59 AM | I got an email today. Apparently he made his excuses because he wasn't ready to get back into dating and because he was afraid he would get hurt if I didn't like him as much as he liked me -- and he claims to have liked me alot. Sooooooo, I suppose that makes me feel better, but I've still written him off -- that's way too much drama for me, especially since he didn't take the chance to meet me. And like he wrote, you get one chance to make a first impressions and my impression of him is "WHAT AN IDIOT!"
Personally I would have given him the benefit of the doubt this time. If he did something like that again, then I would move on. Sometimes people can get scared about meeting someone because of past experiences or because they weren't completely over their ex. Those things aren't completely unreasonable. I would have back up plans if the date was rescheduled. Just in case he cancelled again. BTW I also agree with the posters who stated that cancelling a date is better than standing up a person. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:33:07 AM | Ummmmm..."midnight crossing"
Normally I wouldn't care but since you're 33, christian, and have kids, just thought I would let you know that it's only your first dump since 5/08 so better be prepared for more considering how many other women that have ****ed about their losers online too.
:rolling:...I don't what it is, the drinking water??, that these pretty women always go the lame ones.
BTW...I thought he deleted his account just a few days ago....so he decided to get back online that quick and you actually gave a SHYT to read the -email .  | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:12:15 PM | | Dumped is what happens after the date. You didn't get that far. Something is not kosher, maybe the guy is married, who knows. I've met men in "real" life who ask for my number, call several times, they want to get together and then POOF, they disappear, never to be heard from again, and we didn't even have a cup of coffee. I don't take these things so seriously, it's a weird world and a lot of flaky people in it. Just move on and I wish you better luck next time! | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:28:18 PM | OP,
Dont spend time wondering wtf! IT's pointless.
Just assume he had something better to do and leave it at that. (he didn't reschedule, so )
I can't count the times a female has either just not called, "forgot" or gave some weird , non sense makeing reason why she couldn't meet.
It is the other person's loss, and doesn't deserve your energy and time as to the reason. If they want to meet you, they WILL make an effort to meet. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:40:35 PM | i had a guy on here send me a heartfelt break up letter even before i agreed to go out with him. lol ...he went into detail about how he was disappointed , actually shocked that i would go out with someone else before going out with him knowing he was waiting for me ....lol
so i sent him a letter back saying this,"
"i am truly sorry that i have to fake this broken heart over a guy i never met before,. i am also sorry that your life so pathetic that you feel you need to break up with someone who you never even met. i believe we may have swapped 2 messages, anyways i closed my letter with ....OH BY THE WAY , RESTRAINING ORDER TO FOLLOW" LOL
so then i gets another letter with him saying sorry , how he never meant to hurt me or make me feel dirty about dating someone else....anyways my conclusion on this is , the world needs "CRAZY PEOPLE" in it to make it interesting. I wouldn't worry about that guy who broke it off with you , there are , after all , plenty of fish in the sea .....you will find a sane one , i promise you | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:19:34 PM | Since he closed his account, maybe you should just take what he said at face value as inde suggested, it is sometimes not possible to figure out that you aren't ready until an actual date is about to happen, and for some, not until a couple months of seeing someone. Better that you found out before you got involved than after really liking the guy.
Just a part of the dating world, and it is not just on the Internet, this happens with people that meet somewhere else as well, the getting cold feet. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:07:44 PM | | he either lost interest or he's nervous he won't meet your expectations. it's one thing to delay a meeting,but eventually meet. it's an entirely different ball game to completely cancel a meeting. look at it this way, at least he didn't stand you up. nah, don't give up, move onward, my darling! | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:41:11 PM | His loss -- that's how I always see it. Always!!!! And also, thank him silently for not wasting your time. He's a flake now, even before the first date -- think what he would have done later on if a relationship began?
People always show you who they are right away, we just have to pay attention. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:24:58 AM | Please don't feel unique! It happens to everyone no matter their age or social standing! Some people hide behind their computers. For all types of reasons. But most of all it something they have to hide about themselves! Even if it's just low self esteem. So easy to be who you want me to be on the Internet! My mind know the beauty I wish it to be, and on this I can be those things. To be honest? I tired Internet dating about two years ago. I found out it does not work for me! I don't have problems meeting men in my ever day walk of life. But I do enjoy this site. Good place to come when I get off late from work. I can be what ever I feel like being without repercussions. I can just talk about my life, or act silly or even naughty, or what ever. Let my mind take flight and enjoy the ride! But if nothing else I am honest! Not here to deceive or hurt! And shame on those that do! You'll have to be stronger if you plan to stay on this site! Might have a few bad fish swim your way! But who knows? You just might be one of the lucky ones. And find the love of your life on the Internet! But be warned! Sometimes the stinky fish are the easiest to catch. Thank God! It's just as easy to throw them back with no real harm done! | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:44:32 AM | Don't take it personally and keep fishing. There could be many reasons why he didn't want to meet. Sometimes it is too soon after a relationship to be on a dating site. They may have thought that they were ready but realizing that you were a nice person didn't want to start anything. At least he told you that he was cancelling. Of course there could be so many more reasons, such as, he was a player and wanted an easier less intelligent catch. He may be married or just chose someone else. These are just a few, but you will find that you don't take these things personally and keep fishing. There a lot of very nice men on this site and you may have to weed through several not so desirable ones.
Remember it's not about you, it's about them. You cannot control that, so focus on yourself, keep fishing, and forget about them. | |
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