| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:24:58 AM | Please don't feel unique! It happens to everyone no matter their age or social standing! Some people hide behind their computers. For all types of reasons. But most of all it something they have to hide about themselves! Even if it's just low self esteem. So easy to be who you want me to be on the Internet! My mind know the beauty I wish it to be, and on this I can be those things. To be honest? I tired Internet dating about two years ago. I found out it does not work for me! I don't have problems meeting men in my ever day walk of life. But I do enjoy this site. Good place to come when I get off late from work. I can be what ever I feel like being without repercussions. I can just talk about my life, or act silly or even naughty, or what ever. Let my mind take flight and enjoy the ride! But if nothing else I am honest! Not here to deceive or hurt! And shame on those that do! You'll have to be stronger if you plan to stay on this site! Might have a few bad fish swim your way! But who knows? You just might be one of the lucky ones. And find the love of your life on the Internet! But be warned! Sometimes the stinky fish are the easiest to catch. Thank God! It's just as easy to throw them back with no real harm done!  | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:44:32 AM | Don't take it personally and keep fishing. There could be many reasons why he didn't want to meet. Sometimes it is too soon after a relationship to be on a dating site. They may have thought that they were ready but realizing that you were a nice person didn't want to start anything. At least he told you that he was cancelling. Of course there could be so many more reasons, such as, he was a player and wanted an easier less intelligent catch. He may be married or just chose someone else. These are just a few, but you will find that you don't take these things personally and keep fishing. There a lot of very nice men on this site and you may have to weed through several not so desirable ones.
Remember it's not about you, it's about them. You cannot control that, so focus on yourself, keep fishing, and forget about them. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:12:33 AM | I get this all the time:
One guy messaged me over and over he missed me, and refused to make a date WTF, had to block him in the end. Had given him my phone number he text once and then said he didn't have my number 
Asked in another chat room about this one and the men put it down to shyness, a lot of men dont mind chatting but freak out when they arrange to meet and cancel, a lot dont, but some do. OH and the "too soon tag" that is a crock that men use to get out of a date, why would they be on a dating site if it were too soon" and that came from the men in the chat room, go figure girls!
A lot of men are just control freaks | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:23:57 AM | Just be glad he was upfront about it.
I just spent more than a month with a guy that I gave up others for just to date only him and see where it goes as I wanted. About 10 days in I sensed things had changed for him and asked him if they had (ready to move on and just be friends per my usual) and he claimed they had not, he was just tired from working so much.
Fast forward 3 weeks later (he has the week off and I have a change in work schedule that would allow us more time together), not wanting to feel like I have in the past 3 weeks when we had the seldom same time off and I was not his first choice to spend it on, I again just stated the obvious.
This time he admitted he didn't see it going anywhere and wasn't ready for a relationship. Further more he admitted when I broached the subject 3 weeks earlier that he mislead me as he really liked me and wanted to keep spending time with me. He was not wanting me to go away.
Well, we are not even friends now as we initially were. I feel like a fool for not standing my ground on how I felt things were going 3 weeks ago. I can be paranoid at times and felt he lead me on AND let me feel like I was just being paranoid.
He admits he lead me on but because I told him how hurt and angry I was (really I was too much so at the moment and apoligized for that as he apoligized for leading me on) but he is now the one who doesn't think we can be friends as he thinks I can't trust him.
Well the not trusting him as a bf is obvious, but I have had this type of thing happen before (not exactly like this) and have been able to remain friends.
Sorry for hijacking your thread OP, but to me, you are lucky you got your answer before you even met.
As for my circumstance, I think things just happen for a reason. This one may have happened to keep me from falling for someone before him that I had grave misgivings about, but found attractive none the less.
You'll get another date and another and another.. once you get into it they keep coming along.
Have faith in that. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:31:53 AM | I think women who are dating have more chance of meeting new people, I use a chat room and the women who are dating get asked out more than the single women. Go figure?
I think it is down to the new found confidence that couple have that attract the opposite sex. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:00:30 AM | | you should never give up !!! things happen in life that come up unexpectedly , but the part about not ready for a relationship as a reason is not acceptable , it was a excuse out of the excuse barrel and not a good one even , im sure you exchanged e mails and put some time in getting to know one another and then, the day of you ladys dont exactly get ready in 2 minutes but it could of been worse you could of went on a couple of dates and started to have feelings and then done this to you , but the sun will still come up tomorrow and who knows what tomorrow will bring !!! tom | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:05:19 AM | Hey gal, glad to know its not just happening to me.
I have been on line dating for about 2 years, seems these guys have the gonads to make all these promises of devotion, romance, etc and then it comes down to the wire and they chicken out because they probably really cant live up to their words their feeding us.
I have had this happen more times than I want to say, but I guess in most cases I am probably glad they backed out because the ones I have met down live up to the words anyways..................
Just hang in there, Mr Right is out there for us we just have to weed thru all the wrongs to find him!!! | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:33:52 PM | Ok, I'm taking out the weedwhacker right now. I do think that dating can boost a persons' confidence, that's why I'm here... but heck, I can't even get a date?!!? And the one or two guys I am interested in, they don't seem interested in me. Go figure. Will putting a live bait on my fishing pole work better than using those jelly worms? I must be going about this all wrong. Thanks for all the replies btw, they have been helpful, comforting and in the end, my spirit has been lifted.   | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:51:29 AM |
So here I finally take a chance on meeting someone... and then the day that we are suppose to meet (today) he sends me an email saying he's not ready for a relationship and that it wouldn't be fair to me if I didn't find someone who could treat me right. HUH?!!?! WTF! I thought we were just going for coffee not making plans for our wedding. I just don't get it. I feel really bummed right now. I have a guy who wanted to meet me and then cancels, I had a guy who wanted to meet me, but who changed his mind -- do I give up now and just forget about online dating? I need some advice. Anyone else been in this situation?
you cant be dumped if youre not dating him.
yes forget about online dating. try ACTUALLY GOING OUTSIDE and dating. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:10:37 AM | Oh it has happened to me more than once. The guy chats for ever, makes excuses when I suggest meeting. One guy did this to me for a year. I live in SW Calgary and he in NW Calgary and because I don't have a car, he kept saying it was too far to come and pick me up. I think for a lot of guys it's just a game. I would rather meet as soon as possible to see if there is a connection. Oh, and also had a guy text me for nearly a year, same thing, he would suggest meeting, I would text back and ask where, and then he wouldn't text back. He did this to me time and time again.   | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:47:19 AM | Hi Midnight_Crossing,
I would certainly not take it personally one little bit, don't worry yourself.
Far from not liking you or wanting to meet, maybe the poor guy is just nervous as hell and it terrified of meeting.!! He very possibly likes you, doesn't want to screw it up and wants to be in the best frame of mind possible so he conveys the best image of himself as possible.
I've been on quite a few online dates, and I always get last minute jitters, if its someone I especially like the look/sound of, its even worse. I frequently feel like cancelling ( so I don't move out my comfort zone ), but haven't done so far.
Maybe he had a bad day at work, is not feeling great or anyone of a hundred things.
Best thing you can do is not getting annoyed, rather be understanding. If he cancelled through nerves, it means he doesn't want to screw up with you! | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:27:25 AM | "yes forget about online dating. try ACTUALLY GOING OUTSIDE and dating."
"He doesn't want to screw up with you"
Yes, Midnight...Face is superior to internet. You're pretty and have alot going on for you so would most probably be alot better for you to Face than to be on the internet unless you lived in Lou, Ky of course:)!
If a man has concerns about screwing up with you then doesn't have enough stability or security for you. If you want to find out why he thinks that way then you're the one who ends up the lame duck because any man 25 or over knows what he can do and can't do.
I can tell you that if a woman talks to me on here or phones once or maybe twice but doesn't want to meet til know each other better or sets up a meeting for a week or two later but I meet a new woman who wants to go out on that day then done deal! Rescheduling my internet meeting.
Sorry but I've been canceled on or stood up from here too just like the hundreds, if not thousands on here but have never, ever been from meeting women in real life. I just had the rotten luck of meeting women who were in rebound stage or weren't clean. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:41:24 AM | How about arranging to meet, and he doesn't show up?? After a year on the dating scene(?), I've come to the conclusion that men are just "players". They only want to see if they can attract someone. Then, they fail to follow through after plenty of "talk".
I hate to down ALL men, because some may be sincere....but they are in the minority!! | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:13:00 AM | ^^^^^^I have no idea why as don't know the details but you're wise enough to figure out why.
To add to my above post......It's nothing against the internet woman whom I had a planned meeting with as if the meeting was important to her then she'd meet within a few days otherwise something is wrong on her end such as she's got too much agenda on her calendar which means she isn't ready for dating much less having a relationship or has other men on her agenda which I don't care to be a rollover for her. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:16:36 PM | | exactly, indehills. This guy was obviously married and chickened out at the last minute. Dear...don't ever take rejection personally. Be authentic and you won't be plagued by this type of behavior. And don't go looking for others to give you an excuse to hide. Own it, girl, get out there and try again and be strong. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:30:37 AM | | I know how you feel. The other day I went for coffee with this woman I was interested in. We talked for about two hours and exchanged phone numbers. I thought it had clicked and I thought there was an attraction. That night she wrote to me and told me she saw me just as a friend and "good luck in your search". Gee, that was quick. I thought I could count on my gut-instincts but I guess I shouldn't anymore. It just goes to show ... you never know. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:33:50 AM | Perhaps he was scared or he could have been married. I just checked your profile out and I can tell you this.... I wished for the first time in my life that I lived in canada..lol
Don't give up because I assure you I wouldn't have flaked on our date. I am sure that as attractive as you are you will have plenty of offers... | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:49:53 AM | No, none of us have any idea of OP
Everybody needs to read OP's other topic in the single parent's forum titled..."did you choose to be a single parent" to get a better understanding of her. Been engaged twice then chose to trap her baby's father to getting her pregnant cause she knew he couldn't hardly be a part of her baby's life. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:27:52 AM | | Happens all the time,don` t worry about it.Some men are such chickens,they have a big mouth and when it comes down to it they chicken out. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:31:16 PM | F*CK OFF KLOPPER, you're opinion is useless and no one really cares for it. How is choosing to be a single parent trapping someone?!? -- ONLY A MORON would think that. DUH! In case you haven't learn to read on a grade-school level, I don't let men dictate the way I choose to lead my life, EVER! Thanks Rushfan, that's really sweet of you.
PS. BTW, after reading your profile Klopper, I get it now -- you're probably one of those loser single parents who don't pay child support and don't have regular visits because of it, and you probably feel you were "trapped" in to having a child with your ex. Good dad my A$$! Right. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:47:54 PM | I only skimmed the replies on here, but notice a lot of "he probably got cold feet" sort of replies, which could be the case.
However, I am going to let you in a not so secret, secret! ;)
Unfortunately, while POF advertises that "we banish people unfit to date"...they still slip through the cracks. There are a LOT of the types (I am quite sure this is not gender specific!) who will make a profile, contact people, play out the entire scenario...all for their own pleasure and the sheer thrill of "courting" someone via the emails, IMs, etc...only to freeze up at the meeting aspect. These sorts typically have "e-personas"...they have created a persona for themselves of who they WISH they were, and nothing to do with who they REALLY are. In meeting someone with a major e-persona/real persona clash...you would discover this...and they know such.
In a simpler way of putting things...they want to discover that they ARE attractive to others...that they CAN still square away a date...but they have no intentions of following through with such.
Some people choose to cut right to the chase and won't waste their time chit chatting before a meet...others just stick with trial and error and learning to read red flags of these e-persona types. | |
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| Dumped before the date! What's going on?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:12:52 PM | Well, I would think I wouldn't have to quote you Midnight Crossing so you could stand up for yourself instead, but to quote you from your other thread "No, the father was not aware that I was planning to get pregnant, and it wasn't really a plan per se. However, as responsible adults, we both chose not to use protection when we had sex and so the possibility of pregnancy was there."
P.S. ....Right?? No, you're wrong. I have had full custody of my son since he was one, he's 7 now, with no child support or regular visits. I thought she was a good woman yet she fooled me the same way you have and still thought she could win for some reason....very bad and dumb idea!!! | |
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