| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:38:36 AM |
i think if someone is going to cheat they will anyways its not because of this site just happens sad to say.
I agree as well. Doesn't matter what "SITE" you are on. There are cheaters and schemers everywhere. You have to be careful no matter where you go.
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:40:40 AM | Married people must stay out. If I date someone from here and I found out he is married, I will tell his wife. This place is only for divorced people or single, no even separated.
What is the point of been separated??? Why they just do not get divorced?? Because they want to play the field just in case they do not find what they want???
Crystalcastle. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:44:36 AM |
Honestly? If someone puts SINGLE on their profile, and they are married...
they are a liar....sorry, but true ====
Granted that is true but how can you control it!? you can't. Thats what makes that question (married or single) , kinda irrelevant. Not that it isnt important.. because I dont want to be involved with someone thats married.. but the fact is .. why EVEN ask that question on so called singles sites? when you know People WHO WANT to be single will LIE anyways.. making that question.... um.. well I don't know if irrelevant is the correct word. But you know what I am saying.
In the ONLY way to get accurate information for sites like this, one has to send in some REAL signs of proof of identity. .. whic is unfeasable cause 99% percent of the people wouldn't do that and WHO could blame them? SO to that respect, the owners of sites like this CAN ONLY hope that the person filling out the profiles will be HONEST! | |
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| Question about married people -- who are looking around
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:47:26 AM | Whether married or in a relationship, it is important to be communicating with your Dear One. The statistics mentioned by one poster (1/3 are IN some sort of relationship--but I'd hesitate to call it commitment). Getting to a place of honesty is SOOOOOOOOO important. Focus on that. Focus on helping the other person to BE honest with you. Oh, and you owe it to them to be likewise transparent. If that fails, then end the relationship before hunting for a replacement. Despite the hard-hearted sarcasm from some posters who have been burned/hurt/lied to, encouraging sarcasm or duplicity is like growing weeds....there's precious little fodder that feeds the hungry. And we all have hunger--focus on a healthy emotional diet.
Judging and condemning a whole gender--or your spouse--without first TALKING to them is sort of futile: just as it would be to scream at your teenager about drug use, without first collecting the facts.
The fact that some married person is on here means there's Big Trouble at home. It could be alienation or stonewalling or abuse or abandonment from their spouse. They COULD be looking for anonymous advice: but there are other sites/forums for that--ask and I'll be glad to publish them.
The fact that some married person is charading as a single one is pitiful, sad, evil, and maybe even a desperate call for help--but how are we single folks to know. Honesty can be mimicked--for awhile; hence it is making all the other chickens in the coop really nervous when there's a fox in the henhouse. We don't need the stress and distrust that this breeds.
Asking questions--do it within the covenant of your marriage. Please. That word still means something to even us single people. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:53:43 AM | | I had the woman my husband was cheating with from here contact me and send me his profile not sure if I should thank her or not.........probably yes all I know is, is that it was I have him now what you gonna do about! We are still in the process of doing something about it and I hope they are real happy!!! | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:20:37 AM | Can any of you good folks explain to me the difference in being separated as a man and.....separated as a woman.....?
I only ask because of the number of times i've read a womans profile asking for
No married men...with the proviso that...separated means you're still married...only to see that the woman whos' profile i'm reading says that she is ...guess what ...separated and looking to DATE...!!!
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| Question about married people -- who are looking around
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:27:15 AM |
Getting to a place of honesty is SOOOOOOOOO important. Focus on that. Focus on helping the other person to BE honest with you. Oh, and you owe it to them to be likewise transparent. If that fails, then end the relationship before hunting for a replacement. Despite the hard-hearted sarcasm from some posters who have been burned/hurt/lied to, encouraging sarcasm or duplicity is like growing weeds....there's precious little fodder that feeds the hungry. And we all have hunger--focus on a healthy emotional diet.
i think the talking should have been done, BEFORE it came to this other outlet of her unhappyness.
whats the point of being in a relationship, if you cant even talk to each other?
you could go to marrige guidance, and councelling, to wallpaper over the cracks, but that might be just making a relationship, you are not supposed to be in more bareble. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:31:48 AM | | Yes Op I'm affraid to say yes...I see ALOT Of married guys on here!! or other dating sights! its like the world has LOST its morals! its sense of comitment...its sad..married ppl only end up hurting ones that are honestly looking for a single partner! but there simply looking for sex..plain and simple, theres NO excuse I can hear that I havnt before from MANY guys that I found WERE married, its all the same....just an EXCUSE! | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:37:46 AM | | Married is--as so many must know--not necessarily happy, not necessarily committed. But changing horses ain't gonna fix whatchew got going wrong--unless you've tried counseling, talking, LISTENING, compromising and getting healthy in your current marriage--you're not prepared for ANY kind of relationship. Oh, and counseling costs more than dating, so maybe that explains it...cheap cheap cheap. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:02:41 AM | This place is only for divorced people or single, no even separated.
What is the point of been separated??? Why they just do not get divorced?? Because they want to play the field just in case they do not find what they want???
When I checked the rules to POF it doesn't say I can't be seperated and still be a member.Maybe you should start your own site for divorced or single only.JMO
I came here for mainly the forums. It makes for some interesting reading at times. LOL
As far as seperated and not divorced. MONEY and 6 month wait in my State.
Lost job of 15 years/wife and she took my dog all in same day. (Lordy I miss that dog)
But when I am ready to date I have seen some great advice and tips on this site. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:07:56 AM | Folks say communication is the key. Easy to say, harder to do.
It takes two to tango. You can't communicate with the unwilling. Counseling (which is covered by insurance, so much for "cheap cheap cheap") only works if the patients are all willing.
This site lets you say you're married. That seems to imply married folks are allowed here.
If you don't want to have anything to do with married folks, then check "must not be married". seems simple to me.
If only POF would let you exclude folks from search results based on that. It would be *really* nice if a search would only find folks willing to communicate with the searcher...
IMO, all those sites "dedicated" to married folks are scams and spam generators.
POF is a nice site. It's fairly easy to use, and sends no spam to my inbox. And it lets me say I'm married, so I don't get accused of lying. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:13:03 AM | All the time; I've talked to other people, and I'm sure most of the posters have dealt with married people. I've argued with some that say they are single even though they are married. Their lame excuse that in "their mind" they are single is a joke. People will justify anything.
If you cheat, you are gone in my mind. Sorry you had to go through that. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:26:29 PM |
POF is a nice site. It's fairly easy to use, and sends no spam to my inbox. And it lets me say I'm married, so I don't get accused of lying.
agreed.
and it gives a talk/email option as well,
so it is not meant to be taken pureley as a dating site.
as said b4, if pplz want to cheat, they will cheat.
and there is many more oppertunaties to do so, apart from internet dating, like on nites out etc.... | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:43:18 PM | | The problem is the internet has just made it easier to cheat, Sad but true. If she feels she has to cheat then kick her out. Why pay for her to have a place to live when she could end up gining you an STD. If she does not love you then it is time for her to move on, not put you at risk. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:46:27 PM | | People cheat or not and the Internet is only one means of accomplishing cheating if that is what someone wants to do. Some people are blatantly obvious about it and the other individuals are willing participatns and many people lie, making the other person believe that they are getting into a relationship when they have no intention of leaving their spouse or at least not yet. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:30:11 PM | I very strongly and actively encourage my freinds both married and single to check out this site! I have found there to be an excellent cross section of people here. The forums are an excellent idea exchange place. Most importantly the chemistry and needs profiles are among the most powerful of interpersonal tools. I would never turn my nose up and refuse to chat with or respond to married folks here any more than in real life! While I would most warmly welcome a date it seems I need to cut some better bait  . My encounters with the netizens here have been very postive and are helping me through a very lonely time in my life.
POF ROCKS   | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:31:53 PM | I came here for mainly the forums. It makes for some interesting reading at times. LOL
That doesn't make any sense? Why join a Singles site if you are not looking to date or get into a relationship? There is other forums all over the internet that are NOT JUST specific for singles only!
I mean is kinda obvious that everyone on here (in this particular thread ) is already catagorizing peoople and saying that if you are SEPERATED you SHOULD NOT BELONG HERE? Whats the difference? Seperated? or ONLY here for the FORUMS? You guys are making rules that just dont seem to make any sense.
And what is wrong with being seperated? Maybe the divorce hasnt been finalized? Maybe they cant afford to get a divorce right off? heck it took me many years before i was able to say "FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLY!! I AM FREE" I was "LEGALLY" seperated BY the court ... They ordered HER to be removed the marital household only 6 months after my son was born and I was granted FULL custody! of course that s back in the early 80's!
SO that means I was single and YES LOOKING!!! Big deal!! Even though I am divorced now.. nothing has changed I am still the same person. as I was back in the 80s. ONLY difference now is that I have a piece of paper that says I AM DIVORCED.. Whoooooopie!! Yeah that shure as heck changed my life!! *sarcasm* | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:36:27 PM | I agree with what you said about (if you are unhappily married get out of it.
Also, If I was married I would not be on a dating website and I would not want my spouse on one either. That energy needs to be spent with each other and making the marriage stronger.
Only my openion. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:51:55 PM |
What is the point of been separated??? Why they just do not get divorced?? Because they want to play the field just in case they do not find what they want???
So you are going to assume that because they are seperated they don't have a legitimate reason for being seperated? Do you have a time limit that a divorce should transpire or is this just your personal opinion.
Everyone has a reason why they are divorced, everyone has a reason why they are still seperated. I think someone posted money as one reason because some women really try to take advantage of the system and rape a guy for everything he has through the courts, then there are women that are just out to make your life miserable and keep putting off the divorce. There are guys out there that do that as well but I see it more with women (my brother-n-law is a divorce attorney so yes this is not something I just pulled out of the air). Yes, I'm expecting to be tied and quartered for that comment...
If you don't want to date a seperated man/woman, that's your personal preference. Personally time will tell the true intentions whether seperated, married or single because regardless of your marital status there are many single people that will use you for sex or money just as well as someone hiding a marriage or in the middle of a seperation.
I know several people that are seperated, many for longer than 6 months for various reasons but they pretty much know where they are going and what they are looking for. Most of them are emotionally stable and upfront. The problem most of the time is people just getting out of marriages or seperated won't put up with the non-sense from the people they date. They figured out what they really DON'T want in a relationship and aren't scared to pull the plug in a relationship. I don't have an issue dating anyone seperated as long as the emotional, mental and financial baggage stays at home. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:35:30 AM | Hey Sparky 67,
Try these--I have gotten zero spam as a result:
You can sign up for a free monthly inspirational newsletter (like flylady does for messies anonymous, Larry James does for marriages): www.CelebrateLove.com
Lookup Mark Gungor, laugh your way to a happy marriage. YouTube has a dozen or so programs--and his message is great.
We all learn by role model: if you had bad ones, you create bad expectations, so you either perpetuate the bad habits, get lazy and avoid, or proactively choose to IMPROVE...whether diet, exercise, job skills, household--or marriage. Its the best thing you can do: a new BBQ or golf set or car won't be nearly as beneficial to your overall health and happiness.
Yes, they're speakers. And their workshops are cheaper than a night at the comedy club (which teaches disrespect, if you don't know any better), or ball game. Which I think are ripoffs. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:47:44 PM | | married people should be honest about their situation. Op, take your time with this divorce. Marriage is meant to be permanent, although it isn't always easy. And if anyone offline asks why you are separated, tell them to suck eggs. Your close friends already know what's what. Keep some kind of dignity. I don't tell anyone about why I divorced. best of luck. | |
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| Question about married people and POF
Posted: 7/14/2008 10:36:51 AM | It is HIGHLY unlikely that someone who is happily married is hanging out on singles sites and going to singles events. Think about it. It makes absolutely NO sense. I love the way some of them come on here and have a condescending attitude towards the singles and put us down about our attitudes. I guess they don't get the fact that people can see right through them. Clearly, if they hadn't "settled" and they were truly in happy relationships, they wouldn't be attemding events for singles and on singles sites engaging in flirtation and sexual banter and fantasizing about who they want to French kiss at singles events. 
married people should be honest about their situation.
I agree and they should definitely not be attending singles events, flirting, and engaging in banter about who they want to French kiss. This is totally inappropriate. | |
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