| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:11:24 PM | I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't done it. I've wanted to, but I just can't bring myself to make the first move.
Edited to add: I have asked a guy out in person, but only once for a first date. It took a lot of liquid courage for me to do that, and in retrospect, it's probably best that he didn't accept. I was a mess that night.
I have no qualms about asking a guy out to dinner or a show or something once we've been out a couple of times, though. | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:16:21 PM | If I have talked to a man on the phone and we are enjoying stimulating conversations I do not hesitate to ask a him out. I always plan on picking up the tab. I am impulsive by nature and believe life is way too short to beat around the bush.
Funny thing is that the majority of men I have asked out don't feel extremely comfortable with letting me pay for us. Usually it will end in a huge debate, and I always WIN!
Reece | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:37:08 AM | Well for me, the trend has been men giving me their phone number, I give them mine, but they never call. I sense that these guys want me to pursue them by calling them first, etc. They even e-mail later after I have given them my phone number telling me to call them. I'm not used to it and therefore not comfortable with my new role.
I have no problem after the first date or meeting. It is the first date request that I'm too chicken to try.
I will think it over.
I think some of the comments here are true, that a man would take it that a woman who is doing the pursing will always be in that position and appears desperate. It must be good for ego but probably they would never call you for a date and just let you do all the work.
Still confused but really appreciate all comments. | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:14:17 AM | | I've e-mailed three guys on POF and got no response at all from two of them and a very delayed response from the third. When I was on another dating site, I e-mailed three or four and got maybe one response. I think maybe it's just uncharted territory and makes men a little uncomfortable? So now I just swim around and wait for a hook with interesting bait... | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:18:41 AM | | Well again ladies, I appreciated all the input. I hope more will post, but looks like for now it stopped. I understand this issue is difficult and we did not get many guys to speak to the point about what they thought about women asking them out. Maybe over the next 2 weeks some will show up. I'll check in from time to time to respond or see what people have posted. Thanks so much, for your interest up to this point. Bob | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:27:38 AM |
I've asked guys out before. I don't see what the big deal is, if I get rejected I move on. I agree with Margo that the first date should be 50/50.
Agreed. What do you think about after that?
Funny thing is that the majority of men I have asked out don't feel extremely comfortable with letting me pay for us. Usually it will end in a huge debate, and I always WIN!
I'd say you both win. | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:29:18 AM |
I've e-mailed three guys on POF and got no response at all from two of them and a very delayed response from the third. When I was on another dating site, I e-mailed three or four and got maybe one response. I think maybe it's just uncharted territory and makes men a little uncomfortable? So now I just swim around and wait for a hook with interesting bait...
If the stats are that 8 out of 10 people you approach won't be interested in you mutually, then it's a bit silly to give up at 6 or 7 and conclude that all men everywhere aren't comfortable with being approached - ask men, they approach hundreds of women and most of them here are still single after the fact. Approach another 84 or so men before you make this conclusion. At least that way your findings will have more of an honest base. | |
|
| |
| |
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:05:33 PM | It's not easy asking someone out. I debated whether or not to ask a certain guy out for a couple of weeks and I kept talking myself out of it. Finally, I decided I was going to do it. I mean, what did I really have to lose?
So, I drove to his work, circling the block while my heart pounded.. I'm a shy girl, so this was pretty hard for me. I finally get to his work, I pulled him aside and asked if he'd like to go to dinner with me. He replied, "I don't think my girlfriend would like that". I was so stunned at that point (I swear my spirit left my body .. if only there was a nearby rock..I'd climb right under..) all I could squeeze out was.. "oh okay then", smiled and left. I felt like a big fool, but then later realized that I probably made his day.
I have offered to pay on a date and have, I get the tickets, you get dinner  | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:23:52 PM | ~OP~ I don't ask any man out. Hell, I just barely started writing first contact emails. And only a couple of those, one with interest, three male forum posters, about forums. I'm not about to change my ways in the asking department ~ I like follow-the-leader!  | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:40:37 PM | On only very rare occasions have I ask a guy out.
I have never received anything except a rejection.
Clearly, it is still the rule that the man does the asking. I do not make first contact...because I have learned that I will only get read/deleted. I do not ask a guy out... same reason.
Perhaps it is my age group... maybe it is just that we still handle ourselves by the social standards of the 50s and 60s. Don't know the reason. But, I have no trouble getting dates...just... never when I do the asking. So, I conclude that men my age are not comfortable with a woman asking.... so I don't do it. | |
|
| |
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:42:29 PM | | I asked a guy to meet for coffee. We'd been chatting for a bit. But I didn't expect him to pay. What I want to know is, .....Do you think it's possible to have a physical ache/ longing/ feelings for someone you just met a week ago? It's blowing my mind how much I feel for this guy. And of course he says he feels the same way about me. Knocked his socks off etc... Worst part is, his profile says he's looking for friends, turns out he's in a relationship and just looking for sex. (We haven't BTW) I've broke it off. Not interested in being the other woman, Been on the wrong end of that equation to do it to somone else. But Holy Crap, I've got the most intense feelings I've felt in a long time and am having a hard time handling them. | |
|
ils99
|
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 65 | |
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:58:35 PM | | I don't think its too difficult to ask a guy out for a coffee. Its just a casual meeting so no big deal. I feel like I'm doing all the asking these days, because the men I meet don't seem to want to take the initiative or are just waiting for me to do so. Either that, or they're just too darn lazy lol. I don't see what's so bad about women doing the asking first. Way I see it is, you either ask or you miss out. But it is nice for me to be asked by the guy first. I did once get rejected though, when I asked a guy if he wanted to meet up for a casual coffee... | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:11:39 AM | It's not easy asking someone out. I debated whether or not to ask a certain guy out for a couple of weeks and I kept talking myself out of it. Finally, I decided I was going to do it. I mean, what did I really have to lose?
So, I drove to his work, circling the block while my heart pounded.. I'm a shy girl, so this was pretty hard for me. I finally get to his work, I pulled him aside and asked if he'd like to go to dinner with me.
Gee, now you know how we feel when trying to work up the courage to ask a pretty lady out. Welcome to the club. 
And for future reference, when the reply is, "but, I'm married" or "I have a girlfriend" just say, "oh hell, that's just a technicality." And make sure to laugh so that he knows you're only kidding.
Also, one last pointer here, from a guy's POV, if you've never dated the guy before and you want to go out with him, just ask him out for coffee or a drink. Not dinner. Didn't you see Sleepless In Seattle, young lady? Never, EVER ask a guy out to dinner for a first date. If you haven't watched that classic movie about surviving in today's dating world, I suggest you troddle your little butt down to Blockbuster tomorrow and rent it.
Oh, and you should have called him on the phone, not driven down there to ask him out. That way, when your jaw hits the floor when he tells you about his girlfriend, he won't see it and then get to tell all his buddies about it around the watercooler. And believe me, he did.
 | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:59:35 AM | Well, i like a woman that shows interest and i respect any woman that goes for what she wants in her life.
I can't stand women that just let the guy make the first move.
i ask this question and i get the same answer from 95% of them:
Why does a guy have to make the first move?
95% of them replied with this:
Because they are guys, they should make the first move.
I swear, that was the most sexist reply, i have ever recieved. | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:12:08 AM |
For a first date though, I prefer the guy to ask me out. Maybe that's the old fashioned romantic in me coming out
see, thats one of the main problems with people dating..they are way too PARTICULAR on how things "should be done"..and dont give me none of that "he is the man, he's suppose to ask me out" bullsh!t.. | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:19:48 AM |
Many men say that it is great for a woman to ask them out, yada, yada, but I think they are largely full of shit and prefer to be doing the chasing so I think while many women might, they hold their own nature back because of that
thats not true..i prefer the woman to do the "chasing" as how you put it..and by the way I dont "chase" any woman..I "persue" them | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:49:20 PM |
It's called FLIRTING.
LOL, yes, thinks. But I was hoping for something a little more specific.
Say that there was man that you liked, but there was an aura about him that made him near unapproachable. What would you do to signal to him that you were interested? Imagine that it were someone that no matter how hard you tried, you were not able to actually say words to him, or even look at him when he were looking your way. How would you let him know that you were interested? If I were that man, what would I look for as a signal from a woman.
My whole point is trying to ascertain the difference between friendly interactions and actual interest. | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:32:05 AM | I would never ask a man out on a date. I believe men should be leaders and keep the controll of the pace of a relationship from start to finish. That way a woman knows where she stands with him and, by her following that man in his advances, he knows where he stands with her. I believe a woman should not "out pace" her man.
Men and women have different roles when they are together. Like a dance, he knows where he wants to take her and she gracefully follows. Men to me, are to be providers and protectors. He takes care of her outside of the home and she takes care of him inside of it.
Where I contribute is more inside of a home, mine or his. I have seen men fall in love spending time watching thier woman cook for him, bring him the things he needs, what ever that may be and making sure he is content. I have heard women bash and say they would never treat a man this way but, if he is taking good care of you in his advances, you need to be on your job also. This exchange of masculinity and feminity TURNS ME ON!!
I am an investment, show me you are serious about getting to know me and I start to pay off. I have no problem doing things behing the sceene like getting tickets or putting something together once we are a little established, but if he wants me to respect him, he will not put me in a situation where I have to reach down in my purse to pay for him or for myself when we are out together.
In the end, Its usually me feeding him many more times than he feeds me anyhow.
and I have never been told that I was selfish by a man....EVER.
I never saw any woman pay for anything when my father was around and he bragged about how wonderful women are and all they do to keep him and family afloat.
Because people gard themselves, they hold back afraid someone is going to take advantage, but, start slow and develop trust...It is a LUXURY to even be in the POSITION to give. when you give, you also give to yourself just as much!
Men are givers,
Women are recievers... look at our bodies. Man, do I love a good man! | |
|
| Ladies, how many of you ask guys out on first meet or date?
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:21:36 AM | ^^^
This is why it is so confusing. The poster above me has views that are very different than mine, which is her right an I respect that. But I believe both people should give and receive (our bodies give life and not just take things in) for a relationship to be healthy and strong. And it isn't a man's job to win me over while I passively accept what he offers. But how the heck is a guy supposed to know what type of woman he is dealing with?
As for me, I ask, I pay.
When I was younger, I asked out a former male co-worker. I picked him up, drove to the restaurant and paid for dinner. After a great long date, I took him home. The WHOLE time I'm wondering should I park the car? Should I try and kiss him? Should I walk him to the door? Should I ask for another date? He was chatting the whole time and I have no idea what he was saying. Now I know why women say men aren't paying attention to them - it is very stressful not knowing what to dol!
Yes, I did park the car and kiss him.  | |
|
Home
login 
